Chương 867: Day Eight Hundred And Sixty-Five

Dear Diary, Sometimes I really worry that I've got no fuckin' moral integrity whatsoever. Seriously, I am a Goddess whose core Values are Agency, Egalitarianism, and fuckin' Redemption, and yet so far I've yet to save one of those poor fuckin' brainwashed child soldier kaiju. I get it, they're weapons of mass destruction that have been launched at the Alliance, at my people, my family, and I've got to stop them.

I also get that the more frequently I used some particular tactic to stop them, the more likely they are to adapt to it. Okay, the kaiju are less likely to, maybe, but Poseidon isn't as mindless as they seem to be. It has not evaded my attention that three of this last wave of kaiju have hit the Black Dragon, which previously was the only ship capable of killing one of the kaiju on its own.

That does not make me feel super copacetic about the Tentacles, especially the Seeking, what with that one having the Imperator aboard. Not that I really give a shit about the Imperator, but said Imperator happens to share a person with my Wife Saffron, my Kitten who I love more than life itself. That brings things back around to how I'm not convinced that my Moral Compass is in any way a viable thing to be guiding a whorehouse, let alone here and now's first functional nation.

I mean, I'm not technically in charge, and there's a whole assed nascent democratic republic happening, especially with Phileo, Camden Yards, Newark, Norfolk, and Calverton all now being some form of democracy. Okay, I'm not sure on Calverton. Marylin is still working on the whole Constitution thing. But the others have some kind of election for at least some positions of power.

At any rate, at my best I want the Alliance to prosper for entirely unselfish reasons that have to do with complicated moral concepts like 'not being a selfish bitch', 'enjoying prosperous, peaceful life', and 'vaguely enjoying it when other people succeed'. There are more selfish ones, like 'the constant low level Worship', 'chocolate', and 'potatoes', but at the core, the real reason I do all this isn't really much more complex or altruistic than Lenny Lancaster's. My family lives in the Alliance.

Their fate is tied to the Alliance in so many ways, and I don't think we could really leave it behind. Okay, that's not true, and I know it. My kids, my ladies, we're all survivors. Okay, maybe not Siobhan, but she's tougher than she lets on, and if the other twenty odd family members need to form up around her to keep her safe, I'm sure she'll be right in the middle, holding Hailee and healing us all. I'm sure Grandmother's Village would let us build a house there, even if it wasn't a mansion like we have now.

I'm sure we could survive. But right now we're doing more than surviving. Yeah, Siobhan's 'surviving' her pregnancy, rather than the glow Marie had around her while she waddled, but that's just fuckin' life. Surviving the little illnesses and injuries that happen no matter how rich and powerful you get. Stubbed toes, cramps, morning sickness, bumps and bruises of all shapes and sizes. But in general, we've been prospering, and I do not want to give that up. I do not want to live in a constant state of siege.

I do not want to miss any more birthdays. Yeah, I get it, shit happens, and if we keep popping out kids we'll wind up with a fuckin' birthday party every couple weeks, but my considered opinion on that is so fuckin' what. Yeah, eventually it'll be more a 'kid gets extra cake and maybe some wacky gift' than the entire production we did for Menace's' birthdays, but that's already kind of happening. It's not always about there being a whole assed national holiday for every birthday every kid everywhere has.

It's about a day when their own personal family shows them that they're special, they're loved, they're home. Which is why I maybe tagged Marie and Tallulah right after the Black Dragon used her Mana Lance to execute the kaiju what had been throwing boulders at her. Right after sunset, I Co-Located back home, where the kids had dinner waiting. Mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs, and the shittiest steaks I had ever personally seen.

I hopped one of me back into the kitchen as I knelt down to talk to Maze and Ria, who seemed to be the organized ones.

"Sorry, Mama. We wanted..." Ria stuttered to a stop, and Maze stepped in.

"Alex likes steaks." I nodded.

"Hey, steaks aren't easy until you know how. Anybody ever show you how?" They shook their heads.

"Eggs were replacement for the steaks?" They nodded.

"Yeah. I'mma tell you what. You two gather up the steaks, we're gonna make some kind of stew out of them. Maybe leave it simmering overnight like gumbo and have it tomorrow." They sighed, then called Lindsey and Menace over to help gather up all the horrible mockeries of steaks they'd made. Overcooked, burned, undercooked, half cooked, you name it, they'd hit every way to do steak wrong. That took a few minutes.

In the meanwhile Daya, David, Siobhan, and Saffron all got the kits singing a round of the birthday song to Alex. When the girls brought back all their failed steaks, I had a cauldron all set up to toss them in and let them simmer. Then I pulled a plate out of the oven.

"Looks like you forgot one, though. This one came out pretty good, why don't you let the birthday girl have it?" They all looked at me, looked at the steak, then looked up at me again. I winked, got a chorus of thank yous and hugs, and the girls tromped off to the dining room, Ria leading the way with the plate held in front of her. Marie's arms went around me.

"Thanks, Vlickies."

"Hey, I can't let our girls down." She expressed her appreciation in nonverbal yet unequivocal ways while Alex got her steak and everybody sang. Alex laughed and tore into her steak. Rare, but the good kind of rare. Kinda proud of myself that I in fact knew how to do that while Marie was focused on what came next. Of course, as she finished up her steak, Alex looked a little like she felt some kinda way. Like she was upset, but didn't want to show it, because she'd liked her steak and us singing.

I sidled over while everybody else finished up their potatoes and eggs.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Nothing, Mama." I poked her in the arm.

"None of that, now. What's wrong?" She mumbled something. I tapped her on the arm again. She sighed and muttered out, "I kinda wanted a cake."

"Do you really think..." Tallulah and Marie showed up just then, carrying a monster tray full of chocolate lava cakes between them.

"I'd let one of you go without birthday cake?" Tallulah slipped, then staggered. I got a tentacle under the tray just in time to let Marie double herself to save it. From where she had one knee on the floor, Tallulah breathed out, "Goddess." I leapt to where she stood on the Training Tentacle. One arm hung limp, but she shaped a Ward with the other just in time to block a big hunk of rock. Both of the big fore and aft crossbows turned and fired back in the direction the rock had come from.

I watched as the kaiju in the distance, a pair of spears looking like toothpicks in its left shoulder, sidestepped and leaned over to pick up another boulder.

"Mother..." I leapt out, passing through M-Space long enough to slap one of my bigger tentacles and pull a few of them back to the Mortal Realm with me. I landed right in front of the thing, kaiju large and screaming, "FUCKER!" I grabbed it by the hair and yanked it's head down as I brought one knee up into its face. Bones crunched, blood flowed, and it lunged forward, shoulder driving toward my gut.

I caught it's ankles with tentacles and pulled it's feet out from under it, pulling it's arms with two more until I held it spread eagled with its face in the ocean. It thrashed, between it's hideous strength and the silty slime on its legs nearly pulling free. I yanked it's head out of the water and bent down to scream in its face.

"Do NOT fuck around on my kid's birthday!" If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it. I shoved a massive Mana Blade out of my other arm, a short, dense, almost blunt Mana Cleaver. I pulled its neck straight, brought my Blade around, and almost cut my own fucking foot off when it sliced through and the whole fuckin' kaiju convulsed. I lifted its face and screamed into its fading eyes.

"Tell your boss to fuck the fuck off today, I am not in the mood." Then I wound up and yeeted the fucker's head over the horizon to the east. I shrank down and collapsed back to the deck of the Training.

"You okay, Elle?" She looked at me, tired but getting back to her feet.

"I thought I was T?" I smiled and pulled her into a quick kiss.

"You can be both. T for my Tallulah. Elle for my Elegant Lady. Maybe Elle T for my Long Tall Tallulah." She blushed, and after a quick Assess to be sure she had nothing worse going on than being winded and some cuts and bruises, I collapsed back to the Homestead and helped her up. She kinda melted into my arms a little. Yours? Did you not want to be? I neither said nor intended to imply that. I pulled her into a hug and started distributing lava cakes.

I also brought in a couple tentacles to pull Saffron's hands behind her back and plunk her down on her chair, where another one might have taken advantage of their semi-corporeal nature to thwap her once across the butt. Birthday girl first! I wasn't going to... I led the girls in another chorus of Happy Birthday, I presented Alex with her cake, which had a candle on it. I wasn't exactly sure how many, but candle is candle.

"Make a wish!" While I did that, my tentacles slid the cake away from where Saffron had leaned forward in an attempt to get her mouth on it. Also, I'm going to feed you yours. One very slow bite at a time. Bitch! Before I feed you mine. I love you! Equally slowly! I love you, bitch! I took my time doling out cakes, only returning to my seat when everyone else had theirs. Then I took my time feeding my kitten one slow, sloppy bite at a time. Because I absolutely got sloppy with that.

I left the two of us there as I Co-Located to lead Alex and the rest of the fam up to the bedroom, where I'd hidden her present in one of the closets. We all took a bit moving everything to her room, and a bit more while everybody else got sorta bored and wandered up to the Bath as I explained basic safety to our little Hero in training. She'd gotten a little sweaty from doing one and two reps of a couple lifts when I led her up to shower and soak. Which was right about when I finished feeding Saffron.

I stepped her up to the Bedroom, Co-Locating her as I did, almost dangling her with a tentacle still holding her wrists. She grinned at me with the tiniest shiver of fear.

"Am I to be another snack tossed in your Maw tonight, then?"

"Hey, I haven't tossed anybody in there since... Um, okay, did I actually eat a whale?" She nodded, still shivering. Probably the chocolate cooling. Maybe the lack of clothes.

"And now me?" I took a deep breath, filling my brain with the smell of chocolate and Saffron.

"Tempting. You'd be okay?" She nodded.

"Yeah, no, there's a non-zero chance of some asshole kaiju getting a lucky shot in, and I don't want you still recovering if that happens." Her lips slipped into a pout until I slipped to my knees in front of one of her.

"So any eating will be done like this." A while later, not long after I finished cleaning one of her off, Isnomi swam over to where the ladies floated in the bath.

"Mom?" I chuckled.

"She's just finished with eating." I Co-Located the mostly clean one of her to the shower and started a quick scrub down.

"See? So messy. She'll be here in a second."

"Ah Tay." Why am I still up here in the Bedroom with one of me still chocolate covered and nary a Goof in sight? Because I like the taste of Saffron, but you like the taste of chocolate? She laughed out loud in the shower.

"Such Goof." I kissed her while I scrubbed.

"Complaints?"

"Not a damn one." Is that the only reason? I mean, it's kind of a philosophy experiment, isn't it? She blinked at me.

"How so?" I wanna see if your Skills are so good that you can even interrupt yourself. I had her clean, so I scooped her up in a princess carry and headed for the Bath. She leaned against my ear and murmured, "so if you're correct, my fate is to interrupt myself all night?"

"Or, y'know, not interrupt yourself. It's for science!" She looked me right in the eye as I slipped into the water, collapsing into myself as I did, still holding her.

"So that's coming back to bite me in the ass now?"

"Hey! I didn't bite. Not once." She snerked.

"Kinda wanted to, too."

"Why didn't you?" I shrugged.

"Same reason. Sticking to low impact at the moment. For obvious reasons. No matter how tempted I am otherwise." So if the kaiju and Poseidon had not been attacking, I would have been, as you might say, yeeted into your maw once more, but this time covered in chocolate? I swallowed, forcing myself to stillness. Yeah, um, I'm still not sure how I feel about that. You know how I feel about it.

"Yeah, well. Not sure if I'm up to giving into Her Dark Fatassness' impulses quite so much at this point." She went a little tense, but didn't reply for a bit. When she finally relaxed, she said, "I Consent to this science experiment on one condition."

"Name it."

"You'll be watching as I do." I flopped onto the divan to see the cleaner of her sitting on the end of the bed, the other standing in the room where I'd left her. She shook her head.

"No, love. From your Maw." I pouted.

"The view from the West Tower isn't as good." She rolled her eyes, then stepped over and slipped one chocolate dripped finger into my mouth.

"No, love. You will sleep tonight." I opened my mouth, and she shoved more of her hand in.

"You've gone how long without sleep?" I pouted a little, and she smiled.

"Your temper gets worse before you begin slipping. Sleep tonight, love. The others will watch over the Black Dragon in shifts."

"When are you gonna sleep?" She smirked at me.

"When I manage to force myself to, unless I'm too good at distracting myself to do so."

"Okay, so if you're still awake tomorrow?" She booped my nose.

"Then I fully expect you to correct that when you wake, and watch over the Seeking while I sleep." I sighed, then kinda whined, "fine."

"Well then. Off to bed with you." I looked over to where she sat primly on the edge of the bed, waiting.

"Not until you're asleep and watching, Goof." Yeah, fun night last night. Not quite the same as a blooper reel, but close kin to it. I might have given the ladies a more immersive experience by slowly dragging them under, then letting them pop back out a moment before they dissolved. Nobody seemed to be a huge fan, but then nobody dove under of their own accord or asked me to stop or anything. Taking care of my Kitten in the morning reminded me of those high rise demolition videos.

Quiet noises and almost nothing, followed by an inevitable cacophony of destructive release, followed by silence. Okay, quiet Kitten snores when I stepped to her side on the Seeking. I tucked her into her bunk, then hopped up to the crow's nest to stand watch. Needed to get to work on my plan, but couldn't push myself to after that. Not sure why. Probably some kind of dopamine defect or something.

Mid-afternoon, after Saffron had woken up and taken over aboard the Seeking, Marie, aboard the Worshipping, told us all, Storm Northeast. I glanced through her eyes to see a storm front in that direction. Somehow that motivated me to get off my ass and, leaving one of me on the Black Dragon and one atop the West Tower, Co-Located one of me to the base of Yggdrasil. A young woman with skin like coal and hair of flame popped up when I got close to the roots.

"Hold!" I stopped. Not freezing or anything, just standing there sort of casually. She had something I almost didn't recognize in her arms. When I did, I pointed and said, "where did you get that?" She shrugged and smiled, but never moved the futuristic looking gun from where it pointed at my midsection.

"Tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow." I nodded.

"Skuld, I assume?" She smiled.

"Yes! Who are you?" I held out one hand, and she tensed a little, but I just kept it out, offering her a handshake, and said, "Tabitha Diaz, Patron Deity of the Alliance, Matriarch of the Alliance Pantheon." She relaxed a little at that, but didn't lower the gun.

"Also, Mimic." Her tension returned.

"Most importantly here and now, though, I'm Loki's adopted daughter." Her eyes narrowed a little at that.

"I'd heard something about the Walking Ragnarok releasing the Liesmith." I shrugged.

"I'm gonna, but not yet. Just to be clear, while I could do a smash and grab to break him out, I'm really not intending to." That got a curious tiny head tilt out of her.

"No? Then how will you do so?" I shrugged.

"I'm gonna convince Odin to commute his sentence. Or maybe release him to me. Or something semi-legal like that." She paused, a faraway look on her face. The gun dropped the tiniest bit.

"You know, I think you really do intend to."

"You know something I don't?" She didn't raise the gun, but she focused on me.

"What do you intend here?"

"I need to talk at my brother for a bit." She gave me a look, her gun dropping a tiny bit, then going up to point at the sky.

"I doubt you'll have any luck, but I don't recall anyone forbidding him visitors. Especially family. I'll let my sisters know."

"Thanks. Oh, congrats on kicking the crack rock habit."

"Huh?" I didn't get a chance to explain. Time had fucked around a bit, and sunset came quickly in the mountains around the Homestead, especially atop the West Tower in M-Space. Of course, I got more than a little tense when the sun dipped beyond the horizon faster than it should have, then came screaming at the back of my head. I spun, drawing Mana from my tentacles, wondering who exactly was full of themselves enough to come at me this close to my Maw.

A moment later Pyevatar hovered in front of me, just off the side of the tower, flames licking across her skin.

"Tabitha Diaz! Boltophsberg calls for aid!"