Chương 1099: Day One Thousand And Ninety-Seven

Dear Diary, Yeah, I'm juggling like half a dozen different things that I'm worried about, and part of the problem is that I'm not sure how many of them are related to one another. Like, the first one is Aisling. On the one hand she's obviously a traumatized kid who needs me to protect her, to do my best to heal her or help her heal or find someone to do one of those. I'm working on that, but there's only so much I can do.

I guess maybe I ought to ask Siobhan to bring Canta in, although I'd want to talk it out with Doc Glass before I do, because I know he feels some kinda way about Deities in general, which given Canta's a Deity of Healing, they'll either get along like a house on fire, or like a house on fire, if you see what I'm seeing. At the same time, she's basically a loose warhead. Not anything I can blame her for, it almost seems like maybe someone did that shit to her on purpose.

But I can't just let her go wandering around unwatched, because at this point I don't think she can control it, which means she might wind up killing a bunch of people, and that shit leaves a mark. The first people I killed were at the Temple of the Moon, and that was to save a little kid, which left me thinking that it wasn't all that bad.

Then I killed thousands at the Battle of the Walls, and while I felt a huge amount of guilt over it, and I maybe tried to be less lethal after that, it got easier for me to kill people and walk away without feeling awful. I don't want that for my daughter. For any of my daughters. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. So I've got a daughter who needs to be healed, and a living weapon to avoid setting off. Both of them in the same tiny little body. A Child's body.

Which... I am deeply worried about something happening in three more days. I still don't know why that shit happens. I'm also aware of the fact that some of the times kids have been endangered haven't fit the pattern. I do know that if something does happen, I'm gonna go have a chat with Skuld, and if she doesn't know anything, her sisters, and if none of the Norns know anything, I'm gonna go have a chat with the Fates.

Thing is, whether they know anything or not, the idea that there's gonna be something that puts kids in danger juxtaposed with a traumatized kid does not leave me copacetic. Along with all of that, I'm also getting really worried that my whole shit is about to collapse. Like, the Manic Depression had me worried I was gonna crash, and I started spiraling, but then I kinda leveled out, got my idea for mischief, and maybe got a boost to my dopamine and serotonin when I gave her those sheets.

Which means I'm definitely getting another Manic episode. Fortunately, tonight was my Revel night. I got the kids home and eating dinner, at which point I gave everybody hugs and kisses, left one of me sitting with Aisling, then stepped to my Temple. I... I kind of lost myself to my Worshippers. I didn't do anything horrific, or anything awful, but I also didn't give anybody the kind of one on one attention that I craved, that I wanted to do. I don't think they were upset with me, or disappointed, but...

I was disappointed with myself. Which is why when I got home, I curled around Aisling where she lay there sleeping, and crashed. Hard.