Chương 42: Finding Bambi

Luckily, Mort wasn't out for long so we were easily able to catch up to Tala. I suppose she could have been walking intentionally slowly though. What wasn't as fortunate was the fact that Mort seemed unable to stop using his newfound ability to speak. He just didn't stop. I was actually thinking about yelling 'boo' just to get a few minutes of quiet. Mort looked between us, clearly trying to process this.

"So... you're not disappointed in me?"

"I literally just met you," I said.

"And you seem nice. Anxious, but nice. I think you'll be a fine addition to the pantheon."

"I'm sorry. I know I'm… but it's because I get very anxious," Mort admitted.

"Like, constantly. It's exhausting."

"Welcome to the club," I muttered. Mort's whole demeanor changed. His shoulders relaxed, as much as an opossum's shoulders can relax. He looked at me with something approaching worship. Which, given the circumstances, I suppose he was literally doing.

"Mother Bambi was right," Mort said reverently.

"You truly are the Great Trash Panda. Understanding and non-judgmental. Finding value in the discarded."

"Please don't start," I groaned. For someone who he supposedly worships, he certainly didn't listen well since he continued, "Finding purpose in the anxious and the useless…"

"You're not useless," I tried to say. However, even before I could finish my thought, he was already talking.

"Giving second chances to those who faint at the slightest provocation," Mort continued.

"Mort," I said, trying to get a word in edge-wise. Sadly, I failed. Miserably.

"Truly, your wisdom knows no bounds! I feel so lucky to have met you. I'm so glad I died." After that, he kept on talking, not even noticing when I slowly edged away. I looked at Tala, as if begging her to help me, but she just laughed again.

"Hey, Mort. Can you tell Noyasunai more about what you think about him?" Mort stopped talking for a moment. Then I realized why. He had fainted at hearing my name. I wasn't sure whether to thank Tala or throw something at her. Sighing, I waited and watched until Mort woke up while Tala slowly walked away, chuckling while muttering something about, "I like him. This is going to be so much fun." I rolled my eyes and gave a silent prayer of thanks that I hadn't asked for enhanced sense of smell.

How does so much come out of him? I wondered. Finally, Mort woke up and we started walking again. He kept on telling me about how blessed he was to finally learn my name and how famous he would be when he spread the news to the other believers. I patiently listened, feeling that I must be atoning for some horrible crime in a previous life. At least I was mostly able to tune him out. Still, some of what he told me was interesting. What was more interesting was watching him.

He kept on picking things up and placing them into various parts of his body. It was like watching a multi-car pile-up. I couldn't look away no matter how much I wanted to. This is so disturbing, I thought. I can't believe it, but he's actually physically able to pull things out of his ass. I briefly tuned in when he started talking about his 'special' traits.

"I can eat all the ticks around you! And clean up any messes! And I could carry messages or scout ahead or…" Mort was getting excited now, his words speeding up again as he tried to prove his worth to hang around me, permanently.

"I know I faint, but I'm actually really useful! Did you know opossums are immune to most venoms? Snake bites, bee stings, we just shrug them off! And we groom constantly, which means we eat tons of ticks and other parasites, which helps prevent disease in the whole ecosystem!" This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. God, he's repeating himself, I thought. Still, he's part of my pantheon now so I need to be nice, I thought. That didn't stop Mort.

He kept on talking, "And we eat carrion, which keeps things clean, and we're not aggressive at all, so we don't cause unnecessary conflict, and.."

"He's like you," Tala observed, chiming in for once.

"He rambles when he's nervous."

"I do not ramble," I said. But Mort was already falling into step beside me, practically vibrating with excitement.

"This is the best day of my life. Well, second life. Oh! So you ramble like me. That is so cool. Oh, by the way, did I tell you about my first death? It was very traumatic but also kind of funny in retrospect." Apparently his sense of humor was twisted too. He actually picked up some scat and put it into his metaphysical pouch of storing, this time from the space around his butt. Tala's right. He does remind me of myself, I thought. At least things will never be dull around him.

We continued through the forest, now with Mort providing a running commentary on everything we passed.

"Oh, that's where Brother Alvin practices his climbing. He was a chipmunk who Mother Bambi brought back to life. She gave him a new name too. So lucky." I paused, then sighed. No. She. Did. Not. Ugh. Just friggin shoot me.

"And over there is Sister Viper's favorite sunning spot. She's a garter snake, very sweet. It's too bad Donatello can't be here. Apparently, he's training with Spinter." Although I would never admit it to anyone, I whimpered a little. Tala noticed and the smile she gave me almost made me start crying in frustration. She was clearly enjoying this, immensely.

"How many has she resurrected?" I asked, interrupting Mort's stream of consciousness.

"Oh, dozens!" Mort said cheerfully.

"She's very dedicated. She says it's her sacred duty as the Spirit of Second Chances." I groaned.

"Of course she does."

"It's actually very beautiful," Mort continued.

"She has this whole ceremony. She places flowers on the body, says a prayer to you, and then channels the divine energy. The animal comes back, usually with some kind of enhancement or blessing. I got the ability to talk! I was so happy to hear that we had similar powers."

"And they all worship…" I trailed off.

"You and Mother Bambi, yes!" Mort nodded enthusiastically.

"You're the Great Trash Panda, Giver of Second Chances, Finder of Value in the Discarded, Walker Between Death and Life…"

"How many titles do I have?" I interrupted when I saw that he was apparently ready to continue with my titles indefinitely.

"Mother Bambi's working on a complete list," Mort said.

"Last I heard it was up to fifteen. She's very thorough." Tala was shaking with silent laughter again. For some reason, I was starting to worry about what would happen when Tala and Bambi met. Now I wasn't worried about Bambi. I was worried about myself.

"And Bambi is the Secondary Deity?" I prompted.

"Yes, she's the Spirit of Second Chances. She's the one who directly resurrects us, but she says she's only able to do it because of your divine power flowing through her." Mort's tone was reverent now.

"She teaches us about your wisdom. Your parables. The sacred texts."

"Sacred texts?" I squeaked.

"The Lessons of the Great Trash Panda," Mort recited.

"'Trash to some is treasure to others. Think before you act. Help those who've fallen. Walk humbly. Every moment is a gift.'

'Prepare for disaster, for the world changes without warning.' And my personal favorite: 'With great power comes great responsibility."

"I never said that last one," I protested.

"Spiderman said that."

"Mother Bambi must have thought it sounded like something you would say. She extrapolated a lot from your teachings," Mort explained.

"She's very good at finding the deeper meaning in your words." This is a disaster, I thought to Tala. This is hilarious, Tala corrected. Mort didn't even notice our telepathic conversation and kept on droning on. Eventually we crested a small hill where the forest opened into a clearing. And there, in the center of the clearing, was the church. Or what I assumed was the church. I stopped dead and looked at it. It was a giant sycamore tree.

Someone, probably multiple someones, had arranged stones in a large circle around the tree. I couldn't even imagine how they had moved the stones. Then again, maybe Bambi had simply appropriated an already created place. Perhaps made by druids or the fae.

"Is that a shrine to me?" I asked faintly.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Mort said proudly.

"We all contributed. The flowers are changed daily, and that's Mother Bambi's favorite moss growing on the center rock." The shrine featured a larger version of the crude raccoon drawing I'd seen earlier. Someone had actually painted it on a flat stone using what looked like berry juice. Surrounding it were offerings. There were so many offerings, food, shiny objects, flowers, feathers, and even what appeared to be a small pile of bottle caps arranged in a decorative pattern.

And standing in front of the shrine, addressing a small crowd of animals, was Bambi.