Chương 1030: Day One Thousand And Twenty-Eight

Dear Diary, I definitely need to find the sweet spot. Because entropy is a fuckin' thing that exists, which means that if I don't keep pushing forward, I'm inevitably sliding backward. I think one of my bio teachers called that the 'Red Queen's Race, running as fast as you can just to stay in place'. So I can't ever just assume that I'm done, that I've hit the point where everything is good and will remain good forever. At the same time, I can't give one hundred and ten percent all day every day.

There needs to be some cool down time, some relaxation, some moments to coast and rest and recover. That same bio teacher pointed out that humans by nature are burst workers. Which didn't exactly make sense to me at the time, since he'd already told us about how humans are hyperspecialized pursuit predators, all about Endurance and shit. But I think I get it now. Just because something is a 'burst' doesn't mean that it's forever.

Yeah, humans have got Endurance for days, and I'm pretty sure that goes for most Human-Adjacent folks as well, but we don't go for days, kill the big ungulate who's nearly already died of exhaustion, then gobble it up and start chasing another one. We settle down around that big assed corpse and first eat our fill, then proceed to turn the rest into jerky and bone tools and leather and shit, but all of those are things that require a bit of setup and a shit ton of waiting, especially with primitive tools.

Yes, I paid attention when the Expedition made the Dragonslayer Armor. Thing is, we're also capable of slow, quiet, gathering migration. Where we just kinda vibe as we move from berry bush to berry bush, nomming as we go, maybe gathering up a little extra and setting it to dry out, maybe overeating just a little to pack on some extra insulation and calories to burn during the lean months when it gets cold. Not even gonna get into the kind of fishing one of my 'cousins' did back in the day when I visited him in PR.

Dude just sat down with a couple poles and some bait, stuck 'em in the sand real good, and waited until something tugged one almost loose. I watched him for the better part of the week, and dude caught like two fish a day, average. Easily enough to feed him and me, and fucker wasn't 'fighting' a 'game fish', he was just pulling in some kinda bass or perch or whatever those little one to two foot long river fish were. Not catfish, I know what those look like.

My point here, because I had one before I began rambling, is that as a Human Adjacent person, it's in my nature to spend most of my time fuckin' around, maybe maintaining the status quo, and a small amount of my time really pushing hard to move things forward. I'm definitely the 'hunter-fisher' sort of Human-Adjacent. Saffron is way more of a 'gatherer', just a constant sort of slow, steady progress.

I think that's why we work well together, because she does all the work needed to clear the easy obstacles, revealing the serious problems, and I come in and Pursuit Predator those fuckers into the ground, after which I go back to fucking around doing whatever, and she begins working on the small issues surrounding the next obstacle.

Pretty sure right now that means discovering locations and guard schedules and shit like that, but as noted before, understanding opsec means I'm doing nothing but spitballing and bullshitting about that. At any rate, while moving forward in bursts, which is kinda what I do on Sundays, maybe, is a good thing, better than not moving forward at all, I gotta do more than that.

I gotta find the mental health equivalent of fishing or making jerky, to let me keep making some kinda forward progress on days when I'm not pushing hard with the help of my family. Because as noted Entropy is a thing. Wait, shit. I remember this one from, uh, I think it was Environmental Science class, because that teacher was just all over the fuckin' place, and one day he talked about the fuckin' heat death of the universe.

I'm probably misremembering it, but it's basically the idea of all usable Energy being lost to Entropy. That's when everything just kinda stops. The End of all Things. Me? Maybe? Then again, no, I don't think so, because at that point there's no more Change, because there's no more Energy for Change. Everything is doomed to be the same forever. Then again, that's supposed to be when I do my judgement thing. Maybe I'm the last one I judge or something. Or maybe, just maybe, I leave.

Dommy Mommy came from somewhere, maybe by then she and I will be close enough that we can go back there. Although she talked about 'her children singing at the end of all things', so maybe there will be more than just me there then. Maybe we can all pack up and go to wherever comes next. Whatever comes next. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. That'd be nice. Way less depressing than just dying alone.

Yeah, think I know what I'm gonna talk to the fam about tomorrow. Today was pretty chill. Got home from training the shit out of the Newark Cadets, pushing them hard, not just to improve them, but to show them how much they'd improved. Had them casting Status on themselves, even. Citron's managed to get his Agility up to Tier One, which is actually really fuckin' impressive. I think my favorite part was not having to deflate his big ego, even.

I was 'good DI', and Hilde played the part of 'evil DI', challenging him to a simple game of slapsies. Finger bones are delicate, so I sent him down to the Infirmary at the end of the day to get checked out. I mean, I did the same to Hilde, but she'd only taken a few glancing shots, so I wasn't as worried about her. Yeah, everything Cadets do is kinda hardcore. But then, that's why they get the all they can eat Dining Hall and free health care, I guess.

Got home, and wound up smiling at Saffron enough that she snuggled over to me and said, "what is it, Goof?" I thought about it for a second, realized that the situation had changed enough that I could at least be a little less secretive, so I shrugged and said, "a certain young woman of our mutual, if brief, acquaintance, has finished her coursework at the Academy." She tilted her head, eyes flashing as she realized.

"Hilde's at the Norfolk Academy?" I nodded.

"Not a Senior Cadet yet, though." So cute watching her pout, even when she sighed and pushed a small but genuine smile through that.

"Well. I'd hoped she might come visit us at some point." I smiled and pulled her into my lap.

"Yeah, well. Whenever her Status rolls over to let her be a Senior Cadet, I'm pretty sure she's gonna pay us a visit." Yeah, she froze at that, then whispered, "love?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I don't want to wait, but I am doing so, because I know it is important to you, and..." I waited, and when she didn't finish her sentence, prompted her, saying, "and?"

"And I realize now that it would be wrong." She snorted a little.

"It would be wrong of me even to suggest such a thing, to approach her rather than the other way around." I nodded.

"Yeah, but you're not doing that. For just the reason you said." She chuckled ruefully.

"True. I'm surprising myself, because I did not think I had the strength to resist, but I do." She paused a bit, then looked up through her lashes at me.

"But..."

"Go on."

"Indulge me?" I kissed her.

"After the kids are asleep?" She pouted again, clearly both heartfelt yet fake.

"Always making me wait."

"It builds character, or so I'm told." Hours later, she collapsed, panting, and said, "worth."

"Aw, I'm worth waiting for?"

"Always, love." I chuckled.

"Even when I'm not myself?" She snorted.

"Even then, love. Although you're really always you, even when you don't look it." She got a real pensive look on her face at that point.

"Out with it."

"I don't hold back with you." I looked down at some of my new bite marks.

"I'm aware."

"Will you think less of me if I cannot hold back with her?"

"Why would I?" She looked away.

"I might hurt her." I shook my head.

"Yeah, well. I'm pretty sure you broke skin on a couple of those bite marks I can't see. As my wise and loving wife said, 'worth'."

"But I... It would be a lie if I say I don't want to hurt her. But I hold no animus against her, and I would rather she enjoy herself as much as you seem to." I smiled, turning her to look at me.

"As much as I do, Kitten. Seriously, no faking from my direction."

"But..."

"Look, if we need to, I'll make you a tee shirt that says 'your Endurance must be this high to ride this ride' or some shit. If she gets hurt, we Heal her. And, y'know, apologize if she didn't enjoy it." She smirked at me.

"We?"

"You're not gonna share?" She shrugged.

"Of course. But do you intend to hurt her?" I snorted.

"Nah. Not really. But I do play rough sometimes."

"I don't think you've ever actually hurt me."

"Yeah, you almost make that sound like a complaint." She shook her head.

"No. No, love. I just worry that perhaps I am too dark for you." I pulled her snug against me. nuzzling the top of her head.

"No, Kitten. You're my Kitten. You play with claws extended sometimes, but that's just how a Kitten do. We all enjoy it. If she doesn't, so be it; I'll cosplay for you whenever."

"Whenever?" I nodded.

"Like now?" I snorted.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll..." Right about then I finished my Mimicking, and my Kitten shut me up. Kinda good thing that I don't wear The Dress while teaching, because I did not want to explain bruises and bite marks to my Math class. I also wasn't about to get any of that Healed, either.