Chương 1037: Day One Thousand And Thirty-Five

Dear Diary, The more I think about it, the more I realize that at some point, once I've got my shit sorted out and finally figure out how to do God Things, I'm gonna have to start getting my act in gear as regards to creating an Afterlife for my faithful. Shit, when I'm really honest with myself about it, like I'm trying to be more often now, I'm pretty sure the correct answer is gonna be custom crafting Afterlives for my faithful.

Maybe set it up kinda like one of those old MMORPGs, where there are common areas for folks to socialize with other Souls, and then little personal areas where they can just chill and decompress from a lifetime of living. Maybe, if they're old like Grandma or Archibald or Yasmin, give them a spot where they can rest up until they decide to go another round, fade away, or take one last dive into my Maw. Thinking about it like that, I'm pretty sure all of them are gonna wind up doing one of those three.

Grandma said that those who have some kind of custom crafted Afterlife can last pretty much forever, but she also talked about them getting 'washed out'. I'm not sure of anything, but that just sounds kinda like a different kind of fading away. Thing is, I haven't really interacted with Souls that have been in any Afterlife for a long time. Okay, Archie's been sleeping on my Altar in Calverton for a while, and I delivered Aiden to Hel over a year ago... Six hundred and eighty-one Days ago. Yeah. Wow.

Occasionally my ability to recall facts and do math on the fly just boggles my own damn mind. I mean, my judgement is still pretty shit, and while my recall is pretty spot on, my brain doesn't spontaneously remind me of shit, I have to actually wonder about things. Maybe weirdest thing is that I can remember shit I put in my Diary entries better than anything else, like random thoughts or emotions or what exactly I had for breakfast on any given Day that I didn't mention it. Maybe it's the whole mantra thing.

Y'know, the 'daily affirmations' part of it. Back in the day that hot school shrink suggested I try doing them. Y'know, every morning looking in the mirror and saying shit like 'I am a good person, I am in control of myself, I am an aardvark' with the idea that somehow that shit's going to suddenly manifest into reality. Thing is, when I talked with one of my science teachers, one who was usually deathly allergic to woo, he didn't immediately scoff.

He pointed out that it's a brain hack; the human subconscious has no filter, it believes whatever it hears. Which means if you tell yourself shit often enough, your subconscious will believe it. Which means if it's one of those things that are true if you believe they are, it'll happen.

If it's one of those way more common things that are way easier to make happen if you believe in them, like 'my boyfriend is so hot even his clumsy ministrations will get me off, without me having to go all cowgirl on him', it's got decent odds. I'm still not a fuckin' aardvark though. Which is amusing, because if I really remembered what one looked like, or could lay hands on one, I could totally turn into one now.

Of course, all of that shit I started talking about requires me getting my shit together to make it happen, and the fact that I have problems staying focused long enough to complete a Diary entry does not bode well for me making custom crafted Afterlives for each and every one of my Worshippers. Shit, I think I'd be happy if I could just make ones for my top followers list, the folks who spend their time volunteering at my Temples, working to make things better for everybody else.

'Make the world a better place, and when it's time for your Soul to move on, it will go to a custom crafted Better Place' seems like a not unreasonable bit of ad copy. Way better than 'suffer enough and kiss my ass, or your soul burns forever', at any rate. Shit, probably even better than 'suck my Mortal representative's real or metaphoric cock enough for them to give you the nod, and you'll be allowed to do the same to me for eternity'. Well. Shit. Okay.

A certain Sister Siobhan Darling kinda seems like she wants an eternity of me-pleasing and lounging around in Bed, and given her stunning oral skills with girl cock, I can't say she won't be doing that when she shuffles off the Mortal Coil. But that was, is, and will be entirely her idea, no matter how much it grinds my gears. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

At any rate, I gotta figure out how to make them, and part of that means figuring out whether Souls actually can last forever, or if no matter how much effort I put in they're gonna wind up going again or fading away. Because if Souls can last forever, I will absolutely put in the effort to give them a resting place just as eternal as they are. Honestly, that's probably the answer to my dilemma; I want the Afterlives I create to be as eternal as the Souls in them.

Well, a little more eternal, really, since if they're gonna inevitably be reborn or fade away, I want their resting place to be there, letting them rest, for as long as they need it. Custom crafted Afterlives is the way I'm gonna be going, but I never realized exactly how custom those craftings would have to be. I mean, I still don't know for sure, but I've at least started asking the questions, which is the only way you can ever wind up getting answers.

Speaking of questions, I really wound up with a bit of a doozy yesterday during Physical Training in Newark. I'd spent Monday and Wednesday really driving home to the Cadets how far they'd come since they started, and I wanted to do the same for the Newark Cadets. Thing is, they really started so mediocre that I couldn't really come up with something unique for them at first. With the Phileo Cadets, they're the best of the best of the City that fundamentally founded the Alliance, so they started out pretty baller.

Just showing them that they'd made as much progress as they have was really enough for them. The Cadets from the Yards started with All The Grit, so they needed to see that they'd gotten better in the areas where they'd started out maybe behind. Like I said though, the Newark Cadets were all just kinda oatmeal. Not shining stars, not gritty underdogs, just the best Newark could muster. Plus Citron, who I'd become very convinced had...

Not faked his address or anything, but clearly was using something like the Lancaster's 'townhouse on the other side of the river' over by the Universities. Fuck it, I wasn't gonna lower my standards, and if he walked the walk and repped Newark like he meant it, I wasn't gonna give him grief. Eventually I wound up inspired by the thing that had really stood out for me. I got them running early in the morning, and kept them running through lunch.

I saw Citron look like he was gonna say something like half a dozen times, but whatever he saw when he looked at me, he shut his mouth and kept running. As the end of the day neared, and some of them had dropped to a staggering jog that barely kicked into something like a run when I barked at them, I called them back over into formation.

"Good run today, Cadets!" For all that most of them were having some difficulty remaining on their feet, they managed a passable, "thank you, Champion!"

"So. show of hands, how many of you have run a marathon before?" They all looked at me like I'd grown another head, surreptitiously glancing around to see if anybody had put their hands up. That's when Citron smirked and raised his hand.

"Cadet Citron! When did you complete your first marathon?"

"Today, Ma'am!" Yeah, I'm totally willing to let him play straight man.

"Well then. Congratulation, Cadet Citron. Congratulations to all of you on your first marathon run." I swear, it was worth getting a little sweaty running alongside them to watch them all look around at one another like they thought I was playing some elaborate prank. Finally one of them looked up at me and said, "really?" I nodded.

"Now. Since dinner isn't technically ready yet, join hands." By now they'd learned to just do whatever weird thing I said, because not doing it would wind up with extra incentivized Endurance training followed by them doing what I said after that. I stepped them all down to Drivers', walked them in, and said, "hey, Mister Driver, think you can get something to celebrate these Cadets' first marathon run?"

Yeah, gyros and chocolate cake might seem a little meh for a celebration, but then again it was Drivers' gyros and chocolate cake, so definitely kicked it up a notch. After dinner I dropped all of them back in the Newark Practice Yard and sent them all down to dinner. Because sure as shit most of them would put away a double meal after a run like that.

Went home, showered down and soaked away the ever present ache of my scars in the Bath, then once the kids were in bed swept everybody up to the Bedroom for some therapeutic massage. Sadly, Siobhan wound up having to head back down before any happy endings happened, but we all had loads of fun watching Siobean protesting her continued confinement. Dreamt of my ladies all giving her childbirth advice.

Weirded me a little that I was the only one who really couldn't advise from a 'been there, done that' standpoint, but then again I couldn't really talk like that anyhow. Today in Math class I realized that I hadn't really done anything to show the kids there their progress. Spent the morning wondering how to do that. Finally came up with the Worst Idea Ever™ while we sat there eating lunch, and implemented it when we all got back to class.

"Pop Quiz Time!"