Chương 43: Dear Johnny. We come in peace. Please turn down your scary carny vibes.

We come in peace. Please turn down your scary carny vibes.

The walls of the room were lined with an odd assortment of things. Racks of candy, pill bottles, and Halloween masks hung beside futuristic-looking guns and strange jewels. One shelf held a haphazardly stacked pile of tiny plastic action figures. Another shelf was lined with Beanie Babies in glass cases. Something on another shelf seemed to have tipped over and was leaking a liquid that was steadily eating holes through the items on the shelves below it.

A small folded note sat on the counter beside the dummy:"Welcome, wanderer! Please peruse the selection of items and press the green button when you are ready to make your purchases." As George looked around the room, Identify popped up for some of the items. <AT-J 57 Plasma Rifle> <Venlian Gastrospore Pods> <Troll Puss, Suppurated> <The Spice Melange> <Substance Q> <Wolverine Action Figure—Old Logan> <Backwoods Hooch> <Marleck Berries x 5> <Primordial Ooze> <Pack of Twizzlers> >>What fresh hell is this?

"At least the portal is gone," Cassie said.

"So that big scary guy can't get in here."

"But how do we get out?" George said. >>Obviously, we push the "Press to Exit" button and get out of this crazy clown closet.

"Maybe we should do that and just leave," Cassie said.

"Would it send us back to the manor house with Murdge?" George asked. >>My question is whether we loot all of this stuff before or after we wake up the weird dummy bolted into the counter.

"Something tells me it won't be that easy," George said and reached for the package of Twizzlers. Before he could touch it, his hand struck a solid, transparent force field like the ones in the voting room.

"I think the more important question is if we push the 'Press for Service' button and it does wake up the dummy, will it be friendly?" George said.

"It looks friendly," Cassie said. >>Cassie, you obviously have not seen enough horror movies. Nothing about that creepy dummy looks friendly.

"The note seems welcoming," Cassie said.

"And the room's name makes it seem like this store is a good place to be. It isn't called Johnny's House of Horror and Suffering, you know?" >>Fair point, kid. >>Naive but logical.

"I think we need more information," George said.

"I say we push the button and wake it up so it can answer some questions." >>I say we hit the exit button and deal with whatever comes next.

"I vote to wake it up," Cassie said. George nodded, and Cassie walked over to the counter and pushed the green "Push for Service" button. >>Since when did Team Nod become a democracy? When Cassie pressed the button, lights turned on above the dummy, and carnival music started playing. The dummy sat up straight and smiled at them.

"Hello, wanderers!" it said.

"I'm Johnny Johnny, and this is my traveling emporium." Its body looked like it was made of wood but moved it like flesh. The dummy could smile even though its mouth was a hinged jaw with black lines painted on either side. When it spoke, its eyebrows waggled in a way that was probably meant to look lifelike. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

"You look surprised! Don't you know why you're here?" Johnny said. >>Dear Johnny. We come in peace. Please turn down your scary carny vibes. George cleared his throat and said, "No, we don't. We came through a portal, and then the exit portal disappeared."

"By any chance, were you in danger when you entered?" Johnny said.

"Was there a big nasty bad guy chasing you, perhaps?" Cassie nodded, and George said, "Yes."

"Well, there you have it!" Johnny said, his arms spread wide as if he were going to reach out and hug them.

"Only endangered players can unlock the conditions that summon Johnny Johnny's Traveling Emporium for Harried Wanderers. It's right there in the name!"

"Can the thing that was following us come in here?" George asked.

"Oh, no, no, no," Johnny said.

"The Emporium is a single-user experience, or, in your case, a single team. I assume that you have made an alliance, yes? The portal would not have let you both in if you had not."

"And how do we get out of here now that the portal is gone?" George said.

"That's the simplest part! You just press the button that says 'Press to Exit,'" Johnny said.

"So, if we wanted to leave right now, we could just press that button?" George asked.

"And would it take us back to the same room we came from?"

"Not exactly," Johnny said.

"You need to buy something first. Then, when you press the button, the portal will return and send you to a random place in the hunting maze. It is just that easy."

"I have money," Cassie said. She produced a bag from her dimensional storage and dug out a handful of coins.

"How much do all these things cost? And what do they do?" Johnny bent forward and patted Cassie on the head, saying, "Aren't you a sweet little girl? Mommy and Daddy sent you off to the trial with some lunch money. Unfortunately, the only currency we accept is prestige tokens. Do you have any of those?" Cassie shook her head.

"Ah, shucks!" Johnny said.

"That is a real pickle."

"Why don't we just wait until the round ends?" George said.

"Then, we will be safe until the voting round."

"Oh, bad news, friends," Johnny said.

"I'm afraid if you don't buy something, the round never ends. Not for you." Johnny said, and his mouth quirked down at the edges in a frown.

"I have three prestige tokens," George said.

"What can I buy with those?"

"Only three? Let's see, why don't I remove the options that are more than three tokens and we'll see what that leaves us?" Johnny said and snapped his fingers. The items rapidly disappeared from the shelves like dissipating smoke. The weapons vanished, the balloon animals and creepy masks disappeared, and even the acid eating through the shelves was suddenly gone. Within seconds, the walls of the room were completely bare.

"Oops. That's too bad!" Johnny said.

"It looks like there is nothing left. These darn prices are always changing." Johnny raised his arms in a " go figure" shrug. >>I sense a hustle coming.

"So, how do we leave your store, Johnny?" George said.

"I noticed you have an Emissary Shard in your hand," Johnny said.

"But it seems to be broken. Normally, I wouldn't take a broken piece of junk like that, but in this case, I'd let you trade it to me in exchange for a way out."

"Sorry, Johnny," George said.

"It isn't for sale."

"Oh, you drive a hard bargain!" Johnny said.

"Ok. I'll make you a deal. Let me rip that thing out of your hand, and not only will I take you anywhere in the hunting maze that you want to go, but I'll also let you pick any single item from my entire stock. There you go. That's my final offer." >>Nope. I nearly died for this thing. Not giving it up. >>I thought you had the situation "completely under control." >>Yeah, that's what I meant. Completely under control. >>For real, though, I don't know what would happen to us if we lost the shard now.

It did a pretty good job of integrating with my system before I shut it down. I'm going to be cleaning up this mess inside you for a while.

"It's not for sale," George said.

"Shucks," Johnny said.

"I guess we're stuck together." They were silent for a moment while Johnny's giant eyes rolled back and forth between them, and then his carved mouth quirked up into a smile.

"Well… There is one thing you can buy for one token," the dummy said. Johnny tried to clap, but his hands wouldn't quite reach one another. They stopped an inch away and quivered in mid-air. Despite that, a large wheel descended from the ceiling, rattling and swaying on ropes and pulleys.

"I'm not even sure this old thing works anymore," Johnny said.

"Let's find out." George Identified it. <Wheel of Fate> >>He couldn't call it Wheel of Fortune because of intellectual property infringement, I bet. It was a vertical wheel that covered nearly the entire wall beside Cassie. It was divided into multicolored, thin slices that each said something different. There looked to be about a hundred labels. George and Cassie stood silently as they read the labels on the giant wheel. <Three Random Ability Orbs> <Flesh of Your Ancestors> <A New Car!!!

> <Hell Poured On A Piece of Meat> <Bugs But No Demons> <Snooze Button Round Extender> <Literally Your Worst Nightmare> <50 Prestige Tokens> <Spontaneous Hemotic Expulsion> <Everyone Gets Crab Claws Instead of Hands> <An Opportunity Everyone Is Talking About> <Bodily Parasite Emetic> <A Meeting with a Lank Abomination> <The Ghost of a Cranberry Fart> <Some Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti> <Strange Fluids Everywhere> <Pizza Party With Cupcakes and a Hat for the Birthday Boy>"I'll let you both spin this for one token each," Johnny said.

"Then, you'll be able to press the exit button. Problem solved."

"But some of these are bad," Cassie said.

"Well observed, sweetie," Johnny said.

"What is a Lank Abomination?" George said.

"Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it," Johnny said.

"What are the odds you'll get that one? Besides, this is literally the only way out."