Chương 14: Add cheese and stir until melted

"'De-Bonify!'" I calmly and coldly say.

"Ouchie oof my bones." Gabriel Lightbringer Lovefire collapsed on the ground, severely debuffed into not having bones anymore. That should slow him down long enough for me to think of a plan to somehow regain control over the situation.

"Hey man that's not cool we're all after his bone," Bridget the beast girl glowered, batting at the sack of flaccid flesh that was once their party leader. I narrowed my eye (I'm also wearing an eyepatch now it was a good idea) and realized it's no good to leave witnesses. So I de-wit them while I'm at it, leaving them just Nesses. PK Fire and PK Flash might be annoying, but it's better than whatever it was they were doing just moments ago.

"Okay!" The party of three Nesses nod, raising their bats to the air.

"What did you do to the girls?" Gabriel Lightbring Lovefire stood up using the power of love or friendship — I didn't know which specifically, but I did know both could work as a temporary bone substitute in emergencies. Short-sighted of me not to take that into account.

"I wouldn't worry about them for much longer," I pivot on my heel.

"Your adventure ends today, hero. I use my legendary ultra-rare OP skill, 'we don't have coke is pepsi okay?'!"

"Ah beans." Gabriel Lightbringer Lovefire frowned as his head explodes, which is what my skill did. You can't always be fooled by names and appearances Becky. Sometimes how a skill is named and what it did were two different things Becky. Sometimes I think your preconceived notions of how you think things are supposed to work is getting in the way of your ability to enjoy this narrative BECKY. MAYBE WORK ON YOURSELF BECKY?!?!?!? Anyway point is we did it we won hooray!: D Now all we have to do- -HEEEEEEEEY.

"... don't do it." I'M GONNA DO IT.

"Don't go back in time to resurrect him again, mysterious higher power!" SORRY NOT SORRY! Well it looked like that mischievous Being XX is going to cause problems for me yet again. Fortunately, after I found out he had gotten involved two chapters ago, I had already taken measures to prepare for this eventuality. It was just so beneath my notice I didn't bother to add it to the narration. Unreliable narrator, remember? I'm no hero to anyone, least of all you.

I'm here to help Santa Claus and get revenge eventually, not be a funnyman haha clown for you and yours. Stolen novel; please report. So when the clock turns back and we're back in the forest, a waterskin full of water stretched out thin, he's not the only one who kept his memories: using my super-ultra-holographic "Everything Proof Shield", I resist the effects of the time travel and die because I'm now immune to air and I suffocate to death. The Goblin (girl) kicks my corpse.

Her foot goes through because I'm still immune to any and all physical forces of the universe. I noclip out of reality. I no longer get to be the PoV character uh… hey let's let Ilia do the narration now for a change. Six hours of unbroken TV static later And I'm back. When I return from being reincarnated from utter and total nonexistence, Gabriel Lovebringer Lightfinder is on the naughty list, Santa Claus got his part of the Vyern Gate, and everything had been resolved. How convenient!

"Feh. It's about time you did something around here," I scoff as Ilia T-poses in the middle distance, having become a small ecosystem for local wildlife and visiting honeybees.

"Maybe you should think twice next time you underestimate me for being a woman," she scoffs right back.

"I'll have you know that as an enlightened feminist I know all women can do everything all men can do."

"You'd better be right," I retorted back.

"Because honestly ever since I became a woman to infiltrate whats-his-name's party I've felt a lot more comfortable in my own skin. This just feels right. Like it was always how I was meant to be."

"Oh hey I'm happy for you," The Goblin (boy again) pats the back of my knee.

"Yeah. Me too."

"You're all still in my harem tho."

"Darn." Both The Goblin and Ilia said at the same time.

"Anyway, now that we've paid off our long-standing debt to Santa Claus, we're free to do whatever we want now," Ilia reiterated what we already knew for some reason???

"What's the plan now, party leader and big sister Protagonist-tan?" I take a long drag of a cigarette. I then pick it off the ground, wipe off all the dirt and mud that covered it after dragging it around, and swallowed it whole like Kirby™ from Nintendo's Kirby™ series. What now indeed? With our debts clear and our enemies dispatched, what was once such a demanding and restrictive world had opened itself up before us like a blooming flower.

Where once we felt the oppressive tug of the leash of obligation and duty, there was now no force guiding us. It was beautiful, true, but also… a bit strange. That flower of freedom before us was a tempting little morsel, but even now, I think that was probably a bad metaphor can I try again? Okay so it's more like a phantom limb.

We had the leg of 'debt' and the arm of 'obligation' on our bodies so long that after finally lopping them off, we were free of their weight, but we still felt their phantoms latched onto- no this is a bad one too gosh. Uh. It was like dinner, and we finally ate our vegetables of debt and revenge, so now we could go outside and play.

But the bitter taste of the vegetables and the nagging voice of our repulsive mother still rang in our mouths and ears and we knew it was only a matter of time before we had to eat vegetables again. Yeah! That's the one. Let's open next chapter with that one.