Chương 10: Add salt, then boil the noodles for 7 to 8 minutes

My name is Gabriel Lightbringer Lovefire. Until recently, I was just a normal everyday teenager — like you! But one day I tried to save a cat from getting hit by a truck, and I found myself in a strange and mysterious world where magic is real and monsters are everywhere. I even got to meet a Goddess, and she promised me a wish if I could defeat the Demon King. A wish sounds nice, but I'm just happy to help!

Back in my world there used to be things called 'role-playing games', where you could get EXP, level up, and get special skills. Well, in this world, that fantasy is a reality! Everyone has a stat screen where they can see their attributes and abilities — but to my disappointment, I found out I had the weakest skills of them all! As soon as people found out they started bullying me and calling me weak — like you! It was a real bummer, and more than a few times I wished I could go back home to see my parents again.

But then I learned something amazing: the 'weakest skills', if used intelligently, are actually some of the strongest in the world! With this secret knowledge, I was able to rescue my old party from a dangerous dungeon, defeat two of the Demon King's generals, and even meet a bunch of swell ladies who like to hang around and talk about the shockingly low age of consent in this universe. How funny!

Anyway, in my most recent adventure I got my hands on something called the 'Vyrant Gate', an object of incredible, world-shaking power. Even more surprising, the 'Vyrant Gate' is actually a cute, barely-dressed girl! Now it's my job to protect her until we can defeat the Demon King and make the world safe enough for her to live freely. After a long day's hike, my party and I had just set up camp.

At this point in my adventure, my party consisted of a beautiful elf archer, an animal-girl barbarian, a soft-spoken girly mage, the Tsundre, and of course the mysterious girl from the Vyrant Gate, who just refuses to leave my side.

"Ah! What a great stew," Elina the elf sighed complacently as she finished the night's meal.

"Your appraisal skill sure makes it easy to find rare and delicious herbs in the woods, Gabriel Lighbringer Lovefire!"

"Well, I'm just glad I can be helpful!"

"After a big meal like that, a multi-species orgy of carnal pleasure would sure hit the spot," Bridget the beast-girl added in her usual hilarious manner.

"If only everyone here was above the age of consent!"

"I-I just checked my Grimaire of All-Knowledge, and in the kingdom we just entered, everyone here is…" Reena the mage stuttered."

"I-If that's helpful."

"Wow. So there's nothing stopping us from having earth-shaking, pelvis-shattering sexual intercourse." The Tsundre nodded along.

"Yep. Everyone here could just be going crazy on it right now."

"Haha, you're all so funny!" I say, "well, goodnight! We've got another big day of PG-rated fighting and comic antics tomorrow!" The girls said goodnight in their usual manner, a long series of frustrated swears and shouting as they threw anything they could reach at me. It kind of hurt my feelings, but despite the way they treated me, sometimes… sometimes I think at least one of them might be interested in me as more than just the party leader…? Ah, but I mustn't get lost in such silly thoughts.

Surely they don't see me that way. I need to focus on saving the world! Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.

"Nii-san, can we share a bedroll again tonight?" The girl from the Gate, which I named Vy, asked shly.

"Of course!"

"Nii-san," she continued, panting heavily — is she sick? Tired?

"C-can we share pajamas tonight?"

"I-I don't know-""Nii-San. I'm still hungry. Can I taste your-" Suddenly, I hear someone knocking on the tent door. I swing it open to see the Elina, looking concerned.

"Someone's coming. We might be in danger."

"A midnight ambush?!" I step past her and put my hand on the hilt of my legendary blade, the Dork-killer. It's said to glow faintly blue in the presence of dorks, but ever since I found it, it never stopped glowing. So maybe it's broken? But that didn't matter right now: broken light or not, it was still one of the strongest blades in the world, and I wouldn't hesitate to use it to defend my friends.

It doesn't take me too long to see what put Elina on-edge: I could use my F-teir skill 'Vibe Check' to sense the vibrations of the approaching invaders. They were moving deliberately. Slowly. As if trying to sneak up on us. I could use the same skill to dematerialize them on an atomic level… so I do! Better safe than sorry!

"Wow you really messed those guys up," Ilia whistled as she stood next to me.

"Thanks Ilia. Wait, who are you?"

"Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm Ilia. Newest member of your harem, I guess. I think it works like gravity? I'm in the harem of whichever body is bigger and closer."

"W-what are you talking about? What harem?"

"Oh dan- I mean shoot you're one of those. Uh. I'm in your 'party'." She clarified.

"Oh. Well, this is certainly the most unorthodox way I've had someone join my party, but I'm happy to have you on board! What do you do? Like, what's your class and skills?"

"Uh… oh no look out!" She pointed at a nearby bush, "It's a nearby bush!"

"Oh no! I won't let you hurt my friends, OR the Tsundre!" I bark at the nearby bush, "Get him!" At my command, nineteen Eagles rip the bush apart so violently I think it might have upped this story's age rating. Ilia throws up. Elina started crying. I start to feel a little bad. Maybe I could have talked it out with the bush?

"Whew! Close one! I wasn't sure you could pull that off with your god-awful skills, but I guess anyone can get lucky," Ilia laughed briefly before the Tsundre stepped in.

"You'll need to find a new trope. That one is taken."

"Ah, beans. Lemmie think on it and I'll let you know next chapter, okay?"

"Great. Also who were those guys who were sneaking up on us?"

"Probably not important."