Chương 10: and Fighting the Local Loudmouth.

They were several flights down by time I entered the stairwell.

"Oh my god! That inhaler REALLY works Lakshmi," Damon's voice echoed up to me.

"I can't believe I can run and talk." He was no longer talking when we made it to the bottom. I purposely didn't catch all the way up. I'd be the Egg-fart. That's Grandpa's job, right?

"Holy crap, that's a lot of stairs." Lakshmi was less winded than Damon.

"Maybe racing down them was a mistake."

"Got our steps in, that's for sure." I said. We caught our breath in the foyer of our building. It was a small room, but still bigger than our whole studios. While we collected ourselves, a man... no, a wolf... or... a werewolf? A wolfman? Whatever he was, he opened the front door with a foot, and entered. His hands were full of what looked like grocery bags.

"Hey Damon, who're you friends?"

"Hey, Bill," Damon waved, and smiled.

"These are my new neighbors. This is Johnny, and Lakshmi."

"Brand new huh? Nice to meetcha." Bill waved with two fingers, all he could spare at the moment.

"First things first, I'm a shifter, the stuck kind. I changed and can't go back. Maybe I'll get human form back when I level up. I live a few floors up from you guys, been here about six months."

"Nice to meet you, Bill." I said.

"Likewise." Lakshmi said.

"You both smell of first world style soap." Bill said, sniffing the air a little with his big ol' wolf snout.

"You sure they're both brand new Damon?"

"It's my power," I said.

"I can summon certain first world items. Soap's one of them."

"Can you summon some tick and flea control dog shampoo?" Bill joked as he walked toward the door to the stairs.

"Sure." I wanted to see if I could summon things - over there - now that we were out of my apartment. I pointed to the top of his grocery sack and... Balance: 39400. 73... it appeared in my hand.

"Here you are, flea and tick shampoo for dogs. I hope you want to smell like peppermint."

"Ha!" Bill barked out a laugh.

"I... Here, hold this Damon." Bill shuffled off a bag to Damon for a second, and fished a silver piece out of his pocket.

"I can pay you a silver for it, now, and the rest later? How much do you want for it in total?"

"Tell you what, you help me test something real quick about my power, and you can have it for just that one silver."

"Uhh... wait a second..." Bill clearly didn't want to see the Watchers, he suddenly looked like a dog that had got in the trash as he realized I was using my power.

"He's got permission already," Damon said.

"It's fine."

"Oh!" Bill immediately relaxed, then he started wagging his tail.

"Then, sure, I guess. It isn't gonna hurt is it?"

"Jeez, I hope not. I just want you to take that silver you're going to give me, and touch it to my forehead." I needed to know if it was skin contact, or just my hands.

"Oh... uh, okay?" This was a weird request, surely, but Bill had fleas. As he stood there, holding a bag of groceries, one unshoed wolf foot started scratching the other leg, seemingly of its own accord.

"And then I get the shampoo, free and clear?"

"Aye, that's the deal. I'll even throw in a huge bag of Diatomaceous earth, and a backpack so you can carry all your stuff upstairs easier."

"Okay then." Bill shrugged and poked me in the head with a silver coin. Balance: 39800. 73 Well, any skin contact it is then.

"And your backpack with the diatomaceous earth bag, already inside." I stuck the shampoo in there too.

"And the shampoo." Balance: 39724. 83"What is this weird earth stuff?" Bill asked"It's a powder, you sprinkle it about the floor in your place and vacuum it up. Kills the fleas, or their eggs? I don't recall exactly how it works, I just know it's part of the de-flea process. Otherwise you're gonna kill what's on you, and get reinfected in a week." Bill's eyes went wide.

"Damon, your new friend is..."

"He's great right?"

"Yeah..." Bill looped an arm through the backpack I was offering him, and then shifted his bag around so he could get the other arm in.

"Slight problem though. I don't have a vacuum." I searched for Vacuums and they were on sale, a good sale too, 50% off. Huh? First time I found a discounted item class like this. I wondered if the Website was having a sale in the first world or if The Golden One was guiding my path. I got him a nice one, it would suck real good. And I'd still be positive on the deal. Balance: 39575. 69"Here this should do the trick."

Bill stood there dumbfounded as a vacuum cleaner appeared in my hand, and accessories for it in my cargo pockets.

"I think it'll even fit in the top of the backpack if we disassemble it a little." I loaded him up. The vacuum engine detached from the tube, and zipped up into the bag on his back. The long tube part stuck out the top. He could easily reassemble it in his apartment. I stuffed the accessories into the little net pouches on the side of the backpack I'd bought him. Nice modern vacuums are so much smaller AND more powerful than the shit we had in the 70s. So light, modular too, with all their attachment heads.

Amazing.

"Give him back his other bag Damon," Lakshmi said. Damon had also locked up in amazement, but moved at Lakshmi's command. Bill snapped out of it as well.

"I-What? Thank you, Damon." He took the bag, and I opened the door to the stairwell for him, and gestured for him to be on his way.

"All for one silver?"

"Let's say you owe me a favor? For now." I smiled.

"I'll take that deal." Bill started his long trek up the stairs and I let the door swing shut on its own. I heard him start laughing a few steps up the stairs. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

"Well then, shall we?" I pushed the door open and stepped outside into the new world for the first time. It smelled like piss. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I live in a huge city, in a bad enough neighborhood that people get mugged. I looked around, and there was all manner of animal people, wizards, elves, and fantasy-land nonsense wandering around. There was a fucking centaur over there. Didn't see any of those in the portal room.

The streets weren't exactly crowded, but it was a busy city full of skyscrapers, with people that had places to be and little time to wait around. It felt like New York in that way. The piss smell reminded me of New York too.

"Ahh... City life." I said.

"Just smell that city." Lakshmi drolled. We hadn't even got off the stoop when Damon stopped and pointed down the street, "It's Harold!"

"The guy that beat you up?" I asked.

"Oh shit, here he comes!" Damon cowered behind me, as if he weren't four inches taller than me. There he was, a mountain of a man, power walking our way like a raging bull. He was quite a distance away, but my young eyes were keen, and even from afar, he looked huge. He towered over the other people in the street, mostly. There was a giraffe-man that was preposterously tall. Anyone in his way moved, even the giraffe, long before he got there.

No one wanted to draw his aggressive attention, since he was clearly after somebody else already.

"Johnny, get a fresh set of armor and a weapon ready for me. His name is red, and I don't see a health bar under it," Lakshmi said.

"Tell us about him, quick like, boy." I put the set of armor in my cart, a fresh copy of the hammer I'd bought her before, and of course, a shield. I also added a high-power crossbow to the cart - for me - and one of the drugs Lakshmi had pre-prescribed for this sort of occasion in the pharmacy cart.

"He's a butthole. A rhino-shifter, like Mr. Bill, but he can go back human."

"Why don't the watchers get involved?" She asked, while I continued to add things to the cart.

"He hasn't killed anyone, yet, and shifters get automatic permission 'cause they can't not shift on their moon cycle. But you can fight him with your powers if you don't kill him. You both have permission already, right."

"HEY! PIPSQUEAK!" Harold the rhino-shifter bellowed.

"Do you have my money!?"

"H-Harold I-" Damon started to stammer.

"Armor and Hammer ready?" Lakshmi asked, quietly.

"And toys for me too," I said.

"The code word is Pistachio. We go on your command." Lakshmi stepped right in front of him.

"Excuse ME!" She was Indian Auntie again.

"What do you mean have your money. What does he owe you money for?" Harold almost bowled Lakshmi right over, but pulled up just short. He huffed in her face so hard it blew her hair back. She stared up at him, waiting for his answer.

"Well? What service did you provide for Damon that he hasn't paid you for? Hmm?"

"Protection." Harold chuckled. It sounded like rocks laughing.

"I protect all the weaklings around here."

"Oh!" Lakshmi poked the big man square in the chest, and said, " Hedric Nurlbarg." A pulse of blackness... anti-light? I want to call it black light, but that's purple. Shadow? A pulse of shadow flowed from her to him so quickly that if I hadn't been paying close attention I might have missed it. Harold sure seemed to not notice.

"What'd you call me?" He seemed to be both agitated and confused now, whatever she hit him with was working.

"I said, Harold, you're a bad liar." She stepped away from him, and let him come toward Damon and me, but kept talking.

"Or bad at protection. Damon was covered in bruises last night. Looked like a rotten Pistachio." Balance: 36884. 34 Harold turned back toward Lakshmi, and he started to ask, "What the hell does tha-" When she smashed him in the head with her hammer. He staggered away from us, shifting into his Rhino form. The street around us cleared back enough to give us half a basketball court, then the crowd surged back to form a ring about the distance of a three point line from us.

Many of those who had seen him charging over were certainly happy to be lookie-loos at the arena's edge now that there was a show to be had. More than a few folks in the crowd were certainly hoping to watch Harold get a piece of what he deserved. Harold roared, and found, much to his chagrin, that Lakshmi was roaring back, suddenly in full plate armor and already charging toward him, glowing with white light wrapped about her hammer. I stood by with my crossbow, ready to shoot.

A quiver full of bolts in two different cargo pockets, and a vial of liquid chemical I can't pronounce in my pocket from the pharmacy. She swung at his body, and he put an arm up to block the rib shot. A hammer to the arm will still hurt, especially since whatever magic she'd imbued into her hammer flashed with bright white light. Harold felt the blow, and swung back with his other arm. The light from her blow raced across his body, and highlighted his ribs as he took a swipe at Lakshmi.

I felt a divine call to shoot him in the ribs. Thwunk. I shot him, high up, in the ribs, right where that guiding light was. His punch - disrupted by a shot almost in the armpit - glanced off her shield. She stepped back, but stayed on her feet, turning the force of his blow into a pirouette. She spun around and smashed her hammer into his extended elbow in a back hand strike. I started reloading as Harold crashed to the ground.

The crowd cheered, and Harold roared as he got back to his feet, holding his shattered elbow.

"Are you still protecting the boy? Or do you need another lesson?" Lakshmi said. She was having a great time. I could hear it in her voice, as she bounced on her toes.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" He charged, wild and reckless. She parried him with a light enveloped shield. The power of the light blasted him off balance and I saw another spot highlighted on his ribs, on the other side. Thwunk. I was off by about an inch, but he howled in agony from the shot all the same. Harold was slowing down, but enraged, he pulled the bolts from his flanks.

"Tch." Lakshmi clicked her tongue at him.

"You shouldn't have pulled those out. Now you will just bleed out even faster, and our dance will be over before I've even broken a real sweat."

"Go to hell!" He swiped at her, and she jumped back out of reach, closer to Damon and me.

"Get the vial ready, Johnny, just in case he doesn't lay down after this next hit. Pour it on the next bolt, stick him anywhere."

"Okay." I started reloading." Auricalum Skrect!" She pointed at him with her hammer, and a bolt of holy lightning shot from her hammer into Harold's head as he charged toward us. It hit him, hard. He was deshifted back to human form before he hit the ground, where he skidded to a halt at Lakshmi's feet. I stopped before I poured any of the liquid out.

"Seal up that bottle." She poked him with her foot.

"I don't think we'll need it." Harold was out cold. Lakshmi set her hammer down, and squatted down over his head, which elicited hoots and hollers from the crowd. She caused both of her hands to start glowing, and then pushed the healing glow down into two fingers on each hand, whereupon she stuffed her fingers into his crossbow-bolt holes, stopping his bleeding, and leaving him with nice big scars on the way out. I'd seen her heal damaged flesh before, it did not need to leave scars.

"Alright everyone!" I unloaded the crossbow and retrieved my bolts as I said, "Show's over. Nothing more to see here. Nobody is gonna die, today." They started to disperse. When I turned back around, Damon was rifling through the pockets of Harold's pants.

"What!? He's stolen so much money from me." Damon stood up after a moment with a small stack of silver and coppers in his hands. He stared at the coins for a second and then looked at me for a moment. Then he turned and scattered them into the street.

"No need for us to be greedy, right?"

"Fine work, Robin Hood," I said, as people scrambled to scoop up the re-stolen loot. I turned to Lakshmi, she had flipped up the face mask of her helmet.

"I figured out how to wear the armor properly." She said, a smile beaming on her face.

"There was a spell, I wasn't sure why I had it, or what exactly it did, but when I thought to cast it, it just... turned on. Right as the fight started I activated it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it keeps me quite cool and comfortable in here. Not pajamas comfortable, but I feel like I'm barely wearing armor anymore. It feels like my pants and shirt are a bit heavy, though." She laughed and did a little jig, clanking around noisily.

"I could do the stairs in full plate armor with this spell running, probably be the egg, though. My mana regenerates slower, but I could wear this armor for hours now, probably sleep in it if I can maintain the spell while I sleep."

"That's great news!" I said, "because I am not ready to trudge back upstairs to drop off another set of armor."

"Aww man! I wish I had armor proficiency spells." Damon said.

"Me too," I said.

"Now, show us the way to the oracle, please."

"Okay." Damon stepped away from Harold. Stopped. Turned back, spit on him, and then said, "This way."