Chương 963: Day Nine Hundred And Sixty-One

Dear Diary, Y'know, I know I've talked about this before, at least in passing, but is it worse to be a person who is constantly tempted to do Bad Things and doesn't, or to be a person who's never tempted to do Bad Things? Okay, really I ought to be asking which is better, because arguably neither one should be punished or face some kind of consequences. Seriously, I don't care how much somebody wants to do something, if they don't do it, can anybody really say they deserve some kind of punishment?

I sure as fuck can't, because I know I've been tempted by some seriously shady shit at times. Fuck, maybe I do deserve consequences for that. Maybe that's what provides that eternal draw to handing Saffron the flogger and having Marie tie me up. Because sure as shit I cannot go a fuckin' week without temptation. Shit, sometimes I can't make it through a single day.

Like this past week chasing Spartans sure as fuck qualifies, because that's when the vague fuzzy images of Spartans being slowly rent asunder started, and they've only gotten more detailed since then. It's not like I even sit there fantasizing about it on purpose. It's almost like I've got a devil on my shoulder whispering that shit in my ear. Except there is no devil, no tempter or temptress or...

I've got no fuckin' clue what the fuck would the gender neutral term for 'something that tempts' would be, but one of those there isn't. There's just me, and right now just me is trying very hard not to be glad that there are ninety-nine more Spartans to go, because I'm pretty sure I've had at least a couple dozen ideas run through my head about cause of death, and some of them might take some trial runs to get just right. I should not be thinking about how hard I came from that one Spartan screaming.

Okay, not in any way except as a source of guilt. I should not be metaphorically or actually polishing the pearl regarding any part of that particular chain of events. Shit, I wonder if metaphoric pearl polishing is a thing that my big tentacles could do. I mean, obviously I've used them as parts of sex acts. Both in terms of extra limbs to hold someone still, or hold them at the perfect angle, or to provide penetration when I'm not in possession of a penis. Shit, wait, I remember that octopi don't have those.

Penises, that is. They have a special tentacle that shoots spooge. Tentacle, arm, whatever, I'm pretty sure all cephalopods have that kind of thing. And I got Marie pregnant. Which means I am canonically a dick. Not a destination I considered when I started this particular mental wandering, but interesting to note. It's also something that makes me really worried about my ability to bear children, because despite everything else, that's still something that puts the love in my muffin when I think about it.

Yeah, I've sired eight gorgeous little kits with Marie. Yeah, she wants more of them. Yeah, Saffron has also made her intention to bake my baby batter in her muffin oven. But I would in fact like my Kitten to impregnate my love mitten. Yeah, maybe I ought to be able to discuss it a little more seriously before I go and spawn, but that ship has sailed. Shit, that fleet has its own dedicated slips in the harbor now.

Honestly, I can't even remember how I got here from 'who is worse, the tempted or the innocent', but I still don't really have an answer. I'm not sure if the answer matters, either, in the long run.

Seriously, to use the worst example I can think of, one that makes my teeth grind and tempts me to pre-emptive Vengeance, let's say some unnamed person cannot see a shota or loli without having to go have a lie down or a cold shower, but knows it's wrong to do shit with kids, and knows them being attracted doesn't mean the kids are even capable of reciprocating, and therefore never in their entire lifetime does anything to a single kid, I can't see where that person deserves punishment.

Seriously, I'm talking somebody who never did anything even though they got tempted constantly. Fuck, somebody like that probably even knows that the temptation is within them, not caused by the kids. The call is coming from inside the house. Maybe they know that and never let themselves be alone with kids, or just raw dogged that shit and just never gave in to those impulses. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

I guess it comes down to whether we punish people for inclinations or for actions. I'm an action girl myself. Then again, there's weird gray areas even with actions, entirely because we can't know somebody else's inclinations or intentions, so we gotta shave shit fine sometimes. I remember an old anime I watched. Okay, polished the pearl to, because the chicks were hot, and yes, I was a complete dumbass who did not realize that I watched as much hot girl porn as I did hot guy porn.

At any rate, one of the characters was this dude who just screamed pedophile. Like, constantly wanting to look at and associate with kids. Then somebody suggested touching one of them inappropriately, and he absolutely lost his shit, became the fuckin' Avenger and Defender of Innocence and shit. Because it turned out he was attracted to the innocence, and it wasn't even a sex thing. Just a 'I really like seeing innocent kids being innocent' thing.

Like, would we see Mister Rogers as Mister Rogers if he looked like Ron Jeremy and acted like Pee Wee Herman? Yeah, there is the distinct possibility that when I'm under this kind of stress my ADHD gets worse too. At any rate, plowed through the snow yesterday, finding more fucked up booby traps than functional ones. Kept going after dark, just like we've been doing, although I've gotten better at yoinking my trackers out of danger without hurting them.

At midnight I pulled everybody together to step them back to the Homestead, but Closer looked some kinda way.

"What's wrong?"

"They're getting away." I sighed, shook my head.

"Yeah. They move fast while they're moving." I paused, slumping, thinking about how to say what I needed to say.

"Thing is, if you guys get so fatigued we lose the trail, we lose them." He opened his mouth, and I raised one hand.

"Yeah, they suck at covering their trail, but eventually you'll all get tired. Okay, Marie might not, but she's mostly tracking on scent, and that's not always available." I turned to her.

"Am I right?" She shrugged.

"Mostly True." I nodded.

"Okay, so you guys can't go forever. Marie might be able to move faster than you guys have, and definitely go longer, but not too much without losing the trail. Meanwhile Lemmy and I could outrun you all here in the Mortal Realm, but we can't track for shit." He opened his mouth, then shut it when Marie chuckled and said, "True." The man can learn. Which no doubt makes Ilmatar and Pyevatar happy.

"Okay, so we'll be back out here as soon as we can in the morning, and we'll push as hard as we can, but you guys need to rest or we'll lose them. Also?" I waited until I had their attention.

"We've got persistence on our side. While they're moving, they're leaving us behind. But they're pushing too hard. It's like they're sprinting as hard and fast as they can for a day or three, then finding a house and holing up for, what, a week?" Ryan chimed in with, "about that, yeah." I nodded again.

"So we won't catch them by being fast, or pushing ourselves to exhaustion. We'll catch them by being smart, keeping ourselves as rested as we can, and moving while they're hiding from the cold and tired. Got it?" Closer opened his mouth. Closed it. Closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed.

"Yes."

"You okay?" He shook his head.

"Seeing what they did to those people. Especially the children." I sucked my teeth a little.

"Yeah. Yeah, you and me both. But they won't get Vengeance if we lose the Spartan's trail." I nodded to the nearest big tree.

"Marie?" She slashed a crosshatch into it, and I stepped us home. Dinner was a thick bisque with soft, falling apart little chunks of meat, the kind of thing that added the tiniest bit of texture, but could be swallowed whole without choking a bitch. The Bath put everybody to sleep, and I tucked them in without thinking about it. Probably gonna wind up messing with my head when and if I wind up having to pay that bounty on Spartan scalps to Lemmy. Fuck it. Worth.

Spent the night snuggled back to back with Marie, my head on Saffron's chest, hers on Tallulah's. I guess as Elder Primordial I get the better pillow. Morning brought milkshake oatmeal again. little chunks of bacon and sausage, lots of honey and butter. We might not be eating super tasty stuff every meal, but we were absolutely fuckin' packing the calories into the trackers. They burned through a bunch of it today. Up one hill, down another, cross the little frozen stream at the bottom, up the next hill.

Cross the little stream carefully, because some bits aren't as frozen as others, and the ones that are sometimes have water on top of the ice, which makes them slick as shit. Do not jump over the stream entirely, because the, and I use this word with malice aforethought, goddamned Spartans are smart enough to put more of those little ankle traps on the far side of the stream. Fuckin' Silk, man.