Chương 7: Golden One Protect us

"I like her." Lakshmi was almost done doffing her armor.

"Your Auntie Annie is a smart lady, Sochi." I couldn't look her direction. Apparently leveling up comes with an endorphin and hormone rush, or maybe it was just this young man's body, and the wine I'd drunk. I'm a married man. I told myself, before speaking.

"Hell yeah she is. Probably right, if you follow me, you'll end up dead."

"Why you thfay that?" Sochi asked through a mouthful of hot pot pie.

"Because the Golden One has given me a divine commandment to face the Demon Queen, and do what must be done."

"Oh..." she chewed and swallowed.

"They say she kills even the immortals. It's said she killed the Buddha. Did your Golden One give you a time limit?"

"No."

"Well, Johnny, that sounds like we're going to have an adventure together." Lakshmi said, dropping the last of her armor in a pile on the couch, "Any chance you could buy me some new clothes before then? I think I need to wash this. It smells of panic and sweat." She started to pull the sweat stuck top off and I had to avert my eyes, again. Boy howdy, I wanted to peek, I almost did too... but virtue and reason won out. Stupid hormones, no. Down soldier; at ease.

"Uhh... Sure Lakshmi, what do you want me to buy?" I stared at the enchiladas; no euphemism. I fucking reheated the enchiladas with my eyes, I stared at them so hard.

"Johnny, are you embarrassed by my breasts?" She and Sochi shared a laugh at my expense, before she said, "A bra, for one, and maybe some jeans and simple t-shirts like yours, for now. You know, basics. I wouldn't mind shoes too."

"Not embarrassed, just gonna find out if my wife is dead again already first before I look at any forbidden enchiladas. So yeah... jeans and stuff, sure." I started pulling up women's clothing in my mind's eye and remembered how difficult it is to shop for a woman when you don't know her size... So I bought a measuring tape first. Balance: 5122. 31 Cheap item, high tax rate.

"Do either of you know how to use one of these to figure out sizes?" I wasn't about to try to eyeball her size at the moment, but I held it up outside my own field of view.

"I do," Lakshmi said, and I tossed it toward her voice.

"Come here and help me Sochi, but be warned, you may end up touching a hot, sweaty boob." Now they were just messing with me.

"ooOOOoo, I love, hot. Sweaty. Boobies." The sass dripped on the floor so thick I thought it might leave a stain. Sochi stuffed the last bite of her pot pie into her mouth before going to help. It was far too big a bite for 'politeness'. She reminded me - entirely too much - of one of my granddaughters. It was uncanny.

"Who doesn't love boobs? They're amazing," Lakshmi said. I heard the sound of the body tape measure being pulled out. Lakshmi got to work measuring herself, by herself. Sochi took notes, and helped when asked.

I didn't notice if any boobs were touched, because I kept my face-eyes focused on my enchilada while my mind's eye shopped for a helmet with better vision and still strong protection and I tried to play the marches of John Phillip's Souza in my head to try to drown out their recreational poking at my hormonal situation. A short while later I was handed a pad with her measurements...

the exact numbers of which are none of your damn business, but were completely reasonable for a fit young lady of twenty-one at her height.

"I'm going to take a quick shower in your bathroom while you shop, Johnny, assuming you've already set it up for use."

"I have," I added more towels to my cart, "but it's all man-soaps, or unscented. I don't even have any face wash."

"Then I will smell manly, and do the manly thing of washing my face with body wash." Sochi snorted down a laugh at Lakshmi - very accurately - shit talking to my manly hygiene routine, "I felt manly in that armor with a hammer, anyway. Maaanlyyyyy." She sang as she sauntered, nude, into my bathroom. She no longer reminded me of the old Auntie I knew. Too young, wild, and free now. I suppose I sort of was now too, in a way. I realized that her body must be zinging too, with the feeling of leveling up, thrice.

Oh goodness. I added things to my cart for her. A few pairs of jeans in different styles, a 12 pack of underwear, three bras, socks, shoes, and the same set of black t-shirts I had bought myself, but for ladies. I put more microwaves in my cart too, since I was, once again, lacking a microwave. I'd need more to sell, too. The whole time I was shopping there was a button that grew slowly larger in my mind's eye. Every time I added things to the cart.' Level up!'

it said, until it was blocking at least a quarter of my 'screen'.

"Okay, I have her clothes in my cart, but there's a thing about a level up in the way of checking out. I have to level up before I can buy. What should I expect, Sochi?"

"Hell if I know, man. If they don't have a standard class like cleric, or wizard, everyone's 'system' is different. Steven, for example, no idea what happens if he levels up. As far as I know, he hasn't yet," she said.

"You read as 'merchant', he reads as a 'vampire', both are non-standard and wouldn't mean the same thing from person to person, merchant to merchant, or vampire to vampire. I say, accept your level up and good luck?"

"Delightful."

"Level ups are almost never bad," she added.

"It should probably be pure benefit." I clicked the button in my mind's eye, and I felt time freeze. An oddly familiar feeling, like being called on by the Golden One. I couldn't move this frozen time though, and slowly my face eyes stopped seeing anything, and it was just me and my mind's eye. There was no stat screen, or skills page, to indicate my growth, there were simply three cards. The first read 'Fully Functional Online Pharmacy' and had a little Red Plus sign, on a white background.

The second read 'American Citizen Legal Gun Store' and had a pair of rifles crossing one another on a red, white, and blue 'american' background. The third said 'Wild Card' and had a question mark being wielded like a club by a jester on a blue and pink plaid background. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted by the wildcard, and truthfully, the gun store too. But all the caveats and italics Sochi put on leveling up usually being good, made me decide against the wild card.

If it was going to go bad for me somehow, that's how. Then it was between Guns and Drugs... and darn it, I'd made a Divine Promise to Lakshmi about ensuring she had proper period stopping birth control and I probably wasn't getting that from a gun store unless the meaning of 'gun store' changed a tremendous amount in the four years since I died. Besides, I had a sneaking suspicion that antibiotics were hard to come by here, and serving out proper medicines might make me a killing.

Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings. I clicked the pharmacy card and reality resumed just where it left off, only a golden light glowed all around me, and a gentle wind blew up from below me.

"Good lord, Johnny, you're just missing the level up music for the whole combo." Sochi laughed.

"I gained access to a pharmacy." I started poking around the pharmacy website, and suddenly there was a notification up in the corner.

"Oh, that's really good news. Quality, pure medicines are hard to come by.

""Oh, hold on. I have a notification." I clicked into it, and it was from the Golden One.

"It is from the Golden One. It says that in order to use the pharmacy, I need a proper medical doctor to write prescriptions, to feed to the site.

'Fortunately one has already been provided.' He says. What the hell does that mean?"

"Don't look at me, I'm not a medical doctor." Sochi said. Then there was a sudden slam on the door, like someone walked their whole shoulder into it at high speed, expecting it to open for them. Not quite blow the whole thing down speed, but fast enough.

"Ow, fuck! Right? You put a lock in." Steven was outside.

"I got money for you boss man, let me in! I need more microwaves."

"Not Steven, right?" Sochi asked, in an incredulous whisper.

"No way, probably Lakshmi. Could you get the door?" I asked, still in a whisper, then I raised the volume enough for Lakshmi to hear me, "I'm gonna stick my hand in the bathroom and summon some clothes in there, and some microwaves in here." And then I did exactly that. I summoned five microwaves in the everything room and a pile of clothes in the bathroom. I put face wash on top, along with the extra towels and a washcloth three pack. Balance 3542. 23 Sochi opened the door, and Steven's face went pale. Paler.

"Ma'am?" His voice broke, and he sounded like a child." Steven." Not sure if Sochi had ice magic, or was just that cold to him, but it felt like the temperature in the room dropped ten freedom units. She gestured for him to come in, which he did, after a moment of hesitation. He looked like a dog that was pretty sure he was about to get taken to the vet. Then he noticed the pile of five microwaves stacked on top of one another almost up to the ceiling.

One of his eyebrows couldn't help but crawl upward, while a greedy smile tugged at his lips.

"Back already? How'd it go? Quit your job?" I asked.

"Ohhh, I did so good by you boss, I got eight gold for the microwave." He used his thumb to flick a gold piece toward me, and I dodged out of the way of it and let it fall to the ground.

"Hold on to the others for me a moment." I used my foot, still in boots, to touch the coin. When it did not vanish, I slid it back over to him across the floor.

"There's a lady taking a shower in my bathroom, cause she got all sweaty hanging out with me, she'll be holding on to my extra money for me. She works for my god." Steven looked around and noticed all the pink darts on the ground, the hammer, the full suit of plate mail strew haphazardly about the couch, and the shield.

"Fucking Christ, Johnny!"

"No, The Golden One."

"Right, okay then." Steven laughed and bent down to scoop up the coin from the floor before he set the small stack of gold on the counter. He sniffed the air, "Seems like you've had a real fucking interesting first day, man."

"Thrilling, in fact. Do you think you could take these microwaves to your place, and go sell the rest of them by morning?"

"I can try!" A blur started moving microwaves from my apartment to his. While he blurred I heard him stop to say, "Hey Damon, you look like you had a rough day, man. You alright?"

"My boss fired me!" I heard from the hall, "And I got beat up by a mugger on the way home, because I didn't even have anything worth mugging me over."

"Damon!" I called out.

"Come in here, son."

"Well, that's my cue to leave." Sochi said.

"No offense, gramps, but I do have pre-work paperwork in the morning, and I don't wanna stick around for whatever this is about to be. Thanks for everything, I'll let you know if I get fired too."

"I hope you don't."

"Big same," she laughed, "But at least I know the goose that lays the golden eggs when I do. Ahooliminx Notoroth, Home, Activate." She walked over to the area where all the pink darts were on the ground and hoovered them up with her item box, after which she stepped into the teleportation circle.

"Uhh, hey Johnny." Damon said as he walked in my opened door. He had a split lip, a missing tooth, and looked like he'd been rolled through shit. Someone had really kicked his ass good. He tried to straighten up and sorta stand at attention when he saw Sochi, but there was a flash and she was gone, and his posture collapsed again. Steven blurred back in and handed Damon a bag of ice wrapped in a towel, "It'll help with the swelling, bud. I suggest the face wounds first. Don't wanna ruin your moneymaker."

"Thanks." Damon applied it to his eyebrow, which I just realized was also split. He had bushy wizardly eyebrows, it was hard to see compared to a split lip. It was nice to see those two sort of getting along when it came down to rock bottoms. Though, the ice was kind of pointless, because the second Lakshmi stepped out of the bathroom she was going to fix him up with magic. Still, it was a nice gesture from the vampire.

"Do you know who it was? Were they wearing a mask?" I asked, already planning to put this young body full of piss and vinegar to work. I had more plate armor - my size - in a list, along with weapons that weren't guns. A couple different 1942 US military combat sword replicas, a boar hunting spear, and a crossbow. It seemed like I lived in a rough neighborhood. I was prepared to make rapid purchases. Damon started crying and ran over to hug me...

an odd behavior for an adult man, but I knew he was barely a teen inside that head of his, so I hugged him.

"Shhh, it's okay buddy."

"I know who it probably was." Steven said, he looked pissed. Like, 'no one picks on my little brother but me' pissed.

"Was it that asshole Harold?" Damon nodded, and cried out a sound I'm sure was supposed to be, "It was!" but was more like, "I eeAAAgh!" Then I heard his stomach grumble. Poor kid probably hadn't eaten all day.

"Do you want some dinner, buddy." I glanced at the counter, "I got one pot pie left, or something called a 'country cheddar bowl' but it has a bit of broccoli in it, so I dunno if you'll like it." He sniffled and wiped his nose on my shoulder... I started to look up counter top laundry machines, but decided to deal with that later when he started talking, "Oh, I think I'd like the pot pie. But maybe I should try broccoli now that I'm a grown up. My mom always said I'd like it when I got older."

Fuck, he died before his parents. I put that depressing thought behind me for the moment.

"Steven, plug one of those in and nuke Damon that pot pie, please." I said it politely, but despite not having been in the military as far as I could tell, Steven responded to my order with gusto.

"Yes, sir!" He read the instruction and put it in and started the microwave. No complaints that he was helping 'Dorko' or anything like that. Decent guy, down there in that cold unbeating heart of his.

"Thank you, Steven." I said, modeling good manners.

"Thanks, dude." Damon said, weakly. I noticed my four gold pieces still sitting on the counter.

"Damon, I have an idea. I'm going to need a powerful wizard, a magnificent wizard, in fact. I understand you'll need a spell book for that to be you, so what do you say you scoop up and hold on to that gold on the counter for me, and tomorrow we'll go together to buy you a starter spell book. Get you something with some spells to help you defend yourself." He eyed the gold pieces, "Are you for realsies?"

"I am."

"He's a real one, Damon," Steven said.

"Hey boss, got an armor stand? err, could you get one?"

"Yeah..." I added some Advil, a simple table with four seats, the nice wooden armor stand, and also some pepper spray like I got my granddaughter when she insisted on living in that shady ass neighborhood. Balance: 2878. 66 Steven loaded the armor onto the armor stand in about five seconds.

"I could probably get a few large gold for this, especially since it smells like a holy virgin." Steven covered his mouth, realizing he maybe shouldn't have said that second part out loud. If Damon wasn't so busy being stunned at all the shit just appearing at my gesture he might have realized what Steven said.

"Right... well I'm sure Lakshmi will love to hear that her old, smelly armor will be worth so much. Do it, but could you front me a single gold from your share of the first microwave before you go. I have a feeling I might want the balance boost.

"Ehhhh... Ya caught me." He said.

"I only got four gold for it. I just... wanted to impress you."

"No more of that. The blunt truth, son, even if it sucks."

"Yes, sir!" He seemed disappointed in himself enough, for now. But I was aware he was trying to play some sorta long game.

"Go sell things, night merchant. Don't do anything bad with the money before morning, and bring me at least one more microwave sale, hopefully before I go to bed." Steven nodded, and blurred off. I saw him zip down the hall with a microwave over each shoulder before my door even swung shut.

"So... he works for you now?"

"Yup."

"And... you're going to hire me? To be your wizard?"

"Yup."

"Okay." He smiled, and then realized it hurt with a split lip, so he stopped.

"Thanks, Grandpa Johnny."

"You're welcome, Damon."