Chương 54: Preview of the next project

"You ever use shampoo to wash your dick?" Little V didn't look up from his cell phone right away. He waited just long enough to signal he wasn't eager to engage with this topic of conversation, but was still willing to out of sheer politeness. But he did look up, and that was meant in the most literal fashion imaginable, as his companion was nearly two and a half heads taller than him.

"... no."

"I was in the shower the other day and I was out of normal soap and I figured 'eh, what's the difference'? So I tried it, and woof, that was a mistake. Kinda hurts to walk."

"Did you want to get a taxi, then?"

"Nah. A little chaffing is good for it. Builds character. But I asked because I was wondering if it's a 'me' thing or…"

"You know, it would have been a lot less… um…

'revealing' if you just googled this stuff by yourself." Little V turned back to his phone, his well-trained fingers expertly navigating the touchscreen.

"It says shampoos have heavy chemicals and such that can damage sensitive skin. So in the future you're probably better off leaving it… unwashed for a bit."

"HA! Well, that wasn't really an option last night, but I'll definitely make sure I stay stocked up on suds!" Chad Brickson laughed his usual obnoxious laugh and slapped Little V on the back, who took it in his usual tired way. Being 'friends' with Chad Brickson was an exhausting experience. The man was big in every imaginable way. He filled any room he walked into, dominated any conversation he decided interested him, and he never hesitated to brag about all the incredible things he had done and planned to do.

Little V would feel drained after a few minutes alone with the man, his energy sapped trying to navigate conversation minefields that, if stepped on, would trigger an explosive ten minute story about his trips to Europe or his sexual conquests or his latest all-nighter. Or, in this case, washing his dick with shampoo.

"Right. A lesson we could all learn, I'm sure." Little V was back to his phone now. Looking for an excuse to end the conversation, trying to find some cheat code that would let him skip this part of the evening and get straight to his empty apartment and the cold takeout that was waiting for him. But Chad Brickson was not so gracious as to give him that escape.

"Hey, look, a cat. Don't see a lot of strays around here." Ugh. Of course. The one thing he couldn't ignore. He glanced towards the direction Chad Brickson had indicated and indeed, a small calico cat was wandering around the sidewalk, meowing at any foot that dared encroach on its personal space. It looked healthy, with a nice coat of fur that was matted down by the trickle of rain coming down from above and coating the city pavement with a thin layer of liquid.

And it was hard to tell, but it just might have had a collar around the neck.

"... I don't think that's a stray. I think it's lost."

"You think so? Don't some people let their cats run around outside?"

"Not usually around busy intersections. Plus the poor thing looks panicked. I think it was-" The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. He didn't get to finish the thought: a stray kick from a particularly careless pedestrian caused the cat to yowl and dash off the sidewalk into the busy street of roaring cars and blinding headlights — directly into the path of an oncoming car. Little V didn't know what came over him.

His legs were acting before his brain could keep up, rushing towards the endangered animal, desperate to do something to save it from an inevitable death. All he knew was that he had to do something, right? Someone had to save that cat. And if nobody else would-"-Hey, watch out!" Chad Brickson grabbed the back of his collar and yanked him back from the road just before a car flattened him.

"Are you trying to kill yourself dude?!"

"W-what? N-no, the cat, I-""It's fine, Little V. That cat's more agile than you are." Indeed — now that his brain had caught up with his legs, he could see the cat had safely made it to the other side of the road. They were quick-witted predators, after all, and had better chances of navigating a busy road than a flabby 24-year-old nerd.

"... right."

"But if you really think he's lost, do you think we should stop by an animal center or something? How do you report lost cats? Do we call the cops?"

"I think we can report it to animal control or… hey, why are you still holding me? You can let go now-" It was in that moment that the entire world froze. The cars, the pedestrians, the stray cats: all struck motionless at the same incredible instant.

Only Chad Brickson and Little V could move, but neither were able to act or speak before a sudden, blinding light stole their attention as an intricate circle of burning power erupted before their faces: a rainbow-colored portal that would have looked at home in any of the hundreds of anime that Little V had voraciously consumed over his years as a shut-in. And from that portal, a woman emerged that could only be described with 3 B's: Blonde, Busty, and Breathtaking. Her radiant eyes fell upon the two men.

First, with pity and love which very quickly turned into confusion.

"... why are you alive? You should have died trying to save that cat."

"Little V, what's going on?" He turned to his bookish companion, just familiar enough with the trope to recognize it was entirely outside his media wheelhouse.

"I, uh… I think we're getting Isekai'd."

"Well, one of you sure was." 3B crossed her legs and folded her arms under her chest, perched as she was at the edge of the portal.

"We studied your isekai simulations for many years trying to create a situation that would have been familiar and comfortable to reduce mental stress, but things have already gone off track…"

"Oh, n-no, you're doing very good!" Little V smiled desperately and stepped forward.

"See how calm we are right now? It's not that off-track, I p-promise!"

"Yeah, I guess this is normal for an e-see-kay, why not?" Chad Brickson shrugged.

"You're doing great, Miss…?"

"Excuse us. We are the Goddess of a faraway realm in need of a hero and we are calling upon you to be that hero. We would not and cannot so carelessly share our name, as it is a most sacred thing. But all the same, we implore you, great hero: save our world from destruction!"

"... you're the expert here, Little V." Chad Brickson turned to him.

"Whatd'ya say?"

"Yes! Yes! We say yes, obviously!"

"My favorite word." Chad Brickson grinned.

"Alright Miss Goddess, we're in."

"We?" She asked, her head tilted gently to the side like a mildly confused dog.

"Uh… sure. Why not? Alright, it shan't be but a moment…" The light of the portal grew larger, brighter, consuming the two men and the entire world that surrounded them. A breath later, it, the men, and the goddess were gone completely. And the breath after that, the world started once more, the city unaware of the miracle that just happened and the sudden absence of two men and one cat. But it would not remain unaware for long.