Chương 1: Reincarnated as a Raccoon

One of the brackets on the solar panels was making a screeching sound. Annoyed, I backed away from my cabin and glared at the roof, as if that would do anything. Finally, I sighed before threatening, "Don't make me come up there and bang on you." Unfortunately, that accomplished exactly nothing.

"Fricking arthritic knees," I complained when I realized I was going to have to climb up there.

"For something so expensive, it shouldn't need maintenance already." Of course, I ignored the fact that I'd probably messed up the installation. Mostly, I was just frustrated that I'd have to face off against the mortal enemy of the aged and infirm, a ladder.

"Maybe I can live with the noise," I sighed as I squinted up at the array. While I was considering that idea, I looked around me at the Ozark trees. They were already changing color. Then I shivered. The leaves on one of the trees were changing right before my eyes before falling to the ground.

"Dang, I'm too old for this shit. I'm… uh, seventy-three…, yeah, that's right," I muttered as I did the math in my head just to make sure.

"Come on, dealing with this crap is a young man's game," I told the world around me while trying not to be creeped out. I'd always been irritable. As I grew older, my level of tolerance for, well, anything, had diminished, a lot. Current events weren't helping. The news had been full of it for weeks now. Animals were mutating and scientists were getting strange readings.

The president had even given some half-assed speech about 'atmospheric anomalies' and 'staying calm,' which was politician-speak for 'we have no idea what's happening.' The vindication should've felt sweeter, but for some reason, I was actually disappointed.

"Of course, Claire and Shelly are the only ones who ever listen to old Abraham Pratt anyway." Claire was the local forest ranger. We'd talked about the unusual things happening lately. As for Shelly, I still couldn't figure out why she'd rented the cabin downstream, or why she kept checking on me. She was definitely a tree-hugging hippie. A little needy, but I still enjoyed her company, at least in small doses.

"Dang, if I was only forty years younger," I said.

"Then again, what would she see in me?" I was pretty sure most people saw an old kook holed up in the woods with a bunker full of freeze-dried meals and enough ammo to make the feds nervous. Hell, they aren't wrong. Sighing, I looked at the trees and sky around me, wondering what other weirdness was about to happen. Or at least I tried to. That stupid squeak kept taunting me, daring me. I looked at the garage and sighed.

While it was only a short distance away, I was already dreading the idea of carrying that ladder all the way back to the house. My back let me know what it thought of that idea. Clearly, it wanted me to say, 'Fuck it' and go back inside. I actually thought about listening to it for a moment, but that would've been letting that stupid squirrel win. It might've caused me to fall off the roof a few years ago, but I wasn't about to let it stop me from doing what needed to be done.

"I hate squirrels," I grumbled.

"They're probably the reason for all the power outages. They usually are. Always causing problems." That's when I noticed the raccoon. The little furball was parked right by the empty bowl on my back porch. It looked scared, but that wasn't surprising considering it was all by itself. Scrawny little thing. Hell, he's so small he can use the bowl as a bathtub. He couldn't have been more than three months old. There was no mama around, which meant she'd probably become roadkill or something's dinner.

"Still mooching off me, huh?" I said while crouching down. My knees weren't happy, at all, but I ignored them. The furball reminded me of myself when I was young. My parents had died when I was young too. Sighing, I headed back into the cabin and grabbed some food. I wasn't about to give him any of my vegetables, though. That might encourage the little bugger to raid my garden later. Instead, I gave him some peanuts and dried jerky.

"Last handout," I told him as I dropped the food into the bowl.

"After this, you're on your own." We both knew I was full of shit. I'd been saying the same thing for the last week. I'd probably give him food until the day I died. As for the young raccoon, he waited until I backed away before approaching the food. Smart. Trust nobody. Verify everything. I nodded in approval. Good survival instincts. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. I was about to start walking to the garage for the ladder when the pain hit. I staggered, my vision blurring.

It started as a tight squeeze in my chest. Then it was like someone had wrapped a belt around my ribs and was pulling it tighter with each breath. After that, it spread, radiating down my left arm and up into my jaw. I'd had heartburn before, but this was different. This was the big one.

"Son of a bitch," I wheezed.

"Not now. Come on, not now." Then my legs folded like cheap lawn chairs. As for the raccoon, it quit eating and stared at me while making little worried sounds. The poor thing probably thought I was having some kind of fit.

"Sorry, little guy," I managed to get out.

"Guess you're on your own, again." My chest felt like it was in a vise, each breath a fight. All those years getting ready for disaster, and I was checking out from something as ordinary as a heart attack. Hell of a thing. My brain wasn't flashing through my life or any of that movie bullshit, either. I just kept thinking about that scraggly raccoon. Hopefully he'd survive the winter without someone leaving food out for him. A last thought flashed through my mind, I hope Shelly takes care of him.

Then everything went dark. ✦ ✦ ✦ Waking up was... weird. Nothing felt right. And why the hell am I so close to the ground? Also, something was up with my vision. The red and orange leaves I'd been looking at earlier now looked gray. It was like the contrast had been turned up on a television. As for my sense of smell, it had been turned up to eleven. It was as if I was in the middle of a crowded room where everyone was talking. Except with smells. I had difficulty figuring out what I was smelling at first.

However, there was one smell that stood out more than the others. It scared me for some reason. It smelled like a dog but mixed with the scent of woods and dirt. I even smelled blood. Wolf, the thought flashed through my mind. Thoroughly confused, I tried to stand upright. Instead, I face-planted into the deck.

"What the hell?" I tried to say. However, all that came out was a bunch of chittering noises. That's when the notification appeared. The words were burned directly into my brain. SYSTEM INITIALIZATION COMPLETE. Reincarnation Initiated. New Host: Juvenile Procyon lotor MESSAGE FROM GAIA. You're welcome. I stared at the words floating in my mind, trying to process what they meant. Reincarnation? And what the hell was a… Oh… Oh, shit. I looked down at myself. I really looked.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw paws where my hands should have been.

"You've got to be kidding me," I tried to say, and again it came out as chittering.

"I'm the little furball." Then the system notification flickered and updated. EVOLUTION AVAILABLE. Select an Available Option. Enhanced Manual Dexterity Heightened Senses Increased Size Night Vision Vocal Tract Articulation MESSAGE FROM GAIA. Speak up. Tell me what you want. I stared at the options as my brain tried to wrap itself around what had happened. Most of the options were nice, but not what I needed. As a raccoon, I already had good night vision.

I also had much better hearing and sense of smell than previously. I could already tell that the senses I already possessed were something it would take me a while to adjust to. Any more might be too much. Also, and maybe I was being paranoid, but I didn't really trust each of the choices. For example, just how much would my senses be improved? The same was true for the increase in size. Yea! Instead of getting swallowed in one bite, it now takes two, I thought mockingly. Uh, no thank you.

The only one I seriously considered was the vocal tract. And if I wasn't reading too much into Gaia's words, she definitely wanted me to pick it. Though she did seem willing to let me fail if I chose wrong. Chittering for the rest of my life like some Disney sidekick didn't sound appealing, so I decided to take her advice. Being able to talk might just save my life. At the very least, I could talk to people, and maybe order a pizza, not that they would deliver out here.

With that in mind, I focused on the vocal tract option and felt a strange tingling sensation in my throat. This continued for several minutes. Surprisingly, there was no pain. For some reason, I'd just assumed there would be pain. One of my few guilty pleasures was reading cultivation and evolution webnovels. Instead of pain, I felt a warm tingling sensation. When the feeling faded away, I cleared my throat and said, "Testing." My voice wasn't… pleasant, but I could definitely speak now.

Unfortunately, I sounded like Alvin and the other chipmunks. Just perfect, I thought. A raccoon going through puberty. Then I glanced around, trying to decide what to do first. The sun was going down, and shadows were now covering my old body. I guess I'd sort of been avoiding looking in that direction.

"Fudge me," I muttered. There was no way I was going to let my old body get eaten by that wolf. At least it wasn't likely to come into the yard. Unfortunately, that might change if my body started stinking. It would be an open invitation to any scavenger. As if to reinforce that thought, a wolf's howl echoed through the woods. Suddenly, I shivered. That howl was entirely too close for comfort, maybe a half mile away, if that. And wolves didn't usually hunt alone. No wonder the young raccoon had been scared.

Even with my human mind, my raccoon instincts were yelling at me to bolt for the nearest tree. Then another howl answered the first, this time from a different direction. Great, just great, I thought. What a way to start a new life. And I still needed to figure out how to deal with my body before that wolf decided to investigate. Either he'd eat the new me or eat my old dead body. It gives new meaning to the saying,' Over my dead body,' I thought. The fact that I was the size of a Happy Meal didn't help either.

So, first thing first, I decided. Let's do something about my body before I get turned into a chew toy.