Chương 842: Day Eight Hundred And Forty

Dear Diary, Yeah, the more I deal with Deities whose heads are not firmly ensconced in their own rectums, the more I realize that we're all of us bound to our own Domains, Demesnes, and or Divine bullshit. Which, in case me calling it 'bullshit' wasn't enough of a clue, I am not a huge fan of. Seriously, I'm supposedly destined to consume everything.

Like, I'd really like to know how the fuck I avoid nomming the loves of my life, especially when they seem bound and determined to auto-yeet into my Maw as often as I'll let them. It does not make it any better that Saffron in specific showed me exactly what it's like for someone to undergo that willingly. I'm sorta guessing that their nightly dream dissolution in my Maw is some variation on that, which makes me really hope that I never wind up with a sex-repulsed Ace High Clergy person.

Then again, it's not actually sex. While tentacle penetration does in fact occur now and again in my Maw dreams, it is in no way required for my ladies to feed themselves to me like that. Despite really trying to rack my brain for details I read about Ace people, because while Tallulah isn't sex-repulsed, she seems to be somewhere in that Ace spectrum, I can't remember if sex-repulsed Ace folks would be horrified to have spontaneous nocturnal orgasms or not.

I mean, if they just wind up wearing their Holy Garb to bed so they don't have to do a shit ton of extra laundry, because I'm not stupid enough to confuse 'sex repulsed' with 'ascetic', that's fine. Shit, they even get extra bonus dopamine release at dawn if they do that, which again if the sensation of sexual gratification doesn't turn their stomach, is just free bonus Ecstasy, right? Yeah, I really wish I knew more about this kinda shit, but it's not easy Scrying my old world for niche academic information.

Not that general shit about being Ace ought to be niche, I don't think, but last time I peeked I didn't find anybody reading anything I hadn't already read. But that's all just borrowing trouble. The one thing I'm actually worried about that isn't like that is Saffron. She strained her Soul doing that kaiju sized fighting thing she did. Not gonna be mad at her for that, she's got all kinds of reasons why, and she's smarter than me, so I'm not gonna be super hyper critical of her decision making.

I'll ask her about it, because we all make mistakes, but if I can't see the 'ask a five year old child' error in her logic, I'm sure as shit not gonna be able to see the fancy high powered errors. But I'm still wondering if she would still have strained her Soul if she hadn't tossed a chunk into my Maw all at once on my birthday. Yeah, I pondered that a lot while waiting in Hades' palace today. Almost brooded over it. Probably would have if Marie hadn't been there prodding me to keep me from doing so.

With little verbal jabs when she could, and literal claw jabs when she couldn't. So based on what Saffron told me before, I decided to show up at Hades' place at sunset as a sign I wasn't there to throw down. We'd parted friends last time, but I was absolutely there to find out as much as I could about his brother with the explicit intention of ending said brother's existence with prejudice.

I rolled up to the front of the Palace, which looked a lot better than it had last time I was here, even if some of the bas relief had cracks, and the spots I'd Mineral Bonded still stood out against the columns. I knocked on the door, first a couple light raps with the back of my hand, which did dick all, then a couple harder taps with my knuckles.

Where the light raps didn't even make a slapping noise outside the building, the harder taps must have done something, because within a second of the first one the distinct sound of a trio of doggos welcoming a visitor echoed from within the palace. Before I could turn to Marie and ask whether I'd done something wrong, the doors crashed open and Cerberus knocked us both on our asses. He a big doggo, and I think he realized that neither of us was fragile in the slightest.

We each had one head dedicated to licking our face, with Cerb's central head alternating between licking Marie, licking me, and borking at the top of his lungs. His big old tail smacked the doors harder than I'd knocked, sending echoing booms through the building.

"Cerb! What are you...! Oh. I'm so sorry, he's not normally quite this boisterous." Persephone tried to pull Cerberus off us, but doggo wasn't having any of it. He just turned a bit, whuffed real loud, and when Persephone caught an errant tail sweep and stumbled toward us, dedicated one head to expressing his slobbery joy at having one target for each of his tongues. Marie had the most cat expression I'd ever seen on her plastered all over her face, but her claws just ruffled the big doggo's neck and shoulders.

For my part I alternated between head bunting him and hugging him to me; both of those got him even more excited, but gave me a brief reprieve from dog slobber running down my face. A minute later, the big man himself stepped into the doorway, leaned against the frame, and facepalmed.

"I'm sorry, Tabitha Diaz. He's been missing you, I think." I shrugged while pushing Cerb away a little by using both hands to rub at his shoulders.

"Eh. Probably missing my rugrats. Especially Isnomi; she gets on well with pretty much everything with fangs, fur, and more or less than two legs."

"Yes, but that's a most undignified greeting." I shrugged, hugged his dog, and kipped up to my feet, using Cerb to brace myself as I did.

"Yeah, well. Dignity's overrated. I'd rather have somebody show me they're happy to see me than hide it, y'know?" Hades snapped his fingers and did a little whistle thing, and if Cerb whined the tiniest bit, snuffling around me as if looking for something before he turned to trot over to Hades, he stopped exfoliating the three of us. Marie just kinda oozed to her feet, then reached down to help Persephone up. Farm girl didn't look like she needed help, but also wasn't snooty enough to turn down the help.

"Yes, well. We are King and Queen of the Underworld, and our subjects expect at least a certain degree of gravitas from us." I shrugged and walked forward, one hand out. When he clasped it, I pulled him in to a quick embrace, then clapped his shoulder gently as I pulled away.

"Yeah, maybe some of them. But honestly if the two watching the office are anything to go by, most of them wouldn't mind you being, y'know, people." He chuckled.

"You make it sound as if the denizens of my realm would prefer I acted like a... A father than a king." The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I let my face show my sincerity when I replied, "have you seen the way folks in the Alliance treat Saffron?" At his questioning head tilt, I explained, "yeah, she's the Imperator, but nine times out of ten, when it comes to ordinary folks, she acts more like a mom than a Queen. They love her because she loves them."

"And you are not jealous of that love?"

"Why would I be? We've got a whole mess of kids, she loves all of them, and it hasn't made her love me any less yet. I love her more now than I did when we met. More than when we got married, even. Either time. It's... Love isn't a zero sum game."

"Interesting." He paused a moment in thought, then said, "be welcome in our house, Tabitha Diaz. Have you broken your fast yet?"

"More end of my day than the beginning, but I could eat if you're offering."

"So come to the residence, we were making breakfast when you knocked." I followed him in, Persephone moving around Marie and I to slip under his arm. I realized that even if it had been a bit, he still hadn't fully recovered from the brutal beating his brother had given him. Not really surprising if most of his Worshippers were, y'know, already dead. Only so much juice they could spare without just blinking out, I guess. Then again, maybe that's part of where his power came from.

From what Grandma Aetos described, a lot of Souls just slowly fell apart, kind of like radioactive decay, and if he absorbed all that ambient Soul stuff, that might be sort of the same as Worship. Maybe a little macabre, but it sorta felt more like he was breathing in what they breathed out rather than any vampiric shit. Or maybe he just had a lot of normal Worshippers or something. I wasn't an expert on any of that shit. Turns out what with her skylight, Persephone had taken to experimenting a little with food.

While Hades sat at the kitchen table and insisted I do so as well, she led Marie over to the counter and showed her what looked like a hand cranked mixer of some kind.

"Ambrosia?" Marie asked as she looked in the bowl next to the mixer. Persephone nodded.

"Could you cut these up, please?" She handed four fairly big apples to my Murder Mittens, who nodded and asked, "skinned?" Persephone thought about that for a second, then said, "please do." While Marie skinned the apples, then sliced them into bite sized chunks, Persephone upended a pitcher of something like thin honey into the bowl, then twisted and ripped some leafy, herby things into it before applying the hand mixer.

"So what brings you to me, Tabitha Diaz?" I sighed.

"Can't it just be a visit?"

"Is it?" I slumped a little.

"I wish it was, but no. So far your brother has sent seven big Titan Jotnar Hybrid kaiju at the Alliance."

"Seven?" He sounded shocked.

"How..." He shook his head, dismissing his own question.

"Each new way I think that he came by such beings is worse than the last. I would that I could assist you, but as you no doubt guessed I'm not fully recovered."

"Yeah, no, I get that. I need to get into Tartarus." I'm really glad he hadn't taken the big mug Persephone handed him yet, because I think he'd have done a spit take and sprayed smoothie all over me. That's what was in the mugs, some kind of fruit smoothie with little bite sized apple chunks. I took a sip while Hades recovered, and holy shit that shit was good. Like, not so much 'cooked' as just 'mixed', but sweet, savory, with hints of sour and salt and even bitter accentuating both the sweetness and the savor.

I caught notes of citrus, of honey, and maybe carrot, but the flavors all blended together into something more, something absolutely Divine. Marie sipped hers while I took a couple big swallows of mine. Eventually Hades recovered enough to drink his own smoothie. After the first sip, he nodded to his wife.

"This is lovely dear."

"Be sure you finish it all. You need to get your strength back if you're to reclaim Tartarus from that asshole."

"He is my brother, and King of the Seas, love."

"He's also an asshole." He slumped. I'm pretty sure I'd done that same slump when Saffron managed to point out that I was being some flavor of idiot for particularly stupid reasons.

"He is. He... He always has been, really. Zeus? Zeus is charming, when he's getting what he wants. Poseidon less so." He paused, took another long drink. While he did that and Persephone did the same, my Murder Mittens lighting quick hands swapped out my mug for hers.

"I should have seen it when he did what he did to the Gorgons."

"I knew he'd raped Medusa, but the others?" Hades shook his head.

"Not just Medusa. Or, rather, he was more brutal with her sisters than with her."

"The fuck?" He shook his head.

"They were immortal, unlike their sister. I... I didn't believe... Didn't want to believe that my own brother could be that much of a monster." I sighed.

"Yeah. Well. He fuckin' is. He's not just a monster, he's a monster that makes monsters. Turns people who might otherwise just be, y'know, normal people, into monsters. Shit, everything I've seen about you says your worst trait is that you like ledgers maybe a little more than is healthy."

"Hey! I like that he likes ledgers!" I grinned at Persephone.

"Yeah, my Kitten likes them too, and I get all hot and bothered when she starts nerding out over them. So you get what I mean, nothing really obvious wrong with your man here." I turned back to him.

"But he got you to look the other way when he did all that sick shit. While he got your niece to sign off on it even, right?" He just nodded. I let that lie for a while as we both sipped our smoothies, our wives leaning against us. Eventually he sighed, "Tartarus?" I nodded.

"Would that I could lead you there, permit you entry, but the list of beings who can access Tartarus is short, and many, even most of them do not know the way."

"Who's on the list?"

"The Titan Tartarus himself, although he is chained in the very deepest pit of his realm. The Lord of Tartarus, which was me until my brother wrested that title from me. Psychopomps, although they may not stay more than a night and a day unless given explicit permission to leave afterward by the Lord of Tartarus." I turned to Marie.

"Do you know?" She shook her head.

"What did you do with the Master Lich then?" She nodded to Hades, who sighed.

"I turned her over to Thanatos for delivery to Tartarus." He stayed quiet a long moment, then said, "I shall summon him. He is the most powerful Psychopomp of whose loyalty I am certain. But it may take some time."

"You mind if I wait here? I can play with Cerb in the yard, give him some exercise. Marie's really good at acupuncture, might help you recover a little faster. Maybe we can talk cooking?" I looked at Persephone, who'd gotten a bit of a booger look at the mention of acupuncture, but it mostly went away when I mentioned cooking. He nodded, and Persephone nodded with him.

"We would love to have you visit until he arrives. I cannot say how long he will be, though. Sparta was active this past spring, and Souls continue to trickle in from the normal famine and plague that follows in the wake of such things."

"Yeah, I'll let the fam know." Kitten? Darling? Elle? Marie and I are gonna be at Hades' place for a bit. Waiting on Thanatos to guide us to Tartarus so we can have words with salty dipshit McGee. See if Cerberus can visit when you're done. The girls would love to see him. What about Hades and Persephone?

Yeah, I definitely think I might have lost all sense of perspective, because when I thought that at her, Saffron mentally gaped like a fish for a minute before thinking, well, if they're willing to visit a rustic backwater like our Homestead, I suppose we can host them for a time. Okay. Love you, Kitten. I love you too, Goof. Be careful in Tartarus. Never am, but I'll see you when we're done. Time moves oddly in M-Space, and Hades is definitely part of that.

Wound up spending all day just fucking around doing domestic visiting shit with the royal couple. At one point Persephone even let Marie lean Hades over the kitchen counter and work on his shoulders with her claws, after which the man himself just oozed down into his chair with a relieved sigh. Late in the day, almost so late I'd have thought it was an early sunset if I could be wrong about the timing of that, vast, shadowy wings darkened the sky.