Chương 996: Day Nine Hundred And Ninety-Four

Dear Diary, Some days I wonder how self-centered I really am. It isn't even really about me having a shitty self-image at this point, either. First of all, the Deities here and now, at least the ones in positions of power that can affect the behavior of others, are self-centered to an unholy, unhealthy degree. I don't think Ares or Zeus have given the slightest of shits about other people in the entire time they've been Deities.

Hera pays attention to Zeus, but only inasmuch as she gets pissed at him for banging other women, then making the lives of those women and their children some form of living hell. Aphrodite...

Well, shit, my opinion on Aphrodite has generally been that she's at least as self-absorbed as any of the other Olympians who suck up to Zeus, but some part of me wonders if she's not closer to one of those women who, after getting married for the worst possible reasons to somebody who can and will kill them if they even whisper the word 'divorce', finds something to kill the pain and then indulges in it way past the point of healthy analgesic.

Like they're trying to kill themselves slowly, because if they were the sort to be brave enough to kill themselves fast they'd just stand up to their husband. I know that's a fucked up way to think about it, and when whatever painkiller they choose has shitty repercussions for other people they still deserve some kind of consequence for the harm they've done, but it kinda makes me feel sorry for them.

Again, not gonna let them get away with it, but I think there's some kind of difference between ending a vicious exploiter and putting down a rabid dog. The former is in full control of their actions and deserves every bit of pain and suffering they get, even if I don't deserve the trauma it will cause delivering it. The latter deserves quick and painless, because in the end they're just lashing out because they're in so much pain. Fuck.

I just had the thought that those entitled assholes might be doing the same fuckin' thing. Which might explain why I feel guilt putting them down hard, because in the end they're just fucked up people living in a fucked up world. I mean, still, they've got the power to do better and they haven't, which means I'm gonna put them down, but maybe my solution to the Spartans isn't the worst one. Just catch them, execute them quick and clean, and move on.

Or do whatever I'm gonna to do them, but not lose myself in making their end as cruel as I could make it. Shit, I gotta go visit The Morrigan some time soon. But not today. So at one point yesterday I kinda nudged Saffron, entirely physically with no Divine Telepathic Woo involved. My Kitten be smarter than the rest of us put together, so she picked up what I was putting down right away and started playing with Marie's ears.

Nothing so blatant she couldn't do it in front of the kids, just enough that Murder Mittens got a little distracted. At that point Siobhan and Tallulah both must have gotten the hint, because they joined in. Not on the ears, there are only two of those and Saffron was playing with both of them. Again, just little touches and scritches inside and out, not anything crazy like aural finger blasting.

Not that I think that would have distracted Marie much more, especially when Siobhan took advantage of the fact that our Murder Mittens has fully functional, not to mention fully sensitive nipples down her front. From the viewpoint of anyone not inside our heads, Darling just sat there on Marie's lap, leaning back into her, with her hands tucked between the two of them.

Yeah, we've basically given Siobhan every reason to think holding back is stupid, and I've never been prouder or happier, as Marie sat there purring from the combination of ear fondling, surreptitious nipple stimulation, and Tallulah and I each taking a side and skritching all along her exposed ribs. Which was when I Co-Located to the Academy kitchens and drafted a bunch of Maenads.

I think maybe some of them were still hoping they'd wind up in a family way if they scored enough faction points with me, and others respected how I'd supported Marie and Sarah with baby D, but all of them definitely got behind my mission when I told them what I wanted and why. Interesting thing I discovered. While the Maenads are all physically clones of one another, and therefore have the same baseline taste buds, each of them is from a different place and time.

Like, all of them are from the eastern end of the Med, yeah, but first of all that's a pretty big place. Fuck, with the cultural diversity enforced by the whole City-State thing, even Greece is a pretty big place. That's before the whole 'time' dimension enters into things, because anybody who thinks that a recipe is going to actually remain unchanged for a thousand years has never worked in an actual kitchen.

Seriously, even the most tradition bound chef is still gonna have different hands, different eyes, and different taste buds to their nonna. Okay, with Actual Immortals and someone literally throwing Change in a box without a key, maybe things drifted slower, but there's still gonna be drift. But I found a couple of them who knew what Spartan cuisine was like way, way back in the day. On the one hand, none of them knew the exact measurements of the recipes.

Okay there was one exception, but that was that black Academy bread, which apparently was barley based. On the other hand, apparently Spartans would think the British use too many spices in their food. Seriously, 'pork, pork blood, vinegar, salt, and water'. What the fuck even is that?

'Black Soup'? Still, I made it according to a couple of the older Maenads' best recollections of the recipe, and they told me it came out just like they remembered it. When we the three of us teamed up to carry Marie and Siobhan down to the Dining Room, which wound up with the kids surrounding us singing the birthday song as we went, I stepped everything back from the Academy into the East House kitchen and carried it all in.

Three different kinds of soup, including the Black Soup, some chick pea soup, and some green pea soup, all three of which were heavy on the vinegar and salt. The chick pea stuff actually wound up pretty good in a savory way, and the green pea soup was even a little sweet. We'd also put together some roast barley, which came out somewhere in between rice and corn texture wise, and a little like the bread flavor wise.

I also brought rare steaks, which were just fine with salt, although I replaced the normal pepper with vinegar for that taste of home. Look, I get that Sparta has been run by assholes since time immemorial, but my Wife is from there originally, and everybody I've ever known has a special place in their heart for the shit mom made them.

Of course, Marie was smiling and sniffling when I brought the stuff in, because at some point in the endless chorus of 'happy birthday', somehow 'Marie' and 'Mawee' had wound up sort of morphing into a very recognizable 'Mommy'. Then she picked up the scent of vinegar and she got the weirdest look on her face. When I slipped a bowl of that Black Soup in front of her, she sniffled, sniffed at it, and the booger look got worse.

Everybody kinda went quiet, although I wasn't sure if they were worried about her reaction or waiting to see it, but I was not thrilled when, after lifting the bowl and taking a sip, she lowered it to the table and very clearly tried not to let on how she was scraping her tongue with her teeth.

"Ah, shit. Did I f... Did I get it wrong?" She hiccupped. She snorted. Then she broke out into a chuckle that dissolved into a laugh. Shaking her head the whole time, holding one hand out for patience, the other keeping Siobhan secure, she laughed for like a minute straight before slowing down and managing to choke out, "Not Exactly." My Marie translator must have been on the fritz, because when I asked, "what did I get wrong?" she wound up laughing again. While she laughed she tried both pea soups.

She gave a thumbs up to the chick pea soup, and a weird look and a nod to the green pea soup. Eventually, after motioning for the girls to eat, she got my attention.

"Prefer Yours." Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. Somehow that got the clue she'd been trying to deliver into my brain.

"You like mine better than the original recipe?" She nodded, and I smiled. Then she pulled me over, put her mouth against my ear and very quietly whispered, "Still Awful." I dunno why, but that got me. I laughed for a while, then took a big swig of the soup myself. She wasn't wrong. The big chunks of pork were, at least, fall apart tender. When she saw me nom one, she laid a claw on my wrist and shook her head, then nodded to the kids.

"The pork's for them?" When she nodded, most of the kids looked unconvinced. Very unconvinced. At that point Marie snapped her fingers at Menace, who looked up at her.

"Growth Food." Isnomi, on her best behavior for Marie's birthday, walked over to Marie and said, "It will hep me grow? Hep us grow?" She kinda rocked her head around, indicating the kits surrounding her and, by extension, the rest of the girls. Marie nodded solemnly.

"Big. Strong." So the kids ate the pork out of the Black Soup. Honestly, that was the best part of the soup. Marie had each of the adults in the room chug down one modest bowl of the broth. Frankly, other than tasting like salt and vinegar chips made out of pennies, it wasn't that bad. It also wasn't good.

Setting a new high mark for weirdness, each of the women who'd come through with little hand made gifts for our birthday Maenad wound up getting a bowl of that black broth, and while the way they choked it down made it clear they weren't any more enamored of the flavor than we were, they acted like it was some kind of elixir of immortality or some shit. Like she'd knighted them by handing them that bowl, and they were not about to leave the slightest drop behind. She did like the steaks, though.

Vinegar isn't horrible on rare steak, and I hadn't used all that much. Then I brought out the baklava. That finally got the reaction I'd been hoping for. That slightly teary-eyed savoring, along with an adorable internal struggle between sharing it with the rest of her loved ones and gobbling it all down herself. So I brought out the second tray. And the third one. I wound up with honey everywhere when she reached out, grabbed me by the back of the head, and dragged me straight over her baklava plate to kiss me.

Poor Siobhan got squished in between us, not that she complained even a little. Okay, after a bit she thought, I may be getting lightheaded. Forget you don't need to breathe, Darling? At that point I realized our Ice Pop had apparently decided that 'no line of sight' meant 'no reason to hold back', because I felt her tongue making inroads on the honey in my cleavage. Of course not, Mistress. But the smell of the two of you is intoxicating.

Before I could respond to that, Marie pulled me away from her, looked at our go to babysitter, and said, "Karen. Sit." Fortunately I think my High Clergy have picked up the translation package associated with Blend, because instead of dropping into a seat, Karen clapped her hands and, when she had everyone's attention, announced, "two pieces of baklava each, then we need to head up and start cleaning off."

A moment later the five of us arrived in the Bedroom, Marie still holding my face up to hers, Siobhan still squished in between us. Okay, at that point she abandoned cleavage for nipples. I held myself away just long enough to say, "uh, this isn't exactly what you asked for, is it?"

"Birthday Privilege." I smiled.

"Okay then. You're the birthday girl. You say it, we do it." Yeah, I'm an idiot sometimes. She got the worst gremlin look I'd ever seen, then giggled out, "Sparagmos!" Thankfully my Kitten's brain works at full speed even when high on Maenad sweat. Okay, maybe not, but still fast enough to say, "lovely Marie, you will get that before dawn, but not until then." When Marie looked pouty, Saffron slipped up to her ear and said, "so we can do every other thing you ask right up until then."

At that point Marie got a coy look, glanced away, then back to me, and said, "No Blades." I went really quiet.

"I... I can't risk losing you, Mittens."

"Have Faith." I took a deep breath.

"I... I don't know if I can make myself do that." Thankfully, as noted, Saffron is smarter than everyone else everywhere put together.

"Might I suggest a compromise, ladies?" We both looked at her, and she giggled.

"So intense. Tabitha?"

"Yeah?"

"Pick one body part. Something she won't miss too dearly if it doesn't come back. Rip it from her. The rest of us will handle the remainder just before dawn." I sat there with my jaw slowly dropping.

"That's... Fuck, why didn't I think of that?" She shrugged.

"Guilt. Worry. An overwhelming desire to do with and unto our Wife as she so deeply desires, thwarted by your fear that if you do she will be lost to us." I took a deep breath.

"How do I think you even know what I'm gonna be ripping off of her?"

"Because I paid attention with the Marshall, and the Thralls, and so many other times." I turned to Marie.

"So. Now or then?"

"Now?" Saffron grabbed my hand before I could move.

"Tell her why?" When I pouted a little, she added, "I think she'd enjoy knowing, and it is her birthday, after all." I realized right then that Siobhan hadn't stopped escalating. I stepped back, lifted her away from Marie and I, smiled at her innocent little pout, and handed her to Saffron. Then, making sure everyone in the room heard it as well, I thought, Karen? Yes, Goddess? Be ready to take the kids outside tomorrow. All of them. As you wish, Goddess. Thanks, Karen. Yeah, definitely treasure good subordinates.

At that point I looked Marie right in the eye and said, "do you know why I did that?" She shook her head once.

"Do you want to know?" She nodded, her tongue darting out to lick at her lips in anticipation as I lifted her left leg up, splaying her toes apart.

"Because you remind me of my left pinkie toe." I waited there, one hand taking firm hold of her left pinkie toe, the other hand, not to mention my tentacles, slipping around and even into the rest of her with absolutely no hesitation or decorum. I waited until her brow furrowed and she asked, "How So?"

"Because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in the House." Before she could really register the words, I twisted and yanked. Hard. Hard enough that her whole fuckin' toe came off in my fingers as I stared into her eyes. Eyes with pupils that dilated then shrank as she whined and twitched.

"Promise?" I snorted.

"Why do you think I got Karen to clear the kids out, you big sexy nerd?"

"Yay." That got a laugh out of all of us, even Tallulah. Before I could really get myself under control, Saffron announced, "ladies, I think our Wife and Mistress needs to come." Marie sighed out, "Just Did." At which point Saffron Grinned evilly and said, "oh, no, lovely Maenad. I meant every moment from now until we rend you asunder just before dawn." Marie didn't argue. Hard to argue with your mouth full of tongue. We took turns. With her mouth. Also everything else.

Some time around midnight Siobhan thought, I cannot continue much longer... So I lifted her up and used her to silence potential tiger wifey complaints. At which point Marie reminded us all that she didn't need her mouth to communicate. Mmm... Favorite Dessert. Ice Pop.

Marie was no more merciful with Siobhan than we were with her, and I may have lost a bit of time to laughing when Siobhan slumped over, out like a light, and as a reward for her fantastic Concubine conquest skills, Marie got a kick in the nose from Siobhan's baby bump. Okay, we all wound up laughing a bit at that, even as I laid Siobhan on the divan again. Still didn't stop the ongoing orgasm orchestra for our Maenad Tiger Wifey. Laughing orgasms best orgasms. I decided.

Marie agrees, Saffron seconds the agreement, and if Tallulah played the dissenting opinion, I think it was entirely to get me to make her pop off while she laughed just to prove it to her. Fuck it. I can make my partners happy and feel good both at the same time. I consider this a complete win. As I felt the sun nearing the horizon, I nudged Saffron. She looked at Tallulah and asked, "together?" At Tallulah's nod, I felt a nudge from Saffron.

Following her lead, I laid my palms on Marie's cheeks, pulled her up eye to eye with me and said, "Happy Birthday, Marie." I kissed her as Tallulah and Saffron whispered, "Mass Amputate." Marie never stopped kissing me; sunrise washed her away, recreating her lying there between us. At which point my insane tiger wifey displayed her freakish contortion skills by shoving her left pinkie toe into my mouth and growling out, "eat." I did not, in fact, eat.

I grabbed her, pulled her away as she growled, and said, "that, my Murder Mittens, is a step too far." At her forlorn look, I sighed and said, "right now."

"Yay!"

"I did not say I was going to!" Remembering a certain Dragon Maid, I added, "and don't try to sneak it into my food, either!" I couldn't help but laugh at the pout that got me.

"Maybe, at some point, when I'm ready, we'll try this little experiment again."

"Promise?" I sighed.

"Yeah, I promise."

"Eat?" I shook my head, but more out of frustration than negation.

"You really want to go through eternity without a left pinkie toe?" She smiled and shrugged.

"Don't Care." Before I could really work up a reply to that, she looked at Saffron, then nodded to where Siobhan still snoozed on the divan.

"Take Her?" Saffron smiled, nodded, rolled off the end of the bed and scooped Siobhan up, stepping away as she did. At that point Murder Mittens looked at Tallulah and said, "Help Karen?" Tallulah smiled softly and said, "of course, Mistress." At which point she stepped away, and Marie turned to me. Seeming almost shy for once, she leaned in and head bunted me.

"Vlickies?"

"Yeah, Mittens?"

"Bang Me." I mean, what else could I do at that point? Other than 'Marie, on every piece of furniture in the house', that is.