Chương 19: I GOT DRUGGED AND LEFT FOR DEAD IN MEXICO - AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SHIRT.

>>So, Scrooge McDuck. What's it gonna be? Talk me through it.

"How many rooms and amenities do I need to add to meet the requirements for the quest about making a home?" >>There's only one way to find out, I guess. We should use some gold to spruce the place up, anyway.

"So we'll buy a room and an amenity and see what happens," George said. >>That will leave 87 gold.

"And three memories." >>Seriously? Three?

"ALL CAPS told me to keep buying them. It makes me wonder what else I haven't seen yet. Plus, if I am going to find my family, I need to know what they look like." >>Fair point, mate. >>Also, let's get those boring button upgrades. They're cheap. And let's throw in a few amenities to enlarge your pathetic arsenal of bric-a-brac.

"OK," George said. >>That'll bring us to 51 gold left.

"I still need a weapon," George said.

"What does it mean that the Advanced Cradle Upgrade option has offensive capabilities?" >>I don't know. A laser turret would be nice. Your lot in life being what it is, more likely you'd get a crank-operated dart gun or something. >>I still think your best bet is to make a weapon. That is what crafting is all about. Making stuff. Choose your next skill and amenities with weapons in mind. If you are able to make one, you might even get a bonus for it.

>>Speaking of, don't forget that you can unlock the second stage of the crafting menu during the next level up for 20 gold." What do you think Locate Kit is?" George asked. >>Beats me. Maybe it gives you some kind of map upgrade?

"And how about the one about joining the cradle to the True World?" George said. >>That curious Easter egg was not lost on me. >>I'm not a fan. >>I'm still persuaded by the "isolation is safety" thesis. >>Plus, it costs 100, 000 gold. It'll be, like, a decade before you have that much. >>I'm more interested in those familiar upgrades. Let's talk about resource assimilation. I could get used to that. >>I'm all about assimilation, as you know.

"We have invested enough gold in Nod's mission to take over George's body. Besides, I'm not going to buy you anything that gives you an 'input port.'" >>Resistance is futile, George. George mentally selected the first of his purchases. Purchased: +3 Clicks per minute. 2% chance of double-click. George looked down at the button in his hand, but nothing had changed. It flashed as one of the auto-clicks happened. >>Well… >>At least it was cheap. George bought the amenities next.

He was faced with five short lists of random items, and ended up with a billiard ball, a roasting pan, a sewing needle, a hand-crank egg beater, and a frisbee. As he selected them, each item thumped onto the floor of the cradle in a pile. For now, he just dropped everything into the roasting pan and pushed it against the wall.

"Why don't you use your doodle powers to keep a running list of all our stuff?" George said. >>Roger that. George's Armory of Junk Key Pack of playing cards Gold ring Ball of twine Tricycle bell Broken tricycle pieces Torn flight blanket Billiard ball. 8-ball. Black. Roasting pan. 9 x 13 Sewing needle Hand-crank egg beater Frisbee Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. Mysterious button" How can we use this junk to build a better button clicker and a weapon?

Can you put that on your list of things to think about, Mr. AI?" >>Yeah. Done. Easy. Expand the billiard ball until it is about twenty feet wide. Use the cradle upgrades to make a room exactly twenty feet wide at the top of a long ramp. Lock the giant 8-ball of death at the top of the ramp with some kind of a wedge. Connect the whole thing to the tricycle bell using the ball of twine. Now, let's say someone comes in here trying to start shit.

You ring the bell that pulls the twine, that releases the wedge, that sends the ball rolling down the ramp, that smushes the interloper into paste. >>Problem solved. Very slick. Very final. Very Indiana Jones.

"I was thinking I could keep expanding that sewing needle until I had some kind of a dagger." >>Well. >>Two of a trade never agree.

"Why don't you keep workshopping that idea for now." >>Whatever. >>Why don't you get to expanding that needle then, D'Artagnan? George picked up the needle and cast Expand on it. He felt the skill take effect but could barely see a difference in it. It may have become a millimeter longer. Nod flashed up a new message that showed a small timer in the corner of his vision that said: Expand Cooldown: 04: 55"You can tell how long it takes before I can use the skill again?" >>As has been stated, I am good with numbers.

>>Speaking of… You are hitting 514 clicks a minute right now, which is about 31, 000 clicks an hour. You should be pretty close to the next level and should get another level about an hour and a half after that.

"Ok. Let's make a home," George said. Then, he issued the mental command to purchase the additional room. Purchased: Add room. As soon as the purchase arrived, the cradle doubled in length. It looked like the whole room had been stretched from end to end, but only the new half of the cradle was full of green light. There was a sharp green line on the floor where the original room ended, and the new one began. >>Huh. So that's how they're doing it. Weird.

"You know how this works?" >>Sorta. Think about sending it to the other wall. See if it moves. George imagined the new room shifting to the other wall, which slid in that direction. Now, the room was twice as wide rather than twice as long. >>OK, now see if you can change the shape. The new room had the same curved dome shape as George's original cradle. He imagined it becoming a cube, and all the curves in the new room squared off into right angles. >>Now, George, let's pause a moment.

A rookie like yourself would tend to place his room willy-nilly and count himself lucky that he can finally stand up fully without bending his neck. That'd be a mistake. On the other hand, a savvy, worldly-wise node spider like myself would instead ask, "How can we use this windfall to our strategic advantage?"

"Yeah, yeah. I get it, " George said. >>What other shapes can you make this room into? Explore how you can change it. George imagined the room elongating like a cylinder, and the image of the green room echoed his thoughts, stretching outward from the wall of the cradle like a tube. Next, George imagined a staircase, and the room transformed into a short set of stairs extending upward from the cradle. >>It seems like a single room upgrade will give you a finite amount of space.

When you make the room into a long tube, it gets much narrower. Is it a cubic volume thing?

"I'm assuming that once we place this thing, it is set in stone. So what do we want to do with it right now that'll help us?" >>Well, we should assume future trials may involve your cradle again. How can we think defensively about the future? The projection of the new room took the shape of the first thought that flashed through George's mind. It shifted toward the door and became a pit about ten feet deep. George peered over the edge and saw the bottom lined with spikes.

>> Don't forget about the ramp for the 8-ball of death. I want to circle back around to that idea.

"Umm… I don't know if I want a permanent death pit in here," George said.

"Maybe let's go for something more normal this time and then we can make the next upgrade the deadly one?" George imagined the additional room simply being added to the ceiling of the current room so that it went from being a dome to a high-ceilinged cube.

"I like your idea about being able to stand up without bending my head. Let's go with that." George willed the room to hold its shape. The green-shaded extensions flickered, then resolved into a seamless white ceiling. He couldn't tell where the old room ended and the expansion began. >>God, you are boring. >>Dullness just… sweats out of you. >>You're like Midas, except everything you touch turns mundane. >>Next time, we are doing the death room.

When George had finished placing the new room, he half expected an update on his quest to make a home, but no notification appeared. >>On to the next item of business. Let's see what this cradle amenity is all about. I want a hot tub! George bought the cradle amenity and saw a list of options. Choose your amenity.

Set of basic cooking utensils His and Hers towels and bath mat Trash can and recycling bin Kilim woven rug Wooden bed frame Four dining room chairs Hammock China set Iron and ironing board >>I find these amenities oddly prosaic in a game as weird as this one. >>The AI couldn't even give us a nice knife block, could it? Nooooo, that would be too easy.

"What is with you and stabbing things?" >>You just keep buying those familiar upgrades and the answer to that question will become abundantly clear.

"Ominous." >>Bwaahaahaa [evil laugh]. >>Damn, I need to get audio on this thing. It just isn't the same.

"Lacking a knife set, the choice seems clear to me." >>Me too. Let's say them at the same time just for fun. Ready? One, two, three.

"Bed frame." >>China set.

"Bed frame it is," George said. >>Are you serious? I'm trying to bring some refinement and class to this operation. George mentally selected a bed frame. A wooden twin dropped onto the far side of the cradle with a hollow clatter. It was plain and well-worn—the kind of bed that had seen years of children. The solid wood was pitted and dented. The headboard was cluttered with colorful stickers, half-peeled and scribbled over in marker. There was no mattress. Just a run of narrow wooden slats.

"We can break it down into parts," George said.

"And spears." >>But can you sip tea from it while you entertain your guests? >>No. >>Hey, while we are spending money, why don't you get yourself an outfit that isn't covered in gore and avail yourself of the new self-cleaning feature. Purchased: Clean Self The blood on George's skin disappeared as though it were dissolving into the air. Then, he bought the sweatpants and t-shirt option. >>Oh, yes. >>Oh, that is perfect.

The sweatpants were neon blue, and George could tell by looking at them that they were too small. At least the shirt looked like it was his size. George held it up and read the blocky, black writing on the front. It said: I GOT DRUGGED AND LEFT FOR DEAD IN MEXICO - AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SHIRT.

"The AI is a real jerk," George said, but he stripped off the blood-spattered beige smock he'd been wearing for the last 24 hours and tossed it in a pile near the wall. He shoved his legs into the sweatpants and found they came up to his mid-calf like capris. He pulled the T-shirt on and shook his head. >>We'll call this a starting point for your look and build from here. It is no Batsuit, but hey, there is nowhere to go but up! >>Only one more set of purchases left. Ready for memory lane?