Chương 906: Day Nine Hundred And Four

Dear Diary, At some point I'm gonna have to reconnect with my Temples, with my Worshippers. I mean, I felt them out there still during the Friday Revel, Worshipping whoever was up on my Altars those nights in my place. I guess the only reason I haven't felt that before is because if I wasn't right there on one of those Altars, getting point blank Worship from dozens, maybe even a couple hundred people at a time, I was doing something urgent, dangerous, difficult, or probably all three.

In other words, I was distracted, which was a good enough reason not to be intimate with my Worshippers at the time. But I don't want to be an absentee Goddess forever. Okay, the weirdest part of that for me is that I want to be a Goddess. I want to get back and show people that they matter to me. Or rather, and this is an important distinction, that they matter. Yeah, they believe it because I show them they matter to me, but they matter to me because they're people, and people should matter.

Yeah, I choose them based on how much they've done to help people via my Temple, but that's only because when it comes to that kind of intimate attention, I've only got the one of me, so I can't just show up for each and every person in the Alliance and say 'hey, you, you matter, tell me how to make things better for you for the next couple hours'. Y'know, that might be one of the first things I do if I ever figure out how to split my attention like Marie and other Deities seem to be able to do.

Just show up for everybody in the Alliance at once. I'm not sure I could do that like, all the time forever, but I sure as shit would be willing to do it as often as I could, both to let folks know that yes, each and every one of them matter to me, and also maybe to give folks outside the Alliance the heads up that no, I do not consider anyone in the Alliance 'expendable' or 'acceptable targets' for them to fuck around with.

Although I gotta be honest with myself, I'd be doing that to everyone except my Homestead ladies, because I'd be visiting each of them for some 'as many of me as can focus on one of them at a time' shenanigans until they passed out. Seriously, I've had three ladies focused on making my brain go on vacation all at once, and that is some top tier hedonist shit right there.

If I could be all three, or four, or however many it would take to hold Murder Mittens down and have one of me focused on each of her nipples, with another pair playing with her general panty region and one of me kissing her, that would just be fantastic. Yeah, look, I'm highly imperfect, so my first impulse upon achieving my Final Form will definitely be the highest possible quality alone time with my lovely ladies.

It makes me feel some kinda way I'd prioritize that over actually making the world a better place for everyone, but I'm not gonna wind up the best me I can be if I start lying to myself. Speaking of, I think that's something I need to do eventually too. Reconnect properly to the rest of myself. I'm not sure I'm sleeping properly if I don't. I don't even know how I've been avoiding it.

I don't know if my ladies are still congregating in my Maw in their dreams, or if me not being ready for those dreams is preventing them from doing so, or if they feel some kinda way about that. All I know is that I'm not ready for it yet. Actually, in the interests of handling things in as mature and adult fashion as I can, I decided to ask Saffron about that, because if my ladies were suffering, it behooved me to prioritize getting that particular part of my shit in order.

I didn't have a chance at dinner, because we did chicken and waffles, and something about fresh chicken for the chicken tenders got me particularly distracted. I dunno if they actually tasted different, or better, or just knowing that those tendies had been, up to around noon, living breathing chickens made me appreciate them more, but I did. I guess it goes along with what Lindsey was saying, that if I'm gonna eat something, the least I can do is give it a clean death, then savor the flavor it provides.

Also I think Marie might have slipped me a Fae Grain waffle or three. I wasn't sloppy stupid high, but I was feeling really copacetic about everything in general when we went up to the bath.

Then again, I remember reading back in the day where part of what keeps PTSD going is forming new memories hooked to the traumatic ones, which keeps the traumatic ones coming back, and if the way I felt while buzzed on it was any indication, Fae Grain has some Mana-enhanced THC in it, and THC is just a sovereign cure for 'forming memories'. Which means I don't want to do it too often, but now and then to break up the cycle of trauma might be worthwhile.

Floating in the Bath, I pulled my Kitten to me while Tallulah oversaw our horde playing in the water. Whatever they were doing wasn't all that athletic, and it seemed like it had the kids working together, so hopefully it might help them get past the whole 'trying to kill one another and maybe succeeding some' thing.

"Hey Kitten?" Kinda happy Tallulah was distracting the kids, because Saffron lay face down atop me, then distracted herself trying to make our nipples line up.

"Yes, love?"

"You high too?" She snorted.

"I am not 'high'. I am barely intoxicated. Not even buzzed."

"That why you're tryna put Tab A in Tab B instead of Slot A?" She just stuck her tongue out at me and kept playing, which I found both adorable and maybe the slightest bit hot.

"Did you suggest the Fae Grain tonight?" She shook her head, then got a booger look when that made her jiggle, which ruined her boob placement.

"No. Marie, actually, although Siobhan concurred, and when she explained the technical details Elle and I did as well." I sighed, some of my horny transmuting to frustrated.

"You keep doing that, I'm gonna drag you off to the Bedroom."

"So I'll keep doing it then." I flapped my gums uselessly making annoyed Tabitha noises until she got us lined up again and her hands started to roam. I snagged them with tentacles, then lifted her face to look at me when she laid it under my chin.

"So, this is how it's to be, then? Forcing me to stillness and having your way with me?" Before I could jerk away, she batted her eyes and said, "lest your poor Goof brain take that the wrong way, I shall be clear, 'goody, goody, I Consent, have your way with me'." I glanced over to see the kids utterly enthralled with whatever game Tallulah had them playing. Definitely needed to thank her for that.

"So she'll join us once the children are sleeping and you'll have your way with her, too." Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. I stuttered a bit, then said, "what if I'm not ready?" She slumped a little, which is when I realized she'd been subtly struggling, and also when I realized that her struggles had not been a turn off. Kinda the opposite.

"Then she and I will console each other in this, our time of deprivation." I paused.

"I was gonna ask if you guys were still doing the Maw thing at night, but..." She shook her head.

"Your Maw remains closed. I... We begin to doubt if we are worthy."

"You are. You all absolutely are. But I'm not ready for that yet. Can you tell them that?" She'd slipped her tongue out to lick at my palms where they pressed against her cheek, but she stopped long enough to say, "I can, but they would take it better coming from you. Or coming with you. Please let me do that?"

I winced, and realized a second later that it was at least as much that I'd definitely let her do that, and if I did that for her I ought to do it for all of them, and I shouldn't be doing any of that because 'ought'. But 'ought' wasn't what I was thinking with my Kittens Magnificent Mammaries pressed against mine. Tallulah? Marie? Yes? they chorused inside my brain. Can you get the kids and Siobhan to bed? No, Darling thought. The three of us can get the children to bed. But... Yeah? May we join you after?

I realized right then that she'd gotten hold of one of my tentacles, and it was not technically fully 'underwater' any longer, even if it was full on in surreptitious mode. Okay, invisible, but definitely not intangible, by the way her eyes lit up. I... don't know how active I'll be. Can let myself be.

"May each of us try our best to inspire you to be so, love?" Saffron whispered into my neck. Then licked my collarbone. Tell the other ladies they're welcome to stop by. Or watch. Or whatever.

"May we have our way with you first?" Yeah, Saffron's tongue is very persuasive. I rolled over, pulled myself up to my knees so I could look down on where I'd pulled her spread eagled on the Bed. Only if you don't convince me to have my way with you first.

"Like you're about to do with me?"

"Like I'm about to do with you, yeah." She grinned up at me.

"Will I be sore in the morning?" Before I could reply, she added, "or sore until next Monday?"

"Not sure I'm up to rough."

"Then be..." It had been way too long, and I couldn't remember the last time I used my thighs as Kitten earmuffs. Thorough. Strange. I'd almost forgotten exactly how much it put all the lube my love tunnel to feel her, especially her mouth, reverberating as I finished her. Might have stretched that out a little. No, literally, I do not know if I did that or not, but it really did seem to take a while.

I didn't dream, but for the first time since my return that was for the best reason of all, which was that I never actually got to sleep. In the morning, after Orla and Mads cleaned up the room and all occupants at sunrise, giving everyone save Siobhan, who'd returned to her spot on the bed next to Hailee, one last dose of dopamine to start the day, Saffron pulled me aside.

"David?" I nodded, kissed her, and went about my day. So weird, I did not realize how much David is the most social of my girls. I asked her what she wanted to do, and the first thing she did was drag me to Daya to get my nails touched up and get hers done to match them.

Then we played with her dollhouse for a bit, which was odd for me because unlike my own foray into dolls when I was younger, all of her dolls retained their clothes, none of them had smooth crotched sex, beheaded one another, or did both in alternating order. Yeah, when I really think about it, I shouldn't have been surprised that those dark impulses were coming from inside the house.

After the dolls had a tea party, played hide and seek, then went to bed, David and I went down to help Ria, Maze, and Isnomi in the stables. Baby hasn't grown a whole lot, but she's gotten a lot less skittish. Almost had a conniption when Menace reached into the enclosure, booped Maze's Water Panther on the nose, then scratched her behind the ear. Okay, those things weren't the real sphincter clencher. That would be when Baby made an unhappy noise, twisted, and brought her mouth closed on Isnomi's hand.

Lips drawn back, fangs touching skin, but very clearly not biting down.

"Otay, Baby. Das enuff." Baby let go, and Isnomi pulled her hand back after an exiting nose boop. Everybody, even David, got to do a quick nose pat on Baby, although nobody but Maze was brave enough to try scratching behind the ears. But she did, slowly and gently, and Baby let her do it for far longer than she had Isnomi, and was much slower and gentler with the 'we're done now' hand grab. After that David and I visited Borysthenis, Calliope, and Erato to listen to what amounted to a jam session.

I don't think it was technically jazz, but only because I don't fuckin' know exactly what jazz is, other than improv, and my girls were definitely doing improv shit. Wound up almost as calm as the Fae Grain had got me, but nowhere near as sleepy. Went back to her room to help her try on some of her other outfits, and she even convinced me to resize myself to try some of them on as well. None of them fit, of course, because David is the girliest girl ever to girl, and I am at best a Lumberjack Lesbian.

But she said some of them looked nice and that she'd talk to Marie about tailoring them for me, or making me my own or something. A little before dinner I asked, "do you do this every day?"

"Do what? Try on clothes? Not usually, unless I can convince one of the girls to try them with me." I shook my head.

"I meant going around playing with each of your sisters like this." She paused.

"I do different things every day. Some days I help Lindsey with chores. I was gonna go see if Felicia and Anise are playing games and see if I could try. I don't usually do things with Alex and Ria, because they're both focused too much on fighting." She got real quiet after that.

"What's wrong?" She shook her head.

"I'm not gonna force you to tell me if you don't want, but if something's bothering my little girl, I'd like to know about it, so I can maybe help." At the words 'my little girl', her smile flashed across her face, but then the worry returned, and she whispered, "are you disappointed?"

"By what?"

"Me." I scooped her up, turned her to look me in the eye.

"Why would you think that? Why would I be disappointed in you?"

"I'm not... I'm... I don't fight. Not like the others." I shook my head.

"Not everybody has to be a fighter, David. Is Siobhan a fighter?"

"No?"

"Do I love her any less?" She got a weird look.

"But Mom put the baby in her belly though." I laughed, trying not to look as scandalized as I felt.

"Yeah, well. That's because Mom is sneaky and tricked me by asking me if she could while I was busy doing the same to Marie."

"Oh! So are you gonna put a baby in her?" I shook my head.

"Probably not. She's not having a good pregnancy, so I don't think she's gonna want another any time soon."

"So you don't want to?" I grinned.

"I didn't say that. But that is definitely one of those things that both people have to agree on." She got real solemn all of a sudden.

"Maybe that's why."

"Why what?"

"Why my first mommy and daddy fought so much. I don't think she really wanted his baby. I don't think he wanted me either." I grunted, trying not to swear in front of my littlest, most innocent kid.

"Yeah, well. They were both stupid. You're adorable and precious and I love you and I have never wanted any other daughter more." She pursed her lips.

"You just wanted Marie." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I wanted Marie. But that doesn't mean I didn't want each and every one of you girls, too. And that does not mean that I didn't want you, specifically, David." She gave me all the side eye, then said, "I think I like Davey more." I nodded.

"Davey it is then."

"Okay. Let's go play with Anise and Felicia!" Yeah. Kids are like that sometimes. Then again, maybe I'd somehow infected her with my fuckin' ADHD brain. Fuck it. She smiled. She's happy. And for now, for today, that was good enough for me.