Chương 9: Like Disrupting the Local Economy

Balance: 22458. 45 I woke up with my balance burning a hole in my mind's eye, and my bladder burning a bigger hole in my comfort. I hopped out of bed, my knees didn't hurt, my back didn't hurt, it was amazing. I went to go pee, only to find the bathroom door closed. Dammit, Lakshmi. Fine. I'll pee in your bathroom. I went across the hall and peed in her bathroom. Then, I realized there was no hand soap over there, so I did the bachelor thing, and rinsed them with water and wiped them off on my pajama pants.

Steven caught me in the hall on the way back to my own place, "Hey boss, I sold the holy virgin's armor, and the microwaves." He clinked the heavy coins in his pocket. He was noticeably better dressed than when I had gone to bed. He used to look like a dock worker, now he was in a slick suit with his hair done up like a proper salesman.

"Nice duds." I said, but he wasn't hip to my old man slang, I guess.

"What? Duds?"

"Your outfit, your clothing, your duds," I said.

"Come on old man, keep up with the parlance of us young whippersnappers."" Parlance?" Steven laughed, "Riiiight, next you'll buy an onion for your belt."

"Is that not the style of the times?" I had watched the first ten or twelve seasons of the Simpsons, I was hip to his jive. I hunched my back like I was old as hell again again, and rambled in my best old man voice, "You know... back in dickety two, me and the boys..." Steven clapped me on the shoulder, way too hard for how old I was pretending to be.

"Alright, Grandpa Simpson, let's go into your apartment and I'll pay you out."

"Sounds good, come meet Lakshmi." I straightened up and opened the door and stepped back inside, to find Lakshmi cracking open one of my two remaining beers.

"Who is the walking, talking corpse?" Lakshmi asked, pointing with the beer before taking a swig. Steven really did look like a vampire in that suit, and notably more corpsey looking this long since he slept, and I assume ate some blood.

"Hi, I'm Steven. I sold the armor you wore, and sweated in last night. We made a mint on it." He had a greedy, lascivious grin on his face, "Old vampires will pay so much for stuff that smells of virgin women, especially holy virgin women. You and me could start a very lucrat-""STEVEN." I said 'shut the fuck up' with just his name.

"We're already going to be rich, right? Let's not get greedy. How much money do you have for me?"

"Ahem, sorry." His wicked grin turned to sheepish contrition.

"The armor sold for three large gold, and I have another four smalls for you from the other microwaves."

"Give two large gold to Lakshmi, along with the other gold you owe me. Keep one of those large gold for yourself, maybe use it to pay down your teleporter debt."

"H-How?" Steven took a beat to think, "The bureaucrat."

"Sochi." Lakshmi said, reaching out a hand to collect the coins. Standard gold coins are about the size of dimes, while large gold pieces looked like thick fifty-cent pieces.

"Time for science," I said.

"Toss me one of the larges." She did so. To test two things at once, I slapped it with my bare hand, hard. As though I was trying to swat it to the floor. I felt the impact, but it then vanished. Ow. Balance: 52458. 45 (Lakshmi's balance, 1Lgp, 4 gp.)"Well... durn." I said, shaking my hand.

"I guess I ain't immune to money bullets. Oh well."

"So many guns that shoot money these days." Lakshmi said.

"So, what's the word boss? Are we converting all our money to large golds?"

"No, large golds are very much not worth it. I only got 30k from that, while I get 5k from a single small gold. 400 for a silver, and 1 for a copper. I wonder what a plat will get me? Though our first plat is going to go to a spatial magic thing for Lakshmi to put some armor in."

"Fuck, that's 20k you just lost! I can get that other large gold traded out for ten smalls, no problem." Steven offered.

"Nah, it's fine. I need some local currency too, we'll break it when we go shopping today. I'm sure I'll be able to sell more stuff."

"You should buy me a coin purse, Johnny," Lakshmi said. I searched for coin purses...

"There are over thirty thousand options."

"Oh, that's a lot. I want one with a frog on it, then."

"There are six hundred frog coin purses…" I flipped through a few, "but these are frogs. Oh cute."

"Hey, while you guys shop, I'm gonna go to sleep. Nice to meet you, Lakshmi."

"Steven, before you go, I wanna say thank you for your work tonight. I really appreciate it."

"Absolutely a pleasure. Helping you helps me more than you probably yet realize. I think within a week or so we'll have ruined the local microwave market, and might have to move on to mini-fridges, or blenders, or something."

"Right, I'm going to load up Lakshmi's apartment, directly across from mine, with microwaves. Also some big fuckin' knives, and a shampoo or two. Enough to keep you busy." Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

"Huh, that sounds... swell." He found a slightly old-timey word for me, "But that doesn't seem too secure."

"I'll put a lock on the door and break into yours to leave a copy of the key on your counter while you sleep."

"Oh. Could you maybe put a lock on my door too?" He batted his eyes at me, and held his hands together like he was begging.

"Sure," I said.

"I can even do it quietly, but, after breakfast and coffee, and maybe a breakfast beer. Good sleep to you, Steven."

"Good day to you!" He blurred off to his apartment.

"He is a vampire, yes?" Lakshmi asked, after he was gone.

"Yes."

"His flesh was cold as death." She looked at the coins.

"I wonder what would happen if I hit him with healing magic?"

"Perhaps we'll find out one day. He did tell me that he has super healing. So, unless it's a sunburn, I think he'll be alright." I retrieved and opened my last beer.

"Beer for breakfast, I suppose we are twenty one." Lakshmi laughed.

"I never got to be a reckless idiot as a twenty-one year old the first time. I was already in medical school."

"Speaking of that, what are all these drugs you wrote prescriptions for? I mean, I recognize the birth control, one of the cancer meds I was on, and the blood pressure stuff, but what the fuck is all the rest of this?"

"Poison, if the dosage is right." She smiled, I think we both understood how dangerous this world might be.

"Just, some of this, some of that? Why, is any of it radically expensive?"

"Surprisingly not. This must not be an American website I got access to." She cackled like a witch, she was so amused.

"How much was Damon's little red inhaler?"

"Five bucks."

"Mmmm, maybe you just have good insurance. Let's test." She went to her Rx pad and grabbed the fancy pen I'd bought for her to use for this very purpose. She scribbled out the information it needed and handed me the paper.

"What is 'Zulgeniamsma'?" The paper vanished from my hand.

"Zolgensma?"

"It's a pricey gene thera-""TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" I shouted.

"So... not everything is cheap on your pharmacy website, but everything, I think, is on your pharmacy." She took a swig of her beer and started writing more prescriptions, "You should whip us up some real breakfast, Johnny. Beer isn't really a healthy way to start the day." Damon opened my door and came right in. Seems we forgot to lock it when Steven left.

"You guys are really loud over here. Steven is gonna be mad."

"We sound-proofed, or at least, added some sound resistance to his studio," I said.

"You want breakfast too, kid?"

"Oh, cool! I bet he loved that." Damon looked like he'd rested very well. The bags under his eyes were all but gone, and he looked... healthy.

"And yes, breakfast please!" I bought a camp stove, pans, a dozen eggs, bacon, a toaster oven with an air frying option, and some tater tots. Orange juice, coffee maker, coffee, creamer, loaf of sliced wheat bread, butter, jams... basically the works. I summoned a Hallmark movie breakfast. There were even danishes. Balance: 51652. 57 As I cooked Lakshmi explained what a bunch of the drugs were, and I found the notes filled into the website automatically as she explained.

Painkiller, STRONG painkiller, knockout juice, blood pressure meds, there were a bunch more, mostly reasonably priced. Not American reasonably priced, actually reasonably priced. My Isekai health insurance was pretty good, but not experimental gene therapy covering, good. Fair enough. The divine tax was low for most everything except pain killers, for which it was 50%. When I had three plates of food ready, I put them on the table and we sat to eat a real, non-beer breakfast.

Damon calmly let the tears fall as he ate.

"You okay, Damon?" Lakshmi asked.

"I... I haven't eaten bacon since I died."

"Technically, us either," I said. Sticking a piece of crispy bacon in my mouth. It was almost tears worthy.

"Oh gracious. I made really good bacon." We ate... No, that doesn't do it justice. We feasted! And as we did, Damon helped us plan our trip into the city. There was a public marketplace where one could purchase a stall space for the day if you got there early enough. We were probably already too late for today. The sun was already up. Barter was allowed, so we were still going there eventually, and I might trade item for item.

First place we were going to go was an oracle that Damon said he'd heard could figure out if someone was still in this world from the last. If it wasn't a scam, I might be able to figure out if my wife was alive. He was pretty specific that they can't help you find the person, but you'll know if they are not here yet, alive, or already dead again. We'd see about that.

After we went there, we'd go to a bookseller specializing in spellbooks for starting wizards, and then, if nothing else had struck our fancy, we'd go to market and do some trading and bartering for some minor magic items. At least... that was the plan. When we were done with breakfast we decided that it would make more sense to put a counter top dishwasher in Lakshmi's apartment, since my counters were full, and I didn't really feel like going back to hand washing ALL my dishes every time I ate.

Maybe we'd start looking for a nicer place to live soon too. Maybe a five or six bedroom house. I put locks on all their doors: Damon's, Steven's, and Lakshmi's. Kept a copy of all their keys, slid the extra one for Laksmhi's under Steven's door, and gave Lakshmi the extra copy for my place. I suppose we were roommates for now. While I was at Lakshmi's I filled the place with microwaves, knives, and shampoo. We'd figure out the next thing to sell, later. Maybe it would be the counter top dishwasher. Balance: 39478.

25 Yup, I blew eleven grand in knives, microwaves, and shampoo. Most of the money was spent on microwaves. I'd also bought Damon some new boots, and some clean socks. His wizard outfit was not in bad shape, but his boots had looked rough. Got that frog purse, too. Lakshmi loved it. I did a little testing of my power's limits while I was in Lakshmi's studio. Maybe it was because she was in my party, but it seems like anywhere within view I can summon a thing...

but perhaps that was just because this was my 'Home Zone'. I'd test again when we were outside. Summon an onion 100 feet away if I could.

"Well, is everyone ready for forty flights of stairs?"

"Grandpa, we're rich, let's just use the teleporter." Damon said, almost complaining.

"We could go straight to the oracle's shop."

"First of all, I'm rich, you have four gold for spellbooks. Second, I just got this fresh new body," No need to mention the teleportation sickness.

"I'd like to test it out a little. Make sure I keep up with the cardio. Good maintenance, early in life, is how I lived so long last time."

"Oh, Johnny, I'm going to grow to hate you in time, aren't I?" Lakshmi said, starting to stretch.

"You're going to make me be responsible in this life too, you rat bastard?"

"If you find another place to get these, you can be rid of me." I bought her the birth control pills she wanted.

"Five bucks for a 3 month pack." Balance: 39473. 25"Oh, thank you." She took her first pill with a cupped hand of water from the sink, and then whipped the pill container across the room landing it on her futon.

"If I asked, you'd get me 100 years supply wouldn't you?"

"Do? You? Want that much?" I would absolutely do that. I didn't want her to feel trapped with me.

"Cause you've already more than earned it. You don't HAVE to come face the Demon Queen, killer of Immortals with me."

"Nah, I think it'll be more fun to just stick with you. Hopefully we don't die." She stretched some more.

"So, who wants to race down the stairs? The last one to the bottom is an egg fart." Damon took off. She followed.

"Consarnit." I raced through locking my door, and double checking the other doors to see that they were locked before I dashed off after them.