Chương 55: Congratz!

I looked at the doll and the letter and frowned. So I could make demands of Azearothiel? But I still didn't want to be a servant! Except I would be a servant anyway, because sooner or later one of them would find me and take me. Oh, there was an awful lot to think about. THUD. Lucifer had apparently decided it was time for a nap. He dropped his enormous, spiny panther body onto the cave floor.

Having delivered his message, he clearly thought his duties for the day were over and saw no reason not to go back to lazing about, as usual. My friends, seeing that the terrifying giant monster was, in fact, just an oversized housecat with no intention of attacking, finally began to lower their weapons.

"Well, now that the show is over," said Estelle, and clapped her hands, "you can all get back to your various chores." She then turned to me.

"Come by the kitchen later, and we'll find something to eat for your… er… cat. We caught a great many of the large fish monsters, and they'd only spoil anyway." Most of the others drifted off the way they had come. Only Charlotte, Henriette and I remained, and Marguerite, of course.

"You absolutely were not supposed to be here during an intruder attack!" said Charlotte to Henriette.

"But it isn't an attack," said Henriette, looking at Lucifer.

"It's just a cat!"

"This is very much not just a cat!" said Charlotte, as Henriette slowly stepped closer to Lucifer.

"Wait. Stop. What are you doing?" It was obvious. She wanted to pet Lucifer.

"I… have to agree with Charlotte on this," I said.

"Lucifer is a mean, spiteful creature. He used to scratch me all the time when he was a normal-sized cat." Henriette ignored us, and kept going. I considered stopping her anyway, but looking at Lucifer, I could not sense any real malice from him. I thought he knew the measure of his own strength, and would not bring the whole of his monster form down upon a little girl. Well. Probably.

"Hey!" shouted Charlotte.

"Drizella just said he was dangerous!" But Henriette had already reached him. She rose onto her toes and stroked along his side, her hand moving carefully in between the rows of black thorns that grew out of his fur like a hedge. Then she reached up and scratched him behind the ears, and under the throat.

"You should rub his head," I supplied helpfully.

"That is what one is supposed to do to cats."

"No it isn't." Henriette gave me a strange look.

"Are you stupid?" Ha! The audacity of that girl! She thought she knew better than— A sound came out of Lucifer then. A low, grinding rumble, somewhere deep in his chest.

"Careful!" I said.

"That sound might be a warning."

"You are so weird!" said Henriette. And then she took hold of two of his side thorns and hauled herself straight up onto his back, and went on stroking him along the neck, and behind the ears, and everywhere else she could reach.

"There you go, kitty!" Henriette cooed.

"You're just the cutest thing!" Lucifer was not cute by any standard. But he did seem somewhat relaxed under Henriette's strange petting technique, and he even closed his eyes.

"Well," Charlotte sighed in resignation, "Henriette does know her way with monsters." Then Marguerite began to walk over, slowly, hesitantly, on her hundreds of odd little legs. Lucifer opened one eye to look. She got close. She looked terribly curious. She put out a single tentacle and touched him, very lightly, on the shoulder — and then became so excited about it that all her legs did a small shuffling dance beneath her. She touched him again. Then again, more boldly.

Then with a second tentacle, and a third— Lucifer hissed, and bared his fangs. Yes. That was rather too much for him. Marguerite drew her tentacles back in, but she did not go away. She crept closer instead, and settled down on the floor beside him, close enough that her side rested against his. We then went to the kitchen and came back with two enormous wooden vats. One full of plump helmet soup, the other with dried parts of the octopus-penguin sort of monster. Lucifer sniffed at the mushroom soup and hissed.

But he munched happily on the monster meat. Marguerite loved the mushroom soup. She folded her tentacles back and away to uncover the small toothy mouth beneath them, and her split tongue went in and out of the trough so fast that half the soup ended up on the floor. Then we heard the scream. Faint and far off shriek, coming from everywhere at once, rolling along the tunnels and dying somewhere behind us.

That scream sounded throughout all this country of hell, and nobody was sure where it came from or who it belonged to. but it came every day at exactly ten o'clock, so one could know the time by it. There was a second, identical scream every evening.

"Is it the morning scream already?" asked Charlotte.

"That means it's story time!" called Henriette.

"Come on, the others are probably waiting." Yes — word had got around. I told Fifi stories in the library to Henriette, and then Henry the weird skeleton came to listen too, and then Charlotte, and then even that English lizard, Eleanor. And so it had become our little tradition. Before we went in, I walked over to Lucifer. I had the feeling he would not stay long.

"Thank you, Lucifer." I stretched up on my toes to pet him on the forehead.

"I was happy to see you. Do come and visit again." He didn't reply, primarily because cats don't talk. Leaving him to his meal, we all headed inside and made our way to the library, where, true to Henriette's word, Henry and Eleanor were already eagerly waiting for us. This time, I was reciting Fifi, Volume 8. In this volume, Fifi travels to a gloomy German forest filled with angry, sausage-eating clockmakers.

She is tasked with stealing military secrets from the humorless Baron von Schnitzel—a stern, dangerously handsome aristocrat poured into a delightfully tight military uniform. His cold, calculating demeanor, of course, merely masks a boiling volcano of repressed, aggressive desire. After a highly disciplined but torrid affair in a giant cuckoo clock tower, she chains his muscular frame to a bratwurst vat, takes his confidential military blueprints, and makes her daring escape.

"Eleanor," I said, "your tail is touching me again!"

"Terribly sorry darling."

"So where was I," I said.

"Oh yes. Baron von Schnitzel suddenly slips upon that enormous sausage, at the exact moment that—" My mind went blank. Then it was struck by an avalanche of memory, all at once. Going to the camp at Boulogne. To the place where they killed me. Going to Napoleon. Fighting him. Killing him. Dying. Then something invisible hit me in the chest like a bullet, and I screamed, and I fainted. I think it was night time when I opened my eyes.

I lay in my bed, staring at the rocky ceiling, going through the flood of new memories. I felt calm now. Hiding in the ground beneath Napoleon's very feet — that was a brilliant idea, the one the puppet had. And it worked. Napoleon, the Emperor of France, was dead. It was real, and it was me, sort of, who killed him. The thought filled me with a sudden, overwhelming rush of excitement, pride, and triumph. A wide, uncontainable smile spread across my face.

Then I sat up in my bed, looking around the room, and sniffing at it too. Something was definitely different here. Was the room brighter? Did it smell stronger? No. It was not the room. It was my senses. They had been keen ever since I came to hell, but now they were incredible. I looked at my hands. I felt stronger, too. I jumped out of bed, took hold of the frame with both hands and lifted the whole bed into the air. It was light. It was nothing at all.

I was powerful now — I felt as though I could take on a high demon. And I knew why. I had my shard of soul back. That was what made me faint, and now there was a settled, finished feeling in me, as though something that had been rattling loose all this while had finally clicked into place. The door creaked open, and Henriette padded into my room. She was clutching a blob-like plushie of a weird one-eyed monster, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"You're… fine," she said, relieved.

"You… you look fine?"

"I feel great," I confirmed with a smile.

"Good," she said, and yawned.

"I wasn't that worried, I guess it was something with the other you in the living world."

"Yes," I said.

"The other me died, and I got my soul part back."

"Oh." Henriette made a confused face, then came and sat down on the bed beside me, tucking her feet up under her.

"I'm sorry?" Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"It's fine," I said.

"That puppet me didn't like living anyway. And now… I think I'm stronger."

"Oh, good." She looked me over.

"But, like… what can you do?" I got up from the bed, took hold of the frame, and lifted the whole thing with Henriette still on top of it.

"Weeeeee!" she cheered, instantly wide awake.

"You're a gorilla!"

"Yes I am!" I said, and I was rather delighted about it myself. I had not given it much thought before, not even when I lifted that large rock and Charlotte remarked upon it. But it was obvious now. I had always been a thin, weedy sort of girl, and I remembered perfectly well how a wooden chair used to be a struggle for me. So this was that Vess'iliss bloodline business, whatever it was. I was powerful. And I could see very well why a high demon would want to recruit me.

"So how strong are you, really?" asked Henriette.

"Like a real gorilla?"

"Maybe," I said.

"I'm not sure."

"Can you beat giant mole snake thingies?"

"With a knife…" I considered.

"Yes, I suppose I could." Those were nasty things: long, heavy, pale bodies, flat digging claws on stubby forelimbs, and a mouth of thin back-curving fangs. Armand and Estelle yammered about them endlessly, and whenever Henriette and I took one of our little trips we knew to go the long way around their territory. But for some strange reason, I was quite certain I could take them. And, to be honest, I rather wanted to. And if we did pass through their territory…

"You are thinking about going to the rainbow crystal cave," I concluded.

"Yes!" Henriette exclaimed.

"We totally can go there now!"

"Yes, I suppose we— wait." I pointed at her.

"But you are not a gorilla! The giant mole snakes will eat you, and then I will be in trouble with Estelle!"

"That's no problem," Henriette explained.

"I'll wait by the big boulder, where it's safe. You go out, they'll gang up and ambush you, and when you kick their arses they won't dare come at us again. Then we can walk right through."

"I'm not sure…"

"Come on, it's important to understand your strength," said Henriette, logically. Yes, she was right. But I didn't need her tagging along for that!

"I'm going, like, alone," Henriette said, and turned to the door with a sly smile.

"You can join me if you like." I caught her by the back of her nightgown before she had gone two steps, and sighed.

"Fine," I said.

"Just wait a moment." I dressed, took two hunting knives and gave one to Henriette, and picked up my lamp — a wooden bucket with five small red crystals set into the wood, which threw enough light to walk by. The walk wasn't far, perhaps two miles. We left the little cave system, passed behind the roaring underground waterfall, and threaded through a damp forest of giant, towering mushrooms.

Beyond that the tunnel narrowed, climbed, and opened out — into a cavern so vast our lamp couldn't find the far side of it, lit only by a few glowing stones someone had set into the walls a long time ago. The floor was pocked with holes, dozens of them, dark and round and wide enough to swallow a man.

"So we are here," I said, looking at the holes somewhat worriedly.

"Well, go," said Henriette.

"It will be easy! You are super strong, they have no chance!" Well, it was easy for Henriette, that much was certain. She was not the one about to be stuck full of poison fangs and dragged down a hole to be eaten.

"Fine!" I hesitated, and started walking. At the start there was nothing. But then — I could actually hear the mole monsters underground, crawling, or slithering, through their maze of tunnels. I could smell them too. Two large ones were sliding along a tunnel, and were about to come up out of a hole five feet to my left. Silly monsters. If you want to sneak up on someone, you have to be a great deal quieter than that.

I looked at the ground and waited, and they came out: pale, heavy things, a head taller than me when they reared up, and they came up without any hurry at all. Confident. They had done this many times before, and they knew how it went. The strangest thing was that I wasn't afraid. My skin didn't crawl, my hands didn't shake, and there was no small voice in the back of my head telling me to run and hide. There simply wasn't one. And these were real monsters out of a nightmare, standing right in front of me.

I felt that I ought to be afraid. I began to think that something might be seriously wrong with my instincts. But as the two of them came slithering toward me, I honestly could not understand what it was I was meant to be afraid of. They were big, and they had fangs and claws, but my knife was longer than their fangs. And they did not move very fast. In fact, they looked somewhat ridiculous as they dragged their heavy bodies forward. One of them suddenly rushed at me, lunging with a "HISSSS!"

I simply stepped aside — one quick, fluid motion — and as the beast blundered past, missing me clean, I drove my knife into its massive, exposed flank. Twice. Thud. Thud. It felt like stabbing a sack of wet sand. Dark blood rushed from the wounds. The creature stumbled, collapsing to the cavern floor with a horrible, gurgling screech. I looked at the second one. Seeing its companion drop so easily, it hesitated. That was quite enough for me. Before he could come any closer I picked up a foot size rock and threw it.

It struck the beast squarely in the chest with a sickening crunch. The monster let out a pained squeal, scrambled backward in a panic, and quickly slithered down the nearest hole. Then I went back to the first mole snake and finished the poor thing off with the knife to the throat. Two more peeked out of the holes nearby, but did not come all the way out. They had seen their dead friend, and no doubt smelled the blood too. When I took a few quick steps their way, they vanished down the hole. Well.

I thought Henriette had been right. It seemed safe enough for now. I turned around to call her over from the safe distance where she was waiting — And discovered she was standing about four feet behind me.

"Wow," said Henriette.

"That was grisly." I sighed. This Henriette was impossible.

"Let's go!" I took her hand and pulled her along.

"Before they get brave again." I dragged the carcass of the snake mole I killed by the tail. Estelle makes a delicious soup out of them, and it would have been a waste to leave it. We walked the short remaining distance. With my hearing, I could easily track the movements of the pack underground. There were probably twenty of them down there. If they all decided to swarm us at once, we'd definitely be in trouble, but they were cautious creatures, and there was no reason for them to pick a fight with a strong enemy.

We stepped into the alcove, and the rainbow crystal cave opened up before us. It was a truly breathtaking sight. The little cave was full of crystal, growing out of the walls and the floor in clusters, and every face of it caught our poor red lamplight and threw it back changed — rose, and gold, and violet, and deep blue. Over all of it, high up the walls, grew tiny green mushrooms that glowed like a scatter of stars. It was truly a beautiful sight.

"Sooo beautiful!" said Henriette, her eyes very wide.

"I wanted to go here badly! For months!" Yes, I looked around, and it really was pretty here. I broke one violet crystal off its rock and turned it over in my hand.

"Are they worth a ton of money?" I asked.

"Can we sell them and be rich?"

"Nah," said Henriette.

"I found one once and asked Estelle. Apparently there are a bunch of such caves all over hell, so they aren't worth much. But they're great for making jewellery! We are definitely taking some back." I nodded, and watched Henriette examine a long teardrop of pink crystal in awe. Well, Henriette seemed happy enough. Maybe it was a good idea after all. I liked making her happy. Then Henriette looked at me with a serious face.

"Will you really make the contract with that demon? And… leave us?" I looked at Henriette, and did not answer at once.

"I really don't want to," I said.

"But I think… I should trust that Zsanareth demon. He sent Lucifer and all, and he said the high demons will eventually find me. And I thought… well, it would put all of you at risk."

"We can help you," said Henriette, clenching her fists.

"With Marguerite, we can chase them off!"

"You really can't," I said, and shook my head. Henriette nodded slowly, looking sad.

"This contract," she said.

"You're supposed to come up with demands. Do you know what to ask?"

"Not at all," I replied, smiling.

"Help me decide?" Despite her nonsense, and despite her young age, Henriette was a clever girl. And I really did not have the faintest idea what to ask.

"Sure," she said, and scooted over until she was sitting against my shoulder.

"What do you want?"

"Want, like, in life?"

"Okay, let me ask this," said Henriette.

"In this servant thing, what don't you want?"

"I don't want to be a slave!" I said.

"I want to have my own free time, and get money. I want… a lot of money! To buy nice things! And I don't clean dirty dishes. This is something that should be very clear!"

"Ah, I don't think they will ask you to do that…"

"Just to be safe. We will add it."

"Okay," said Henriette.

"So high salary, and free time, and no cleaning dishes. But you also want to make sure to have freedom to travel. So they won't say you aren't allowed to leave their mansion, or castle, or even city. It's important, so you could come and visit us whenever you like!"

"Oh, that's right!" Yes, that was important. Henriette was smart!

"What else should I ask? Wait — do you think I can ask for, like, big things?"

"High demons are like kings around here," explained Henriette.

"This Azearothiel, I've even heard the name, he's a big shot. So yeah, you should ask for a lot. Worst case, they say no. What else do you want?"

"Well, I… don't actually know." Thinking about it now was confusing.

"Think big," said Henriette, animated now.

"What about visits to the living world? You want to see your friend again. And we know it's possible, because Lucifer, your cat, he could do it. Right?"

"Well, he is a liaison. He probably doesn't do his job, but a liaison is supposed to travel between the realms."

"Oh, so ask for that!" Henriette said, bouncing up onto her knees.

"To be a liaison — that way you could meet Cinderella!" I was stunned. Could this be possible? Could I really meet Cinderella again? I was not at all sure it would work, but the possibility itself filled me with joy. I pulled Henriette into my side and squeezed her.

"Okay," she said.

"What more?"

"Getting married!" I blurted.

"What?" Henriette looked at me strangely.

"If I could ask for anything," I explained, "I want to marry handsome, rich, important noble! Like a prince, or a baron. But not a giant lizard, a skeleton, or an Englishman, obviously."

"But don't you want to... choose your own husband?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

"What for?" I tilted my head.

"Well, you know," Henriette started.

"Like… choosing someone who really knows you. That you have real connection with, and love and that…

""You are being silly, Henriette," I smiled, patting her head. But of course, she was still only thirteen years of age, after all.

"Okay then." She clapped her hands.

"Anything else? Like sick pay? Or a retirement pension?"

"What?"

"Oh, never mind that," Henriette yawned, rubbing her eyes.

"I think I'm... a bit tired now." We spent a few more minutes harvesting the prettiest crystals we could carry. Then, I grabbed the heavy mole snake carcass by the tail, and we began the short trek back home. By the time we got back, the cavern was still dead quiet; everyone else was deeply asleep. Henriette bid me goodnight and shuffled off to her bed, and I quietly retreated to my own room. I sat on the edge of my bed, picked up the Zsanareth call doll from my nightstand, and stared at it.

So now I should use it, I suppose. Pass along my demands… I turned the creepy little skeleton doll over in my hands. But how does one even use this thing? I remembered seeing Juliette use one once... I tried to recall the exact steps. Oh, no! She had to pierce her finger to let a drop of blood hit the doll's skull! I didn't want to do that! Damn it all. I took up my hunting knife and made a small nick in my thumb — ouch! — and let the drop fall. The skull instantly absorbed the droplet.

Then the tiny empty eye sockets lit up, glowing blue. And then… nothing happened. I held the doll up close to my face.

"Hello? Zsanareth? Are you there?" Still nothing. I shook the doll.

"Hello! Is someone there?" I felt really stupid, talking to some creepy doll. But after a few more minutes of shaking it and feeling stupid, it finally worked, and an old grumpy voice came out of the doll's skull.

"What… what is this?" the grumpy voice said.

"Go away!" What? Rude!

"Hey!" I said angrily.

"You're the one who told me to call you in the letter!"

"Wait… let us see whose call doll this is…" He kept mumbling.

"This… no, that… ah. That insufferable fool with the cat…"

"Yes, that's the one!" I said impatiently.

"Oh, is that so." He mumbled something else I could not make out.

"Well. Your demands. Say them already."

"So," I began, recalling my demands.

"In return for my service, I want a high salary. Free hours every day, and Sundays off entirely. In my free time I will be free to go wherever I want and do whatever I want.

"In addition, I want an arranged marriage to a handsome, titled and very rich gentleman — a prince, or a baron, or a marquis at the very least — and not a lizard, a skeleton, or an Englishman. And I want the position of liaison, so that I may travel to the living world. And last thing: I won't clean dishes. Ever!" I paused for a moment.

"Oh, and pass it only to Azearothiel!" I added.

"Malakarthor is a meany and I don't want anything to do with him!"

"Fine," said Zsanareth.

"I will pass it along."

"Oh… good," I said.

"That's really helpful, I—" B-lip Pero. The blue light vanished.

"Hello? You there?" I asked. Did he just end this conversation? After I stabbed myself for it? Oh, that demon was a menace. Well, whatever. I think I did what I was supposed to do. But will it really work? Will he even pass it along? I think Zsanareth was on my side, but he did not seem all that reliable. And even if he does pass my demands, it will probably take some time, and then more time for a response, as a high demon is surely a busy creature. I suppose it may take weeks.

And Azearothiel will surely get angry and refuse some of the demands, and then there will be negotiation, and counter-offers, and more talk back and forth. This could take months. But what do I care? I am in no rush at all to become some stupid demon's servant. And in that time, I will think about my options if the contract is not concluded. Maybe there are other high demons to consider working for, and… Suddenly I heard a buzzing sound.

I looked at the call doll and saw it vibrating on the nightstand, its eyes stuttering blue, on and off, on and off. I picked up the doll.

"Hello?"

"It's done," said Zsanareth, in a bored tone.

"Azearothiel accepts your demands. I will send the cat with the contract for you to sign. Also the marriage is arranged. It concludes in a week." B-lip Pero.

"Wait, what?" I called.

"Hey!" But he was gone. I slowly lowered the doll to my lap, staring blankly at the wall. I... I think I'm getting married.