Chương 73: Anticlimax and Arrivals

I should have been happy. The Wild People were dead. The Raven Mocker was dead. The immediate threats were eliminated. My followers were safe. Mission accomplished. Problem solved. Instead, I was sitting on my porch, feeling profoundly... annoyed.

"Let me get this straight," I said to the cardinal perched on my railing. His name was Red, one of Bambi's scouts. Even though he'd just told me, it was still hard to believe.

"The Raven Mocker sensed the dying Wild People and attacked their main camp. They fought back with poisoned weapons. She killed most of them, but they still ultimately were able to kill her. Unfortunately for them, there were only a handful of survivors who fled into the woods." Red bobbed his head.

"That's correct, Great Trash Panda."

"And this all happened... without me having to do anything," I said, still not sure I believed what I was hearing.

"Isn't it amazing? Your plan worked perfectly. It's amazing. You knew exactly what would happen. You knocked down one single domino and everything fell into place," the cardinal said, clearly impressed by my omniscience. Red kept on talking, singing my praises while I stood there, finally realizing it was over. Finally, I waved a paw and asked another question.

"And the bodies?"

"Your human servant is taking care of that," the cardinal said.

"She called in people wearing uniforms and took the bodies. They seemed really excited. They said they were going to hunt down the survivors. They said something about the Wild People being perfect for some project."

"Uh, thank you," I said.

"I appreciate your assistance. Can you let the others know how much their help has meant to me?" Red seemed both excited that I had helped, but also disappointed that he was having to leave. However, he was also eager to go so that he could be my messenger. It almost made me want to laugh. Unable to stop smiling, I gently patted his back. That was when a golden green light flashed and I blessed Red. Instead of reacting and letting Red know it was an accident, I pretended I'd done it on purpose.

Fortunately, it only took a little bit of my mana. As for the notification, I ignored it. I was starting to get used to such occurrences. Red bowed, which was weird. Then he said, "Understood, Great Trash Panda. Thank you Divine Father. I love you," before flying away. Sighing, I climbed up and sat down on the rocker outside my cabin door. Then I ignored the construction work going on around me as I wrestled with my feelings. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was deeply unsatisfied.

It was so anticlimactic. It reminded me of my teeny league championship football game. We'd spent weeks preparing for that game. My father had a folder of information about each of the opposing team's players. He had stats that showed what plays the coach called and when. Then, the day of the game, the other team forfeited I felt the same way as I did then. It didn't feel like winning. Instead, it felt like I'd been cheated out of something important.

"You're sulking," Tala observed, materializing on the porch railing beside me.

"I'm not sulking. I'm processing," I said. Sulking sounded too much like a child, or a teenager. I was neither. Well, I suppose I am since I'm a juvenile raccoon, I admitted to myself. But I'm not sulking.

"You're absolutely sulking. I can see your little raccoon face all scrunched up with disappointment." She groomed her tail, utterly casual about my emotional crisis.

"You're upset because you didn't get your dramatic hero moment."

"That's not…" I stopped. Then I sighed.

"Okay, maybe a little. Is that stupid?"

"Very stupid. But it's also very you, so I'm not surprised." She finished grooming and looked at me.

"You wanted to be the protagonist. The hero who swoops in at the crucial moment and saves the day. Instead, your plan worked too well and you didn't have to risk anything." Well, it wasn't really my plan, I thought, thinking of the giant hole I'd asked Derek to build. If I had planned it, I wouldn't have paid to have him dig the hole. Now I need to find a way to use that stupid hole. I'm not going to waste a perfectly good hole I had to pay for. Tala was oblivious to my thoughts.

Having to say something, I said, "When you say it like that, I sound like an idiot."

"That's because you are an idiot. But you're my idiot, so I'm contractually obligated to point out when you're being one." She bumped her head against me affectionately.

"Abe, you won. You protected everyone. You eliminated two major threats. The fact that you did it through smart planning instead of heroic combat doesn't make it less impressive."

"I know that intellectually," I admitted. Still, part of me wanted to be that Clint Eastwood or John Wayne hero from every western I had watched.

"But emotionally you wanted the dramatic confrontation. The final battle. The triumphant moment where everyone sees how powerful and brave you are," Tala said, accurately summing up my true feelings. Dang, she knows me too well, I thought, slightly worried. All I said though was, "Yeah."

"Well, tough. Sometimes, things happen that you don't expect," Tala said. She paused meaningfully before adding, "Besides, you did plenty of dramatic things." I was quiet for a moment, absorbing that.

"I suppose."

"Enjoy the victory. We're safe. Everyone's alive, well, everyone that we care about. The threats are gone. That's what matters. Now we can live happily ever after." Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. She was right. I knew she was right. But I was still annoyed about it.

"Fine. No more sulking," I agreed.

"Good. Now, changing topics, when are you going to let me make you happy the way Shelly's making Pierre happy?" I nearly fell through the back of the rocker.

"What?!"

"You heard me. Pierre's been walking around with this satisfied glow all morning. Shelly looks like a cat who's swallowed a canary. Meanwhile, you and I are married, and the most intimate we get is you petting my head."

"Tala," I started to say before getting interrupted. Dang, I think she enjoys doing that to me.

"I'm just saying, if you're going to have emotional breakdowns, I could help you work through them in more... creative ways." She gave me a look that made facing the Raven Mocker pale in comparison.

"This conversation is over," I said, trying to put my foot down. However, I knew it was a losing battle.

"Is it though? Because I think we should…" Tala started to say. This time, I interrupted her.

"Over, conversation finished. Moving on." Her chittering laughter followed me as I quickly scrambled down the rocker and fled into the house. I found the living room full of people, which was apparently the new normal for my cabin. It'd become the default gathering place for my entire extended social circle whether I liked it or not. Pierre was on the couch, giving Shelly the most pathetic puppy-dog eyes I'd ever seen. And I'd literally seen puppies beg for treats before. This was worse.

This was a grown man reduced to pleading through pure visual supplication. Shelly, meanwhile, looked smug and satisfied. She was completely in control of the situation and thoroughly enjoying it. Whatever she'd said or done last night had worked. I decided I absolutely did not want to know the details. Tala caught my eye from where she'd followed me inside and grinned knowingly. Apparently she did know the details and found them hilarious.

"Morning," I said to the room at large, trying to establish some normalcy.

"Abe!" Shelly's smugness disappeared instantly, replaced by something that looked suspiciously like mischief and anticipation.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better. Still processing everything. Still a bit grumpy. But definitely better than I was," I admitted. Part of me was surprised that I was willing to admit it, but I guess she was part of the family now.

"Good. I'm so glad to hear that." She paused meaningfully, her smile growing predatory. It was almost wolf-like. Yep, she's spending too much time with Pierre, I thought.

"We should talk later," she said in a cool, polite voice.

"About certain questions you've been planting in innocent baby dragon minds." Oh, fudge me. I'd completely forgotten about that particular prank.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," I said, immediately activating Mask of Many Paws to turn invisible.

"Coward!" Shelly called after me as I fled toward the garage.

"You can't run forever!" A minute later, I found Ignis in the garage, sitting on his hoard like a tiny golden sentinel, looking absolutely furious. Well, as furious as a baby dragon could look while being objectively adorable. His scales were slightly puffed. His tail was lashing, and he was making this little growling sound that was probably meant to be intimidating. It was not intimidating. It was precious.

"He tried to steal from me!" Ignis announced the moment he saw me materialize from invisibility.

"That thief came into my garage and attempted to pilfer my hoard!"

"Mort tried to steal your pennies again?" I said, sighing. God, that opossum is cruising for a bruising.

"Not just tried! He succeeded! He took seventeen pennies before I noticed!" Ignis's scales rippled with indignation.

"I counted them all! I know my hoard! Seventeen pennies! Gone! Stolen by that opossum adventurer raiding my dungeon!" I wanted to feel sorry for him. I really did. However, I was just glad that Mort wasn't stealing my stuff. God, Mort should have been the one reincarnated as a trash bandit instead of me.

"That's terrible," I said, trying to sound appropriately sympathetic.

'I threatened to burn him alive the next time he tried it!" Ignis declared proudly.

"Can you breathe fire yet?" I asked, curious to see if that had changed.

"Well... no. But he doesn't know that!" Ignis puffed up even more.

"Very intimidating. I'm sure Mort is terrified."

"He should be! This is my hoard! And can you believe what he told me?" Ignis asked, obviously supremely offended.

"Uh, what?" I was genuinely curious.

"He said Lifna gave him a quest and was offering him XP points as a reward," Ignis said. I was about to respond when Luke walked in carrying a shopping bag.

"Hey, Ignis," Luke said calmly.

"I brought you something." Ignis's rage evaporated instantly, replaced by bright-eyed curiosity.

"Presents?" Luke pulled out what was very obviously cheap costume jewelry from Temu. There were plastic gems in gaudy colors as well as fake gold chains that would turn your skin green after three hours. It was the kind of stuff that cost maybe two dollars per bag of jewelry. Ignis's eyes went wide, reflecting the plastic gems like they were the Crown Jewels.

"Treasure!" he breathed reverently.

"For your hoard," Luke said, handing over the bag.

"Since Mort keeps stealing your pennies, I thought I'd bring you a few things to make you happier."

"You're so wise, Luke. So knowledgeable about the proper way to treat dragons. Thank you!" Ignis looked like he was about to start crying, he was so happy. Luke caught my eye and winked. Smart man. Keep the dragon happy with twenty bucks worth of fake jewelry.

"Just remember," Luke added seriously.

"These are precious and rare. You won't find anything like them in your world. These are special products of our world. So keep them somewhere Mort can't reach."

"I'll hide them so that he'll never find them there!" Ignis immediately started arranging his new treasures by color, size, and perceived value. I pulled Luke aside while Ignis was distracted.

"Thanks for handling that. How are you doing? You know, after... everything." Luke was quiet for a moment, considering the question seriously.

"Actually, I'm good." He sounded as if it surprised even himself. We stood there for a moment in companionable silence, two people who'd crossed lines they'd never expected to cross, trying to figure out how to live with it.

"Hey," Luke said quietly.

"We did what we had to do. To protect people who couldn't protect themselves. That matters, even if it doesn't feel heroic."

"Tala said something similar," I admitted.

"Tala's smart," Luke said.

"Don't let her hear you say that. Her ego's big enough already." Luke smiled and headed back to Ignis. I watched them for a moment and felt something settle in my chest. We are okay, I realized. Not perfect. Not undamaged. But okay. That's enough. Taking one final look at the two, I retreated outside to watch workers fixing the cabin, needing a moment of quiet to process everything. The Wild People were mostly dead. The Raven Mocker was dead. The immediate threats were handled.

So why did I still feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to fall? Then I felt the air shift. Birds went silent mid-song. Even the construction noise seemed to fade. It was like reality itself was holding its breath. That was when he walked out of the forest. My body. My old human body. Abraham Pratt. Seventy-three years old. White beard, neatly trimmed with a balding head. Fuck me, I thought. Raven.