Chương 34: Officially, It Was a Goose

The king stood in the centre of the subterranean space, surrounded by the royal guards. Aurelius looked from the heavy, locked black and gold iron door to the interdimensional clerk / librarian standing in front of it and smiled. To Bart it was akin to a kid who believed he had finally won the game by taking his ball and just going home.

"You may have found my door," Aurelius sneered, his voice echoing off the cold stone walls.

"You may even have your little blue words in the air claiming you have a right to look at it. But you do not have the credential. I have the credential and am not giving it to you." Aurelius continued his tirade "You may have crawled through my pipes, trespassed beneath my palace, interfered with my historian, and insulted my Office of Royal Authenticity…"

"I don't believe we insulted the Office," Bart said. Gregor raised a hand.

"I did." Aurelius pointed furiously at him.

"Exactly!" Aurelius took a deep breath.

"But none of that matters. You cannot open this door." He lifted the leather bound journal.

"Because this is the credential." Bart looked at the journal.

"That is the registered credential of course."

"And I have it."

"Yes."

"And I am not giving it to you."

"Yes." Aurelius's expression became suspicious. Gregor looked at Bart.

"Boss."

"Yes?"

"Usually this is where you tell him he's misunderstood something."

"He has not." Aurelius's smile returned.

"There! Your own assistant admits…."

"I said usually." Bart adjusted his glasses.

"I don't need to possess the credential." The smile disappeared again, Aurelius tightened his grip on the journal.

"What?" Bart adjusted his glasses. He looked exactly like an insurance investigator who had already read the fine print on the back of the form.

"I do not need possession of the journal to establish the repository's identity according to the system," Bart explained calmly.

"I merely require the registered custodian to present the registered access credential for a legally authorised inspection." Bart continued.

"The site is therefore eligible for inspection. To activate that inspection, the repository requires only two things." A pale blue System window appeared. ROYAL PRIVATE ARCHIVE RP-1 Registered custodian: King Aurelius IV Registered access credential: DETECTED Inspection eligibility: ESTABLISHED Activation requirement: Registered custodian must present registered credential. Bart looked at Aurelius.

"You are the registered custodian." Aurelius looked at the journal and immediately tried to deny "No." The System remained floating patiently.

"No," Aurelius repeated and nothing happened. Gregor leaned toward Bart.

"Does it respond differently if he says it louder?"

"I don't believe so." said Bart"I SAID NO!" shouted Aurelius Gregor nodded.

"Confirmed." Aurelius's face reddened.

"You think this ridiculous glowing bureaucracy has authority over me?"

"No," Bart said. Aurelius paused.

"No?"

"It appears to have authority over the repository." That seemed a far worse thing to Aurelius and he marched toward the iron door.

"This repository belongs to me!"

"Yes, your majesty " replied Bart"This door answers to me""Apparently." said Bart looking nonchalant"And this book" Aurelius raised the journal "is the only thing capable of opening it!"

"That also appears correct." Completely flustered by Bart's demeanor Aurelius slammed the journal flat against the large brass plate built into the centre of the door.

"THIS VAULT ANSWERS TO ME!" CLUNK. Everyone stopped moving. Something enormous shifted inside the wall. GRRRRNNNNK. Ancient gears began turning. Aurelius's eyes widened. A cheerful chime sounded. REGISTERED CUSTODIAL CREDENTIAL PRESENTED Custodian: VERIFIED Credential: VERIFIED Inspection requirement: SATISFIED ON-SITE CUSTODIAL INSPECTION AUTHORISED Aurelius slowly lowered the journal. Bart folded his hands.

"Thank you, Your Majesty." Aurelius turned his head.

"What?" The massive locks began disengaging one after another. CHINK. CLUNK. CHINK.

"You successfully presented the credential," Bart said.

"I ended up opening my vault." said the downcast Aurelius"Yes."

"I did not cooperate with you."

"The vault appears to disagree."

"I WAS JUST DEMONSTRATING MY AUTHORITY." Gregor watched the iron doors begin to swing inward.

"Very convincingly." Beyond them lay the Royal Private Archive. The hidden repository stretched far beneath the palace. Towering mahogany shelves disappeared into darkness with brass plaques marking thousands of numbered compartments. Bundles of parchment sat behind locked glass cabinets. Gregor stared into the enormous chamber.

"So this is where he keeps the boring version." Thaddeus corrected him "The accurate version."

"That's what I said." replied the smiling rogue Aurelius shoved past them.

"You have no authority to touch anything." Bart stepped across the threshold. A thin blue line traced a small rectangle over the stone floor immediately inside the entrance. A plain oak desk appeared. Then a wooden Intake Tray. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ON-SITE CUSTODIAL INSPECTION Jurisdiction: ACTIVE Bart sat down while Aurelius stared daggers at him. The System displayed one additional line.

REPOSITORY INDEX REQUIRED Aurelius stood before the desk. He held the journal hovering slightly above the wooden Intake Tray. INDEX PRESENTATION: INCOMPLETE Aurelius lowered the book until one corner lightly touched the wood. INDEX PRESENTATION: INCOMPLETE"It's touching the desk!" Aurelius snapped. Bart looked at the book.

"Approximately 1/4th of it is." Gregor leaned against the stone wall.

"Maybe the book doesn't believe in partial commitment." Aurelius glared at the thief, then slammed the entire leather bound journal flat onto the wood. INDEX PRESENTED Bart pulled it toward himself.

"Thank you."

"STOP THANKING ME." The public history of Tremendia might be nonsense, but the secret version had excellent filing. Aurelius had indexed the contents of his private repository with extraordinary care. Dates. Names. Departments. Cross-references. Private storage codes. Bart found the entry for the 17th of Harvestfall. In the margin was a short notation. B-67 Bart tapped it.

"B-67." Gregor peered over his shoulder and murmured "Beatrice 67." Aurelius's face went crimson.

"IT DOES NOT STAND FOR BEATRICE." Thaddeus looked toward the shelves. The nearest aisle began with the letter B. He walked over. and removed a sealed leather document tube. Printed neatly along its side: B-67. Gregor smiled.

"Beatrice sixty seven."

"It could stand for anything!" exclaimed the King Thaddeus brought the tube to Bart who broke the seal. Inside was one folded document SOUTH COURTYARD INCIDENT REPORT Date: 17 Harvestfall Subject: Royal injury following waterfowl encounter Aurelius pointed triumphantly.

"There. Waterfowl encounter. Entirely consistent with the official account." Bart continued reading. Animals present: 67 royal geese Gregor frowned.

"That is quite a lot of geese."

"It was an invasion." Bart read the next line. Animals directly involved in incident: 1 Gregor brightened.

"There she is." Aurelius' face turned into a grimace. Bart continued. Animal identification: Goose Registered name: Beatrice Gregor slowly looked at Aurelius.

"Beatrice."

"She was exceptionally violent." Ding. A tiny System notification appeared. CUSTODIAL TESTIMONY RECORDED Aurelius looked at the glowing words and at Bart.

"What did I just do?" Bart considered the question and replied "Helped."

"I DID NOT HELP." Gregor started to cover his mouth with peals of laughter escaping from time to time. Bart continued reading. Incident initiated following attempted physical contact by sovereign party. Gregor tilted his head.

"What kind of physical contact?" Bart checked the attached witness statement.

"An attempted kick." Aurelius slammed a palm against the desk.

"I DID NOT KICK HER." The System remained silent. Aurelius pointed accusingly at the report.

"I merely tried to move her with my foot." Ding. INITIATING ACTION: CORROBORATED Aurelius stared at the message while Gregor turned away and tried to hold it in. Bart read on. Following initial contact, the subject was pursued across South Courtyard.

"I WAS NOT PURSUED." Bart looked up.

"No?"

"It was a tactical withdrawal." Ding. PURSUIT: CORROBORATED Aurelius looked horrified.

"Stop doing that."

"I am not doing anything." Bart returned to the report. Approximate pursuit distance: 43 m.

"That is an outrageous exaggeration." Thaddeus spoke quietly.

"It was 47 m, Your Majesty." Aurelius rounded on him.

"You measured it?"

"I was required to prepare the first draft." Gregor wiped his eyes.

"I like him more and more." Bart continued. Incident concluded in South Courtyard ornamental fountain. Aurelius's voice dropped dangerously.

"No." Bart looked at him.

"You were not in the fountain?"

"I was forced into the fountain." Ding. FINAL LOCATION OF SOVEREIGN: CORROBORATED Aurelius pointed at the System.

"I hate that thing." Gregor stood up straight.

"Boss."

"Yes?"

"I think the king is finishing the audit for you." Bart considered this.

"He is very helpful""I AM NOT!" Bart placed the incident report beside Aurelius's journal. The rest of the Beatrice evidence had already been registered showing how the original incident had gradually become sixty-seven defeated winged beasts. The Archive did not need to investigate them again. It simply compared the registered evidence to the newly recovered original. A soft blue light passed across the desk. Ding.

CLAIM REVIEW COMPLETE Original incident record: VERIFIED Independent evidence: VERIFIED Claim origin record: VERIFIED Custodial testimony: UNEXPECTEDLY HELPFUL PROVENANCE: COMPLETE Aurelius stared at the notification.

"What does 'unexpectedly helpful' mean?" The System changed. A new message appeared. KEEPER PROCEDURE UNLOCKED OFFICIAL RECORD CORRECTION A heavy brass stamp appeared on the desk. Beside it appeared a single sheet of cream-coloured paper. Bart picked it up. FORM 19 B OFFICIAL HISTORICAL CORRECTION Reason for amendment: [] Clerical error [] Translation error [] Duplicate entry [] Conflicting primary sources [X] Unsupported sovereign embellishment — fauna Aurelius pointed at the form.

"I object to that category." Bart looked at the bottom.

"There is an objection field." Aurelius hesitated.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Good." Bart handed him the pen. Aurelius wrote furiously. Bart took the form back. Under: Statement of objection Aurelius had written: BEATRICE WAS A MONSTER. Gregor nodded while cracking up.

"Looks like a strong legal argument." Bart looked at the brass stamp. This was more than an overdue notice, the ability to alter an official historical record could easily become something dangerous. Aurelius had rewritten history by removing inconvenient facts. Bart would not fix that by removing Aurelius's version in return. The System displayed three short rules. CORRECTION REQUIREMENTS Original claim: PRESERVE Supporting evidence: ATTACH Previous falsification: RETAIN FOR AUDIT Bart nodded.

Libraries did not correct lies by pretending the lies had never existed. He called up the registered royal chronicle. A reference page appeared hovering above his desk. THE BATTLE OF ARAMHOLM COURTYARD His Majesty King Aurelius IV personally defeated 67 winged beasts during a surprise assault upon the royal residence. Bart picked up the stamp. Aurelius's chin lowered.

"What are you doing?"

"Correcting the record." Bart brought the stamp down. THWACK!! The noise echoed through the Royal Private Archive. OFFICIAL RECORD CORRECTION Original claim: PRESERVED - DISPUTED Corrected classification: WATERFOWL INCIDENT Supporting evidence: ATTACHED Verification: COMPLETE For approximately three seconds, nothing happened at all. Then the Royal Mage gasped.

"My palace wards." He fumbled inside his robes and pulled out a small silver scrying mirror. The surface rippled. The palace records chamber appeared. The enormous mural of Aurelius remained exactly where it had always been. The painted king still stood heroically atop a mountain of defeated winged creatures Sword raised, Cape flowing….. Aurelius exhaled.

"Ha!" However a small section of marble beside the mural began glowing. His smile vanished. A neat official plaque appeared. HISTORICAL CORRECTION Official depiction: 67 defeated winged beasts Verified animals present: 67 royal geese Confirmed hostile participants: 1 Identified participant: Beatrice Royal victory: UNVERIFIED Royal concussion: VERIFIED Final sovereign location: Ornamental fountain There was a very long silence. Aurelius stared at the mirror.

"Remove it." Bart shook his head.

"The original mural remains."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MURAL."

"The correction is now part of the historical record."

"The fountain was a smart tactical move." The plaque flickered. A new line appeared. Sovereign characterization: Tactical withdrawal Aurelius's eyes widened. Gregor made a strangled noise.

"No," Aurelius whispered. Another line appeared. Independent corroboration: NONE Gregor doubled over laughing..

"STOP RECORDING ME!" Aurelius stared at it in horror. Thaddeus covered his mouth with one hand. It was unclear whether the Royal Historian was coughing. Gregor finally managed to stand upright while he wiped his eyes. Then he looked at the heroic mural and particularly at the little blue plaque beside it and triumphantly said "Beatrice won." Aurelius slammed both hands onto the oak desk.

"SHE DID NOT! I HAVE PERSONALLY DEFEATED 43 DRAGONS!" NEW HISTORICAL CLAIM DETECTED Claim: King Aurelius IV personally defeated 43 dragons. Existing official classification: VERIFIED ROYAL HISTORY Independent supporting evidence located: NONE Primary source provenance: INCOMPLETE Open formal review? Aurelius took a careful step away from the desk and exclaimed "Nobody say anything." Bart just sighed and whispered " Just one record at a time…"