Chương 50: It's A Small World After All

Pierre When Abe and his animal friends walked out of a shadow, they almost gave me a heart attack. As soon as Abe appeared, he fell to the floor. Tala hopped over to him while Mort looked confused.

"What the," I started to say but Tala cut me off.

"Mana depletion. It's the same as when he created Bambi. He's alive, just drained." I nodded. The worry I'd started to feel had already faded away. I was a little curious why Shelly and Tala seemed so concerned, though. Why do they look so concerned? He's just low on mana, right? Shelly dropped to her knees beside Abe.

"How much mana did he use?" I watched as Shelly checked Abe's breathing and pulse. That made me wonder if she'd be willing to play nurse and patient later. We'd been interrupted when things were getting very interesting. She's something else, I thought.

"All of it, I think," Tala said. Her voice was tight with worry.

"The idiot made a," She stopped and shook her head.

"He used everything he had." I'd never seen Tala like this. Usually, she was either angry or annoying. Now she actually looked afraid. Shelly placed her hands on each side of Abe's head and closed her eyes.

"I'll try to channel some mana into him. It won't be much, but maybe it will help." I frowned and wondered, Why is Tala not the one giving him mana? Tala watched for about ten seconds, her tail lashing back and forth. She didn't make any move to help. Instead she just watched until she finally made a decision.

"That's too slow," she said.

"I'm getting Willow. She's a better druid." Shelly glanced up for a moment. A flicker of annoyance crossed her face before she nodded.

"Go. I'll keep him stable." I guess she can't channel mana, I thought. I wonder why. Tala didn't wait. Instead, she bolted through the doggie door which almost came off as she rushed out.

"So," I said, looking at Mort since I didn't want to distract Shelly.

"What the hell happened in there?" Mort blinked and seemed to come out of his daze.

"He, we made a world." I blinked.

"He what now?" I was used to Abe doing weird things, but I definitely must have misheard Mort.

"A planet. It's floating in his divine realm right now. It's about this big," Mort held his paws as far apart as they could reach.

"And it's made of lava and rocks and it has tectonic plates and everything and it talks and called him father and it ate all my stuff! I'm confused why it called him daddy instead of me though." The words tumbled out in a rush. It took me a few seconds to process everything he'd just told me.

"Slow down," I said, grabbing a chair and sitting down.

"Start from the beginning." Mort took a breath, his paws still trembling slightly.

"Okay, so Abe went into his divine domain, right? The Liminal Land. And I guess he decided to try to expand it or make it better or something, because he's been stressed about having a safe space for everyone."

"Reasonable," I said.

"But instead of expanding the room, he accidentally created a miniature planet inside it. Like, a real planet. It's all molten rock and magma and dust rings and it's rotating and everything." I stared at him.

"He made a planet."

"Yes! And he used my stuff to do it. So, I provided all the materials he used." Although I had no idea how Mort did it, he actually looked smug. It took me a moment to recover. Then I started to grin.

"Please tell me it's smaller than he is."

"No, it's bigger. It's about three feet across! And Tala made all these jokes about him being small and…" I lost it. I couldn't help but laugh. It was loud enough that Shelly shot me a look, but I couldn't stop. The image was too perfect.

"By Luna's light, this is the best thing I've ever heard." This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

"Shouldn't this make me the father since he used all my stuff, even my poop stick?"

"Your what?" I shook my head to try to make sense of what Mort had just said.

"My poop stick! It was a perfectly good stick!" Mort said, apparently still a little indignant that Abe used all his items to make the miniature planet. Moon help me, but what is wrong with Mort? I wondered. Then, just to make sure I really understood, I asked, "For stirring poop?"

"Well, yeah, but," Mort said before I interrupted him. I waved him off, still grinning.

"So let me get this straight. Abe used your garbage collection to create a baby planet, exhausted himself doing it, and now he's passed out on the floor while his pocket dimension has a three-foot ball of molten rock floating in it that thinks he's its daddy?"

"That's, yeah, that's pretty much it," Mort agreed. I was already pulling out my phone, opening Amazon.

"I need to buy him some things."

"What things?" Mort asked nervously.

"Baby supplies," I said while scrolling through search results.

"Pacifiers. Maybe a pet rock. No, he already has a pet rock planet. Definitely getting him some shirts though."

"Shirts?" Mort seemed confused, the poor little guy.

"Oh yeah." I was grinning like a maniac now.

"Maybe with 'It's a small world after all.' And maybe a greeting card that plays that tune." Despite the fact that they needed to be dog-sized, I found them quickly and added them to my cart. Shelly made a small sound of disapproval without opening her eyes, but I ignored her. I switched to YouTube on my phone, searching for a specific song. When I found it, I hit play at low volume and started humming along. Then I sent it to the television.

"Why are you playing that?" Mort asked. I looked at him, but then answered.

"Because it's perfect," I said, still grinning.

"Abe made a small world. This is now his theme song."

"Pierre," Shelly said through gritted teeth.

"You're not helping."

"I'm helping morale," I disagreed. Then I had an idea and turned to Mort.

"Mort, you know what you should do?" I asked. Mort looked at me expectantly, "What?"

"You should go tell everyone at the church what happened. Maybe tell them how you and Abe worked together to create a new world. You can even include how your contributions, such as your carefully curated collection of treasures, were the building blocks of the planet." Mort's eyes lit up.

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely," I said, trying to keep a straight face.

"This is a momentous occasion. The followers need to know about the birth of the planet. And who better to tell them than you, the co-creator?"

"I mean, I didn't really create it," Mort said modestly.

"Abe did all the divine energy stuff. I just provided materials."

"Exactly! You're like the father who provided his seed from which the planet was born! That would make Abe the mother." I was really getting into this now.

"Abe provided the divine spark, but you provided the substance."

"When you put it that way," Mort was starting to look excited now.

"I guess I did kind of help create a planet. Out of trash. We turned garbage into a world!"

"That's the spirit!" I encouraged him.

"You should definitely share that story. Make sure everyone knows the details. Especially the part about the poop stick. That's important context. Oh, and maybe turn 'It's a Small World' into one of the church's hymns?"

"You think so?" Mort asked.

"Oh absolutely. Planetary formation is all about the raw materials." I nodded. Mort nodded seriously in return.

"I should go tell them!"

"Yes, you should," I agreed.

"Tell everyone. In great detail." Mort headed for the door and paused to look back at Abe's unconscious form with something like paternal pride, and then stepped carefully out of the doggie flap that was hanging by one screw.

"You're terrible," Shelly said, still not opening her eyes, though I could hear the hint of a smile in her voice. Yep, she loves it. Otherwise, she would have stopped me. Still, I knew she needed some deniability.

"I'm supportive," I corrected.

"Abe just became a father. This is a special time. He deserves all the appropriate gifts and celebrations. Maybe we should have a post-wedding party and a baby shower at the same time."

"He's going to kill you when he wakes up." Then, after a moment of silence, she asked, "So, where do you think we should have the registry? PetSmart?"

"Probably," I agreed cheerfully.

"But it'll be worth it. And yeah, PetSmart sounds good to me." I paused, watching the steady green glow around her hands.

"How's he doing?"

"Stable," she said.

"The mana flow is helping, but Tala's right. I'm not strong enough to actually restore him. Just keeping him from getting worse." We lapsed into silence then. Finally, I asked what was on my mind.

"So, why worry? He's just exhausted, right?" She paused before saying, "Actually, I'm not sure myself. However, I'd rather be safe than sorry. Abe does have a physical body, but he's also a spirit." I nodded and waited for her to explain.

"Spirits need mana. Without mana, they fade away. Abe's personality might dissipate if the spiritual energy disappeared completely. Then he'd just be a raccoon. Sort of like the body keeps on living sometimes even though a person is braindead." Fuck. That's bad. Now I feel guilty, I thought. I wanted to kick myself. Then I realized that Shelly was giving me the worst case scenario. Still, until he got better, I decided not to do any more ordering.

Instead, I asked, "So, are you going to be in charge of decorations?" Shelly finally opened one eye to glare at me.

"Abe just nearly killed himself creating life. Maybe show a little concern?"

"Oh, I'm very concerned," I said seriously, but I have faith in Abe. And sadly, I wasn't lying. I knew the little furball would be alright.

"Pierre," Shelly started to say something. Then sighed and ignored me.

"We probably don't need to worry about diapers. I mean, his baby does eat poo."

"I'm going to strangle you," Shelly said, obviously trying to sound threatening but failing spectacularly.

"You can't," I pointed out.

"Your hands are busy."

"When I'm done, just wait until I get my hands on you," Shelly threatened.

"Oh, so you can't wait to get your hands on me, huh?" I said teasingly with a smirk. That's a hit, I thought as her concentration visibly slipped for just a second. Despite my joking, I was actually relieved to see him alive. The little guy had been through a lot in the past two weeks. Actually, we all had. I was so distracted I didn't even realize we had a visitor at first. Unsure who it was yet, I quickly placed myself between them and the door while I pulled a handgun out of my Twilight fanny pack.