Chương 53: [That Time I Stopped Writing The Worst LitRPG Story on Royal Road]

"-there's a u in four but not forty this is bullshit!"

"Oh hey you're back." The scribble-named goddess yawned, scratching her inner thigh with the overgrown toenails on her opposite foot.

"That didn't feel too long. Did you spend most of it in a time skip or something?"

"Goddess!" I turned to her.

"W-wait, I died?! I really lost?! B… but…"

"Yeah, I don't get it either. Honestly. Like some 17th century academic decides to drop the U and now it's our problem? Just add the U back in, cowards. This is why language needs to be viewed as an organic process instead of a rigid set of inflexible rules."

"I don't mean to detract from how upsetting that is, but can we cycle back to the fact I'm dead?"

"Oh yeah. Not much to it. Your numbers were too small. That's basic math, my man."

"But that should have been impossible. I was the protagonist. Nobody has bigger numbers than me. I did time skips. I grinded. I died a loser. I did everything right."

"Well, everything except one little mistake: you weren't sincere."

"You mean my nature as the protagonist of a satirical piece of fiction handicapped me?"

"Don't take it personally. It's just the nature of these things. You were born to be a joke, Jake. A punching bag for some people to work out their frustrations with an oversaturated genre. That doesn't make you worthless, just a niche. And that's not what most people are looking for. That's not what draws in the eyes and the Patreon dollars."

"So… when you say my numbers were too small, you mean…?"

"Yep. Not the numbers on your stat screen. The numbers on the Author's Dashboard." Right. Of course. It all came back to the audience, right? The readers. The people who engaged with and supported these kinds of stories. They were the ones who ultimately decided which protagonist succeeded and which one failed. Which stories continue and which ones end.

They were the ones who got Solo Leveling its own anime, who made Yuan Ye a millionaire, who controlled the ebb and flow of popularity and success on websites like Royal Road.

"... oh."

"But hey, don't let it get to you. It's just the way things are. You were a funny joke, Jake. And you made a lot of people happy. But there's just a bigger market for sincere LitRPG stuff than whatever joke you're telling. So Gabrielle will always have higher numbers, and bigger numbers always win. That's LitRPG 101 for you."

"Ah. Well. I guess that's that, then." I sighed, getting to my feet (I have two of them now) and turning to face the goddess fully.

"So what now? New world? New life? Do I begin my NPC era?"

"You seem to be taking this pretty well. I thought you'd be more upset." Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Oh, I am upset, for sure. I'm so upset I could cry. I wish I could just grab my laptop and throw it against the wall and scream. I wish I could tear down the people who are stronger than me, the people with bigger numbers, and climb up their ruins to even greater heights. I wish I could actually be the protagonist. Someone who just… succeeds. Because they're better. Because they're lucky. Because they're loved by the Universe." I sighed. And stared at my laptop screen for a long, long time.

I wrote and re-wrote what I was trying to say. I gave it a rest for a few minutes before trying again. Used every little trick and tool I knew to try and untwist the words in my mind.

"... and that's the punchline to this entire joke. For all the satire, for all the jabs, for all my bitching and moaning, I want exactly what the genre delivers. I don't hate LitRPG's: I'm envious of them. And it just kills me to admit that." I settle on what I want to say and a weak smile creeps on my face.

"... I do genuinely hate all the AI tho."

"Oh yeah for sure that shit's the worst," The Goddess agreed.

"No introspection needed for that steaming pile of turd."

"So, I ask again: what now? I'm dead, Gabrielle won, now he can go get his harem and defeat the Demon Lord and all that other stuff. What's next?"

"I think it's time you stopped talking to me and started talking to them," the goddess gestured to you. Ah. Right. Of course. To my many followers. What a journey we've been on together, me and you. We've had lows, we had highs, and we even almost touched the peak! And then we fell, but we didn't stop: we kept going and going and going. I wrote this story to capitalize on the sudden, almost viral success of the first volume, to try and turn it into something bigger than it was ever designed to be.

It was never supposed to go on any longer, but I felt motivated by your comments and reviews and supported by your kind words and encouragement. But all things do have to come to an end and it's time to wrap up this charade of a parody. In part, it's because I have new ideas for new stories I want to tell. In part, it's because I want to make something that can support me financially (and this ain't it lol). In part, it's because I'm out of jokes and the bit is getting old.

And really, dear followers, it's better for both of us that it ends now. This story was made out of love, love for all of you who decided to catapult this story to where it was. And because I love it so, I know better than to keep it around too long. Good things must end before they stop being good. And so this story should end while it still makes me smile and before it becomes a source of stress. I'm not going to pretend it's as entirely high-minded as that.

Like I said, now that I've got my foot in the Royal Road door, I can see this could very well become a viable career for me if I manage to push my advantage and work the algorithm a bit better. If this story had gotten more people to the Patreon I probably would have found a way to keep it going. But sitting here now, penning this final chapter, I'm left to believe this is a blessing. Because I really was running out of ideas. And I would like to preserve this story as a happy memory, instead of an annoying chore.

I don't know what compelled you to follow this little fiction. But I assure you, I'll be making another. And I hope you will follow that one, too. And until it's ready: you have a bountiful feast of fiction before you. I will always be just a morsel, and I hope to find my way back to your plate sooner rather than later. In the meantime, enjoy some Mac and Cheese, my friends.

"... y'know if this was PG-13 you had one use of the F-bomb and you forgot to use it."

"Oh fuc-"