Chương 12: Because these exchange rates are bananas,

Damon was no longer crying. Lakshmi had had a good talk with him, it seemed. I was so preoccupied with my own thoughts I hardly thought about the fact that we'd left Lakshmi's armor inside until we stepped through the gate back onto the public street. Her armor reappeared on her as she stepped back on public ground.

"Oh shit!" It clearly startled her.

"Right! My armor." I felt the gentle pulse of her magic as she reactivated her 'proficiency spell'.

"Johnny, we were talking, and I would like to invite Damon to our party."

"Sure, go ahead." I guess I was raising a boy in this world, too. I'd never been the godfather for a child whose parents I hadn't met before, but then... I never died before either.

"Damon, would you like to join the party?" Lakshmi asked.

"Yes!" Damon answered, officially sealing the three of us together for purposes of certain spells. Also, this meant that if I needed to, I could now put a full suit of plate armor on Damon, instantly. I don't think he'd be able to move very far or fast in it though, but it might save his life one day. We walked to the spell book sellers next. Damon needed a spellbook or two, and Oracle told me he should become a divination wizard... which just so happened to be what I needed. Ugh... There's no way.

I can't have this poor kid piss off the demon queen and get killed on my behalf. He's already had it shitty enough... maybe if I get some older, foolish enough, divination wizard killed finding her, then Damon can take their loot to power up. How do I find an old, evil divination wizard, and how much money is enough to get them to risk their life for my search?

"Copper for your thoughts?" Lakshmi asked.

"Oh... just thinking about what the Oracle told me."

"Which was?" Damon asked.

"My wife is alive, but divination magic to find out where is blocked."

"I told you she wasn't going to be able to tell you where she was." Damon said.

"You did... but how did you know that? She said she can normally find people. She found Lakshmi's person, and yours... sorta. Sorry."

"Oh? I dreamed it." He said, casually.

"My dreams that I remember are always true. I never remember more than ten seconds, though. Since I died."

"The oracle did say you should be a divination specialist. Seeing the future in your dreams seems like divination to me."

"Really!? I didn't see that part in my dream." Damon smiled.

"What's divination mean?"

"That might be a better question for the spellbook seller." I replied.

"Because I know the meaning from the first world was something like, reading the future with magic. Oracle made it seem like it also means looking around at places you aren't, in the present. So maybe we ask a proper expert." We went back to the street that would lead us to the market... but we'd promised Damon to take him spellbook shopping first. I had a feeling once I got to the market I wasn't going to be leaving for a while.

The roar of commerce called me, but promises are promises, so we crossed that street and wandered a bit down a couple side streets, until we found it.

'The Spellbookery' the wooden sign at the sidewalk's edge read. It was a little wooden cottage, tiny compared to every other house on the block, and tiny compared to any sort of house. It looked like at most a one room shack, even smaller than our current, free studio apartments. Damon was bouncing in his step like a kid headed to a candy store. He'd clearly been here before and knew what we were about to see. We got to the door and he held it open for us to step inside.

I immediately realized why he was so excited. It was absolutely MASSIVE inside. It looked like the Bodleian. Multiple wings, arched doorways and what felt like hundreds of thousands of books on shelves three stories up. Arcane frescos were painted on the ceilings, wizards discovering magic from the looks of the iconography. Advancing the art of magic through the ages until they refined it enough to put that power into spell books.

"Damon the Magnificent!" The wizard behind the counter smiled. She turned her head up enough to see us under her absolutely massively brimmed floppy hat.

"Have you finally come to purchase that first book?"

"I have! I've got four gold pieces, and the Oracle said I should specialize in divination."

"Excellent! Who are your friends?" She had blue hair and purple eyes under that big, brown hat, and an oddly familiar face. I knew that face...

"This is Lakshmi and-""Uncle Johnny!?" Very few people call me UNCLE instead of Grandpa.

"Minnie Mal?" My sister Malorie's youngest child.

"You died?"

"I died a decade or so after you, uncle. Cancer, again. They still hadn't cured it. I just came out in the past, here. Been working at the Spellbookery for just over ten years." She took her massive, silly hat off and jumped the counter she sat behind to come give me a hug.

"Holy shit! Look at you! Young, fit as a fiddle! My gods, Johnny, what are the odds!?" She squeezed me again, and I hugged her back.

"Any other family members around I should know about?" I asked.

"Not that I've found or met in the second world, yet. I got a new husband, in this life, no kids this time, though, we both had enough of that last time." She smiled.

"So how'd you fall in with Damon?"

"He's my neighbor! Lakshmi too," Damon interjected.

"So uhh... Divination books?"

"Right! Sorry Uncle. Work first, real quick." She hopped back over the counter and got to work with what very much looked like a computer system. A few seconds later she read the incantation the computer had generated from the screen, tracking it with a finger under the words." Nurek Tobargli Tomartrov Enbigord Flarn Chennago Zembekork Chumbarg. Ahem... Anyhow." Two dozen books, at least, came flying from all wings of the Library and started piling up on the counter.

"Let's give Damon here a moment to look over his options, see if any of the ones he can afford light up under his touch."

"Minnie... I-" She cut me off, "It's just Mal here, uncle."

"Mal!" I learned to respect it when people change their names, first time they correct you, if you can manage it. I was sure I'd fuck up later and call her Minnie again, but not intentionally.

"I'm guessing you got wizard powers."

"Ha! I did. Scribe wizard," she beamed.

"I have no idea what that means, really, other than wizards do magic."

"When… Uhh, when did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh!? Shit, so you're still in public housing. I'll get my realtor guy with you soon as you're ready to get a better place. What power did you get saddled with? Anything good?"

"Johnny got to pick his power, the bastard." Lakshmi said from within her armor as she flipped the helmet visor up.

"That's amazing! So are you like... super overpowered or what?"

"Yeah... In my own way, I think I am." I chuckled.

"You still love Oreos?"

"Ha, probably but what's tha-" Balance: 36314. 35 A 30 pack of Oreos, 4 cookies per pouch appeared in my hand and I set it on the counter.

"I picked online shopping. I also have access to an online pharmacy too, after a level up, which needs prescriptions written for it by Lakshmi. We both serve a brand new god called The Golden One. She's a war cleric." If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it. My niece sat down in her chair with a thunk. She stared at the package of Oreos.

"I... what!?"

"Have a cookie, dear." Lakshmi said, tearing opened the packaging and distributing cookie four packs. One for each of us. We ate our cookies while Damon looked over the books. Nothing was immediately jumping out at him, so we chatted about my first day.

"Sochi's a nice lady it sounds like." Mal said.

"She scares me." Damon said, turning the pages of another book, scratching his head.

"One of these is supposed to pop out at me like it's the one? Right? Or do I gotta study them a bunch until I understand it?"

"Both. Either. First one, then the other." Mal said through a mouthful of Oreo. We kept catching up, and when I told her that her Auntie was still alive somewhere in the world, but divinationally blocked, her eyes lit up.

"Ohhhhh, Uncle I might have just the book for your boy-wizard there. It's a little pricey, but I bet the owner would make a deal for some first world stuff. It has the spell 'Distant Whisper', and a bunch of other subtle divination spells that should slip right under just about anyone's notice." She was working the 'computer' again, "I just finished making an extra copy, a month or so ago, so we should have exactly one for sale. Yup we do, oof. It's seven large gold pieces.

"DAMN!" Damon said.

"Why? That's sooo much."

"Because the inks needed for it are exceedingly difficult to come by, Damon. Ancient dragon's blood isn't cheap." Mal shrugged.

"I'll call the boss and see if he wants any first world goods. Barter does work great here."

"Wait," I stopped her from starting to cast whatever spell she was about to cast.

"What if the demon queen does catch him when he learns those spells?"

"He's an adult here, technically, he can make that choice if he wants to. When he's leveled up enough to actually use those spells, that is. Probably take him a couple years.

'Distant Whisper' will require him to be level three, and 'Subtle Finding' he'll need to be level eighteen. So probably not for decades. He'll be plenty mature enough to decide if he wants to risk his life for you by then."

"I'd risk my life for you right now, Grandpa." I know... that's exactly the problem.

"I appreciate the sentiment, Damon, but it seems like it might be a while - if we can even come to an agreement about the book - before you can cast the spells from it... Ugh fine. Call your boss, Mal."

"So, you asked what it means to be a Scribe Wizard before. It means I can copy any spell book, with the right inks. Also, it means I can cast any spell, if I've got the mana for it. I've memorized a few, like this Message one. Ennisesgect Bruhov I have a client that wants to barter first world goods for a book, if you're willing. He has Oreos." Above us, a small dark cloud started to form. It Rumbled with thunder that sounded like a stomach grumbling, as much as it did the weather.

"Is that normal?" Lakshmi asked, resting a hand on her hammer's hilt.

"Oh, he's coming immediately." She scooted the chair away from the 'computer' back there, and moment later the cloud, which had grown quite dark, and angry looking, if a bit small for a thunderstorm.

"Twinkies," Damon said.

"I dreamed he'll want them most."

"Thank you," I said to Damon. That was critical information, delivered just in time. Oracle was right, he really should be a divination wizard. The cloud above brewed up a little lightning bolt, which struck the ground right where Mal had been sitting a moment ago. When the flash of light was gone, there was a man standing there, big, dumb, floppy hat. Even bigger brim than Mal's was. He wore a simple brown robe. Looked like a Jedi with a wizard's hat on. He noticed her hat on the counter.

"Mal, you're out of uniform."

"Yeah, yeah." She pointed at her hat and it popped up and 'walked' over to her, whereupon she grabbed it and put it on, doing her best to not seem petulant about it.

"Johnny, this is my boss, the highest level Scribe Wizard in the city, Garry."

"Hello, sir. Mal Informs me that you might be willing to barter for a certain book I am interested in purchasing for my wizard friend there. A rare divination tome." She pointed at the monitor, and showed him which book I meant.

"You'll need more than Oreos. That's six large gold worth of ink, and then Mal's pay, and a small profit for the store. Gonna need something pretty valuable to have me eat that cost."

"I have access to a wide array of first world goods. Not just snacks, but shampoos, that plate armor my friend is wearing, this crossbow, microwaves, fridges, and even drugs from a pharmacy, if you can convince my companion in the armor that the reasons you need the drugs are valid."

"May I?" He reached out toward me for the crossbow, which was unloaded, so I handed it over. He inspected it.

"Hmmm... fascinating. This is the best first world crossbow replica I've ever seen."

"It's not a replica." I was about to reveal my power, but Mal shot me a look that said not to.

"Exactly..."

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"I can get certain items... from the first world. This was amongst one such bounty." He stared at me like I'd told him I gave birth to myself.

"And the Oreos?"

"Those are legit, first world Oreos. You can have a pack. Free. I got a whole pallet worth of them." He took a package and opened them, he sniffed them, hidden under his big silly hat. He crunched into the first one.

"MMmmm. Amazingly, delightfully artificial. Thank you. Ohhh... I've missed that toxic deliciousness." He tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. I could see the sheer pleasure on his face.

"I know just what to offer you." The Twinkies. I looked them up in bulk. There was a 100 pack for just over 50 bucks after taxes. Balance: 36264. 22 His eyes went wide.

"How many of these do you have? Can you get more? Can I have one?"

"Ha, go ahead, see if they're the real shit." I felt like a drug dealer.

"I have a whole pallet of them, probably a bit more, it's all in storage. I can get more but it might take some time, and it can be dangerous too." So I lied? So what? Scarcity increases perceived value, and I could easily afford a whole pallet worth. I was about to De Beers these Twinkies. He opened the box, and extracted a Twinkie.

"Sweet fucking Christmas! It's so... bouncy."

"Even better when you eat it." Mal said, grabbing one from the box as well.

"May I?"

"Please. Twinkies for everyone." I grabbed one, tossed one to Lakshmi, who caught it. I tossed the next one to Damon, still flipping through a book he seemed rather interested in and hit him right in the face with the Twinkie.

"Oh shit, sorry Damon, I thought you were paying attention."

"I... what? Sorry. This book is fascinating." He noticed the Twinkie in its wrapper in his book, and then he seemed to realize that he'd found a nice starter book that was calling to him.

"Holy cow! This spellbook is fascinating!"

"Whatcha got there sonny?" Garry laughed, the happy chuckle of a man knowing he was about to have a satisfied customer. He snapped and the title of the book floated off into the air and grew steadily larger until he could read it, floating in the air.

'Norri's Compendium of Poking what you oughtn't'.

"Oh that's a good one." Mal said, "That'll get you ready for the more advanced stuff, for sure."

"Quite the natural progression." Garry agreed.

"So, would a pallet of Twinkies get us both books?"

"Hmmm..." Garry considered the crossbow, "I'd also add a microwave, and a fridge, and your orb card, for making some later deals, if that would be amenable."

"I... haven't got any cards left on me today. But I can send my man by later here tonight, I have a vampire butler that covers the night shift." Note to self, ask Steven to get me some business cards made.

"You've got a large enough storage box for whatever I summon in here, yes?" I asked.

"Absolutely." Balance: 31578. 76 A full size fridge - 1200 bucks - appeared next to me, the microwave showed up on the counter, touching the tip of my finger. Then a fire hose of 100 piece Twinkie boxes started shooting from my hand until I was truly embarrassed. Mal and Garry, however, were laughing their asses off, Lakshmi too.

"Relatively new to your spatial magic I'm guessing?" Garry started storing all the items in his own spatial magic space, faster than I was shooting them out. He quickly caught up to my mess.

"You'll get the hang of it in time, I'm sure." When the stream of Twinkie boxes ended he took a half second to spit them all back out of his storage in a neat, orderly stack, before vanishing them again.

"Alright, Mal, get the man his rare book. Newbie, you can have that one you're enthralled with too. Glad to be of service." Garry gave a little bow, and the storm started brewing up above him again.

"Thanks for the stuff, Johnny. I'm going to be the most popular man at the Wizard council this month. Oh... they are gonna be so confused at how I procured real Twinkies." He chuckled like a mischievous little gnome, though he was man-sized. Lightning struck again, and he was gone. Mal summoned the more advanced book.

'Subtly Serene Searching by Selene' came flying around the corner just as another wizard walked into the Spellbookery. Lots of wizards visited every day, it seemed, and Mal knew all of them.

"Juan Carlos!" Mal greeted her new customer with the same energy she'd greeted Damon. Meanwhile she quickly shuffled the Oreos off the desk and out of view.

"Come for a new tome of evocation spells? What'll it be today? Ice spells? Lightning? Wind magic? What's your poison, and how much have you got?"

"Lets look at one of each of those, around five gold to spend today." This new wizard said.

"And a poison magic tome too, just for kicks." She turned back to me, "Sorry Johnny, duty calls. When your man brings us an orb card for you I'll give you a call. Get you out of public housing. I think you'll be able to afford it after a day in the market with what you've got for sale and barter."

"Thanks Mal. It has been great catching up. We'll have to do it more later, when I've got a place nice enough to visit." Lakshmi had been very patiently waiting to leave for a while. Not much for a war cleric to do in a wizard's bookery.

"Come on, Damon, you can keep studying the books more later, we own them now." Damon closed up his book, and happily followed us out of the bookery, where I realized I didn't want to carry this expensive ass book in my hand, so I bought an over the shoulder bag for Damon to carry his books. Balance: 31525. 43 A nice genuine leather number with a wax coating. It was brown, and looked similar in a lot of ways to what that Juan Carlos fellow had on when he entered the bookery.

"Oh! thanks." Damon checked out his new gear as I handed him his very expensive book.

"Keep this safe," I told him, "That book was worth seven large gold. Keep that bag in front of you."

"I will." Damon looked like he appropriately valued it to me, but he kept his starter book out to keep reading while we finally walked toward the market.