Chương 6: That gets us all killed.

"She needs cover, now. They will come out shooting," Sochi said, while backing away from Lakshmi.

"How about full plate armor?" I asked.

"That'd stop these darts, probably. The ones in the portal room are much more high powered." Sochi said, manifesting a clipboard and pen.

"And armor would give me time to get them to shut down, and put in your special permission." Lakshmi looked more annoyed than scared she was possibly about to die. I get it, she had already died once, today, what's another go at it. But the continued pulse of the teleporters did seem to elevate her worry. I tried to buy and place my preset plate armor list onto her, but I got an error message on the website in my mind's eye.

'Error 407 Proxy Authentication Required. The client must authenticate itself with the proxy.' I remembered what The Golden One had said to Lakshmi.

"Invite me to your party. Now!"

"Hey Johnny, wanna join my party?" Lakshmi asked, every word a question as she questioned the question itself." YES!" I shouted, loud enough that even with sound proofing, I would have awakened Steven were he not off selling a microwave to the highest bidder. Six of the Watcher golems appeared, and at the same time- Balance: 235. 22 I bought a full set of plate armor and put it directly on Lakshmi, now that we were in a party, it worked! I knew these preset lists would be handy.

She was instantly covered head to toe in steel. Steel we all hoped would be thick enough to stop the pink goo darts. She also had a shield strapped to her arm. And because I'd planned to get her a weapon too... a double headed, modern designed, 1-handed war hammer appeared in her hand. Also - as I realized only after I had checked out in a rush - I'd put the microwave and mini fridge for Sochi in my cart. So, they also both appeared in my increasingly cramped space.

"Nice, Johnny." Sochi said, as she kept writing.

"I hope Annie's still on shift." They fired a flurry of darts at Lakshmi in her mirror-polished plate armor, and after the first few hit she lifted her kite shield to cover the thin eye slits that might actually be susceptible to a dart. I ducked for cover behind the fresh mini fridge. It wasn't perfect cover, but they weren't shooting at me. Sochi did not take cover, just leaned up against the wall and kept scribbling away.

The six golems worked the bolt actions of their weapons, which I realized now that we were up close, were just their right arms... or wait, no? maybe their left arms... oh I get it. Three arms... They had three arms. So they had a gun 'arm', a left arm, and a right arm, and depending on how they were angled they could rotate the gun and either hand could rack the next dart. Sochi finished whatever she was writing, and ripped off a page of paper from her clip board. It looked like it sizzled out of existence.

"Don't die for another ten seconds or so, if you don't mind. The paperwork's already gonna be horrific."

"Can I bash these things apart?" Lakshmi asked, testing the weight of her weapon in her hand.

"Probably," Sochi said with an alcohol-induced giggle, "but I'd kinda rather you don't."

"Paperwork?"

"Paperwork." Lakshmi continued to be peppered by darts full of deadly neon goo, though none found purchase on skin with their perilous pink payloads. I noticed that not a single shot fired had missed its target. Where she held her shield, they'd just stopped shooting, going for her legs and feet instead. That armor was just as effective as the pauldrons or breastplate. I bought good armor.

The teleporter started charging again, and after one last volley from the Watchers, they powered down and waited to be teleported away.

"Well, I appreciate the sentiment that caused this kerfuffle, Lakshmi, if not the end result." Sochi said. And then, as though the watchers weren't right there, she walked across their firing line and over to the mini fridge I was hiding behind.

"This mine?"

"Uh..." The teleporter activated and the Watchers vanished.

"Yup. Sure is." She touched it and put my cover into her Item Box.

"I gotta get me that power."

"Yup. Sure do." She chuckled at her 'me' impression.

"I haven't got room for the microwave right now."

"What if you put it partway inside the open door to the fridge?"

"Johnny, you're gonna make killer use of an Item Box one day." She manifested the fridge, opened the door, then vanished it, and the microwave. I felt... suddenly empowered. Invigorated. Goddamn! I could fuck like a stallion right now... wow, I miss my wife. I didn't even notice Sochi getting the magnifying glass back out.

"Johnny! You've Leveled up!" She was genuinely surprised.

"Level One Merchant."

"Do I still need to be wearing this?" Lakshmi asked. The teleporter started pulsing again. Lakshmi gripped her weapon and readied herself to start smashing.

"Stand down Lakshmi, that'll be Annie. Swing shift desk supervisor." Sochi picked up her pot pie, and stabbed into it with a spoon she pulled from thin air.

"Johnny, get her some shampoo ready, grease the wheels a bit." Lakshmi stood down, and let her weapon hang low. I don't know why, but I searched for 'Creamsicle Shampoo'. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Balance: 145. 69 A woman, who looked very much like Sochi had during working hours, appeared from the teleporter, only she had a streak of grey and the earned gravitas of deep lines in a well weathered face. I immediately respected her.

"Niece." This 'Annie' had annoyed eyebrows, but a slight smile on her face, as if she couldn't decide if she wanted to be mad, or amused.

"If I understand correctly, you're the one to thank for the Watchers stopping their... policing action?"

"I am."

"Thank you," I handed the bottle of Creamsicle shampoo to her.

"Oh, for me?"

"Sochi said you might like some nice shampoo."

"Sochi, I like him." She popped the top on the bottle after a brief inspection and sniffed the contents within.

"Ohhh, damn!? I really like him. That smells delicious."

"Would you like to try a real Creamsickle, too?" I bought a six pack of them and had the box delivered to my hand. Balance: 137. 55"Is that what that smell is?" Annie also seemed to have an Item Box, because she disappeared the shampoo I'd bought for her.

"I would love that." I handed her a frozen treat, and put the rest in my mini fridge's freezer. Lakshmi set her hammer down and tried to remove her helmet but found it was strapped under her chin.

"Seriously, how do I get out of this armor? It's hot now. My heart is racing. I thought I was going to die, again." I moved to start helping her, but the other two women in the room gave me a quick, dirty look and I realized...

"Ahh yes, maybe helping to undress the woman I barely know is better done by the ladies present." Lakshmi chuckled, "Worse looking men have tried."

"I'll help you," Annie said, stuffing the Creamsicle into her mouth and walking over to start helping the armored woman get her helmet off. Once she'd undone the neck buckle she grabbed her popsicle stick and pointed at Sochi with her once bitten treat.

"Now, someone better explain to me why I turned off the watchers in here."

"I fucked up." Lakshmi said, only realizing after she pulled helmet off that the question wasn't directed at her.

"Clearly." Annie looked past Lakshmi as she helped her get her shield off, with one hand, in her peripheral vision. The majority of her attention was on Sochi, and Annie bored a hole into her niece's face with her eyes.

"But you're not the one who has to do the paperwork for it."

"Auntie, isn't there some way you could... just smooth this all over for me?" Sochi smiled and batted her eyes at her aunt, a move that probably worked better when she was little. Annie stared daggers at Sochi while she undid the straps on the breastplate, sending it and the back plate clattering loudly to the ground. Lakshmi still had on her arriving clothes underneath, but it really didn't take long to get sweaty in full plate armor. I tried to avert my eyes, but I couldn't help but recognize her...

shapeliness, beneath the thin, sweat-soaked, slightly see-through-when-wet, cloth stuck to her fit, healthy body. Oh Golden One... I gotta find my wife again, ASAP. Lakshmi took over doffing the rest of her own armor, now that she could see the straps.

"Johnny, I will need a different helmet, that one has crap visibility." Noted. Annie walked over to Sochi and I focused my attention on them, and not at all on Lakshmi continuing to remove the things she was wearing. I thought for a moment that the older woman was about to grab her niece by the ear and drag her out of the room, but she just stole her pot pie spoon from her hand as Sochi was about to take a bite, and ate it herself.

"Mmmm."

"Good right? Just takes a few minutes in the microwave." Sochi said, gesturing with her eyes and eyebrows to look around Auntie, as she stole her spoon back.

"You don't say..." Annie's eye landed on the microwave, then the mini-fridge, then the couch. She pointed at the microwave, "Where'd you get that?"

"Ohh... you know, this place or that." I said.

"You want it? I'll sell it to you for a gold piece, limited time offer." Sochi's eyebrows just about jumped off her face behind her Aunt's back, and when Annie got closer to the microwave I mouthed, 'Hush, Shh, Zip it!' along with some pantomimes I hoped still worked in this world.

"I would like one of those bird pies too. As a bonus, for your valued customer."

"Sure, I could do that, and another of those frozen meals, if you're gonna handle the paperwork for Sochi, about... all this."

"I'll do the Watcher paperwork, but she legally has to do the power permissions for that lady if she's cutting the normal process short." She hooked a thumb at Lakshmi, "Sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Lakshmi."

"Sochi will have to do the paperwork for Lakshmi, herself."

"Deal." I stuck out a hand to shake on it, and Annie took my hand and we shook.

"Hey, aren't I supposed to-""Hush child, the adults are speaking." Annie said, and turned back to me. I suppressed the urge to laugh at the face Sochi made behind her back.

"One gold is a very good deal for a microwave, are you sure?"

"Consider the difference as wheel grease." I gave my best, most charming smile I could manage.

"Ahh, you fully understand the lubrication that makes the world run smoothly." She eyed the selection of frozen meals on my counter, and spotted the pot pie. With a touch of her hand it vanished. Then she took a cheese enchilada. My enchilada finished and the microwave beeped.

"Lemme just snag my dinner outta there first."

"Oh, of course." Annie extracted a single gold piece from a coin purse she summoned while I extracted my dinner and set it on the counter.

"Here you are." I put my hand out and she placed my first very first gold piece into my palm. It duly vanished. Balance: 5137. 55 I think the look on my face gave me away, somewhat, but she'd vanished the microwave at the same time, despite it being plugged in. Hope that doesn't matter. I think my face maybe read more like still not being used to Item box vanishing, than surprised at my balance.

"Well, Aunt Annie, it's been great," Sochi said.

"But you really should get back to the desk, right? Ahooliminx Notoroth, Portal Supervisor's office, Charge."

"Sochi Ember-Jane Jimenez."

"Oh shit. Full name, someone is in trouble." Lakshmi quipped. I snorted down a laugh.

"You know you aren't supposed to be fraternizing with newcomers until they've been here at least a year."

"But... shampoo and microwaves?"

"Grease, child! For the wheels of this world, that's all. To make the paperwork go down easy. Don't become friends."

"But he's already leveled up! And Lakshmi's level three already because of him. AND there's a fresh god, The Golden One."

"You're going to end up fired."

"Maybe," She pulled her magnifying glass out and looked at me, "but if I do... I've got another plan to get rich."

"If you follow that path, you'll end up dead." Annie shook her head, and stepped into the teleporter circle.

"If you die following a first-worlder, like your mother, I will kick both your asses so bad when we meet in the third world that the next family reunion will be in the fifth." She turned her wrath toward me, and it suddenly abated.

"Thank you..." She took a small bite of her Creamsicle still in her hand, and spoke around it.

"... for the reasonably priced microwave, shampoo, and snack. Good evening, sir. Activate." There was a flash of light, and she was gone.