Chương 911: Day Nine Hundred And Nine

Dear Diary, Funny, I know I'm revisiting things I thought about, even talked about with the family before in our impromptu amateur therapy sessions, but I think that might be an important part, a maybe critical thing for me to actually move forward.

I based so much of my self image, so much of what I knew to be true on the idea that there was some great big something influencing me, some kind of entity connected to me intimately, now that I realize there's nothing but a big lump of mindless flesh I need to go back and re-evaluate everything just to make sure it still holds true. If it doesn't, I gotta fix it, if it does I gotta figure out why. Makes me wish sometimes that I wasn't the all powerful end times Deity. That I wasn't even powerful or a Deity, maybe.

Although I guess that if I weren't a Deity, weren't powerful, I couldn't have done most of the stuff I've done. I definitely couldn't have done it as cleanly or simply as I did it, and now I'm thinking of the Battle of the Walls, the Curing of New Amsterdam, and the Conquest of Norfolk as 'clean' and 'simple'.

Don't get me wrong, they were absolutely cleaner than two armies going at one another while another ransacked Camden Yards, or the results of a mutated Plague running rampant again, or the Alliance Army having to go to war with Norfolk to Liberate Calverton. Hell, the Conquest of Norfolk was way cleaner than any land-based Liberation of Calverton would have been. Shit. I don't even need any 'It's a Wonderful Life' montages to show me that the world would not be a better place without me.

I've seen what it was like before I arrived. Just a bunch of turds eternally circling the drain, kept there by the fevered prayers of the folks living on them. Yeah, those people were mostly decent sorts, and even some of the leaders, especially in Phileo, were at the very least people of some degree of integrity, but the Gods, especially the ones in charge like Odin and Zeus, were total douchebags.

Fuck, Zeus pretty much still is, what with him totally turning a blind eye to his brother getting the shit kicked out of him, and I'm really not sure about Odin. Yeah, he owes me now, and has promised Justice, but something just does not sit right about that. I don't know why thinking about that makes me think of Boltophsberg, but it does. But yeah, I think I'm gonna spend a lot of time thinking about shit that I thought I'd figured out.

I'm really hoping none of that winds up being horrifically wrong, especially not in ways I can't fix it. So yesterday after spending the day working with Alex on the basics of Strong Arm, Swift Foot, and Thick Skin, we definitely got a bit of a wide berth around us at dinner. Okay, walking into dinner, and she maintained hers just a bit once food came out. Grilled sandwiches today, along with some really simple fried rice.

The kind that's just 'onions, rice, and peppers in pan with butter, sauté a bit, add egg, scramble, add rice, cook until it gets some color, throw some salt, pepper, garlic, and peas, add some savory sauce and cook until everything is a nice brown color'. Shit, I just described that as 'simple' because Marie and I have done stuff that's so much more complex, and I have in fact made that exact recipe before without her help. I have just remembered that one of my listed Skills is Kitchen Witchery.

Like, I studied and practiced and worked and learned and it paid off and I can make food for my family that isn't just 'technically edible'! Okay, yeah, I had that moment of satori while Tallulah sat there bemusedly feeding me, because my arms were full of Saffron and Siobhan, who'd each claimed a side of my neck to 'lean against', surreptitiously licking me whenever they could. She fed them too, although mostly they pled exhaustion. The words 'so tired' got repeated a lot.

I still made Siobhan eat at least a few bites. Of course, my long tall Sidhe Lady's efforts paid off when, at the end of dinner, as everybody headed for the Bore and the Bath, she called Marie over.

"Pardon, Mistress Marie, but it appears Mistress Saffron and Sister Siobhan are too tired to care for themselves, and Mistress Tabitha is obviously exhausted after her long day training. Could you please take care of them, see them clean and resting?" The look on my littler ladies faces when Marie decided to buy into Tallulah's obvious gambit and scooped them off my lap was precious.

A perfect mix of 'hoisted by our own petard' and 'well played, Tallulah, well played', with just a soupcon of 'you unbelievably cheeky bitch'. I smiled, but honestly wound up a little too tired to laugh. I think part of that was the whole 'up for multiple days without sleep' thing.

When Marie stepped away to the Bath carrying my other Wife and other Concubine, and holy shit that still makes me slightly embarrassed and vastly aroused, and almost as guilty to think it with my own brain, Tallulah slipped her arms under me and hefted me into a princess carry.

"So. Carrying me up to the Bath to clean me off?" She nodded.

"Something like that." I landed on the Bed sans clothes, and some time later wound up 'clean', but only if I assumed that saliva was in fact 'cleaner' than sweat. I pushed myself up on my shoulders and looked down to where Tallulah had dragged me down to prop my ass on the end of the bed so she could kneel for easy access. I couldn't help it, I let out something between a snicker and a giggle when I saw her rub her fingertips across her lips then lick them clean. The move was just so... Her.

"Have I amused you?" I pulled myself upright, my arms going around her so I could stare right into her eyes.

"Hell of a lot more than amused, T." I kissed her, and she responded, filling my mouth with pumpkin spice, but when our lips separated, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "more than amused, but enough more?"

"Enough more for what?" I flopped her around into my former position.

"Reciprocation?"

"Of a sort..." She trailed off as I reciprocated. I might have reciprocated a little hard, because she flickered a little at the end. Well, the end of the last time; I kinda lost count, and I dunno why, but she'd definitely got me feeling the need to reciprocate well past the point any Mortal could survive it. Afterward I crawled up and smiled down at her. Leered at her, really, because there was absolutely nothing in this or any other world sexier than a woman lounging in post-coital bliss.

"So. Was that the sort you were looking for?" Wasn't sure quite what to think when, after she got her breath back, she looked up at me and said, "while lovely, and appreciated, I'd hoped I could convince you to allow us back in your good graces again." I dunno, at some other point I might have felt some kinda way. Like, I hadn't given them a hard boundary, but I also hadn't expected any of them to want that so much that they'd do unto me like Tallulah had.

"Is that all this was about?" She frowned, shook her head.

"Of course not, Tabitha. I find orally pleasuring a partner enjoyable, but the taste ranges from moderately pleasant in healthy men who watch their diet to barely tolerable in women who are not and do not." Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

"You like it, but don't like the flavor? What is there other than the flavor?"

"The absolute intimate control, being able to feel the sensations of arousal and completion on the most sensitive skin on my body." That could have been... No, it absolutely was incredibly hot, even with her near monotone delivery. Near monotone, but still somehow impassioned, like she wasn't just stating facts, she was stating facts about her... Special... Interest. Oh, shit.

"Uh... Yeah. Um... Hoo, now you make me want to do all that again just to pay more attention to all that." She gave me an exhausted, satiated, yet still game smile.

"I am at your disposal, Mistress." When I didn't move right away, she laid her fingertips on my shoulders. Before she pressed down, she asked, "unless repeating the entire encounter is more likely to convince you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Which is it? Bribery, or something you want?" Funny, I could tell the difference between Conrad's fake expressions which hid very different emotions, and Tallulah's fake expressions, custom crafted to display her actual emotions, because she had no natural instincts on how to do them 'naturally'. She rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, "Heavens forbid a woman do things for more than one reason." I barked out a laugh, then held myself very, very still.

"Can you stop me?"

"Pardon?"

"If I drive you right up to the edge of too much again, can you stop me?" She made a little moue.

"I could no more stop you than Lyssa could. I couldn't even stop Marie." I shook my head, a slow rotation from side to side.

"I mean can you tell me to stop right then." She got a faraway look, like Saffron considering complex Shapes, or Marie contemplating interwoven flavors.

"Perhaps. Is that what you want?"

"Oh. Oh, no. What I want is to carry you past that point and through, over and over until your eyes glaze, then ride your face like a bicycle seat. But what I'm going to do... What I need to do..." I sighed, forcing the growl out of my voice.

"If I can't stop here, now, how can I ever trust myself to stop there, then?"

"Why would you ever need to?" I shook my head.

"I don't know. I don't know if I ever will. But if I can't? Then I shouldn't be letting those I love most to risk themselves like that."

"Why?" I thought about that, and somehow memories of back in the day came to my rescue.

"Because the difference between an alcoholic and somebody who just likes them some drink is whether they can step away when it's hard, when they'd rather not. I want you. I want you all so bad I can..." I snickered a little.

"I was gonna say 'that I can taste it', but even after all that I still can't taste angel food cake."

"Pardon?"

"You. There. You're sweet and light and airy, yet somehow dense and chewy at the same time. Like a marshmallow, or angel food cake, or..." I trailed off as her eyes got a very familiar kind of wide.

"Yeah. I don't want to be addicted to you." She head tilted just a little.

"What if we want you addicted to us?"

"Why?" That stopped her. After a while words seeped from her.

"I think because it would make us feel safe. Like you needed us." I shook my head.

"Oh. Oh, T. I need you. I need all of you. But which would you rather have?" I waited until her eyebrow went up.

"Would you rather have me letting you in there because I can't say no, or having you in there because I want to say yes with every fiber of my being?" Her lips pursed for a bit in thought.

"So if I tell you to stop, and you do, you will let us in?" I shrugged.

"It would make me feel better about it. Dunno if that'll be enough."

"What if you can do so repeatedly?" That caught me, and I hovered over her, staring into her Fae eyes, practically panting through my nose.

"What if you can do so not only while pleasuring me, but while... How did you put it? Riding my face like a bicycle seat? If you can not only stop yourself from pleasuring me to death, but stop your own before you suffocate me or crush my skull between your thighs?" I tried to glare at her, but the only expression my face would make was a hungry cousin to a grin.

"You just wanna stop me right before I get off." She made a perfectly composed considering look, then shrugged.

"I hadn't intended that in the slightest, but I'm absolutely going to now." Yeah, my whole fuckin' body was vibrating at this point. A keening sound had started up from somewhere, one that went away when I spoke.

"And if I can stop? Repeatedly? I expect you'll want me to let you all into my Maw in your dreams after that?"

"It would rather think that's only fair. To us and to you. Who longs to taste us all so much."

"I... I don't..."

"We all watched as you sipped at that which you'd rather quaff, Tabitha. I think if you prove that you can stop from even sipping while the glass rests against your lips and the mead touches your tongue, you ought no longer worry that you will not be able to stop should we discover that the goings on in your Maw pose even the slightest real risk for any of us." I licked at my lips, my breath loud in my own ears.

"So what do I get out of this?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Bribe me. I am so fuckin' close to agreeing. Bribe. Me."

"Will you not feel guilt over being bribed?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I just do not care at this moment. Holy shit you are hot when you get nerdy about sex and religion and the overlap thereof." She nodded.

"Saffron has said as much when we have spoken of you. Your... Nerd fetish?"

"Yeah. Got one." I might have been whining, but I had control over myself at least. She hadn't Consented, hadn't offered me that bribe that my brain equated to 'enthusiastic Consent', So...

"When you have tested your control until you confirm to your own satisfaction that you can control yourself with us in your Maw, I want you to do unto me as you have indicated you desired to do. Pleasure me beyond the ability of my Mortal frame to survive, over and over again until I can do naught but stare and drool, then use my face, my mouth, to pleasure yourself just as fiercely."

"I... Could cheat."

"You won't."

"How do you know?" She shrugged, an absolute dismissal of the thought that I'd cheat, or fail to stop, or fail to go absolutely too far when my bribe came due.

"I have faith. Not to mention a persistent desire to experience the 'gritty' texture Saffron described after you did unto Ericson." I swallowed.

"That... That would be your grit though."

"As High Priestess, I am immune to any of the diseases that might infect me with. Although..."

"What?"

"I am entirely uncertain whether the masturbatory touch that adds to cleaning you off afterward would make it more or less kinky?" She looked me in the eye, nodded, and said, "we should definitely test that." Look, I might be a land mass with the tiniest trace element of sane rational thought, but my Mind is only Human Adjacent.

In the morning, after forgoing a shower in lieu of the insta-clean trick to get us not reeking of sex, because she had yet to prove the point to my satisfaction, but neither of us wanted to stop the proceedings until we had to join the family for breakfast, I might have been a little sheepish with Saffron.

"Uh, who today, Kitten?" She just smiled up at me.

"Do you really think me jealous?" I scrunched up my nose.

"Envious?" She pulled my ear down to her mouth.

"Do you really think i wasn't watching each and every moment?"

"Dunno. Little distracted."

"You were very distracted, love. And I am thrilled by that." I shook my head.

"How can you... Are you really?"

"Okay with it?" I nodded. How would you feel if I told you I'd spent last night enjoying the boys and Marie until every Mortal involved fell to fatigue? Without... Yeah, I'd really hope you could give me the detailed memory of that event, since I wasn't there watching. She nodded. Well then. If Tallulah is incapable of showing you that your self-control is to be trusted, perhaps watching that from the Divan for a few nights will do so.

"You guys really want to test my self control that much?" She smiled, laughed, and shook her head.

"No, silly Goddess. We need not test that we have absolute faith in. We want to prove to you that even when we dangle ourselves in front of you like candy, you can hold off as long as you need to." I stood there, kinda gobsmacked, until she leaned in again and whispered, "at which point we, your High Clergy, will rejoice one and all, when you stop holding back." I took a deep breath, then asked, "okay."

Another deep breath to center myself, to maybe pull myself just the tiniest bit away from the night with my long tall Sidhe Lady.

"Okay. Who am I with today?" She Grinned up at me.

"Why, Tallulah, of course." Yeah. Um. Conditions met. Bribes delivered. Not long before sunset I glanced into the mirror, down to the foot of the bed where Tallulah knelt, a booger look on her face.

"Whas wrong, T?" Yeah, my mouth hadn't recovered from endless word salad bar quite yet.

"The Imperator's taste and mine rarely differ this much, but this texture is an awful addition, no matter what she says."