Chương 43: Meeting Bambi

She looked... different than I expected. Then again, I wasn't sure what I had really thought I'd see. Her coat gleamed with that same golden sheen I'd noticed before. However, there were faint, intricate markings visible on her fur, like tattoos made of light. She was in the middle of what appeared to be a sermon. She was surrounded by dozens of animals, from skunks, coyotes, turtles, and rabbits. I saw almost every major type of animal I'd usually see, and a few I rarely saw.

"... and so the Great Trash Panda teaches us that every creature has value," she was saying, her voice carrying across the clearing.

"Even those society deems worthless. Even those who've been discarded, forgotten, or left to die on the roadside." The gathered animals murmured in agreement. It was weirdly… disturbing to hear. Apparently, most of the animals couldn't speak like Mort.

"I heard one of his brothers, one named Rocket, say, "'Ain't no thing like me, except me!' That's true for all of us. We need to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be." I sighed, glad she hadn't chosen one of Rocket Raccoon's other sayings, 'Always do the right thing, unless maybe the wrong thing is more fun.'

"As for The Great Trash Panda, he finds value in garbage," Bambi continued.

"Everything in this world has value to someone. Find what is worthwhile inside of each of you." Bambi continued to speak to the spell-bound animals, telling them of things I had no memory of saying. At one point, I muttered, "Oh no." That was when I realized almost everything she was preaching was from movies I had been watching. Apparently, Bambi was a peeping Tom.

"Oh yes," Tala said gleefully. She was obviously enjoying my discomfort, immensely.

"The Great Trash Panda walks between worlds," Bambi said, her voice rising.

"Between life and death, between the wild and the civilized, between the sacred and the profane. He shows us that these boundaries are illusions. He teaches us that we can be more than what the world says we are." The animals were completely rapt. I could feel the threads whispering, FAITH. Some were nodding. Others had tears in their eyes. Speaking of which, I could see tears in Tala's eyes as well, although hers were apparently from holding in laughter.

"And that's why we gather here," Bambi concluded.

"To honor him. To thank him. To live by his teachings. To give second chances as we were given second chances. To find treasure in what others call trash. To think before we act, but to act with courage when the time comes."

"This is so much worse than I thought," I said.

"This is amazing!" Tala countered.

"You've created a functional religion with actual moral teachings. Do you know how rare that is?" Before I could respond, Mort called out, "Sister Bambi! The Great Trash Panda has arrived!" Apparently, he hadn't wanted to interrupt her. Every head in the clearing turned toward us. Oh crap. Bambi's eyes went wide. For a moment, she just stared. Then, in one fluid motion, she bowed her head low.

"Great Trash Panda," she said formally.

"You honor us with your presence." I was about to say something more when Mort yelled out, "And he says his true name is Noyasunai." Actually, I hadn't said that. Tala did, but it didn't seem something to argue about so I left it alone. Especially when, like a wave, every single animal in the clearing bowed. I stood there, a scrawny raccoon with a snarky squirrel and an anxious opossum at my side, being worshipped by dozens of forest creatures. Tala, I sent her a mental message. I need you to wake me up now.

This is clearly a nightmare. Not a nightmare, Tala sent back, barely containing her laughter. Just your life. Your ridiculous, accidentally divine life. Bambi raised her head, and I saw her eyes shining with joy and reverence and something that might have been tears.

"My lord," she said softly.

"Welcome to your church." I want to die. Well, die again. Okay, maybe not, but really?

"Bambi," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

"We need to talk." The clearing went silent. Even the birds seemed to stop chirping. Every animal was staring at me with rapt attention, like I was about to deliver some profound divine proclamation. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. I wasn't. I just needed to have an incredibly awkward conversation with a deer who thought I was a god.

"Of course, my lord," Bambi said, still in that formal, reverent tone.

"Would you prefer to speak privately, or shall I gather the council of elders?"

"There's a council of elders?" I asked weakly.

"Brother Buck, Sister Viper, Brother Donatello, and Brother Spinter. And a few others. Remember, I was talking about them earlier." Mort helpfully supplied.

"They help Mother Bambi interpret your teachings and…"

"Privately," I interrupted, perhaps a bit too forcefully.

"Definitely privately." Bambi nodded and addressed the gathered animals.

"My brothers and sisters, the Great Trash Panda wishes to speak with me. Please, continue your meditations and prayers. Remember his teachings.

'Think before you act, but act with courage when the time comes.'" The animals began to disperse, though many lingered near the edges of the clearing. They were clearly hoping to overhear whatever divine wisdom I was about to impart. I was pretty sure 'What the hell, Bambi?' wouldn't count as divine wisdom. Bambi approached. Up close, I could see the golden markings on her fur more clearly. They formed intricate patterns that seemed to shift and flow like liquid light.

"My lord," she said, bowing her head again.

"I cannot express how grateful I am for…"

"Bah," I said, holding up a paw, waving away her thanks.

"Just... stop with the 'my lord' stuff for a second. We need to talk. Really talk." She lifted her head, confusion flickering across her features.

"Have I displeased you?"

"Not at all,"I reassured her. There was no way I was going to crush the spirit of such an innocent person. I'd just have to live up to her expectations. I took a breath. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Look, I brought you back because you died unfairly and I felt bad about it. I didn't mean to create a... a…"

"A religion?" Tala supplied helpfully. Ignoring her, I continued, trying to redirect her… enthusiasm.

"I find what you've done to be very admirable. I'm impressed. However, please don't focus solely on me. Instead, why don't you focus on the possibilities inside each one of them." Bambi listened, her full attention on me. She slowly nodded, obviously trying to consider the implications of what I had just told her. I waited patiently while she considered. Finally, she said, "I understand. You want even the lowliest creatures to understand that they are connected to divinity.

That they can find this within themselves. However, just like you, they should stay humble and show humility." I wanted to faceslap myself, but I decided to accept the partial win.

"That's right," I said.

"I understand Great Noyasunai," Bambi said with worshipful eyes. I didn't need to hear the threads. I could tell what they were saying. TRUST. These eyes were mirrored by Mort, who was hanging around awkwardly, clearly unsure whether he was supposed to have left of was supposed to have stuck around. As for Tala, she was eyeing Bambi with… different eyes.

"I'm not that great," I tried to say. That was when Bambi interrupted me, not allowing me to downplay my greatness.

"You brought me back from death," Bambi said firmly. I was about to say something, but she kept on talking. I was starting to think that every animal blessed with speech had a curse that caused them to use that gift incessantly. Bambi continued, "You gave me purpose when I had none. You showed me that even death isn't the end, that there's always a second chance." Her voice grew stronger.

"You created me as something more than I was. You gave me the power to help others the way you helped me. How is that not a great god?" I opened my mouth only to close it almost immediately when Tala spoke up.

"She's got a point," Tala observed. If I hadn't known her true personality, I would have fallen for her fake sincerity. I had to wonder, What is she up to? However, all I sent telepathically was, Whose side are you on? Reality's side, Tala replied back. Face it. You've got divine powers. You've created a goddess. You've got worshippers. And you've got a pantheon. At what point do you just accept that maybe you are a god? A really confused god, but still a god.

I liked you better when you were mad at me, I sent back grumpily. I was really starting to wonder if she was mocking me or not. Damn. I've never been good at figuring out what women think! I thought to myself. Oh, I'm still mad at you, Tala assured me telepathically. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy watching you squirm. I looked back at Bambi, who was watching me with those big, hopeful eyes. Behind her, I could see the gathered animals, all waiting to see what their god would say. This was my life now.

Somehow, through a series of accidents and good intentions, I'd become the Great Trash Panda.

"Okay," I said finally.

"Okay. But we need to establish some ground rules." Bambi's face lit up.

"Of course! What would you have me do?"

"First of all, focus on helping others, not worshipping me," I told her. I was about to tell her more when I suddenly realized I really didn't know what to say. I was also a little worried about my powers causing problems in some other way, sort of like with Mort. Speaking of which, and since I couldn't think of anything to say, I threw Mort under the bus.

"I turned Mort here into a god too. He's one of us." Then I smiled and threw Tala under the bus too. However, I did add something I thought might keep me from getting killed.

"And Tala here," I said, waving to her, "is also one of us. In fact, she was my first companion. She is my guide." Bambi excitedly turned toward Mort, but he had nothing to say since he was already unconscious. Not being able to talk to him, Bambi turned her attention to Tala while I used 'Mask of Many Paws' to turn invisible and sneak away. Tala was going to kill me later. But that was Future Abe's problem. Right now, I was just proud of myself for thinking fast.