Chương 41: The Department of Turf Wars

"I am not packing a sandwich," Gregor announced. Bart quickly looked up from his notes.

"You always pack sandwiches though""The dwarves classified my last lunch as an invasive biological civilisation and burned it alive, remember?"

"It wasn't a civilization," Bart pointed out.

"Well, the dwarves disagreed." Gregor shoved a large green apple into his leather pouch.

"I'm bringing fruit. I believe fruit is safe." He picked up his pouch and walked toward the edge of the Reading Room with Elian joining them. Elian had decided to tag along their journey to Greenhollow to get to the bottom of his issues as well. The white STAFF RESTROOM door stood exactly where it always did, though its wooden sign was currently shimmering with new blue text.

OUTBOUND ACQUISITIONS: GREENHOLLOW Destination Accuracy: 84% Local Condition: EXCESSIVELY BOTANICAL Academic disputes: ACTIVE Bart read the final line.

"Can plants argue?" Elian reached for the brass handle.

"Not usually." The door opened. Whoosh! Gurgle! They stepped out of the Infinite Archive and straight into the most beautiful university Bart had ever seen. There was a brief sensation of passing through warm, humid air replaced by seamlessly fitted, pale cobblestones. The air smelled intensely crushed pine, roasted meat, and old books. Greenhollow was not merely a city; it seemed like a living gothic campus. Massive, arched academic buildings carved from pale limestone were interwoven with towering, ancient trees.

Thick vines acted as structural supports, and the stained glass windows were formed from crystallised multicolored sap. Scholars walked the paths in robes of deep greens, rich browns, and golds. Almost all were elves, but they looked very little like the delicate figures Bart associated with fantasy works from Earth. They were tall, broad-shouldered, and heavily built, with the solid frames of people who could consider moving an oak tree a reasonable alternative to walking around it.

A wonderful smell drifted across the cobblestones which made Gregor stop.. Along one side of the lawn, an open air elven dining pavilion was serving enormous slabs of smoked boar ribs and whole roasted birds beside bowls containing very small decorative salads. Gregor looked at Elian.

"I thought this was the plant place."

"It is," Elian replied. Gregor watched a heavily muscled elven woman in green robes casually carry an entire roasted bird under one arm.

"They don't seem to eat many plants." Elian shrugged.

"Greenhollow scholars take botany very seriously."

"Eating it?"

"No, Studying it." Gregor squinted at the young wizard.

"By the way are you a smidgen taller today?" Elian sighed.

"No, Gregor."

"Your ears look pointier."

"I am half elven," Elian said, adjusting the strap of his heavy satchel. Gregor stared at him.

"Since when?" Elian gave him a long look.

"Since birth, generally." Bart glanced over.

"You never mentioned it."

"You never asked," Elian said defensively.

"My mother's family is elven. Old Greenhollow texts turn up in most serious elven academic collections. That does not make me an expert on Greenhollow." They walked deeper into the academic city. Gregor nodded toward a relatively young looking elven woman carrying a towering stack of heavy books.

"Student?" Elian glanced at the gold collar on the elf's robes.

"Dean."

"How old?"

"200 years I would guess at a minimum." replied Elian which made Gregor just shake his head mildly. Bart stopped at the first public catalogue kiosk they found. It was a block of pale limestone inset with a pane of green glass.

"Aldous Veridian," Bart said. The green glass flickered. AUTHOR RECORD: VERIDIAN, ALDOUS Primary affiliation: DISPUTED Current institutional claimants: 3 Department of Pomology Department of Bryological Studies Department of Soil Alchemy Historical disciplinary classifications associated with cited work: MULTIPLE Original classification breakdown: HELD IN JOINT DEPOSIT RECORD Original authorial record: UNAVAILABLE Rooted Quill certification: DEPOSIT RECORD RESTRICTED Elian stared at the display.

"Three departments." Bart nodded.

"But more than three historical classifications."

"Is that bad?" said Gregor"No, It makes it interesting." Beneath the entries was a location tracking note. CURRENT CLAIMANT REPRESENTATIVES: Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Location: WEST QUADRANGLE Reason: JOINT BOUNDARY REVIEW - ACTIVE Bart looked up.

"Convenient." Elian glanced toward a distant, echoing shout.

"Not necessarily." They followed the path toward the West Quadrangle. Almost immediately, Bart began to notice the signs. They were staked into the immaculate lawns and bolted to the stone walls, aggressively territorial and thoroughly contradictory. At the edge of a lush, manicured lawn, a heavy brass plaque read: PROPERTY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF POMOLOGY. Nailed directly over it was a wooden sign: SOIL ALCHEMY STRICTLY PROHIBITS CROSSING THIS GRASS.

Staked immediately in front of both was a third sign: BRYOLOGY CLAIMS ALL MOSS ON THESE STONES. TRESPASSERS WILL BE CHEMICALLY COMPOSTED.

"They seem friendly enough," Gregor noted. They found the source of the hostility at the center of the quadrangle. Three ancient elven scholars were standing around a small, creeping vine that was producing faintly glowing blue berries. They were arguing with the kind of simmering hatred that could only be achieved through centuries of shared academic tenure.

"It is a flowering, fruit-bearing vine," hissed the first elf, a broad shouldered woman wearing the gold trim of Pomology.

"It falls under Pomological jurisdiction."

"The fruit is merely a secondary expression of the substrate reaction!" snapped the second, a towering Soil Alchemist.

"This boundary was settled 83 years ago!" the Pomologist snapped.

"Provisionally," said the third elf, in a dry tone a woman adjusting her Bryology robes.

"The entire organism is dependent upon the moss bed. It is mine." Bart paused and entered the conversation "How long does a permanent settlement normally take?" All three elves stopped and glared at him. They looked deeply annoyed that an outsider was interrupting their turf war. Before Bart could speak again, the Pomologist's eyes darted past him and locked onto the green apple protruding from Gregor's pouch.

"Is that specimen registered?" she demanded. Gregor's hand immediately closed over the apple.

"No."

"What cultivar?"

"Lunch."

"That is not a cultivar." Gregor looked helplessly at Bart hoping he would intervene to save him "Boss!" Bart cleared his throat.

"Excuse me. I am looking for information regarding a former scholar. Aldous Veridian." There was an instant of silence. Then, total chaos followed…

"The greatest Pomologist in Greenhollow history!" the golden robed elf declared.

"He was a Bryologist, you fruit obsessed fanatic!" the dry toned woman snapped.

"He founded modern Soil Alchemy!" the towering Soil Alchemist roared.

"His treatises are the bedrock of our department!" Bart held up a hand." Can we start over again with an introduction please." The Pomologist straightened her robes.

"Academician Hester Crowl, Chair of Pomology."

"Doctor Maud Brack, Bryological Studies," the moss scholar said coldly. The towering elf folded his massive arms.

"Professor Conrad Tiller. Soil Alchemy." Ten minutes later, Bart was sitting on a stone bench, reviewing three separate, "definitive" biographies of Aldous Veridian. They were massive. Hester had casually picked hers up with one hand, tucking a volume heavy enough to stun a bear. Bart had required both hands to hold it. He opened the Pomology biography. It claimed Veridian had spent his entire life studying the magical properties of fruit, citing a definitive history written by the Department of Bryology.

Bart opened the Bryology biography. It claimed Veridian was a moss pioneer, citing a foundational text provided by the Department of Soil Alchemy. Bart opened the Soil Alchemy text. It claimed Veridian had revolutionized dirt, citing the original Pomology biography. Bart pulled his pen from his pocket and drew a diagram on his notepad. POMOLOGY → BRYOLOGY → SOIL ALCHEMY → POMOLOGY He showed it to Gregor and Elian. Gregor stared at the circle.

"There's still no pig owner."

"No," Bart said.

"Just three people insisting they know him." He set his notepad down, opened his briefcase, and removed the oldest of Elian's three original green alchemy texts. He turned past the title page to the faded certification mark he had previously mistaken for an old printer's device. A long quill rose above seven thin roots.

"What about this?" Bart asked. The mood in the quadrangle instantly plummeted. Hester, Maud, and Conrad stared at the mark as if Bart had just produced a dead rat.

"The Order of the Rooted Quill," Hester sneered.

"Cataloguers."

"Pedants," Conrad muttered.

"They contribute nothing to actual discovery." Maud waved a hand dismissively.

"They were obsessed with attribution. Origin over outcome. An irritating, obsolete methodology." Bart adjusted his glasses.

"I am beginning to like them."

"Where are Veridian's original records?" Elian asked, stepping forward.

"The primary sources before your departments began writing biographies about him." The three elves exchanged deeply uncomfortable glances.

"They are held in the Joint Deposit Archive," Hester admitted stiffly.

"Then we would like to see them," Bart said.

"Impossible," Maud snapped.

"The Deposit Archive is sealed. It requires the physical keys of all three departments to open."

"Why?" Gregor asked.

"Because none of us trusted the other two not to tamper with the evidence," Conrad said. Bart sighed, they would rather leave Veridian's records locked away than risk proving another department right. Conrad folded his massive arms. The seams of his academic robe gave a faint creak. Gregor looked at Elian.

"Are professors normally built like doors?"

"Greenhollow," Elian whispered.

"Right." Bart sighed again. His eyes moved across the quadrangle, Beside a brass petition box bolted to a nearby stone pillar was a narrow regulations plaque, almost completely hidden beneath three generations of departmental notices. He stepped closer and read it. SCHOLARLY DISPUTE PROCEDURE - SECTION 14 Where competing departments assert incompatible claims of attribution, any materially interested department may petition for independent documentary review.

Where all materially interested departments accept the same external reviewer, access to jointly held supporting records shall be included within the review. Bart re-read the second sentence. Then he looked at the three professors. Gregor noticed the expression.

"Boss?"

"I believe they have a procedure." with a smirk on his face Bart turned to Hester, lowering his voice.

"If you suspect the other two departments of manipulating the citation chain, Greenhollow procedure permits an independent documentary review." Her eyes narrowed.

"By whom?" Bart turned his notepad around. PROPOSED INDEPENDENT REVIEWER: BART SANDERS KEEPER, INFINITE ARCHIVE Hester's expression changed.

"The Infinite Archive?" Bart nodded.

"That institution still exists?"

"It is undergoing restoration currently," Bart said smoothly. Hester glanced toward the regulations plaque.

"The Archive is still listed under recognised external documentary authorities."

"Looks like it!." Her eyes shifted toward Maud then toward Conrad and she signed immediately. Bart turned to Maud.

"If you wish to formally expose Pomology and Soil Alchemy for academic fraud..." He didn't even finish before, Maud snatched the pen and signed. Conrad didn't even wait to be asked. He shoved his own petition at Bart, scrawling his name aggressively.

"Investigate them." Bart looked down. Three departments, Three signatures, Three mutually contradictory claims over the same scholar. He adjusted his glasses.

"Thank you." Hester narrowed her eyes.

"For what?" Bart walked to the small brass submission box. He inserted the three forms. CLUNK. A heavy bell rang somewhere high inside the administration tower. The entire quadrangle went utterly silent. Glowing amber letters appeared in the air above the manicured lawn. MULTILATERAL ATTRIBUTION DISPUTE REGISTERED Subject: ALDOUS VERIDIAN Independent reviewer: INFINITE ARCHIVE - B.

SANDERS Review scope: VERIDIAN ATTRIBUTION AND ASSOCIATED DEPOSIT RECORDS VERIDIAN-DEPENDENT RESEARCH DISBURSEMENTS: TEMPORARY HOLD Hester went pale.

"What did you do?" Bart looked at her.

"I just filed your complaints."

"MY FUNDING!" Maud spun on her.

"Your funding? Mine is frozen!" Conrad stared upward in sheer horror. Bart pulled his notebook from his pocket and clicked his pen.

"Good. Now that everyone is motivated…" He looked at the three of them.

"... about those keys."