Chương 153: Tragic story

I returned inside Luoli's Dao Grotto, and sat down to drink my wine.

"I wanted to become a Nascent Soul at 16. Turns out, my soul wasn't old enough. I had to wait until I reached 17 and a dozen wives to be considered old enough. Cultivation is hard enough for a similar flower, even without artificial limits like that." I complained and drank more wine. The avatar sighed and landed on my knee.

"I know! I could have been a Dao King already, if I could become a Nascent Soul at 9 years old. But no... I had to waste my best years in Core Realm, like all the losers." the purple-haired avatar complained as well. We exchanged a secret smile, possibly one that other flowers will never have.

"So, can you heal me?" the Purple Empress asked with a hopeful voice. I sighed and nodded.

"I can heal anything. My new body has healing milk." I answered with a sad shrug. The avatar blinked and glanced at my groin.

"No way! A type of Yang meridian?" she asked a bit surprised.

"If that was possible, there would be a million such men running around. No. My milk... I can't explain it properly. I was born on a farm, and had to milk cows everyday. Until I joined my first sect, at least. After that, women milked me instead." I said with a wink. The avatar didn't blush, but faked it well, hiding her face between small fingers.

"I see. And what sect did you join now?" she asked instead.

"I am a Fairy Doctor with the Million Flowers Valley. The only man in that sect." I said with a smile. To my surprise, the Purple Empress nodded gently.

"Makes sense. Your milk must be a treasure for them. Possibly the same as a rare Sacred Body of a woman would be among a male sect. Except the Pink ones, of course." she spoke with a voice that betrayed lots of experience.

"In a few months I raised 220 Saints and a few Sages. Good for them, and also fun for me. I quite like my Fairy Doctor job." I added with another wink.

"I expect you would like it, indeed. So, you have to fuck my body outside, to heal me?" Luoli wondered more to the point.

"It's your choice, of course. I do not hunt demonic rapists just to become one myself. To the contrary, women pay me good money to get my milk." I spoke in a serious tone. The avatar nodded and tapped her chin.

"What happens after? Do you marry all of them? Make them concubines? Sword maids?" She asked with amazing intuition.

"Some of them, of course. Not that I can refuse a Dao King woman if she demands to become my wife, anyway. I'd only get my knees broken for nothing and still have to agree after I heal." I pointed out with a victim's voice.

"Haha! Poor Pef Tian. Professional victim. Did that scenario ever happen?" she asked a bit curious.

"No. I am extremely sneaky after all. I choose the fights I can win, and avoid the rest. Most women in the sect call me an immoral scumbag. Sometimes a bastard." I said with a clear conscience.

"Oh well. It is at least refreshing to meet a man who doesn't pretend to be a good hero. I hate those guys the most!" Luoli muttered with an angry face.

"So, do you want a closed casket again? I do have to leave soon." I asked as if she had already refused my healing. The avatar blinked, and waved a hand.

"Don't leave! You think the next guy who finds my body would even bother to ask for my consent? You are a lecherous scumbag, but you don't hide it. That makes you tolerable, at least. Plus, you're young and cute, for a man." the avatar muttered and hid her face again. The lotus glowed in my soul, so I took it out to show its glow to the Empress.

"This floating guy swims inside my Dao Grotto now. And seems to know you."

"Old Bodhi? Did you spin a similar flower too?" the Purple Empress asked in surprise. The lotus glowed harder, and detached a lapis lazuli petal into my hand. Okay, I get it! Immortal Empress, VIP treatment. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

"He wants you to eat this petal. And then drink my milk. Lots and lots of it. A thousand milk buckets?" I exclaimed while guessing at what the lotus was sending.

"I can hear it too! And didn't say a thousand buckets, but a thousand years. Might as well get married if we have to do it for that long. We do have many things in common, you and I." The Purple Empress proposed to me with her small avatar, and glanced at my dick for no reason. Now, the question was, should I say no, and see what happens? I stored the protesting lotus back inside my grotto, and walked outside.

"Did you speak with my lady? What did she say?" the floating lion avatar asked curious.

"Luoli said she wants to marry me. Women do like bad boys more than they like good boys, you know?" I asked rhetorically.

"But... I was always being praised for being a good boy! It's so unfair!" the lion protested and wailed at the ceiling. I closed the casket and stored the bronze coffin inside my Dao Grotto as well.

"So, healing herbs?" I asked instead. The small avatar sighed, and spat me out.

"Sixth level of the pyramid, step only on the yellow bricks. Unless you want to fight the guardians. In which case... nobody returned alive." the stone lion pointed out like a good boy.

"Good boy!" I said as thanks and flew towards the pyramid.

"I want to be a bad boy now. The spirit stones are on the 3rd level. White bricks!" the stone statue roared after me. Hmmm. I don't think he was supposed to tell me that. But I might as well check it out. After I looted the precious herbs first. I still had a billion stones in my ring for now. Two winged tigers guarded the pyramid entrance, also made of stone, but I knew they were more than statues.

"Hello, mighty tigers! The big lion sent me." I explained politely and didn't rush inside like a noob. One tiger statue opened an eye, and looked inside me.

"The lady says you're a bad boy. Are you sure you want to try the Immortal Pyramid trials?"

"No? I need some herbs from the 6th level. Maybe some spirit stones from the 3rd too. Is there anything else worth my time inside this place? The lion only recommended two levels." I asked with an innocent voice. The other tiger opened its eyes, and measured me for a long time.

"There is a good sword on the 9th level. Otherwise, no." the statue stated with a definitive voice.

"Don't be like that, little brother! Nobody in Sage realm can survive past the 7th level. There are nice pills on the 5th level, Pef Tian. And a good cauldron too, Sage-grade. Come back as a Dao King and you can indeed take that Dao Treasure from the 9th level." the second tiger advised me in a kinder voice.

"What was the order again? White for 6th and yellow for 3rd level, right? And blue for 5th? I didn't pay attention." I muttered and prepared to step inside.

"Fire is supposed to be red not blue." the first tiger grumbled to itself, and the second tiger winked. I sighed inward and flew into the pyramid, landing on a white tile. Something shifted and the entrance vanished behind me. Yes, Pef. This is exactly like that Cube movie you saw. But much worse. Jumping from tile to tile, I ascended the pyramid levels until I reached the 3rd level a few hours later. A huge bear statue guarded the spirit stone vault. We stared at each other for a long minute.

"Damn lion has been a bad boy, isn't it? At least the tiger lied..." the stone bear grumbled and pushed the vault door open for me, although I didn't say anything.

"Luoli asked me to marry her. You can say all this is my dowry." I said with a cheeky voice, and jumped inside the treasure vault. Imagine a country the size of Holland. Now imagine it full of skyscrapers. And the skyscrapers made of spirit stones. Damn! My new wife was rich beyond belief. I filled a dozen storage rings with spirit stones, and barely took away a dozen skyscrapers. There were billions more. So unfair! I could have been rich. With a sad face I flew out, and the stone bear sighed at my small fortune.

"This is only the first room, Pef Tian. There are billions of treasure rooms like that, and most are even larger." I cried inside and jumped on a red tile. Might as well visit the pill depository too. And blame myself for having such low storage capacity. The 5th level was guarded by a stone monkey.

"Do you have a long stick?" I asked to make sure.

"The Victorious Buddha is not in this world, Pef Tian. Stop dreaming so big!" the stone monkey said with a gleam in its eye, then opened the door. My heart broke as I entered the first room. There were pills, and pill recipes, and cauldrons and more pills. Going further and higher than realistically possible, until you realized there were infinite worlds to loot, by a bored Immortal with infinite time to waste. I filled a single storage ring with enough pills to support a continent-size war, and walked out.

"This place sucks. I could have been so rich." I grumbled and stored my new Tier 7 cauldron inside my Dao Grotto, beside a coffin and my lotus.

"Come back as a Dao King, Pef Tian! The good stuff is upstairs!" the stone monkey advised me with a patient voice. I sobbed and jumped on the yellow tile. More climbing, until I reached my final destination. The stone statue of a huge lotus, guarding the herb garden.

"Little Blue! Come out and say hello to your uncle!" the stone lotus asked aloud. I extracted the Saint-grade lotus, and watched the strange plants glow at each other.

"Stay at the threshold and don't enter, Pef Tian. You'll come out old and maybe even dead if you enter." the stone lotus advised me as it opened the big door. Some kind of accelerated time chamber? It made sense for plants, as they did grow very slow. I thanked the blue lotus for his help and stored it back inside my grotto.

"What kind of herbs do you need, Pef Tian? And don't ask for a lotus, that would be awkward." the stone guardian asked with an ironic voice. I mused inward for a minute, then started placing my small order. All you can eat buffet, and I lacked the storage space! It was such a tragedy.