Chương 3: But Other Than That, Mostly WAAAY Off.

There was a flash of light, and the brief scent of ozone. I heard the clatter of the orb hitting the holder on the counter. Time was back, gravity too. I put the orb back in the holder after it bounced out. Once again, it seemed to be just an inert glass ball. I stared at that orb for a long moment.

"Fuck." That was definitely not a short psychotic break. I'd had those and never remembered them so clearly. Double bullshit. I not only got isekaid, I'm being sent on a divine quest to kill the demon queen. I don't wanna kill nobody no more. At least The Golden One didn't say I needed to immediately seek the demon queen. I sighed, and looked at my empty hovel. I decided that I'd spend a little time in this city before I tried to build a team and leave on my divine quest.

Maybe figure out a bit more about the rules and such before I go wandering into danger on purpose. I ordered the damn, cheap-ass 3-in-1 couch. It would fold out into a bed, and I had a feeling my new body wouldn't mind it nearly as much as my old one would have. I also ordered a cheap dresser. To fill it I bought some combat fatigues with camo like I had in 'Nam. Cargo pockets on the legs. Nice black combat boots too. Got some socks and underpants, and black cotton t-shirts as well.

If I was gonna be a fit young man again, I felt I needed some sort of military uniform. The last stuff I wore felt right, and it was readily available. There was a certain kind of leather jacket I wanted to purchase... when I had the money... and I'd leveled up enough to access the right website, that is. God dammit... level ups!? I can't believe I got fucking isekaied. I'm supposed to be dead! I didn't trust the all purpose general website to actually sell me a real quality leather military jacket.

I looked through a bunch of options and they all seemed... What's that stupid shortened newfangled word my grandson loves? Sus? They all seemed sus. Nothing that cheap is going to satisfy me, quality-wise. I did trust the general purpose shopping website for a countertop microwave, mini fridge, and some provisions to fill it. One taste of the 'gruel-quality' meals coming from a tube in the wall told me I didn't want to eat that shit. Ever. I'd rather eat rats, like I once did behind enemy lines.

Fortunately I can afford better things than rats to eat. I was even able to get some cheap light beers and have a few hundred dollars left. Balance: 213. 49"I hope you're enjoying your tithes, Golden One." I looked at my wrist to see how much time I'd spent shopping.

"Oh shit. I still need a watch..." but something occurred to me.

"Steve, you there?" I asked.

"Ugh. Sup Gramps?" Came the reply through the wall.

"There's still twenty four hours to the day here?"

"What an insightful question from a newbie, old man." The sarcasm dripped through the walls.

"Lucky us, yes it is." I bought a watch. A simple digital Casio number. I didn't need, nor could I afford much more. Balance: 189. 97"Do you happen to have the time, Steve?"

"It is 10: 45 am, you've been here for about forty minutes." He sounded agitated, it wasn't hard to tell through the wall.

"Thank you Steve." I set my watch.

"Or do you prefer Steven?"

"I prefer silence." He let that linger a moment, I was about to apologize when he said, "I'm sorry. I know you just arrived, so you haven't exactly got a way of knowing, but I work nights. I am a vampire. No, I won't attack you. That's all very well managed, thank you. But it is the middle of my sleeping hours."

"Sorry, I suppose my offer to come share a drink will have to wait until I can acquire some red wine. I'll try to keep it down."

"Heh, you're alright old man." The edge in his voice dropped a little. I think Dorko was not a congenial neighbor when it came to sound.

"Good day."

"Good sleep to you Steve."

"I actually prefer Steven, from adults. Thanks Johnny, good day to you." I looked up sound proofing panels. Hmm... A little steeper price than I wanted to foot the bill for just yet. When I got a chance to meet Steven in person, maybe between when he woke up later, and when he went to work, I'd offer to soundproof his apartment for a silver piece. I could probably do the whole thing and still have several hundred bucks left of profit. I heard Dorko open his door. It needed oil on its hinges, badly.

His heavy footsteps stomped down the hall and then another creaky door opened and he was gone. Off to work, I suppose. I tested my own door. Loud. Balance: 181. 47 WD-40 in hand, I fixed that problem. I checked my lock. There was no lock. Just a regular Door Knob. Balance: 144. 14 Door knob and screw driver kit. I tried to be quiet about it while I worked. Even so, it took me very little time to change a lock. Done it plenty of times before. One of my daughters had problems with her ex for a little while.

I changed the locks on her place a few times before me and some of my military boys decided to just sort him out ourselves. We made damn sure he wouldn't bother Susan ever again. The 70's were a different time. Anyhow, the new world was surprisingly compatible with the old. Even the power plugs were the same; the plugs in the walls had both American and European standard plugs, and another I didn't recognize. Probably Chinese. This book was originally published on Royal Road.

Check it out there for the real experience. I broke into Dorko's apartment... a little. I mean, it wasn't locked or anything. I tried not to look around at all his shabby furniture while I oiled his door's hinges. That shit would drive me nuts in time, better to snip it in the bud now. When I was done, I went home and sat on my couch and had a beer. I needed to... think about things a while. I'm not sure I succeeded at that at. I looked down at my watch and it said 1203. Sochi would be off at ~1700.

I had a feeling she'd be very forthcoming information-wise, with minimal plying. My weapon of choice, beauty goods. I knew how to treat a young lady that appreciated lavender shampoo. I had plenty of daughters, grand daughters and so on, and I had been married more than fifty years before my wife passed. I sat there thinking about my wife... my life.

"Huh?" I went to finish my beer and realized it'd been empty for a while now, and there were a couple other empties next to me. I checked my watch. 1511... when did that happen? I was hungry. Ravenous, actually, and had a light headache from not eating food, and just drinking cheap beer. I microwaved myself some corndogs, and purchased some mustard, which I realized I had forgotten in my previous purchasing spree. Balance: 141. 43 I heard Steve waking up next door. It started as what I thought was just...

waking up noises. A rustle, a yawn, a sigh. But then there was a thud against the wall, and then silence. Like he was listening. He must not have been kidding about being a vampire, because he was out of his apartment and trying to burst through my door in about half a second.

"You put in a lock?!" Steven the vampire, apparently did not need my permission to try to enter.

"Let me in! Is that a fucking MICROWAVE I'm hearing?" BeEEeeep BeEEeeep BeEEeeep Ugh, that's an annoying beep. I regretted this purchase for two reasons now.

"It is Steven, would you like to come in to see it?" I squirted some mustard on the paper plate with the corndogs on it that I had just removed from the microwave. I took my time strolling over to the door to open it for Steven. He rushed inside and straight over to the microwave, which he hugged.

"Ohhhh my various and sundry gods and devils, how the fuck did you get this?"

"First of all, let it go, please." I extended a hand toward him.

"Nice to meet you, Steven. I'm Johnny."

"Could I... Could I use this... real quick? I uhh... I wanna try something." He ignored my hand.

"Try what?"

"I eat a simulated blood formula, but it has to be kept cold in a magical chilling box. Exposing it to air causes it to spoil very fast, and the bags aren't exactly... pot boil-worthy. They sorta dissolve in water. I've never actually drunk warm blood."

"Ohh... I, uhm." He blurred out and back and was nuking a small pouch of red liquid before I could tell him no.

"Alright, well the first time is free, but I'm gonna have to charge you next time." I told him.

"Johnny if this works like I think it will, I'll suck your fucking dick for it." I most certainly did not want that.

"You want what? A Silver a week? Done. That's half my weekly wage by the way."

"I'll sell you that whole microwave for five silver." I said, guessing that he'd probably have that available, and I wouldn't be bankrupting him at that price." He looked at me like my head had fallen off and rolled under my couch.

"What? Too much?" BeEEeeep BeEEeeep BeEEeeep He snapped back to reality at all the beeping. He pulled the pouch of red out and bit right into it, and sucked it dry in less than a second. After which he dropped to his knees and wept. Not blood tears, just... regular water looking tears.

"Steven? Are you okay?"

"I... I love you Johnny."

"I uhh... thanks friend. But I'm afraid I'm married. Or I was."

"OH," He laughed, getting back up to his feet.

"I guess I did just say I'd suck your dick to use the microwave. I was exaggerating... a little. I mean I swing both ways, but you got some real strong straight man vibes now that I'm taking you in properly."

"Thanks? I think? And right you are. I only like women that way. One woman. But there were plenty of men I called brother and loved as such in my last life."

"That's great Johnny. Did you say you'd sell me this microwave for five silvers? That's way too low, what's wrong with it?"

"It's got an annoying beep?"

"Okay. I'm gonna buy this from you, and then I'm going to teach you about money in this place, because I'm ripping you off, but I like you old man. You're a good sort of guy, and I bet no one told you how the money works yet."

"Five silvers is a deal. And they did not, but I believe ten coppers equals a silver?"

"Correct. You're a clever cat, John. Quick on the uptake." He smiled, showing his fangs. He had sharp eyebrows, and a handsome face. I may not be into the lads, but I am plenty capable of knowing a pretty man when I see one. 8/10.

"So is it all metric?"

"Yup, basically, clever clever. Ten silvers for a small gold, and ten small golds for a large gold. And then there's platinum pieces, which are ten large gold, and of course, there's large platinum too, but I don't think either of us will likely ever see one. Of course this all goes out the window and the exchange rate is wildly variable when you get way out into the wild, further from the center of order. Hell, in some places the iron price is only price."

"What about the lead price?" I gave him some finger guns.

"Ha! Guns? The Bureaucracy regulates the ever loving shit out of them in Nexus. So good luck not getting geeked by the Watchers if you get one here."

"What about outside Nexus?" I looked out the window into the distance. There was a definite city edge, well before the horizon at this height, a thin bit of farmland before what looked like forest stretching on from there to the horizon.

"Out there."

"Outside Nexus, they exist, but guns are few and far between. Usually custom jobs by folks that used to be gunsmiths before they came here. Cost around a plat a piece, but kingdoms don't rise or fall at the barrel of a gun here. They have limited effectiveness when the wildlife is dragons and there are adventurers that can hurl lightning from their fingers."

"Well that answers a lot of my other questions."

"Oh, the sun is still out." Steven yawned.

"Fuck, what time is it?"

"About fifteen twenty."

"I'm too tired for math, pops, what is that in regular people?"

"Three twenty in the afternoon. So will you burst into flame if you get in direct sunlight, or... how's that work?"

"Not quite, but I can get a bad sunburn in less than five minutes. Never really tested it further than that, but my vampire super healing didn't work at all on the sunburn."

"Fascinating."

"I'm gonna go get your silver." He blurred out and back. He slowed down to regular speed to hand me the coins.

"Four silver and ten coppers fine?"

"Sure. Silver first." He placed them in my hand and they vanished. I watched my balance go up. Balance: 1744. 14"Uhh... Johnny I wouldn't use your powers in town, man. Not without permission."

"It's fine, I already have permission."

"You are full of surprises." He took the stack of coppers in his hand, "And the ten coppers." He dropped them in mine and I watched my balance... hardly move! Balance: 1754. 14"Dammit!"

"What?" He had my his microwave in his hands already and was about to leave.

"I... Nothing. I just gotta try to take payment in silver or better from now on I think."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, seems to..." How would I put this without letting him know that I'd been the one ripping him off.

"... work better with my power."

"What is your power?" I pointed at the counter where he'd removed the old, annoying beep microwave. And bought another one. A much nicer one. Balance: 1544. 02