Chương 15: The Lich Who Wanted Croissants

Gregor opened the 'Lost and Found' drawer of the solid oak desk and tossed the shiny gold spoon inside. It landed with a clatter next to a goblin's dagger and an intricate mechanical beetle.

"Alright, boss," Gregor said, dusting off his hands.

"The king is warned. You said we need to research trolls?" Bart adjusted his glasses and looked at the heavy brass Alchemy Grinder sitting on the corner of his desk. Right next to it sat his shiny black bag of premium dark roast coffee beans. He was so incredibly close to a fresh cup of coffee, but the metal crank on the side of the grinder remained stubbornly jammed. A blue System screen hovered patiently above the grinder. QUEST ACTIVE: ROUTINE MAINTENANCE Required: One (1) drop of Golden Troll Fat.

Suggested Acquisition Methods: Combat, Trapping, Barter, or Asking Politely.

"Yes," Bart sighed.

"Trolls. I need to know where they live, what they eat, and how to extract exactly one drop of fat from one without becoming its dinner." Before Bart could turn toward the catalogue, a familiar sound echoed through the Archive. Whoosh. Gurgle. The plain white door of the Staff Restroom swung open. Instantly, the temperature in the library plummeted by thirty degrees. A layer of sparkling white frost spread across the stone floor, creeping rapidly up the legs of Bart's oak desk.

The glowing blue lights of the System flickered wildly. A figure stepped out of the bathroom. He was 7 feet tall and floated three inches above the ground. He wore tattered, ancient black robes that seemed to swallow the light around him. Beneath a rusted iron crown, his face was nothing but a skull, its empty eye sockets blazing with violent purple flames. He radiated an aura of dread and doom.

A massive, flashing red System screen suddenly materialized right in front of Bart's face, accompanied by a blaring alarm. WARNING: CATASTROPHE-CLASS ENTITY DETECTED Entity: Morzath the Undying, Scourge of the Ashen Plains. Threat Level: Apocalyptic. Recommended Action: FLEE. Gregor the Thief took one look at the towering undead nightmare, let out a high pitched squeak, and dove headfirst under Bart's desk. Albert the skeleton, who was halfway through sweeping the lobby, paused.

He leaned on his broom, looked at the terrifying lich, and gave a polite wave.

"Ah. Good afternoon, fellow structurally challenged gentleman." The lich did not look at Albert. He floated slowly toward the intake desk, the air crackling around him. He raised a bony hand wrapped in necrotic energy and opened his jaw.

"MORTALS," the lich boomed, his voice echoing like heavy stone doors slamming shut in a deep crypt.

"COWER BEFORE MORZATH. I HAVE CROSSED THE VEIL OF ETERNITY TO CLAIM…."

"Excuse me," Bart said. He used his firmest, most practiced Library Voice. The exact same voice he used when teenagers tried to eat greasy pizza near the encyclopedias back on Earth. The lich stopped. The purple flames in his eyes blinked.

"WHAT?"

"Welcome to the Infinite Archive," Bart said calmly, crossing his arms over his dusty green sweater.

"I am going to have to ask you to lower your aura of dread. It is frosting the catalogue, and extreme temperature shifts are very bad for the books." Morzath the Undying stared at the ordinary human behind the desk. He looked down at the frost spreading across the floor, then back up at Bart.

"Oh," the lich said. His voice instantly shifted from a terrifying, booming echo to the polite, slightly raspy tone of an older gentleman.

"My apologies. Force of habit. When you conquer the Ashen Plains for ten thousand years, the theatrical entrances just sort of become second nature." The dark aura vanished. The frost melted away. Under the desk, Gregor whimpered. Bart ignored him and offered the lich a polite, professional smile.

"Thank you," Bart said.

"I am Bart, the Keeper. How can I help you today?" Morzath floated a bit closer, resting his bony elbows on the high edge of the desk. He looked around the vast, ruined library with a sense of quiet awe.

"So the rumours were true," Morzath murmured.

"The old Keeper is gone." Bart's professional smile tightened.

"You knew my predecessor?" The violet flames in Morzath's eyes dimmed.

"Not well enough I guess."

"Well, Keeper Bart, it is a bit embarrassing," the lich admitted, scratching the side of his skull.

"I have achieved immortality. I have raised legions of the damned and watched empires crumble. But recently, I realised... I do not have any hobbies."

"Hobbies are very important for a healthy work life balance," Bart agreed smoothly.

"Exactly!" Morzath said, his purple eyes glowing warmly.

"Eternity is awfully long when you don't have weekend projects. So, I have decided to take up baking. I am looking for a very specific, hard to find book. The Master's Guide to Advanced Pastry Baking by Chef Rickard Astel. Flaky crusts are notoriously difficult, you see and lamination is an art form. It requires immense precision." Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.

"A Catastrophe Class entity," Bart said flatly, "looking for a cookbook on croissants."

"The dark arts are easy," the lich said defensively.

"Perfecting butter layers is hard, Can you help find it?"

"We are not named the infinite archive for nothing i would guess, sir," Bart said.

"If the book still exists, we should be able to locate it potentially." He tapped the glowing wooden Intake Tray.

"System. Search for The Master's Guide to Advanced Pastry Baking by Chef Rickard Astel." Blue light pulsed through the tray and travelled upward into the dark heights of the Archive. Somewhere among the ruined shelves, gears began to turn. A drawer in the card catalogue opened by itself. Then another. Then seventeen more. Cards flew into the air, spun in a confused circle, and abruptly fell to the floor. A yellow System screen appeared.

CATALOGUE SEARCH INCOMPLETE Title: The Master's Guide to Advanced Pastry Baking Author: Chef Rickard Astel Archive Status: MISSING Original World of Publication: Gildara Last Confirmed Region: The Golden Provinces Final Circulation Record: CORRUPTED Possible Repositories Identified: 3 The Royal Confectionery The Monastery of 7 Ovens Private collection - owner unknown Current Location: UNCONFIRMED Bart stared at the screen.

"That is less precise than I would prefer."

"The Archive suffered catastrophic structural and cataloguing damage," Albert said helpfully.

"Several million years of overdue notices were also lost." Morzath leaned over the desk, his purple flames dimming.

"So you cannot retrieve it?"

"Not immediately," Bart said.

"But we know which world it came from. That is a start." A second screen appeared. PATRON ACQUISITION REQUEST AVAILABLE The requested title is not currently held by the Infinite Archive. Would the patron like to file a formal acquisition request? Morzath straightened.

"Yes. Absolutely." Bart removed a blank ivory card from the desk.

"To file a request, you will need temporary membership. Name, realm of residence, preferred contact method, and current state of mortality."

"Current state of mortality?"

"Our forms were apparently written by someone very thorough." Morzath reached out and took the quill. Instantly, the purple flames surrounding his skeletal fingers disappeared. A tiny blue notice appeared above the desk. RULE ENFORCED: NO OPEN FLAMES Morzath examined his bare skeletal hand in wonder.

"Remarkable."

"Book preservation," Bart said. The lich signed his name in violet ink. NEW MEMBER REGISTERED Name: Morzath the Undying Classification: Catastrophe-Class Patron Membership Status: Provisional Borrowing Limit: 0 Outstanding Requests: 1 Morzath looked offended.

"Zero?"

"Provisional membership," Bart explained.

"Your borrowing privileges will activate once the Archive has something available for you to borrow."

"Ah. Sensible." A final line appeared on the screen. OPTIONAL: NEW MEMBERS MAY CONTRIBUTE A BOOK, RECORD, OR VERIFIED TEXT TO SUPPORT ARCHIVE RESTORATION. Morzath considered this. Then, he reached deep into his tattered black robes. Gregor made a frightened noise beneath the desk. The lich withdrew a thin black volume bound with silver wire and placed it carefully on the Intake Tray.

"Perhaps this will suffice. The Proper Hosting of Diplomatic Banquets for the Recently Deceased. First edition." The Archive fell silent. The book glowed. DONATION ACCEPTED New Holding Added: The Proper Hosting of Banquets for the Recently Deceased New Classification Unlocked: Necromantic Etiquette Archive Health Increased: +0. 0000001% Current Archive Health: 0.

0000006% Patron Status Updated: Contributing Member Borrowing Limit Updated: One (1) item Requested Title: Currently unavailable A small ivory membership card appeared on the desk. Morzath picked it up reverently.

"No empire has ever given me a library card."

"Try not to lose it," Bart said.

"Replacement cards incur an administrative fee."

"I shall guard it with my life ah… lives." The System chimed again, dropping the final mission screen in front of Bart. NEW ACQUISITION REQUEST Requested Title: The Master's Guide to Advanced Pastry Baking Search Area: The Golden Provinces of Gildara Request Priority: CATASTROPHE-CLASS Reason: Patron dissatisfaction considered strategically unwise. Current Holder: UNKNOWN Objective: Investigate surviving repositories and acquire an authorised copy. Potential Rewards: Archive Restoration Progress …

Culinary Collection Established - Patron Borrowing Privileges Expanded Bart studied the three possible locations. Then, another message opened beneath it. REGIONAL INFORMATION: THE GOLDEN PROVINCES Primary inhabitants include humans, monastic baking orders, and Golden Troll clans. Bart stopped. He turned slowly toward the jammed Alchemy Grinder. Required: One (1) drop of Golden Troll Fat. Then, he looked beneath his desk.

"Gregor."

"I am not here, boss," came the muffled reply.

"I am part of the furniture."

"Pack your things." Gregor cautiously raised his head, eyeing the towering lich before looking at Bart.

"Where are we going?" Bart picked up the three damaged catalogue cards from the desk.

"To Gildara."

"To find the book?"

"To find three places that might contain the book," Bart corrected. He opened his desk drawer and placed his bag of premium dark roast coffee beans safely inside.

"And while we are there," Bart added, looking pointedly at the coffee grinder, "we are going to ask some trolls a very delicate question."