Chương 828: Day Eight Hundred And Twenty-Six

Dear Diary, I remember this old saying, 'don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes'. Which is kind of weird, because how are you gonna judge them if they're a mile away from you, sitting there without any shoes on. Unless you give them your shoes, in which case both of you are gonna have sore feet, because the odds somebody else's shoes fit you well enough not to hurt your feet when you walk a whole fuckin' mile in them is pretty low.

Of course, if you're talking about judging somebody who might object to you judging them, it's still pretty good advice, because a mile away from somebody who doesn't have any shoes is a pretty safe place to judge from. Okay, maybe not if you're judging a Titan or some shit like that, or if the person whose shoes you stole has a Black Dragon to shell you with, because one mile is point fuckin' blank range.

But still, 'steal shoes, run a mile, get judging' seems like a pretty solid plan if you're a trolly little bitch like I used to be. Holy shit, I used to be a trolly little bitch. Both in the sense of 'I am realizing that I was a bitch and a troll, and I am not joking about that', and in the sense of 'I am no longer that troll or that bitch'. I mean, I'm still capable of being kind of a bitch when required, I think.

But I think I've become a better person, one who no longer needs the suffering of others to feel fulfilled and shit. Okay, the other night with my flogger and my wife aside, where she got the suffering and the filling both, I'm not doing it because I'm getting off on somebody else's pain. That's more of a side benefit, because they're getting off on it too. Okay, back at the plot, I've judged myself a lot, because I've done some really sketchy shit since getting here.

I'm only now just realizing that some of it may have been at least the smallest amount Not Entirely My Fault. Like, I still did that shit, and it was sketchy, and I need to own it and make shit right, but the ongoing guilt and more importantly shame about me being an awful person is maybe a little less all consuming.

Because apparently, and this should have become really fuckin' obvious to me when flying to Persia with Dionysus left me murdering some assholes to death and more or less getting off on it, Deities aren't wholly in control of their Domains. Like, yeah, I'm empowered by mine, and I have powers related to them. I have my own soundtrack, and I think I might get some kinda buffs from it when I remember it and use it.

I also get crazy dangerous when I go ham on some poor bastard or bastards, and that has at least as much to do with Bloodlust as it does Justified Homicide. Which, now that I think about it, technically might not be Murder, since while it's clearly about killing people, the whole 'Justified' part makes it less Murdery.

Yeah, I can look into people's heads and see their secret desires, the shit that means something to them, the stuff that they're Passionate about, how to bring them Ecstasy, but I think I also maybe, kinda, sorta bind myself into fulfilling those desires, igniting that Passion, giving them that Ecstasy when I do that. Shit, I might not even really be able not to. I think the best I can maybe do is choosing the least unhealthy way to do that shit, and even that takes some Divine Mojo out of me.

At any rate, all of that kind of fell into place in my head shortly after Hades' eyes opened. He reached for Persephone, who grasped his hand. When he pulled, she toppled down on him, and I got a front row seat to some very Passionate liplock. Okay, second row, because the Docs were still standing just beside the bed. When her hands started roaming, I cleared my throat. She bolted upright, pulling Hades along with her.

I'm not sure she meant to, but as I might have mentioned, she had the whole 'healthy farm girl' physique going on, and while Hades wasn't a lightweight by any means, he very much looked more like a clerk than a jock. He looked around, and if I noticed him hold back a wince when he noticed Cerberus' body lying on the rug in front of the fireplace, he didn't say anything; just took in everyone else in the room. After a bit he tried to say something, wheezed, then cleared his throat.

"Excuse me. I.... Thank you." He scanned the folks in the room.

"Your sacrifice will not be forgotten, and I will repay you in any way I can." I saw Doc G's spine stiffen, and leapt into the conversational gap to make sure his repayment for putting the God of the Underworld back together wasn't 'not being smote'.

"Hey, no big. I needed to ask you about something, but when we got here you weren't looking so hot, so we brought in a couple experts." He looked back to me, then head tilted the tiniest bit.

"Tabitha Diaz?" I nodded.

"Forgive me. I know we met once, but it's been a bit." I shrugged.

"Not a problem. Not like I've spent a lot of time over here in Europa, and I've only done a couple Psychopomp deliveries." He nodded.

"I'm aware. Well, unless you brought them to my office in the winter. I'm usually here in the palace then." Then he heaved a sigh.

"But... I'm afraid there might be a bigger issue than you realize." Right about then I remembered that the whole reason I'd come was to talk to Hades about potential Tartarus escapees. Being very careful to keep my voice level, because two doctors and a pregnant woman were not the up close audience I wanted if we had to throw down, I said, "please explain that?"

I'm not sure what the royal couple of the Underworld saw when I said that, but it tweaked my admittedly odd sense of humor when they each tried to push the other behind them. He'd started out closer to me, so he wound up with her looking over his shoulder as he swung his legs off the bed to sit up, and she knelt behind him.

"Immutable Laws of the Underworld. Mortal visitors must be accompanied by a Psychopomp, and their visits must not last more than one day, measured from sunset to sunset." Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Yeah, I'd have to apologize to Pyevatar later, because you know the sun stopped right the fuck then and there.

"Yeah, no worries. I got a couple really pressing questions for you, whole reason we're down here, but we can be out of your hair before the sun sets." Not sure if he'd just spent way too much time in the Underworld, or his wife was more in tune with the natural cycles or whatever, but the moment I put the sun in a holding pattern, while he didn't seem to notice, she stiffened up and stared at me like she'd only just gotten a good look at me.

She also shot her husband one of those 'shut the fuck up, dear' looks, which he totally missed because he'd been staring at me.

"Do you know my nephew?" I sighed. Stood up from where I'd been enjoying sitting in Marie's lap. Gave the royal couple the very smallest bow possible; just enough to tell them that I was in fact bowing to be polite.

"Yeah. I don't think we've been properly introduced. Not, like, entirely. Mimic, Matriarch of the Mor. Also Goddess of the Sun because of your nephew's shitty life choices." Speaking very carefully, moving like somebody who wasn't sure if he wanted to throw down, run, or maybe, just possibly, lose bowel control, Hades sat up straight and nodded to me.

"You honor our house with your presence, Mimic." I shrugged.

"Hey, I needed to talk to you, but when I got here you seemed to be in need of some medical care. So I sent for the best ones I knew." I nodded to the Docs.

"Doctors Glass and Zeccardi. From Phileo."

"Gentlemen. You have my thanks. Any boon within my power to grant is yours." At that point Doc Z, with a surprisingly lack of snark, said, "not to be rude, but you could let us go home?" Hades sighed.

"I wish that I could, but there are four Mortals and only three Psychopomps accompanying them." I blinked, then looked at the three Healers, then back to Hades. Then it hit me.

"Yeah, you can't have my friends, my Concubine, or her daughter." He shook his head as Persephone tensed.

"You misunderstand, Mimic. This is not a law I enforce. It is the nature of my Realm."

"Yeah, I prefer Tabitha, if it matters. But okay." My brain going a million miles a minute, I asked, "so, we need one more Psychopomp?" With a pained look, he said, "it would have to be one who accompanied them, or was here when they arrived. There are only three Psychopomps in the palace at the moment." I nodded.

"Yeah. Gimme a second." When I looked at the Docs, Glass looked like he'd chewed on his namesake. I reached over and lay a hand on his arm.

"Easy, Doc. I... I think in some ways Gods have less control over shit like this than you realize."

"That does little good when one of us must remain here." I shook my head.

"Nah." I pulled Mana from the tentacle still wrapped around my waist, then stepped over to the fireplace.

"You can't." Doc Glass began. I looked over to him, confused. He shrugged.

"Whether he is an animal, which has no Soul, or a Deity, which is a Soul made flesh, such a creature cannot be Revived like a Mortal might." I smiled, and pulled harder. Pulled until the tentacle wrapped around my wrist glowed brighter than the sun stopped above us. I laid one hand on Cerberus and, pouring all that Mana into the Spell, spoke that single word.

"Revive." The head that had been caved in reinflated, and a long, trailing whine sounded through the room. I pulled Mana again, as Doctor Glass muttered some unfortunately nerdy shit about Souls and animals to Siobhan and Doc Z, who both listened bemusedly. The royal couple just stared at me, frozen.

"Revive." Light flared out from the wounds of the head that had been ripped apart, and when it died down the body twitched, like a dog chasing something in its sleep. Persephone whimpered, and Hades held his breath. I pulled Mana one more time, the room filling with light as I said, "Revive." Blood flowed from the neck of the third head. Poured out like liquid gelatin into a head shaped mold, until a few moments later, the great hound stood, shaking all three heads.

Incidentally splattering the whole fuckin' room with blood and dog slobber. Fuck it, I'm not really a dog person, but I leaned down just a little bit, because I didn't need to lean down more than that, and rubbed two of those heads while nuzzling the third.

"Good boy! Who's a good boy? You are!" Yeah, got more dog slobber on me when he woofed. In stereo. Wait, is it stereo when there are three speakers? Shit, I had no fuckin' clue. What I did have was a brand new Psychopomp. I turned to Hades.

"Mind if I borrow your dog? I'll bring him back," I swayed a little.

"Uh, after I take a nap, I think." He just nodded, speechless. Not a big deal, Doc Glass was babbling on about animal Souls and somebody's theory being disproven and how he'd just witnessed some groundbreaking shit in the study of Souls or something like that. Siobhan and Marie pulled the Docs to me when I waved them over. Then, after a moment of rapid silent conversation between the two of them through the back of my head, Siobhan turned to Hades and said, "by your leave, Lord?"

Hades just nodded, then found his voice to say, "go with her, boy." Doggo just woofed, wagged his tail hard enough to knock over the big chair in the room, and nuzzled one head under Siobhan's hand. We all joined hands, and Siobhan stepped us back to... Somewhere. It looked like a cross between the Academy Infirmary and an amphitheater. Siobhan nodded to the Docs.

"Gentlemen. Thank you so much. Hades is in your debt, as are we." Doc Glass paused his geeking out for just long enough to say, "I never sought to gain Boons from Deities I do not and will not Worship, and do not know how to feel about the fact that I now seem to have earned them from Deities of two different Pantheons." I nudged him, said, "three," then while he stood there momentarily speechless and spluttering, gave them both a big tentacle enhanced hug, then stepped the rest of us back to the Homestead.

At which point the fatigue of doing a triple Divine Revival while holding the fuckin' Sun in place hit me. I staggered to bed as I felt the Sun shooting through the sky like a bolt out of Vulcan. Right before I dropped off, I realized that my tinkering with daytime and nighttime had also apparently tinkered with bedtime, as a gleefully Menacing voice cried out, "DOGGIE!"