Chương 980: Day Nine Hundred And Seventy-Eight

Dear Diary, I am fuckin' furious. In case my re-vandalization of Olympus was not a fuckin' clue. These fuckin' Spartans came over to my continent, to my Alliance, headed toward my house, to hurt my family, and then... And then...

And then, as if that wasn't enough, they fucking kidnapped two of my people, two kids, two little kids who ought to be getting ready for spring and fishing in streams and stealing pies and all that other Tom Sawyer bullshit, and they not only fuckin' raped them, they tormented and abused them so much that they made them believe that was their fucking purpose in life. Fuckers. I'm fuckin' furious, and I think part of it is because I'm desperately trying not to break down.

To hug those two to me and cry until I've got no tears left. To burrow us into some safe, quiet space until that constant fear that has dominated their every action since they arrived here fades, and they can feel something other than that. Until they can be little kids again. I can Heal just about anything so long as some part of a person's Body and Soul still exist. But this... This I can't even start to Heal.

Not only don't I know how to heal Minds, the fucking fuckers fucking also dosed the kids with Cold Iron, and as far as I can tell that was entirely some kind of poison pill or spoilsport shit so if I tried to Heal them they'd just fuckin' die. Okay, I don't know if that was specifically targeted at me, but it sure as fuck feels that way. Ares told Garland about me and Cold Iron, and he told the refugee army from Calverton, and they used that shit to good effect against me.

But at least those fuckers just used it in an attempt to level the playing field, as armor and weapon against me. Not as some kind of fuckin'... Terror weapon. Fuck. I just realized something. That thought, that I'm furious, and I'm letting myself be furious because if I don't I'm gonna break down, cry forever until I lie down and let the Black Dog ravage me.

I just realized that I spent so long using anger at the fuckin' world and every shitty thing it had done because it was my only defense against my chronic depression. I think that's part of why it hit me so hard when I found out about Big Black being braindead. Not only was I completely at peace with myself and everything around me, I also didn't have my new defense against depression, my family. Because along with everything else they do, they do that for me as well.

I mean, I can still get depressed with them around, but it's usually just pure fatigue. Lethargy, even. But they pump me so full of acceptance and love that it washes the self-loathing away, which means instead of trying to hurt myself or shit like that, I just sleep a lot. Okay, sometimes I fuck a lot, too, or fuck around with my kids doing nothing much at all, like kids do, but that seems a lot fuckin' healthier to me than burying myself in the silt under the M-Space Atlantic Ocean.

So yeah, I'm fuckin' furious, and I've more or less got to stay that way, or I'm gonna crash, but it is fuckin' with me something fierce. Even if my kids either didn't notice or weren't frightened by it, the boy and girl both flinched. I took myself in hand, Sat my butt squarely on the bottom of the Bath, and forced a smile onto my face.

"No. No, kids. No. What you should be is kids. Just kids." I ignored the burn as my tentacles gently wrapped around them, pulled them to me. They went stiff, silent, yet utterly unresisting. I hugged them gently, and whispered, "you're safe. You're safe now. I will personally end anybody who tries to hurt you. Tries to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"Touch?" I almost didn't understand the boy's hoarse whisper, but when I realized what he meant, I let go, slipped back until I sat right next to them, but left a space between me and them, a clear path out from there.

"Shit. I'm sorry, kids." I looked around at my girls, my kits.

"You hear that, girls? Give them space. No touching unless they Consent, okay?" That got a chorus of 'yes, Mama' and nods. Both kids stood there, staring, starting to shiver a little bit. I just kept murmuring quiet reassurances, as did the rest of my girls. I saw the pair twitching, looking around, arms coming up to cover themselves. I realized right then what they were doing. Looking for exits.

"Girls?" I murmured. When I had their attention, I reached out with tentacles and gradually slid them apart, clearing a path to the edge of the Bath.

"There you go, kids. If you want to get out, you can. If you want a room by yourself, we've got spares. I want... We want to help you, but you don't have to do anything for that. We're here for you, because you deserve someone helping you, not the other way around." Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

They both stood there shivering, quietly falling apart the way I'd seen folks do back in the day, until the girl leaned ever so slightly toward me, then froze when she realized what she was doing.

"Please?" At my silent nod, she lunged toward me, sobbing. A moment later the boy did the same. He didn't ask, but honestly I didn't give a shit about that right then. They cried until they fell asleep. I carried them down to the bed, and I was so proud of my girls when they not only let them take the coveted central spot at the center of the bed, but left a clear path out to the edge. Dreamt of my Maw and all the ladies in it quivering with rage.

Woke and spent the day burning that rage to keep ten Scrying windows open. I kept one of me with the new kids, letting them explore the House, the Homestead, everything and anything they wanted. I did my best to keep both raging and weeping at bay at how tentative they were, at how they jumped at even the slightest sounds, how they whispered instead of shouting like my girls would.

At the end of the day, I led them back to the Dining Room, settling them in at our head table, where they had a clear path to the kitchens if they felt some kinda way. I mean, Siobhan and Hailee had a chair on one side of the table, and Saffron sat to the other side, both of them helping the kids cut their meat and veg into bite sized portions. Roasted chicken, potatoes, carrots, and onions tonight. Kinda plain, but not bad plain. Dessert was a savory spinach pie, like almost a quiche.

As everybody settled in to eat, I slipped up behind Saffron. Before I could say anything, she quietly asked, "are you certain you're up to a Revel tonight, love?" I thought about it, sighed, then shook my head.

"I still ought to go. Tell them why, if nothing else." She pulled me down into a hug, whispering, "Madeline, in Norfolk, then." She kissed me, then gently pushed me back a step, where I flopped my un-Blended ass onto an Altar slightly different to my others. No less padded, but where silk or furs covered all my other altars, this felt slick, like leather. Madeline stood there in front of me, under the light of the stars. She reached out to me, but I sighed and shook my head.

"Sorry, Mads." I stood up.

"I'm... I'm not sure I can focus on anyone here tonight. Not the way I should. Not the way you deserve. I'm sorry." Her fingers feather light on my shoulder, Madeline asked, "Goddess, have we displeased you?"

"No! No, no, not at all. You guys have been great. I just... The Spartans." The crowd tensed.

"They hurt some kids. Tortured them. Abused them. Raped them." With each word, the crowd got angrier. As the anger built, echoing between me and the congregation, between the Human-Adjacent folks in the crowd and a hissing phalanx filling one wedge of the outdoor Temple. I growled until I forcibly took myself in hand. I tasted the anger radiating from them, and realized they weren't angry at my denial. Weren't even really angry at being denied. They were angry with the Spartans, for the same reason I was.

As I tasted that building rage, both the incipient mayhem from the Jotnar and smaller Human-Adjacent folks and the rigid fury of the Trolls, a tiny discrepancy snagged my attention. A single Troll, standing closer than the rest, within arms' reach of where Madeline had been standing when I arrived. It took me a second to parse out the taste of grief, of melancholy frustration. I recognized them right as all that came into focus.

"Furtim?" The Troll smiled at my recognition, but their melancholy didn't dull.

"Yes, it is I, Furtim Cauda."

"I'm not up for a Revel tonight, but I'm not gonna let any my people hurt. What's wrong?" They smiled.

"Truly, it is nothing." I pulled them over. They tensed, but I gently laid my hands on their shoulders.

"It's not nothing. I can tell, Furtim Cauda. Show me what you need." The fury of the Trolls froze for a moment as Furtim almost shyly opened up that dark, secret space. I realized that this wasn't just them, but the entire phalanx that wanted this same thing. I glanced to Mads.

"Furtim was my first of the night?"

"They are." I nodded, then looked in that secret space. What I saw floored me just a little. But it's not like it was something I hadn't done before. Just not for this reason. I reached into them, granting them that Shapeshifting Boon, then shaping them into the form they desired. The form she desired. She grew, limbs and torso thickening, scales dulling to a dun brown. A few minutes later, she stood there, at least twice the size of any of the other Trolls. Then she lunged forward, her arms going around me.

"I, Furtim Cauda, thank you. My Cohort thanks you."

"Hey, hey, hey. I might not be up for a Revel, but like I said, I'm still gonna help my people out." At the reminder of my anger, my frustration, my grief, theirs surged again. Furtim looked at her people, then back to me.

"May we go?" I sighed.

"Yeah. Go on." She turned, and the whole group turned and moved north. I realized right then that they hadn't left to go get their groove on. They'd left with the intent to find and eliminate the Spartans who'd angered their Goddess. I turned to the rest of the congregation, to where Olga knelt with Svart leaning back against her. I sighed.

"Just stay in large groups, and call for reinforcements if you find them. They're really fuckin' dangerous." She just smiled at me.

"So am I."