Chương 44: Thus George’s kooky odyssey continues...

They fell silent as they read more of the labels. George counted the options that seemed bad and coming up with a rough estimate of a one-in-three chance of getting one when Johnny spoke up again.

"Ok, you two crazy kids. I can't believe I am doing this, but I will sweeten this deal. If you give me that third prestige token, I will let you pick three… no, five bad options, and I'll replace them with good options. But that's it! It won't get better than that." Johnny held out a hand for the prestige tokens.

"Come on… nothing ventured, nothing gained." — Hey guys. It's Cassie. >>Oh, she can mind talk us, too. —I have an idea. —One of my ability orbs is called "The Better Part of Valor." It teleports me and anyone within five feet of me to random places in the hunting maze. —If we get a bad one, I'll activate the orb super fast, and then we'll be gone. >>You are full of tricks, Cassie. >>A few more ideas like that, and you might make it through the tryouts for Team Nod. >>That seems like a good plan B.

>>Nice one, Cassie. >>We'll hope it doesn't come to that. That sounds like a good orb to save in case you are really in danger. >>If we get the one called 'Literally Your Worst Nightmare,' I'd say that qualifies as being in danger.

"Ahem," Johnny said.

"I can't hear you, but I can tell you are talking to each other somehow. It is very rude, and I feel left out."

"OK, Johnny," George said, dropping three prestige tokens into his hand.

"We're going to spin the wheel."

"Hooray!" Johnny said.

"What five bad options would you like to take away?"

"We should probably remove the one that says everyone gets crab claws instead of hands, right?" Cassie said. >>Yep. George has enough problems with his hands as it is.

"Done," Johnny said and waved at the wheel. The crab claw one disappeared and was replaced by one called "Then I Found Twenty Dollars." >>I choose to remove Bodily Parasite Emetic. >>That sounds like a journey I do not want to take. George said, "Take away Bodily Parasite Emetic." Johnny gestured again, and the parasite one was replaced by one called "Taking Candy From a Baby."

"Oh, that's one of my favorites," Johnny said. >>Weird. Cassie suggested two more to remove.

"Let's get rid of 'Open Airlock to the Ink' and 'Pocket of Pink Piss: Hurricane Strength.' Yuck." They were replaced by "Bless You With My Dance Hips" and "Those Kicks Were Fast As Lightning." Cassie looked up at George and said, "Your turn." George said, "Take out 'Meeting with a Lank Abomination.'" That one disappeared, and the bonus that appeared in its place was called "The Identities, Status, and Current Locations of All of Your Children." Cassie let out a small gasp when she saw it. >>That's dark. >>Well. OK.

Let's hope I get that one.

"Go on and give it a big spin, little girl," Johnny said.

"Fingers crossed!" >>Go on, Cassie. >>Just be ready to use that orb if we get a bad one. Cassie walked over to the big wheel and pulled down hard on one side. As the wheel spun, the clatter of the small rubber arrow bouncing off the pegs on the side of the wheel filled the small room. Gradually, the rapid-fire rattle slowed to a steady tick as the wheel lost speed.

"This is very exciting!" Johnny said. Cassie clenched her ability orb in her hand. The wheel slowed to a stop and ticked by the candy from a baby one, and the one called "Hell Poured on a Piece of Meat" before stopping on one called "The Good Shepherd's Long Shot." A small item plonked to the ground at Cassie's feet. It looked like a long cord of leather with a thick pad in the middle.

"Well, it isn't the greatest prize on the wheel, but at least you didn't get 'Strange Fluids Everywhere.' That one involves quite the cleanup. And then you would all painfully transform into monsters. Just saying… good that you didn't get that one." Johnny said. Cassie picked up the item and saw that it had two loops on either end of the leather thong. She coiled it into a bundle and tucked it under her arm. >> It's a sling. >>Well…. >>It could have been worse. >>You're up, George.

George stepped up to the wheel and gave it a big spin. The noise of the wheel spinning as it clicked filled the room again, and they all watched with a growing sense of unease as the wheel slowed. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

"Uh ohhh," Johnny said as the wheel slowed and the block of bad options rolled toward the rubber selection arrow. The arrow slowly clicked past three options called "Gut Full of Dodgy Vindaloo," "Shake Hands With a Chestburster," and "Writhing Bloodworms." The wheel paused on the last one and looked like it would stay there.

"Come on! Come on!" Johnny cheered from his place on the counter. It was unclear if Johnny was cheering that George would get "Writhing Bloodworms" or that he would avoid it. Cassie raised the orb and got ready to activate it. But the wheel had just enough momentum to roll a hair's breadth further, and the selection arrow ticked forward to an option called "Daddy's Little Master Plan."

"Oh, that's a good one," Johnny said.

"Phew! You got lucky. Most people who get writhing bloodworms end up tearing off their skin within a few days. Anyway, hold out your hand." >>You're a sick little dummy, Johnny. George held out his hand, and a capped vial containing frothy yellow liquid plopped into his palm.

"What is it?" George asked.

"It is an injector full of insight," Johnny said. >>It looks like an injector full of piss.

"How does it work?" George said.

"You stick yourself with it," Johnny said.

"And then you go for a little rainbow ride and get all the epiphanies you never knew you needed." >>Oh. It's drugs. >>Cool.

"Free your mind and your ass will follow, you know?" Johnny said.

"It's tons of fun." >>Well, Johnny… This has been great, but we'd like to get the hell out of your creepy candy clubhouse and get back to business.

"If we press the button now, can we leave?" George asked, sliding the potion into his pocket next to the Mentis token.

"You got it!" Johnny said.

"This sure has been fun. Thank you for shopping at Johnny Johnny's Traveling Emporium for the Harried Wanderer!" And with that, he deactivated and slumped over on the counter again. >>Freakshow. > I'm glad you didn't get that chestburster, George. Your dad bod has been through enough! >>Cohabitating with a xenomorph is not my idea of a good time. >>Although, maybe I could have ingressed the little guy and then taken over its rapidly developing body once it burst out of yours. >>So…

at least there would have been a silver lining for one of us.

"Here you go, George," Cassie said, handing him the sling.

"I don't need it, but it might fulfill your ranged weaponry quest."

"Are you sure you don't need it?" George said.

"I've got my own stuff," Cassie said, and then, at a gesture, a small, white cylinder appeared in her hand that revealed itself to be the hilt of a bladed weapon when she flicked her wrist and a razor-sharp blade snapped out of it. She held it up, and a tiny finger of electricity bounced at its tip.

"It shoots lightning."

"Oh," George said. >>Oh damn! >>She was like, "I see your stupid sling, and I raise you one extendable lightning rapier!" >>Man… everybody was better prepared for this trial than we were. George took the length of leather and tried to stuff it into one of the pockets on Webb's tactical trousers, but it didn't fit. Eventually, he just wrapped it around his waist several times and tied it like a belt. Bonus Event Quest Update! Description: Acquire ranged weaponry.

Reward: +50 gold (100 total) Reward: +5 skill points (10 total)"Cassie, would you press that exit button?" George said. Cassie pressed the red button on the counter and waved goodbye to Johnny Johnny. A portal sparked open behind George, and he turned around. Unlike the other portals, this one had a timer above it that was counting down from three minutes. 2: 59 2: 58 They all walked close to the portal and looked at the hunting room on the other side. >>This one is called What Big Teeth You Have.

The nodling explored it. >>It is pretty much is what it looks like… an overpriced Thomas Kinkade painting dripping with sentimentality. It was night on the other side of the portal. Snow fell on a cabin built at the edge of a forest of tall pine trees. A thin trail of smoke rose from the cabin's single chimney, and light poured out of the windows on the ground floor, illuminating the snow around the cabin's wraparound porch. A track of footsteps in the snow led from the portal to the cabin.

That was when George noticed someone sitting on a rocking chair on the porch. Identify popped up when he looked at the figure. <Name: June Dolora Race: Re-enchanted Human Level: 91, E-Grade Class: Priestess of Nyx Holy Gifts: Shroud of Nyx; Dolora's Lament; Bitch, Please!; Members-Only Killbox Holy Traits: Not Much of a Priestess; Why, God? Holy Relics: Nightbeam Staff Metadata—Encyclopedia Esoterica: Nyx is the goddess of night, spirits, and cold revenge.

She walks the sidereal vacuum at the inner rim of the void and is often depicted with two faces: one smiling, one enraged. It is understood that both faces mean the same thing. Her acolytes earn double experience when drunk, standing in shadow, or holding a grudge. >"Oh, it's her," George said.

"You know her?" Cassie asked.

"No," George said.

"She's just two enclosures away from me in the voting room. She seems mean, but not evil. But I'm no psychic."

"Let's get close enough for you to use your 'good or bad?' sense on her, and then we can go from there," George said. >>We're walking through this portal anyway. We have 68 seconds left before it closes. I do not want to get stuck with Johnny forever. June saw them and came to the edge of the porch. She lifted her hand to them and waved them forward. >>45 seconds. George stepped through the portal first, and Cassie followed.

Entering Hunting Room: What Big Teeth You Have Ability Activated—From the Fragments to the Aftermath Threat Level 1 Knickknack Savant - Level 1 >>Into the swirling snow the intrepid adventuring party strode. The man's armor was a stark, intimidating black against the moonlit snow. The girl clung to his hand… >>Nod. What are you doing? >>I'm narrating our adventures. >>I decided that now that I have an audience of more than frumpy ol' George, this can be my new thing. >> It's going to be great.

I'm actually writing it all down in here. >>Plus, I haven't been able to doodle on as many people as I was hoping to, so this will be my new creative outlet. >>Do you really think this is the time? >>What? June is harmless. Probably.

>>My read on her is that she (1) is super angry but probably not at us, (2) sold her soul to a dark god of revenge to go get some sweet ass payback for something, (3) has some backstory with a wager stone somewhere in there, and (4) other than that probably has some real grandma vibes underneath that bitter, broken surface. >>You gotta get better at reading these Identify profiles, George. The whole story is between the lines. >>Luckily, we have a secret weapon for unlocking buried grandma vibes…

a cute six-year-old telepath. >>Cassie will pluck those heartstrings like a harp, and it'll be smooth sailing. Watch. —Then, out of nowhere, a psychoblitz was inflicted upon Nod by the strangely powerful TWELVE-year-old girl striding through the snow beside him. >>Way to get into the spirit, kid. >>I like the bravado, but your prose needs polish and you need to steer clear of passive voice, but at least you are giving it a go. >>And that is more than I can say for Sir Frumps-a-Lot, knight in stolen armor.

They walked toward the cabin until June shouted, "Stop there." They had come to a line of melted snow. George traced the line with his eyes and realized it was a circle that extended in a wide arc around the cabin. June picked her staff up from where it leaned against the cabin wall. She waved it at them lazily and then said, "Ok. Come on in." Then she sat back down in the rocking chair. They walked to the foot of the stairs, and George said, "Hello."

"Hello, yourself," June said.

"You might as well come up and sit down. Rockers aplenty up here. We'll be safe here until the round ends." >>And thus George's kooky odyssey continues…