Chương 14: Oakhaven

I spent the next several minutes trudging along behind my personal giant, which turned out to be less of a quiet hike and more of a private podcast session. Dimitri spent the entire walk regaling me with epic tales of his mother land, speaking of frozen tundras and grandmotherly love with enough emotional weight to sink a battleship. By the time he got to the part about his village's legendary beet soup, I felt like I'd personally lived through three Russian winters and a revolution.

Eventually, the endless sea of green grass began to give way to signs of actual civilization. We crested a small hill and found ourselves staring down at a quaint little village that looked like it had been plucked right off the front of a puzzle box. It was the kind of place where you'd expect everyone to burst into a choreographed musical number at any moment. As we approached the perimeter, I noticed two guards standing at the wooden gate.

They were decked out in leather armor that had seen better decades, leaning on spears like they were barely holding up the weight of their own boredom. One of them shifted his gaze toward me, probably wondering why a scrawny guy in rags was loitering near his post, but then his eyes traveled upward. And upward. And upward. The boredom on their faces was instantly replaced by a look of genuine, wide eyed alarm.

They looked like they were trying to decide if Dimitri was a friendly arrival or a localized natural disaster. Dimitri, ever the gentleman, didn't seem to notice that he was currently scaring the life out of the local law enforcement. He stopped a respectful distance away and performed a slow, dignified bow that was so polite it was almost aggressive.

"A most glorious day to you, my vigilant brothers of the watch!" he rumbled, his accent thick enough to clog a drain.

"We have journeyed across the plains to offer our humble strength to those in need. We seek the one known as Elias Thorne, for we have heard his fields cry out for a champion to silence the clatter of the stony tide." The guards didn't even blink. They didn't ask for identification, they didn't check our levels, and they certainly didn't say a single word. They just stared at the eight foot tall Russian motivational speaker in the Adidas tracksuit and collectively decided that they were not paid enough to argue.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work! With a synchronized haste that was actually kind of impressive, they grabbed the heavy wooden beams and swung the gate open as wide as it could go.

"Well," I muttered, following Dimitri into the village while the guards continued to gawk at his biceps.

"I guess having a walking skyscraper for a partner is the ultimate VIP pass. Who needs a key when you have a man who could literally walk over the wall?" Dimitri beamed at me, looking like a proud father.

"You see, Arthur? Respect is a currency that never loses its value!" We stepped through the gates and into a scene that looked like it had been painted by someone who really loved thatched roofs and the smell of hay. The village was a collection of small, cozy farmhouses huddled together, probably for protection against the aforementioned cow crabs. As we strolled down the main dirt path, the local population didn't exactly play it cool.

Doors creaked open and windows were flung wide as the villagers stared at us with eyes so bright and wide they looked like they'd just seen a unicorn riding a bicycle. Of course, they weren't looking at me, the guy who looked like he'd been dressed by a charity bin. They were staring at the eight foot tall Russian tracksuit model currently radiating enough positive energy to end a war.

"Do you see, my small companion?" Dimitri rumbled, glancing down at me with a look of pure delight.

"The warmth of this community is overwhelming. It is clear that the villagers have recognized the light of hope we carry within us. They truly seem to like us already."

"Yeah, they really like us," I muttered, squinting at a group of kids who looked like they were trying to calculate how many of them it would take to climb Dimitri like a jungle gym.

"Or they're just trying to figure out if you're a boss monster that wandered in by mistake. It's a fifty fifty toss up, really." Before I could start charging for photos with the giant, a man detached himself from the crowd and scurried toward us. He had the weathered, sun-baked face of a career farmer and a smile so wide it looked a bit structurally unstable.

"Blessings be upon ye, noble travelers!" he exclaimed, his voice sounding like a medieval fantasy starter kit.

"I be Elias Thorne, the humble keeper of these lands. I assume by the fierce look in yer eyes and the... impressive stature of yer companion... that ye be here to rid our poor village of them pesky Bovine Crustaceans what have turned me clover fields into a nightmare of clackin' shells!"

"Guilty as charged," I said, leaning back and trying to look like a professional monster hunter rather than a guy who'd just learned what a cow crab was five minutes ago.

"Now, look, Elias, if you could just point us toward the nearest armored steak, we can get this show on the road. We'd like to finish this quest as fast as possible before I start growing a beard just waiting for the action to start." Dimitri let out a hearty laugh that made Elias's hat flutter. He slapped me on the shoulder again, nearly dislocating my collarbone in the process.

"Hearken to that fire!" Dimitri announced to the village at large, sounding like he was reciting a poem to a sunset.

"Such an eager fighting spirit! You truly have the heart of a legendary warrior, my friend Arthur. You seek the battle not for the glory, but because your soul cannot rest while others suffer!"

"Right, let's go with that," I whispered, rubbing my aching shoulder.

"Definitely not because your overwhelming kindness is making my skin crawl and I need to go shoot something to restore my cynical balance."