Chương 848: Day Eight Hundred And Forty-Six

Dear Diary, Funny, the things you don't think about sometimes as a Mom. As a for instance, I'm sort of peripherally aware that my once again smallest daughter Isnomi bested the Weyland Smith in his own Workshop the day after I adopted him. Thing is, while I realize she's way more dangerous than her size and age would make somebody think, I absolutely turned to him when it came to asking someone to defend the Alliance while I slept.

Shit, she's more dangerous than he is, but no, I asked him, even though he's basically Saffron's son while she's my daughter. No, I know, I get it, I adopted him, and she birthed Isnomi. But look at it. He's an artist and a nerd. Yes, he clearly bested Thor and Tyr both, he did that in his Workshop, although I think maybe there was some of that Sidhe or Fae bullshit about rules and hospitality going on.

Meanwhile Isnomi is absolutely the kind of adrenaline junkie beast who Marie and Diana both look to as Sempai without any kind of rancor or irony. But for whatever reason even knowing that right now, if there was a kaiju on the way and I couldn't stop it myself, and the only two who could intercept were Conrad and Isnomi, I'd ask him. Fuck, my logical brain says to tap her and send him along as chaperone and backup and maybe to keep her on task, but nope, not gonna.

Totally not fair to him, and I'm gonna find some way to make that right, some way to make that up to him. Yeah, I know, she's still a child while he's an adult, but he's still my son. Speaking of Children, I woke up under a pile of them. Literally underneath them, with no way to see the surface. I'm pretty sure if I needed to breathe, I would have suffocated. Instead I felt about as healthy as I had in a long while.

Like, nothing hurt except my scars, and even there it was that kind of old, familiar ache that's almost an itch rather than pain. I also felt utterly, completely at peace with the world, so I went right back to sleep. Dreamt of my ladies watching Marie mauling Tallulah in the most pleasant fashion possible. I woke up before the best part, and well before sunrise, when the kids atop me started a chorus of whining about needing chamber pots.

Fortunately, my smallest yet somehow simultaneously most dominant daughter announced, "fowwow me to da pod!" As the massive pile of everything from barely independent post-toddlers to nascent pre-teens followed Isnomi toward the Bore, I thought, everybody okay? Better. Marie sounded insufferably smug, and I totally approved. Yes. Much better. Very. Very much. Bet... Tallulah's thought did not stop, but it did get completely incoherent for a bit.

Not long after the last kid vacated the bed, which let me sit up and roll myself out, she thought. All is absolutely well. I didn't often get to hear Marie pouty. Not done. Also didn't often get to hear someone shut her up so completely. I am utterly spent, Mistress. But I am yours to enjoy as you will. Yeah, not sure where Saffron and Siobhan slept last night, but I knew where the taller of my partners were. So I Co-Located over to the divan and watched until Marie shook the room with a roar.

Kinda neat bit of trivia, and I'm not sure if it's because of the thickness of the rock, some kind of Ward my Kitten put in place, or the semi-M-Space nature of the Bedroom, but I heard not a peep nor whisper of that roar in the bedroom, even though I think I might have gotten some tinnitus sitting right there in the Bedroom with her.

I wasn't sure when it happened, but apparently I now had the habit and knack of not only dropping capital letters onto otherwise innocent words, but I also knew without question the difference between my bedroom and my Bedroom. Acclimatization for the win, I guess? I ghosted my way behind the last of the kids in line and watched as the Menace somehow managed to triage the kids into 'needs to get to the potty ASAP', 'needs to go but can wait in line', and 'too late, head for the shower'.

No idea how she did it, but she managed to get the entire herd of kids to share four toilets and eight shower stalls without any undue fuss. In fact, the only fuss came from the ones who'd never used a flush toilet or a shower before, and most of that was just novelty. If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

As they hit the Bath, I bopped each one with that drown-proofing Boon, because I did not need Isnomi's big Halloween sleepover marred by accidental dead kid. Then, as she followed the last one into the Bath, I lowered my Blend and said, "good work, Menace. Mama's proud of you."

"Mama!" She spun on her heel and leapt at me, and I responded by scooting into the Bath as quickly as possible, because not only did my own daughters decide that 'pile on Mama' was the order of the day, the rest of Isnomi's expanded posse apparently agreed. I dispensed raspberries and hugs and tickles as seemed appropriate, eventually winding up in the middle of a giant floating island of kid.

I definitely threaded tentacles out through the water, because there was just not enough me for them all to cling to, and it seemed like most of them felt some kinda way about not touching me, at least symbolically. I must have made some kind of noise over in the Bedroom, because both of my longer ladies looked at me. Marie rolled her shoulders and looked as smug as only a big cat can be. Tallulah, on the other hand, turned her head to look at me, winced a little, then nodded and said, "Mistress."

A moment later she twisted around to sit on the end of the bed, flexing her hips and neck, frowning, even wincing a bit at how her hip didn't quite hip correctly. She turned to Marie and said, "Mistress, could you?" Marie shrugged and, before I could even respond, reached out one big claw, wrapped it around Tallulah's neck, and twisted it with a snap.

"WHAT The... Hell..." I stuttered to a stop as Tallulah just kind of blinked. Like one moment 'crunch, snap', and the next she sat there completely unconcerned. Okay, she looked a little tired, but not injured in any way whatsoever, including her former improperly functioning hip joints. Not to mention the complete lack of death and dusting. She saw my dismay and folded smoothly to her knees at my feet, folding her arms on my knees.

"Apologies, Mistress. I thought you knew, Archmage Aetos-Diaz' Shaping connecting me to the Global Spell System worked perfectly." I threw my hands up in the air.

"Fucking hell. Now I've got two of you who think 'kill me messily' is some kind of wonder drug!"

"I don't see how that was messy."

"You had her snap your neck over a hangnail!" She shook her head while Marie oozed off the Bed and folded herself over top of Tallulah, adopting the same basic pose but with her head on my other knee.

"More."

"Yes, Mistress. More than a hangnail. An improperly relocated hip, and an unfortunately stiff neck." I was not having it.

"Next thing you know you'll be using it to get over hangovers."

"Did That." I folded my arms, then reached down and picked them each up by the scruff of the neck with my tentacles. It did not help my mood or their position when, after I shook them the tiniest bit, each of them went limp and made those noises you make when somebody manages to crack all the right spots in your back.

"Tallulah. Marie. Please do not use 'killing each other' as a handy dandy reset button." Marie pouted at me. Tallulah, on the other hand, sealed both of their fates when she said, "why not? It works."

"So. Does. This." I popped the stripperific white Holy Garb onto each of them. Then watched as the sun rose, with predictable results. Tallulah, who no longer looked tired, said, "you are absolutely correct, Mistress. I apologize for distressing you without need." Unfortunately for her, Marie contrived to look even smugger, which left me only one sane recourse.

"I am gonna loan both of you out to Pyevater until she tells me we're even." Then I pulled the sun back over the horizon and let it rise again. Took like a dozen repetitions before Marie's eyes crossed enough to take the smug look off her face and replace it with blissful derp. The kids woke up around noon, at which point I staved off a mutiny by letting them each have one treat from their haul before lunch.

Then, after feeding them all fried rice, which was the only thing I could think of to feed that many kids that fast, I let them each have one more before sending them out to play in the Courtyard under the nominal supervision of Ria, Maze, and Mister Slither, who slithered in from the Bore during lunch. He did not look happy to go out in the snow, but he went. Maze came in not half an hour later as I finished up washing the dishes, hollering, "visitors!"

I didn't have to ask who, at least I thought I didn't, because I'd know that triple bork anywhere. I stepped out to the courtyard only to find Cerberus the center of a coalescing swarm of tots all clamoring for his attention, getting slorped back into the snow, then getting right back up and doing it again. It wasn't Hades standing next to him, however.

"Hey, bro. What's up?" Thanatos, looking just a little out of sorts at the kids making much over the Guardian of the Underworld right next to him, nodded to me and said, "greetings, fellow Child of Night. Hades asked me to bring you an invite and request to speak on the fate of Tartarus," he sped up as at least a dozen pairs of eyes fixed on him.

"Also to speak on what might be done next regarding his brother." He managed to get that all out without completely losing his cool. I know that, because he absolutely lost any semblance of gravitas when a tiny furry missile bowled into him, closely followed by half a dozen more, all shouting, "Unka!" Pretty sure he didn't mean to sit down in the snowbank, anyhow.