Chương 38: Going Viral

A minute ago, I had been staring at the notification hovering in my vision. Three question marks had been present instead of my evolution choice. Three more question marks were for the effects. The system had made a decision for me, and I had no idea what it meant. However, I also didn't have time to worry about that since Raven had apparently decided my plate wasn't full enough already.

"Yesterday, Abraham Pratt, a local resident shared a video with us," a reporter was saying. I could easily see that he had rushed to post the video. Not only was he out of breath, but his hair and make-up weren't done.

"As I'm sure many of you are aware of, something just happened minutes ago," the reporter said.

"He told us about it last night. Here is what he had to say. We think you should listen." Damn. What's Raven up to now? I wondered. Everyone else seemed curious as well. I could tell since everyone was solemnly watching the television, all thoughts about the recent global announcement were forgotten.

"How bad can it be?" Pierre asked. He was obviously trying to reassure himself. Shelly made a move, but Luke was faster and smacked Pierre in the back of the head. I noticed that Shelly was still considering a second hit. Deciding to save my one and only follower, I said, "It's Raven. He isn't exactly known for being reassuring." Raven, in my old body, sat at a desk with a handmade cardboard sign reading 'GAIA SYSTEM TUTORIAL - APOCALYPSE FOR DUMMIES' behind him. He was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Welcome, welcome!" Raven said, gesturing enthusiastically.

"To the end of the world as you know it! I'm your host. You may remember me from my previous videos where I talked a little bit about what's happening. Well, now it's time for the whole truth." Fudge me, I thought.

"By now, some of you have received your Gaia System notifications," Raven continued cheerfully.

"Congratulations! You're in a LitRPG apocalypse now. Yes, like those books you read. No, you don't get plot armor. Yes, you can actually die. Permanently." Raven paused after saying that, as if giving viewers time for what he had said to sink in. Then he said, "Soon, the rest of you will be able to choose your classes as well. Except for a few unlucky individuals." He pulled up fingers to count.

"Let me explain how this works, since Gaia didn't include a tutorial. Rude of her, really." A crudely drawn chart appeared on screen, clearly made with a mixture of crayons and markers.

"Wow," Pierre muttered.

"Even I'm a better artist than he is." I just grunted an agreement, too absorbed in what Raven was saying to give Pierre any attention. Still, he was right. His charts and signs looked like they had been made by an elementary student. One of the special ones too. Maybe one with tremors.

'EMERGENCY BROADCAST - WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THE GAIA SYSTEM' was in bold, uneven letters, each in a different color. However, despite the work that was put into the sign, he ignored it completely and just started talking.

"Well, look who finally hit the snooze button on reality. Mana's back, folks! Mother Nature just upgraded from 'peaceful gardener' to 'high-level dungeon master,' and you just got the memo. Think of this as the world's transition from an easy tutorial level to the real game, one that you're spectacularly unprepared for." I almost missed Tala's small nod. I guess she agrees with him so far, I thought. Good thing to know. Raven hadn't stopped talking though.

"Good luck. You'll need it more than that ridiculous 'class' you just picked up, or will pick up soon." Then with an exaggerated reveal moment, Raven pulled out a poster and announced.

"Because Gaia's not fair, she rolled this out in stages. The first wave was for the animals. She is Mother Nature, afterall." He then pointed to the poster. 1st Wave (Already Happened) Animals and plants (Yes, plants are changing too!) Spirits (Yes, they actually exist.) 2nd Wave (Happening Now) Supernatural creatures (Vamps, weres, etc.) Things that go bump in the night (So many bumpy things) High mana affinity humans (Probably that weird neighbor) Nature or divine-touched individuals (Druids, priests, monks, etc.) Lucky bastards in high-mana areas (Remote areas you dunce) 3rd Wave (Happening Soon) People in rural areas (Country boys can survive!) People with medium mana affinity (Better late than never) 4th Wave (Happening Later) Everyone else (You get a class, finally) No mana affinity people (Maybe you'll evolve. No class for you) Places and things (Yep, you heard me right. Go, Go Genius Loci!) After displaying the poster, he then proceeded to talk about each of the waves in depth. I could almost taste the condescension as he spoke about each bullet point. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work! Man, he's really going to piss some people off the way he's acting, I thought. Then I amended that thought.

Then again, he's giving everyone a lot of information so they'll probably forgive him.

"Now I know what you're thinking," Raven leaned toward the camera.

"Why are there monsters eating people before I got my cool powers?"

"Oh, wait, you didn't know about the monsters? Hmm, maybe you should speak to your local government officials," Raven suggested as his grin grew wider.

"Anyway, here's the thing. The 'monsters' have already been given access to the system. That means the things humanity tried to exterminate? The beings you thought were extinct? They're back." Raven then pulled out another poster, this time drawn with what I could only assume were monsters. They were vaguely humanoid shaped. I might even have thought they were humans if not for the big teeth. A few even had beards.

"Let me introduce you to your new neighbors! First up, goblins!" Raven said, pointing to his child-like drawing.

"I know, I know. How cliche. Actually, they have a lot of names. And they don't all look alike."

"He means Wild People," Shelly said quietly, as if everyone didn't already know.

"They live in caves. They hunt at night. They eat whatever they catch. And yes, they got classes before you did. Unfair? Absolutely. Hilarious? Also yes." Raven's grin was manic now. Just the sight of it made me think, Wow, even I'm starting to want to kill my old body now.

"Then we have the elves! Well, not the pretty Tolkien kind. More like the original fae. You'll love 'em."

"Is he trying to cause mass panic?" Luke asked.

"I think so," Claire said weakly.

"Why though?"

"And let's not forget all the other things coming out of the dark!" Raven continued.

"Werewolves, yes, they're real. Vampires, also real. Even dwarves. And MY personal favorite…" He leaned in close to the camera, using my face to maximum creepy effect.

"... DIVINE ENTITIES!"

"Really dude?" I muttered. I had really hoped that he wouldn't mention me this time. However, even I could see the writing on the wall. Even if it was in his scrawling scribbles.

"See, when mana returned, it didn't just wake up monsters. It also woke up gods. Little gods. Evil gods. Even some baby gods." He pulled out a piece of paper with a badly drawn raccoon on it and then continued, "Like my good friend Noyasunai. Some of you may remember him from my previous videos. The talking raccoon? Turns out he's divine. A chaos god, specifically. Three months old and already causing problems." Pierre groaned.

"Here we go. As for Tala, she was chewing on walnuts like they were mortal enemies as she glared at the television.

"Now, if you're in the Ozarks region, you might run into his little entourage. Let me paint you a picture." Raven held up another poster with badly drawn stick figures.

"First, there is a sparkly werewolf who loves vampires and his sidekicks." Pierre buried his face in his hands while Luke looked offended.

"There's also a magic squirrel who's crankier than your grandmother and twice as scary," Raven said, apparently wanting to offend each and everyone of us. Tala bristled as she threw a nut at the television.

"I am NOT cranky!" Luckily she didn't use her full strength.

"And then there's a divine deer who used to be roadkill until our new divine deity brought her back to life. Because apparently that's a thing chaos gods can do." Raven then held up another poster with a deer being hit by a cartoon car, at least I think it was a deer.

"I'm sure you've heard of the stories of animals throwing themselves in front of cars," he said, pointing to the poster.

"And also about other animals gathering around the body and dancing before the roadkill stands up and starts dancing too."

"He knows about Bambi," Claire said unnecessarily. No blessing for Claire, I thought as I noticed Tala glaring at me instead of the television now.

"Together, they form the PANTHEON OF CHAOS," Raven announced dramatically.

"The world's least qualified divine entities, now accepting prayers and offerings. Results may vary. Side effects include sparkles, public humiliation, and existential dread." Pierre looked stunned, "I'm a god!?" He started grinning widely.

"No, you idiot. He's fucking with the audience," Luke said, smacking the back of Pierre's head yet again. Damn, I thought. I know Pierre was hard-headed. Maybe there's a reason. He sure does get hit in the head a lot. I should probably give him a blessing that includes skull reinforcement. For his own safety.

"But wait!" Raven held up a finger.

"I know what you're thinking. This all sounds fake. How do we know you're not just some crazy guy?" He stood up from the desk.

"Well, let me show you something fun." Raven walked to the window. The camera followed. Outside, it was clearly nighttime. He opened the window and held out his hand. A raven, an actual bird, landed on his palm.

"Hello, cousin," Raven said to the bird. Then he looked at the camera.

"Watch this." The bird looked at the camera and spoke in perfect English, "The apocalypse is real. Magic is back. The gods are waking. And humanity is NOT ready." Then it flew away.

"So, in summary," Raven held up a sign and read from it. Magic: REAL Monsters: REAL and HUNTING Gods: BOTH GOOD AND EVIL Your Chances: NOT GREAT Then he smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, and one more thing. Those 'goblins' I mentioned? They're not just hunting randomly. They're summoning things. Old things. Angry things. Things that should have stayed buried." His expression shifted. For just a moment, the humor dropped and something ancient looked out through my dead eyes.

"The Ozarks has already had its first summoning. Something crawled out of the ground. Something that hasn't walked this earth in a very, very long time. And it's hungry. I'd avoid the area if I were you." Then the grin returned.

"But don't worry! You'll get your classes soon. Probably before it eats you. Maybe." He gave a cheerful thumbs up.

"Try to survive! And remember, if you see a talking raccoon, that's Noyasunai. Wave hello. He's very friendly. Also very overwhelmed. Also possibly starting an accidental religion. It's complicated." Raven winked, but then slapped his forehead lightly, as if he had forgotten something.

"Oh, and one more thing. Don't forget about the gate crashers from other planes we're going to be having soon." Then the video ended. The room went silent.

"Did he just say other planes?" Luke asked weakly.

"One crisis at a time," I muttered. As if on cue, I received a text message. I closed my eyes for a second and gathered my courage. I already knew who it would be from. Raven.

"I can't believe you chose the last option. OMG! Can't wait to see what you'll do with that one. BTW, you're welcome for the publicity." I stared at my phone. Raven knew. Of course he knew. The question was whether he'd engineered it.

"What did he say?" Shelly asked, seeing my expression. I thought about asking how she knew, but I decided against it. Probably women's intuition.

"Nothing good," I muttered.