Chương 25: Raccoon Retail

The next day, I was still processing the spooky spider encounter when Luke showed up with a delivery.

"Got your stuff," the werewolf said, wrestling a kid-sized recliner through my door like it weighed nothing. I watched him maneuver the furniture like it was made of cardboard. The guy was built like a romance-novel lumberjack. He even had the audacity to look graceful. Damn, I couldn't even dream of having muscles like that when I was human. I was about to say I was smarter when I remembered Luke was a veterinarian.

"Don't get chunky, Abe," he said, pointedly eyeing my snack pile as he set down the chair.

"Your metabolism might be different now, but physics still applies."

"Raccoons gain weight to prepare for winter," I mumbled as I stuffed more popcorn into my mouth. I sighed and leveraged myself up.

"Let me try this thing out." I hopped onto the seat and then spent the next few minutes playing with my new toy. The controls worked perfectly with my paws. It had USB ports and a cupholder. With just a touch, it would recline or swivel.

"Not bad for kid furniture," I finally admitted. Then again, it should be nice considering how much it had cost. Luke headed back outside while I played with the voice assistant Derek had installed on my shelf during the remodeling.

"Lights on." The whole cabin lit up. I still couldn't get over having voice-activated everything. It made me feel like I was living in one of those smart homes rich people bragged about.

"Play the Highwayman," I said. Willie Nelson's voice started playing from the speakers and I bobbed my head like some redneck king on his tiny throne. Luke soon came back with more boxes, dumping everything on my coffee table. Many of them contained kid-sized tools, gardening shears, a little saw, and a Swiss Army knife that felt huge in my paws. I pulled on the tactical vest with all its pockets. Then I struggled with the smartwatch. My paws weren't designed for tiny clasps and buckles.

It took me several minutes of fumbling before I finally got it strapped on.

"I saved the best for last," Luke said, barely containing his laughter as he opened the final box.

"I'm assuming you bought this for someone else since it's definitely not your size. Let me guess... Pierre?" The purple sequined jacket, backpack, fanny pack, shirt, and hat were even better than I'd hoped. Each piece was plastered with Edward Cullen's sparkly face and 'Team Edward' written everywhere in glittering letters.

"Yep," I said, my tail twitching with anticipation.

"Payback for the Hello Kitty pet carrier." Revenge is a dish best served sparkly, I thought with satisfaction. Luke's grin turned evil.

"I want to give this to him so I can take pictures. Lots of pictures."

"Not a problem," I agreed. It wasn't like I could carry them that well anyway, and he'd see Pierre before I would anyway.

"Just send me the pics." Then I heard boots on the porch. My ears swiveled toward the sound before my brain caught up. Oh no. The door swung open and Ranger Claire stepped inside. Her hat was pulled low so I could barely see her eyes as they scanned the room like she was cataloging evidence at a crime scene. Her hand rested near her duty belt, not threatening, just habit. My blood turned to ice water. The Web of Wisdom flared to life, threads suddenly visible in my mind's eye. CAUTION Not helpful, I thought.

Claire looked like she'd been awake for three days straight. Dark circles were under her eyes and strands of hair escaped from her ponytail. Her uniform was wrinkled like she'd been sleeping in her truck. Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. Luke smiled like nothing was wrong.

"Claire! Want some coffee?" Claire rubbed her face with both hands.

"Luke, I'm here on business. This is the fourth call this week about weird animals. My supervisor is breathing down my neck and his boss is talking about calling the CDC." She laughed, but it had a bitter edge.

"I got a farmer swearing his chickens glow blue at night. Yesterday a hiker claimed he saw a deer touch a roadkill opossum and bring it back to life. Now I've got reports of squirrels throwing nuts hard enough to dent truck hoods." My stomach dropped. The deer. My deer. The one I'd brought back to life was out there bringing other animals back to life. That's not good, I thought as I wondered what other wonderful news she was going to spill. Claire's expression softened for just a second.

"I was going to ask Abe about it. He's been up here longer than anyone and knows these woods. I figured if something weird was happening, he'd…" She trailed off when she saw me. She'd walked further inside, obviously looking around for Old Abe. Instead, she found a raccoon lounging on a kiddie recliner.

"Abe has a new pet?" She asked, confused.

"And why would he order it furniture?" The Web pulsed. TRUST I stared at the threads in my mind, not trusting them. Trust can be broken. I'd learned that lesson the hard way. The idea that I might end up in a cage was terrifying. They'd probably call it 'protective custody' or 'research opportunity.' Claire had always talked to every living creature like they could understand her. Once I'd caught her having a full conversation with a tree. Maybe she was a druid too? Then again, she's alone a lot.

She turned her attention directly to me.

"What are you doing hanging around with a grumpy old man like Abe?" My brain screamed 'act normal,' but instead I squeaked in my chipmunk voice, "Who are you calling grumpy? I'm just realistic." Raccoons don't talk, moron! I mentally screamed at myself. Claire's hand moved toward her radio. Then it stopped halfway there.

"Did... did the raccoon just talk?" She didn't even mention that I'd sort of identified myself as Abe. Probably because she's still coming to terms with a talking raccoon. I tried to play it off by making chittering raccoon noises while pawing at the stupid sparkly hat in my hands. The sequined monstrosity looked like a glitter ball having a seizure. My smartwatch picked that exact moment to beep about tomorrow's weather, the screen lighting up helpfully. Luke finally figured out we had a problem.

"It's, uh, ventriloquism! My hobby." Claire's eyes narrowed. She took a step closer, studying me like evidence at a crime scene.

"Luke, this raccoon said he's realistic, not grumpy." Her gaze swept the cabin, the modified door handles, the kid-sized furniture, and the accessibility ramp Derek's crew had installed.

"What's going on here?" Her voice went quiet and dangerous. I could almost see her having already made all the connections but just ot be willing to admit it yet.

"First I get reports about mutant animals all over my territory. Now there's a talking raccoon with better tech than my department sitting in a cabin that's been renovated for someone very small. Abe would never allow this to happen. Not unless…" She's sharp. Always has been. Should've known better, I thought. Claire's eyes went distant for a moment, like she was pulling up a memory.

"I saw Abe on YouTube yesterday. He was warning people about the mana tide and talking about supernatural creatures emerging." She looked at me suspiciously. I noticed that she was speaking to me, not Luke.

"But something was off about him. Abe would never voluntarily get on social media. And the way he moved. It was wrong. Even how he spoke was different." I sighed, realizing that even though she didn't want to admit it, the evidence was leading her to a conclusion she didn't like. However, she also wasn't about to go against evidence.

"And now I'm standing in his cabin which has been completely renovated for someone small." Claire looked between me and Luke, and I could see the exact moment the pieces clicked into place. Her face went pale.

"That wasn't Abe on YouTube, was it?" Her voice came out barely above a whisper. Luke's face went white. Sweat beaded on his forehead.

"Claire, this is complicated."

"Uncomplicate it," she demanded. I didn't hear an 'or else' but she looked pissed. Whatever had happened to her in the last few days must have used up every bit of patience she had. She raised the radio to her lips like she was ready to call for backup if she didn't like the answer. My heart hammered against my ribs. The Web pulsed steadily, but I ignored it. I was getting good at that. What if she betrays me? What if she turns me in? I might end up dissected in some government lab.

Luke looked at me like I was holding a live grenade, clearly waiting for me to make the call. Claire's knuckles whitened on the radio.

"Someone better start talking. Right now." I took a deep breath and thought, Screw it. Grandmother Spider said to trust my wisdom. Here goes nothing.

"Claire," I said in my squeaky voice, meeting her eyes directly.

"It's me. It's Abe." Ranger Claire's radio slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor.