Chương 1018: Day One Thousand And Sixteen

Dear Diary, I'm really not sure what to think about what Saffron told me. I mean, on one hand I kinda knew all that already. I'm not exactly the thoughtful, contemplative sort by nature, but holy shit I don't know how I said that with a straight fuckin' face. Seriously, this whole assed Diary is just one long contemplation of my isekaied circumstances, of my traumas both back in the day and here and now, not to mention my ongoing attempts to unfuck my head.

Yeah, I think 'fuck' is probably my favorite word, because not only am I attempting to unfuck my head while fucking my ladies as often as possible, I also am preternaturally skilled at fucking shit up. I am also the find out to the Deities' collective fucking around, delivered straight from the fuck around and find outest neighborhood of the fuck around and find outest city in the world of my birth. Yes, my opinion on that matter is biased. No, I will not be listening to counter-arguments.

At any rate, while I may not come across as some kind of academic, I am not Actually Stupid™. While I didn't really realize Saffron had prioritized getting the Alliance's shit straight before straightening out my personal shit, I kinda knew that I was her trump card. If all of her machinations failed to stop the fuckers tryna fuck with us, she needed me at my worst to stop that shit. Fuck, we even kinda talked about that back during the whole Norfolk campaign.

First revving me up to deal with the Jarls, then calming me down to deal with the Undead. I guess what I'm tryna say is that some part of me knew all that, and the part that knew was okay with it, because like I've said a couple times, Bonnie and I get each other. Neither of us grew up thinking we were important or valuable in and of ourselves, so when somebody told us we could be useful, we jumped at the chance. To be honest, I'm still not upset about being used like that, because that meant I was useful.

I'm not sure I could explain that to somebody who has bougie shit like 'self-worth'. Yeah, I'm joking about it, because I had to get myself back in some kind of functional shape today. Wrapped up the therapy session yesterday, then had Dad help me find something I needed to steal. I mean, I knew what I wanted, but I had to make sure I got the exact right thing, and that wasn't as easy as it sounds.

Stepped us home to the water closet, because yesterday's session had more than a few tears, and even if none of us really wore makeup on the regular, we still wound up looking a bit of a mess. I stepped up to my office and plugged my stolen toy into the solar panels on top of my office while Saffron cleaned herself up and Marie skipped over to the Academy, where she'd had her sisters working on the rest of today's surprise.

With a little mental coordination, not to mention Saffron having me hold still while she cleaned my face off, we all stepped into the Dining Room at the same time, our hands full of Marie's haul.

"Happy Birthday!" Kinda hilarious watching everybody but Ria look around like they'd heard police sirens while Maze stood there, eyes wide.

"Papa! You remembered!" I grinned at her.

"I did." Marie, Saffron, and I set the fuckin' trays of pastry down on the central table, stopping the rushing horde of kids with one upraised finger and two words.

"After Dinner." So we all trooped into the kitchen and put together salads and fish, because that's what Maze wanted. Not sure if she wanted them because she really wanted them, or because it had been a while, or some mischievous Mazikeen reasoning, but the birthday girl is never wrong about the menu. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Marie looked very torn about Maze's other request, to eat in the kitchen.

I'm sure she's snacked on stuff while we were cooking before. Okay, I'm not absolutely sure, but I sure as fuck constantly taste test stuff as I'm cooking it, and if I still needed to eat I'm sure I'd get most of my required nutrition from just that on days I work the kitchen. Okay, on days when I'm not pushing myself. There's a reason troops in basic get like ten thousand calories a day. They're burning that much. I sure as shit did that some days, especially the ones where I was in more than one place at a time.

I can only imagine what powering that shit off of flesh and blood metabolism would be like. Okay, I know, because I kinda did that shit at the Battle of the Walls. And again over and over during the Norfolk campaign. Exhausting as fuck, and really kinda explains why I kept falling over all the time. Should have realized, much like our Darling, I was malnourished.

Yeah, I've fallen over a couple times since my Temple opened up, but those were times when I wound up pushing myself to some kinda extreme without spending much time in the Temple with my Worshippers. At any rate, when we finished dinner, we trooped back out and let Maze dole out the pastries. She started out doing a spot on Saffron impression, stretching her arms around the edge of the table and saying, "mine! All mine!"

but after a couple repetitions and a burst of laughter, she picked out a couple to set aside for herself, then started calling off names and first handing, then yeeting sturdier pastries to their intended recipients. Part of me worried about the mess, but frankly I told that part of me to sit down, shut up, and enjoy the pastry she gave me after she'd selected her own. Chocolate and spice in a pastry. Nom. When everybody trooped up to the Bath, I snagged her and said, "you up for the climb?"

When I nodded to the top of the Bore, she paused, shook her head, and held out her arms. I picked her up, settled her on my hip, and stepped her up to my office. Then I set her down and handed her what I'd been charging, unplugging the charger carefully to make sure I didn't damage it.

"What's this?"

"Remember where I get my books from?" She nodded.

"Yeah. Same place." I tapped the button on the side, and the screen lit up.

"You'll need to bring it up here to charge it, but I think you can handle the stairs now and then. Keep the brightness low and it should last at least a few days between charges." She smiled up at me, that kind of indulgent thing I expected from Saffron or Marie, not from my own kid, and said, "okay, Papa, but what is it?"

"A library." The eBook reader finished booting up; an older one that stored the stuff locally, since there wasn't an internet here to download shit from. Which is why I'd had Dad help me search for one that had like the whole fuckin' Library of Congress on it. Okay, I'm not sure about all of it, but the thing was absolutely packed full. I flicked the screen, and the covers flashed past.

"Like this." I took one of her hands in mine and gently poked one of the covers. Her eyes went wide. A moment later I had my arms full of Mazikeen again.

"Thank you, Papa!" Smart kid, figured out what it was that fast.

"Don't get it wet, or hit it, it's kinda fragile."

"Okay, Papa... Can you take me to my room?" I nodded, stepped her down there, where she carefully slipped it into her bookcase on the opposite end from her tub. I'd kinda forgotten about that. Still, she managed to keep the books dry, so I figured she could keep the little reader dry too. In the morning, I went to squat down in front of her, then realized that I didn't really need to. I mean, she wasn't my height yet, but she wasn't little kid small either.

So fuckin' weird to see kids growing up, even when it wasn't my kits speedrunning their childhoods.

"You gonna read today?"

"Yeah!"

"You want to read to everybody, or just the two of us?" She froze.

"You're not going to teach today?" I shrugged.

"Hey, this is important." Her face got a little moue.

"Yes, but so is your teaching."

"Almost sounds like you don't want me to stay?" She shook her head.

"No, but knowing you're missing class... I think it makes me feel guilty?"

"You shouldn't. But... You want me to do both?"

"Can you?" I smiled, ruffled her hair, and Co-Located to the Practice Yard, where I looked at Larry and said, "I got this." He just nodded and stepped home. So I spent the day teaching the Phileo Cadets about basketball while Maze spent the morning picking out a book, then the afternoon reading it. Pratchett, of course. My kid's got taste.