Chương 1023: Day One Thousand And Twenty-One

Dear Diary, Really not sure what I'm gonna do about Aphrodite. Not sure what I should do about her. Also really not sure what I want to do with her, which is probably not the same thing as what I should do with her. Seriously, I know I joked around with Saffron about the whole 'eating a Love Goddess and turning my Kittens brilliant brain to mush', but first of all I don't think I want to do anything that permanent to someone for any kind of personal motivation, especially one that fundamentally shallow.

If Saffron and I were slipping apart and we needed something to, I dunno, 're-ignite the fire' of our romance, I'm pretty sure there's a long list of other shit we could try, starting with a Muscogee vacation. Which sounds like a really good idea for her next birthday, since I think we've both kind of decided that moving forward we want to make birthdays a little more personal, a little less major state events. Okay, I think we talked about it. We should probably talk about it.

Also about what kinds of 'national holidays' we ought to put in place. Like, there are a couple sort of religious, sort of cultural ones, like Yule, Summer Solstice, and the Equinoxes, not to mention All Hallow's Eve, which I apparently don't get to participate in. I seem to get a good night's sleep those nights, though. Sort of.

I don't wake up perky and fresh, because between trauma and chronic pain, I'm never perky and fresh, but this last time when I laid down in bed and got comfy first, I woke up rested and without any new weird sore spots. Getting back to Aphrodite and eating her to turn Saffron's 'release all the dopamine, bitch' button to 'yes, forever', I am in fact, mostly due to Saffron teaching Karen and Karen leading my Worshippers, a Love Goddess.

I'm not even gonna comment on the effects my self-created 'hymns' have on me, or how that influenced my Worshipper's view of me. I hope I've at least put more 'intimacy' and less 'exchange of bodily fluids' into the role of Love Goddess than what was going on when I arrived here and now. But the end result of my Kitten and her Karen and my awful sense of humor turning me into a Love Goddess is that I don't think I'd get any extra partner pleasing powers from eating the bitch.

And just to be clear, she is pretty much a bitch. More the 'selfish, oblivious' type than the 'hurting others is the point' type like, say, Hera or The Morrigan. Honestly when a Mortal is being crushed to death under the weight of a Deity in either the literal or metaphoric sense, the Mortal rarely cares whether it's the oblivious ass cheek of a Deity who sat on them without realizing or the cruel thumbnail of a Deity who wanted to see what happens when they pulled a Mortal's limbs off.

Or, worse, did it because they knew what happened and wanted to see it happen again. But even if I'm clearly against 'eat the bitch to pump my partner pleasing powers', because that's some Shit Pyramid talk right there if I ever heard it, I think maybe I'm against 'eat the bitch because she's been a negligent abuser for millennia' too, but for maybe better reasons. After all, Artemis changed.

Yeah, she's still got rough edges, but she's working for her people now, rather than treating them like disposable resources, or even worse dirt beneath her notice. I have the feeling that if she pulled some shit, it would be legitimate ignorance, and if I called her on it, she'd do the work to fix it. I'd say 'that's all you can ask', but I remember the insufficiently melanated teachers from back in the day.

Some of them had the view of us kids from the hood that the media sells to everybody, that we're all criminals in the making, that we're disrespectful, and that we need to learn some self-control. They also had idea that somehow 'being polite' to the folks who saw us as convenient punching bags would somehow make them stop punching.

Thing is, when the video evidence of cops beating up kids who'd done everything asked of them surfaced, not to mention all the videos of cops just shooting kids on the street like rabid dogs, most of those teachers apologized and learned better. A few were just assholes who wished they'd been the ones pulling the trigger, yeah, but frankly most of that type wouldn't work with kids like us for the pittance the district paid.

Thing is, at that point the bulk of those teachers, the ones who'd been shown that they'd slurped down the Kool-Aid about how 'being polite' would keep us safe, kept on believing a bunch of other bullshit. I mean, some of it wasn't factually incorrect. Most of us were criminals in the most technical of senses. When you got no food, you steal it, and you're a criminal. When you got no clothes, you steal them, and you're a criminal. When you got no hope, you smoke dope, and you're a criminal.

Fuck, now Apollo's putting rhyme in my meandering brain. At any rate, whether we were potential criminals or not, most of the teachers kept on believing the rest of the propaganda. But, and this is the important part, not all of them. Some of them went out of their way to research, to read essays written by folks who had escaped, by folks who hadn't but had the linguistic skills to make themselves understood.

Some of those teachers back in the day didn't just learn what video forced down their throats, they realized they'd been propagandized and went out and learned. Learned about shit like for profit prisons and how brown folks went to jail for decades because they were holding a dime bag of hemp, where a white kid would walk with probation for holding a whole fuckin' kilo of cocaine. Learned about how the system was, even after nearly a century of 'improvement', badly rigged.

Yeah, I can go on, because that shit is, directly or indirectly, responsible for a fuckton of the trauma I brought with me to the here and now. But my point is that when it comes to literal Deities from the strongest Pantheon in Europa here and now, arguably the strongest Pantheon in our section of the world still, I can ask for more than 'correcting their mistakes when they have them pointed out'.

I can ask them for some self-education, for some self-reflection, and maybe, just maybe, some proactive self-correction. Fuck, if I can do this shit, those bitches can do it too. Of course, that's the path I want her to take. The one my inner moppet, the part of me that might actually have some kind of moral components to it, wants all of them to take. To open their eyes, recognize what they've done has been a mistake, and work to correct the shit they've done wrong.

But that means that if one of them legitimately does that, I gotta hold up my end of the deal and not eat them. Not kill them or have one of my increasingly large Pantheon do it either. Not hold them in front of the Black Dragon's guns and let my Troops kill them using the tools they've been given, or hold them in front of one of the Tentacles and let them do the same with the tools they've built.

On the one hand, I will be sorely tempted to ignore it if one of those motherfuckers like Zeus or Ares comes begging with hat in hand, and just kill the fuck out of them. But I think I'd wind up hating myself for that. For failing my own moral code. For failing myself. Fortunately, I really don't think they're likely to do that. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

At any rate, got home from teaching the Newark Cadets basketball, nommed up some of the raviolis Marie and I made, then carried everyone, and I mean all of my ladies and kids alike, up to the Bath. I wonder if it's weird that when it came to raviolis, Marie and I had been trying for a mix of fillings that would all taste good with each of the sauces.

I like a little variety in my noms, and we shaped each filling differently, so the kids with some preference could mix and match to avoid the ones that gave them the ick without having to bite them and see, but I can't remember anyplace doing that back in the day. At any rate, once everybody was in the Bath, I pulled Saffron over close.

"Hey, Kitten?" She'd apparently had a rough day, because she laid her head on my chest like a pillow and murmured, "yeah?"

"Did you want to do the big Alliance wide event for our Birthdays this year?

'Cause I, I dunno, I think I'd rather do something maybe smaller." She smiled. I couldn't see it, but I couldn't not feel it.

"So sweet. A speech from me and a meal with you are both tradition at this point." I sighed.

"Yeah. Okay. But that's what, half an hour, tops?" She nodded. Distracting. Very much on purpose.

"Less, for the speech." I figured that was enough to get her brain chewing on the idea, so I pushed the other bit in there, because she's got a big old brain mouth with a brain jaw like a steel trap, able to mentally masticate multiple ideas at once.

"Do you think we should maybe have something to celebrate the Alliance? Like, the people in it, not just us?" She got a little moue.

"Thought about Founding Day, but it might clash with Yule." I hummed a little.

"Yeah. Yeah, prolly. Maybe the day we added Calverton? That's kinda when we really made it clear we were willing to add more folks as equal partners, right?" She smiled again.

"Good idea. Hush now?" I stroked her hair.

"Okay, Kitten. You gonna sleep right there?" She snored her answer at me. Dreamt of my ladies all relaxing, reforming as fast as they dissolved. It almost tasted like they were shedding their cares with the bits that dissolved away, bolstering themselves as they restored themselves. Their cares tasted like crème brûlée; that perfect mix of bitter and sweet.

Didn't think that would really go with soup dumplings or pasta, but I've been wrong about things like that so often that I'm not even sure I ought to have opinions any more until I taste them. Just live in the eternal tasty now. Woke up and headed over to the Temple of Love to get my teach on. The kids had all moved into making pictures of stuff in motion. It just blew my mind when Alex made the first of those.

Hell, I think it blew her mind, too, especially when Saffron, who'd come in to let me know Karen needed me, looked at her and said, "excellent work, Alex. You'll be ready to begin learning Mor-Mimic Calculations soon, I think." Yeah, I know Calc is all about describing Change with Math, but the implications hadn't really hit until I saw Alex making a formula to describe a picture of her throwing a ball.

At that point Saffron leaned over and told me about Karen, saying, "I'll watch over these delightful young mathematicians while you're away." That told me that whatever it was, I needed to focus. I stepped to Karen. She stood looking down into the oubliette; when she realized I'd arrived she nodded to me.

"Aphrodite wishes to speak with you."

"I said I wanted to speak with my High Priestess, you..." she choked off whatever she'd been about to say when I opened the trapdoor and hopped down next to her.

"Apologies, Goddess. I didn't realize you'd come in person." I shook my head.

"Yeah. Y'know how you were about to curse at my High Priestess? That's maybe why I don't think we can trust you with your own. We've put a lot of work into keeping her alive, putting her on the path back to health, and I don't want you fucking that up." Aphrodite actually looked kinda shocked.

"I would never curse another's Clergy! Well, not without extreme provocation. I was simply going to put her in her place." I sucked my teeth a little.

"Put her in her place?" She froze.

"Yeah. Her place is kinda up to you, I suppose." I felt Karen tense a little, pitched my voice to carry to her, so she knew I knew she was listening.

"Well, which of the places I've asked her to fill she actually winds up filling."

"I..."

"Need to shut your mouth and listen. Y'see, lately she's been your caretaker. Kinda like she's been for Alexandra, but with less need for medical intervention. If you start getting bitchy with her, that's a sign that instead of a caretaker, you need a jailer. Way less friendly than a caretaker. More 'shut up and eat your gruel' than 'which entree would you prefer tonight'."

"But..."

"Mouth. Shut." Her mouth snapped shut.

"Good. Now, if you try to leave here without her express permission? Which means without my permission, since I'm sure if you want out she'll ask me, since she and I work together on everything? Yeah, at that point you get to find out what a Mana Blade feels like, because then she becomes your executioner." I leaned in until the whites showed all around her eyes.

"Do we have an understanding?" A quaver in her voice, she whispered, "yes, Goddess." I flopped my ass down on the chair we'd provided, since she'd been sitting on the bed when I hopped down.

"Look, I get it. Maybe. I would be all kinds of upset if I couldn't speak with one of my ladies. But here's the thing; I had to let Canta do some medical stuff with my cutest High Priestess recently, because one of your husband's rabid dogs shanked her. Couldn't talk with her for like three days. Did not like." She'd gotten more and more agitated from the moment I mentioned her husband. If it hadn't been for the shine of tears in her eyes, I might even have been a little worried.

When I said 'did not like', she interrupted me, a sudden outburst of, "will you kill me now?"

"Why?" She hiccoughed, and tears started to flow.

"For the part I played in my husband's schemes." My blood ran cold.

"What part. Exactly. Did you play?"

"I am his cat's paw. He can see through my eyes. Control my very actions, should he wish." I blinked.

"You're his High Priestess?" She shook her head.

"I hold no such Title." Some part of me really wanted to Assess her, but the echo of duBois' voice held me back.

"Yeah. Right. Okay, so did you know about the Spartans?" She nodded.

"Know what they were going to do?" She shook her head.

"Not even my husband can control or predict them." A sneer curled her lip.

"It's part of their 'charm'."

"Okay. So you didn't direct them or feed them information or anything?" She shook her head.

"Fuck. Can he see me right now?" She shook her head.

"I can tell if he's watching. I can sometimes speak when he has control of my body. But not always. He has not looked through my eyes nor taken control of my Mind, Body, or voice since I arrived here."

"In Phileo?" She shook her head.

"In this room." I held up a hand, Co-Located to the Workshop.

"Son?" He popped up from behind me.

"Yes, Mother?"

"Does the oubliette block the connection between High Clergy and their Deities?" He rocked his head from side to side.

"Selectively. It would not block you or your Clergy. Should you allow one contained within to do so, they could. But without your explicit permission, they may not." I smiled at him, gave him a quick motherly hug.

"Thanks, Son. You know what I need before I'll need it." He smiled back serenely.

"Simply doing my best to be a dutiful son." I gave him another squeeze and collapsed back to oubliette.

"Okay, Phro. The good news is your asshole husband can't watch you in here. The bad news is that if you wanna talk with Alexandra, we're gonna have to bring her here. Which is not out of the question once she's well, but you gotta stop pestering Karen about it, okay?" She deflated; it started when I told her Ares couldn't contact her within the oubliette, and turned into a full on collapse back onto the bed when I told her she might see Alexandra again.

"I know I ask a great deal, but may I have your word?"

"That he can't see you? You don't need it, but yeah, my son made the room to be like that, and he's good at what he does." She shook her head.

"No. That should I wait patiently, you will allow me to speak with my High Priestess before you kill me." Yeah, dunno why this crazy bitch thought I wanted her dead so bad, but I figured giving her a little hope wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"Okay, yeah. If you behave yourself, and I think you're not gonna hurt her? I'll make sure you get to talk to Alexandra again. Hopefully before either of you dies." Never realized how pitiful a Goddess could sound saying, "thank you."