Chương 44: [That Time I Single-Handedly Destroyed 50 Years of Civil Rights Progress in an Effort to Get Laid]

"Stay back!" Her voice was full of borrowed courage, lifted from a misremembered past where she had gotten out of worse situations and an imagined future where she wouldn't be endangered in such a way again. Between it and the very real tip of her very sharp blade, she gave her attackers reason to pause… but not retreat. They had her exactly where they wanted her, cornered in a dark and isolated cave. It wasn't really a matter of if they would kill her, it was negotiating how they would go about it.

"I-I mean it!" She reiterated. Every step the orcs took to close the distance caused her voice to tremble a little bit more, as if every footfall caused an earthquake. Yet, only she was shaking, only she stumbled, and only her blade wavered as she saw the disproportionate difference between the size of her sword and the mountain of flesh she would need to cut through in order to escape her situation.

"Ough, my clanzman," the first of the two advancing orcs chuckled, "This un's gonna make a mighty well zoup, zhe wlll. Juz gotta chop her up nize n' even."

"Ya, ya. Real carefulz with the choppin'. I hearz ya, I hearz ya. Ou' wanna do zhe honorz mate?"

"Naw naw. Z' youz birzhday soonz, yeh? Git on and enjoyz urself mate."

"Why, how kindz of ya to zememba, clazman! But ain't it youz anniverzazy wit' Luzan next weeks?"

"Yeh! Fine zemorzy youz be havin', clazman."

"Couldn't forgetz if ya knogged my choppa-bean wiz a big ol' woppah. Wuz a monumenal leap forzard for Orcz Zivil Righz aftah allz."

"Firzt gay orc weddin' in this world. Every dayz been a dream, mate."

"Zactly. Z' why youz autta take the choppin' honorz mate. Wez not just zelebration' ur legal commitment, clazman, iz a zelebration of the progrez of our entire cultcha. Birzhdayz come n' go every year. Yer anniverzary iz biggah n' zat."

"Why. Blows me down. Z' a mighty kind thing ta zay, mate. I'm feelinz all warmz n' fuzziez."

"I meanz every wordz mate. Iz' a good dayz n' a wonderzul world. Why, only thing I figurez could ruin zuch a lovely day was if you be kickin' the big dead right nowz. Not only would I loze my numba one pal, but your untimely corpzin' would unfairly validatz the bigotz who be zayin' zame-zex relationzhips be cauzin' Orcz to be gettin' puny and weak-like and would zet back Orcz Zivil Righz anotha five decadez."

"Ha! Youz be thinkin' this tremblin' morzel be cuttin' me down? Funny joke, clanzman! Naw. I be killinz this humie now, and in zo doin', zecurin' a big bright futcha for me huzband, mezelf, and all me long-opprezzed kin."

"Haw haw haw!"

"Haw haw haw!" The orc took the final step forward, completely boxing the heroine in. She screamed in terror as they raised their weapon… and with a mighty swing, she screamed yet again as she found herself drenched in Orc blood. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

"Wha-" Before the second orc could utter a word, he was also felled in two. Call me your favorite grocery chain because I gave them the half-off special. Heh. Don't let that silly line distract you from all the blood and gore and stuff that's not PG-13.

"Oh. I didn't see you there." I snorted as I swiped the blood from my blade.

"Weaklings like you shouldn't be in a dungeon like this. Go home." The girl blinked the blood out of her eyes, which turned to me, gleaming with the recognition of her savior and future husband. The man who had rescued her from a painful, pointless death. The man who gave her a future… a future she would give to him in turn.

"You… saved me," she whispered, the heavy breathing from her close encounter with death finding new purpose in her encounter with the man who so easily saved her life. The hammering of her heartbeat was no longer a farewell — now it was greeting her rescuer with the overeager innocence of a girl first laying eyes on her crush.

"You… saved my life," she repeated, this time louder. More sure. More real.

"And…"

"Feh. I didn't do it to save you." I turned my back to her while sheathing my blade.

"I did it because… uh… I hate homosex- wait wait no no no no no-""-and you also owe me 340, 000 dollars." I turn on my heel to look at her again. As it turned out, that flash of recognition in her eye wasn't her recognizing her future husband — she just knew him already.

"340, 000?!" I spat back, Ilia taking more care to dodge my spittle than she did the gallons of orc blood she was drenched in.

"I'll have you know my math skill is SSS+ rank so basic addition is a walk in the park for me now!"

"Yeah well did you remember to add the interest, dumbass?" She shouted back.

"That is, if you had added any interest in this plot thread from the start you could have nipped it in the bud right away."

"Feh. Whatever. You can tack on all the interest that you want. I don't know if you've heard, but I'm the overpowered protagonist of this entire story. My levels? Maxed. My skills? Cultivated. My rank? Number one across the board. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me, let alone force me to pay off a pointless debt from a pointless life."

"You're right." She took a step back, grabbing a towel from an extra on set to wipe the blood off her face.

"For once, you're actually right. I don't know how and it's 100% bullshit, but you're technically correct. There's nothing I can do to force you to pay off your debt."

"Exactly. So-""-But did you think you're the first overpowered isekai protagonist who tried to slip away from his debts like this? There's precedent and where there's precedent, there's protocols. Those medical debts are going to get paid by someone, even if it's not you."

"Great. Cool. Maybe I missed the part where you explained why I should care?"

"Because long ago you said you thought of me as your only friend, maybe?" I froze up and she took this as an invitation to continue.

"... why do you think I'd be in this stupid dungeon in the first place, idiot?"

"... ugh. Fine."

"Fine?"

"Look, clearing out this dungeon is a stupid waste of time. Real baby stuff at my power level. But if I just, uh, happen to clear it out by accident while looking for babes for my harem, I wouldn't care if someone were to, like, salvage the gold or whatever I'm too powerful to bother picking up."

"Really? You're going Tsundre on me?"

"Do you want your stupid gold or not?"

"Sorry, sorry." She paused.

"... also isn't that the plot of Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?"

"Christ everything in this stupid subgenre of literature has been done already."