Chương 988: Day Nine Hundred And Eighty-Six

Dear Diary, I... I don't really know what happened yesterday. I mean, I think I know, and I really hope I'm wrong, but at the same time I'm wondering if this is just another stage of healing or growth or some shit like that. I mean, a shitty one, sure, but nobody said growing up was gonna be easy, fun, or profitable. Yeah, that's a lie. People said that shit to me all the fuckin' time back in the day, and I think I've repeated some of those lies to myself here and now.

I've told myself that growing up is one part healing, one part learning, and one part learning not to lie to myself, and all three of those are things I've been doing all my life, so it's gotta be easy. Fucked that shit right the fuck up with that last part. Fuck, with both of the last parts, both the 'been doing it all my life' and 'gotta be easy', not to mention the 'not lying to myself'. So that's definitely a lie I told myself, that growing up would be easy.

I mean yeah, I've also told myself it's hard, but why would I listen to me? I know me, and that bitch lies all the fuckin' time, like breathing. No fuckin' wonder I'm a Trickster Goddess. I know I've told myself that it's fun. Okay, not quite, I told myself that there would be fun rewards for growing up. Cake. Glittering prizes. Enjoyable activities. Saffron. Which covers the first three if I drop enough glitter on her tits.

Funny, Marie and even more so Siobhan have seemed more like 'prizes' than Saffron, but she's the one I thought of when I thought prizes. Then again, she's the one with body parts that make me think of them as separate entities in and of themselves. Even if some of them come in pairs. Not unlike my ladies on the best of nights. Still, all that shit... No, all those activities I reward myself with, that my partners choose to reward me with, while fun, are not the growing up part itself.

Fuck, when it comes to profitable the closest I've gotten too profit was when I wound up with a City, and I think I wound up paying most of that to the Duelists Guild. Y'know, due to my whole agreement with Skasn about squaring Gregor's debt with them after I killed him. I mean, I never did the math, I was too busy Liberating Calverton, and anything I still had that was, y'know, mine wound up belonging to Olga anyhow when I crowned her Queen.

I guess what with Saffron and I being married, and Saffron owning the Homestead, I'm rich by marriage now. Maybe I could log that under 'profit' from growing up in the account books, because I haven't cheated since we got married, and that sure as shit must be due to me growing up, because at least twice back in the day I indulged in some variety of hooking up entirely to piss off my current significant other. Wait, maybe twice. At least once.

One of those times I might have been high as fuck and just thought I was hooking up with somebody else to spite my boyfriend while I was, in fact, gobbling my boyfriend's knob. THC has many virtues in terms of pain management, soporific effects, and generalized anxiety reduction, but at least for me it takes my already questionable inhibitions and judgement, tears them into tiny pieces, laughs, and flushes them down the toilet. Yeah, at any rate I think maybe I broke something back around Yule.

Then again, it's been a long time since I lost my shit so entirely that I wound up doing war crimes to people. I mean, I'm not sure if what I did to the Spartans counts, and I didn't do that in a state of mindless rage anyhow. I think the last time I really lost my ability to think because I was so mad was against the Mother of Water Panthers. So I dunno when I really hurt myself. Because something in me isn't right. And I don't know what it is.

I stood there, physically fine but mentally exhausted, watching chunks of flash fried Spartan fall to the floor of the Temple of Storms, and I felt nothing about it. Not triumphant, not guilty, just nothing. I turned and trudged back to my Temple. I Healed people with arrow wounds as I passed them. Revived a couple, too, including one little girl who'd been shot through the head while dancing around a maypole. No idea why they had a maypole this early in spring. Maybe it wasn't a maypole here.

I still didn't have all the months straight in my head. Maybe they called it a 'spring pole' or something. She cried and clung to me, her mother clinging to her as well. When I got to the doors of my Temple, I plastered a warm smile on my face.

"Hey, you two. I gotta go do Revel things now, okay?" The mom grinned that grin that adults exchanged when they were talking about adult activities in front of kids. I returned it, tousled the kid's hair. The grin dropped off my face the moment I turned away, replaced by another smile. A weary smile, because it seemed to fit. Kids swarmed around me. My kids. My kits, my girls. The new kids weren't there yet. I looked at Marie, who said, "Sarah."

"Okay." I pulled my kids in, hugged them just to feel that warmth. Tried to feel that warmth. Okay, I kinda felt it, felt their joy at Mama rescuing them, at Mama being there to do kid friendly Revel things with them. They led me into the restaurant and fed me cake for a bit. The sun set, and Marie gathered them around me for one last group hug before Translocating them all home, leaving me in the Temple alone. Well, not alone. Karen reached a hand to me where I sat, a professional smile on her face. Goddess?

Would you join us on the Altar? I looked around, realized that my Worshippers were still there. Looking to me. Waiting. I forced a smile, nodded, and took her hand. She lay me back on the bed, and then Siobhan was there.

"May I have my Birthday gift now, Goddess?" For a split second my wry grin felt almost natural.

"Didn't you get that yesterday?" If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. She blushed, one hand going over her mouth as she giggled.

"I suppose I..." I spun her around, pulled her down till she rested against me.

"You keep double dipping on treats and you're gonna get fat." I ran a tentacle over her belly, felt her little girl kick at me.

"Oh. Wait." I pulled her down onto me.

"Too late."

"I am..." She gasped out, interrupted as I cheated outrageously to make everything as intense as I could for her.

"Not..." Yeah, I was speedrunning my Darling's present, but the part of me that felt nothing, that wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, had somehow forged an alliance with the part of me that wanted to feel her, hear her, taste her coming for me.

"Fahh...." Her words dissolved into moans.

"So much squish." I kept going, gently, inexorably forcing her to keep coming.

"So much," I bent her back, sat up to put my mouth next to her ear.

"So much wonderful, delicious, adorable squish on my Siobhan Darling Ice Pop." With every word in her name she convulsed again, her cries echoing through the Temple, clutching at me with her hands, with her sex. I licked the sweat from her ear, salty against my tongue.

"Want me to keep going?" She groaned out something unintelligible.

"Want me to stop?" She made a noise that sounded like it started with an 'N'. Kitten? Safety oversight? Of course, love. I wasn't rough. I wasn't fast. I wasn't merciful. I wasn't done until well after midnight, when my Darling Ice Pop had melted into a gooey, sweaty puddle in my lap. I Co-Located to my Maw, hovering over her where she floated, still twitching. While she looked up at me, mouth dropped open, I said, both there and to Karen at the Temple, "don't clean her up. I'll do that when she wakes up."

I treasured how her stare turned hunted as I licked my lips, then pulled her dreaming Soul up into a kiss before dropping her back down and collapsing into myself. As Karen laid Siobhan out on the Altar like a sexy, tasty offering, Saffron stepped in front of me, a pouty little moue on her mouth.

"You almost make me regret becoming a Hero." Are you okay, love?

"Almost?" Not even slightly, Kitten. Pitching her voice to carry to every packed seat in my Temple, she said," were I not a Hero, I could not expect to survive saying, "take me, Goddess, take me long and hard and fast. Take me and leave me," she Grinned, and a moment later the full Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown absolutely did not cover enough of her, "ecstatically devastated." Fuckin' Conrad.

Shit ripped out of the way with that perfect awful tearing noise, squeezed her squish in ways that begged for hands, for tongue, for teeth. For tentacles everywhere, left semi-corporeal enough to see through as I showed my Kitten to all and sundry as I did unto her exactly as she'd requested. I stopped thinking about the congregation, about the Revel, about anything but using my Kitten for my own pleasure and using myself for hers.

I don't remember every way I Shapeshifted, only that as I stared into her eyes, my tongue plunging into her mouth, Worship washed over the two of us like a tidal bore. Lust. Terror. Awe. Twisted around all of it, inexplicable but not unwelcome, Love.

I almost didn't realize why we rose off the sweat soaked Altar, until the shredded remains of her panties reformed, pinning my tentacle inside her, as she flung her hands back, glowing, a wave of righteous lust flowing out from us, cleaning the Altar, the Temple, the congregation. When she looked back to me, she shot me a wicked, crooked grin, kicking one leg up and over to turn herself around without ever moving out of contact with me.

Lifting my hands to hold her breasts, my tentacle still holding most of her weight, she called out to the suddenly, surprisingly refreshed audience.

"Day has broken, and little ones will be arriving for Revelry soon. Best to find your clothes if you won't be celebrating skyclad." I felt the growing smirk on her voice as she finished with, "or find a room if you're going to be doing things Children ought not be seeing." She flopped us both backward onto the Bed.

"Let go?" I pulled away, hands and tentacles both, like I'd been scalded. She'd never not wanted my hands on her before.

"Sorry." She shook her head, rolled around and over until she straddled me, looking down into my eyes.

"No, love. I simply wanted to see your face. To talk to you."

"So... Not sex?"

"Did you want sex?" I shrugged.

"Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?" Tears leaked out of my eyes.

"I... I dunno." She kissed them away.

"Oh. Oh, love. Oh, love, why do you cry?"

"I dunno. I... I don't know." She took a deep breath. A moment later the rest of my ladies, my partners at least, were just there. I twitched a little at Siobhan's arrival, because she absolutely reeked of sex. Sweat, musk, everything. Before I could respond, They all glomped onto me, and Saffron whispered into my ear.

"Know this, Goddess. Know this, Mimic. Know this, Tabitha Diaz. Know this, Wife. Know this, Goof. Know this... Love. You are loved. You are loved." The others murmuring agreement, she pulled back to look into my eyes.

"You are loved, Tabitha. No matter what has happened to you. No matter whether you heal today or are forever recovering, you are loved." Something shifted, and we lay on the bed. Moments later, Isnomi's cry of "Mama's Back!" was echoed again and again, and our kids came piling into the bed, covering us. Saffron smiled softly down at me.

"You are loved, my Goof." I blinked away tears.

"Even when I'm broken?"

"Even then. We do not love you for your power, Goof. Not for your Skills." She leaned forward, her mouth next to my ear, and breathed right into my brain, not even for your strength of character, so steadfast that you gave joy to your Congregation even as it slipped through your fingers. You could tell? She nodded, and when I glanced at Siobhan, Darling thought, I could. I"m sorry I spoiled your present. She smiled sadly at me. You didn't. I really hope you'll finish the rest of it before tonight, though. Huh?

In response she nosed her way in and kissed me. She still tasted of cinnamon spice and sweat. Okay, yeah, you can get a shower if you want. She smiled and pulled back. Is it still my birthday? I shrugged. Sure. Then what I want is for you to follow through with what you said you would do earlier. I winced a little. Now? She chuckled, laid her head on my shoulder. Whenever you're ready. I snorted, a flash of humor lighting my thoughts for a moment. You sound like you're gonna avoid bathing until then.

She just hummed agreement, at which point Saffron said, "so you'd best not wait too long then. What would you like to do, love?" I sighed.

"Can we just, I dunno, lie here for a while?" She looked around.

"Can you bring Mama her meals in bed today, girls?" So we did that. Just laid around all day today. Siobhan spent the entire day laying on top of me like a newly squishy blanket, her little girl kicking me in fits and starts. The others cycled in and out; even Saffron stepped away to use the Water Closet at one point. It was... Nice. It should have been wonderful. It was wonderful.

It was warm and loving and I could literally feel that from each of my lovers, the way they felt about me, about each other, about our horde of kids. I felt all of it as it flowed into me, through me, and back out of me. Something was wrong, and I had no idea what.