Chương 43: [That Time I Learned that Cat-Based Communication is Fairly Ineffective]

"So? Did you get your harem?" The Dicster sat on a giant throne, petting a one-eyed cat with slow and malicious strokes as they stared at a large screen behind them. There was nothing of particular interest on said screen, just random numbers floating past in a techno-green font. It was probably just an excuse to have their back turned to me for aura purposes.

"There have been some… complications." I reply while seated on a giant throne, petting a different one-eyed cat with slow and malicious strokes, staring at a large screen so I had an excuse to have my back turned towards them. Couldn't stop the grind even when exposition was happening. Gotta level up or I'll die and be pissed on and laughed at and mocked and nobody would come to my birthday party.

"I can't hear you that well the acoustics in this room are terrible," The Dicter growled.

"Turn around."

"What?"

"What?" Of course I couldn't turn around: the moment I did I would stop leveling up my aura stat. So instead I wrote "I don't have a harem" on the cat and chucked it over my shoulder towards the Dicster. I knew they received it when they chucked their own cat in reply, "What?!" written on the side. So I scribbled "I don't have a harem" next to it and tossed the cat back. A few seconds later they threw a cat back at me, which read "I don't have a harem Explain what happened".

So I wrote "I can't explain why you don't have a harem I just assumed you're some sexless freak" and threw it back at them.

"Ugh, fine." The Dicster started shuffling their throne over so we could both face each other without turning around. It took roughly forty minutes to accomplish, but at least at no point did either of us lose face. In fact, our faces had never been more visible by the end of it.

"You were there for a full five hours with a maxed-out appearance stat. Were you brooding and edgy?!"

"Hmph. None of your business?

"Did you demonstrate your strength through a brutal display of physical superiority?"

"Fifty-one mothers have forever lost the chance to kiss their children goodnight, and fifty-one fathers now must bury that which they once raised."

"... why did you have to phrase it like that?" The Dicster frowned.

"That's really sad."

"It's no big deal. They'll just get reincarnated or reverse isekai'd or whatever, right?" If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

"Okay then say something about that instead of talking about their sobbing parents and mourning loved ones."

"Uh… call me Amazon because I delivered fifty-one thugs to their next destination. Call me Truck-Kun cuz fifty-one young guys are about to start over in a new world. My stats might be immeasurable but my kill count sure isn't: it's fifty-one punks higher."

"That's better but like too little too late Christ. I need to think about this for a bit."

"Uh… okay." -A FEW MINUTES OF DEEP, PERSONAL INTROSPECTION LATER-"Okay now I'm cool with it screw them kids lol." The Dicster smirked.

"Metaphorically."

"Opposite of metaphorically, your lack of harem remains your final hurdle to being the true protagonist of this world. You have the stats you didn't have to work for, you have the instant gratification of getting clear and unambiguous notification when your efforts produce results, and you've even extracted revenge on those who would wrong you. With the romantic and sexual attention of women, the final ingredient will be in place and you'll ascend to true protagonist status.

It's vital we accomplish this sooner rather than later."

"I like boobies:)""Yes, yes, I know. Hmm. Surely there must be something we can do… let me think… we can always go to the slave markets and force the issue, but… let's try a more traditional woman-meeting technique before we resort to pulling a Harem in the Labyrinth of Another World. You shall find a woman in distress and save her life at the very last moment, putting her in a life-debt to you that will immediately transform into physical and sexual desire."

"Yeah! That's a moral sexual fantasy that promotes healthy power dynamics!"

"Wrong. That's why it's popular. Now as luck would have it, being in the area when female adventurers are in peril has been streamlined for ease and convenience of would-be protagonists. You'll note I've taken the liberty of downloading a new app onto your status screen. Dig it up, why don't you?" A few swipes of my wrist and I find what they're talking about: a new icon labeled 'The App That Lets You Find and Rescue Endangered Women in Fantasy Worlds'. Catchy name.

I open it with a swipe, and I'm met with a picture of a cute elf girl holding a bow and arrow named Elara. Where you might expect to see a profile with personal information or details about their personality, all I saw was a map of their exact location and what was about to kill them. In this case, a horde of goblins.

"So I just-" Before I could finish my sentence, a giant red X crossed out her face, and a new cute elvish girl holding a bow named Elara popped up on the screen. It seemed she was about to be eaten by some wolves.

"Alright, so this one-" Red X. A third elf, this time named Kael, was automatically pulled up. Seemed she was cornered by some bad men with knives who were trying to steal her precious family heirloom.

"Okay let's hurr-" Red X.

"Yeah we go through them at quite the clip," The Dicter nodded.

"So just… turn on alerts and start wandering around woods or alleyways or whatever until you happen to be near one."

"Fine. But not because you told me too. And to be clear, I'm not saving anyone: if I happen to save someone while grinding for EXP, that's just an accident. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"Yes, good. That's the spirit…"