Chương 35: All Knowing Witch

Oh boy, how did it come to this! All I wanted was to have a fun, exciting, and maybe slightly scandalous adventure with Cinderella. And now I was supposed to be commanding soldiers. And I was… wearing men's clothes! Even worse, all the soldiers were looking at me right now and probably expected me to say something! But I really didn't know what I should do. There wasn't any Fifi book about the military! But there absolutely should be one! I could perfectly envision it.

Fifi could ingeniously disguise herself in a dashing military commander's uniform, brilliantly outmaneuver the enemy forces, and then flawlessly seduce the highly handsome, brooding enemy General. They would have a passionate, scandalous night of forbidden romance in a war tent thick with the smell of gunpowder and danger, only for Fifi to finally tie him to the bedpost at dawn and take him as her helpless Prisoner of War!

"Um, is everything alright, sir?" one of the soldiers said to me. Oh no, I hadn't said anything for far too long! And... did he call me sir?! How dare he! Well, I suppose that was the entire point of the uniform. I looked down at my not-so-ample chest. There was certainly nothing there to give a massive hint about my gender. Oh, curse it! I pulled down my hat.

"I'll have you know I am a woman! And you should address me as Ma'am! Or wait... Captain is better."

"Oh, of course. Yes, Captain!" the soldier said, without looking particularly shocked by my revelation. None of the other soldiers looked fazed either. I guess, just as Gaston had said, they were used to female time-looper commanders. Oh, I still needed to say something.

"Fetch me some tea!" I demanded, pushing back my hat.

"And where is that... Lieutenant?"

"Here, Captain," said a soldier standing opposite the line, tall, with an impressively thick moustache. I noticed several of the others had moustaches too, though none quite so magnificent. I presumed it indicated rank somehow. In the meantime, the first soldier reappeared at my elbow with a steaming tin cup. I took it, sipped, and It was dreadful.

"Lieutenant Henri, at your service, Captain," the tall one said with a salute.

"Hmph, quite so," I huffed, taking another sip of the tea and not knowing what else to say. He looked at me for a moment in awkward silence before adding, "We were just about to prepare the evening meal. Will you be joining us at the mess?"

"Why not," I replied. The soldiers filed out of the cabin one by one, and I couldn't help but notice the shift in the atmosphere. I had obviously made them uncomfortable.

"This is... your first cycle on the mission, correct?" Henri asked once we were left alone.

"Yes, it is," I said.

"How... did you know?"

"Well, they informed me earlier today about your expected arrival," he explained, "and there wasn't anything about you in my Journal." Of course, it was a dumb question.

"Would you like me to tell you," Henri started, when I failed to say anything else, "well, about the squad?"

"Why not," I said.

"There are twelve soldiers in the squad," he said.

"We have experience in time loop missions, having served in the 86th and 88th loops. But in recent months, like most men in the Boulogne camp, we've basically been doing nothing. Yes, we've had some action in this loop—the Emperor even got assassinated twice—but as you know, for us, these are just stories I read in my Journal and brief the men at the start of every cycle." He paused.

"So, it doesn't feel entirely real." Henri glanced out the open doorway, watching his soldiers gathered around the cooking pit.

"As far as they can remember, they haven't seen true action for over a year," he said softly.

"So, as you may have noticed, that is the reason for their rather relaxed behavior. But nevertheless, they are good men, and when action is needed, you can absolutely count on them to do their duty."

"I see," I said. Oh, why didn't I have anything clever to say?

"It looks like the food is finally ready. We should go join them," Henri suggested, gesturing outside. We stepped out of the cabin. When they said they were 'preparing the evening meal', I had envisioned a bustling kitchen, perhaps a roasted chicken, some fresh pastries, or at least a decent, hearty stew. Instead, I found myself sitting on a damp wooden log near a massive, dug-out cooking pit outside the cabin. The meals here were violently, aggressively basic. A soldier handed me a battered tin plate.

On it sat a chunk of heavily salted, boiled pork that looked exactly like a piece of old shoe leather, a few sad, boiled root vegetables that must have been procured from a local, deeply depressed farmer, and a square of 'hardtack' bread. I tapped the bread against the tin plate. It literally made a clack, clack sound, like I was hitting it with a solid brick! This was absolutely disgusting! I also noted that before I had walked over to the fire, I had heard them laughing loudly, telling some crude jokes.

But the absolute second I sat down on the log with my tin plate, silence fell over the group. They were now eating with the solemn, straight-backed decorum of well-behaved nobles. Well, they still ate with their hands, so... monkey nobles, perhaps. I didn't like how they behaved around me at all. I truly wanted to do a good job. I wanted to catch the enemy time-looper and be the hero who saved the Emperor from assassins.

But for all that to happen, I knew I needed to be a good captain first, and for that, I needed my soldiers to like me. I sighed heavily. Being nice to peasants wasn't among my many fortes, but it had to be done.

"So!" I started, offering a tight smile to a young, mustache-less soldier sitting next to me.

"This salted meat... is certainly... very salty, is it not?" The soldier froze, looked at me with wide, fearful eyes, nodded quickly, and immediately stared back down at his plate. The rest of the men shifted uncomfortably. I narrowed my eyes. This was... annoyingly bothersome. Henri then came to sit next to me on the log, casually eating the disgusting salted meat.

"The soldiers are acting weird," I hissed at him.

"You said they had all been working with time-loopers already, and women too!"

"Yes," Henri explained softly, "but from our perspective, even if we did participate in a few loops already, each time we only remember the final cycle. So they aren't exactly... used to it. You must understand, when the men look at you, they see something like... an all-knowing witch."

"A witch, is it?"

"Yes," Henri smiled.

"They probably aren't sure if this is really your first cycle. To them, it could mean you already know everything about them, even their deepest personal secrets. You can see how that could be intimidating." Intimidating? A witch?

"Oh, but I don't know the first thing about them!"

"So maybe you should," Henri suggested, taking a casual bite of his hardtack.

"Talk to the soldiers. Learn about them, a little bit each cycle. Become that all-knowing witch. You'll see, they are not such bad fellows once you get to know them." Hm, Henri was right. I should definitely do that.

"Hey, you!" I called to the young soldier I had tried to talk to earlier.

"Y-yes, Ma'am?" he stammered.

"Tell me about yourself!" I demanded.

"Ma'am?"

"It's Captain," I corrected him.

"And tell me everything. Your name, your age, what were you doing before being a soldier? Are you married? If not married, why not?! Haven't you found anyone to your liking? Or did you, and she rejected you? Yes, tell me everything. That is... well, an order!" If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. He paled.

"I..."

"And since I am a time-looper," I added, lowering my voice ominously, "I will know if you are lying." That was perhaps a touch harsh.

"My name is Jean-Baptiste," he began slowly, fidgeting with his tin plate.

"I am twenty-two. I enlisted because... because..."

"Yes?"

"There was a girl, Captain. In the village where I grew up. The baker's daughter." He struggled on bravely.

"She was very pretty. And I — I reckoned she liked me too."

"Why do you think she liked you?" I inquired.

"It were the way she looked at me!" he blurted out, already blushing.

"Oh, I see. Do continue," I said. I noticed all the soldiers nearby had now turned their heads, listening curiously too. Oh, they probably didn't share everything with their brothers-in-arms.

"I went to the bakery every single day," he said.

"She helped her parents at the counter, and I spent most of my savings on their pound cake — even though, truth be told, it weren't that good. So after about a month of that, I decided..."

"To tell her how you feel!" I prompted.

"Ah, no," he said quietly.

"I decided... to bake her a pound cake myself. As a gift."

"That was a lousy idea!" I said.

"She is surrounded daily by cake, why would she want another one as a gift? And... can you even cook?" He looked terribly embarrassed and shook his head.

"You see, Captain," he mumbled, staring hard at his boots.

"I figured more flour makes a grander cake, so I packed it really tightly. Then I left it in the hearth until it was completely hard. It was heavy... really heavy. Like a cobblestone."

"A dense crumb," I nodded sagely.

"A bold culinary choice."

"Well, I tied a bit of string around it and marched down to the shop," he went on, his face now the color of a ripe tomato.

"But her father—the Master Baker—was standing right there at the counter. I got so nervous my knees went wobbly. I slipped on a stray sack of milling flour left on the floor, and the cake... well, it flew right out of my hands."

"You dropped it?" I asked.

"On me foot, Captain," he admitted.

"And it got all ruined."

"The cake?"

"My foot!"

"Oh... this is..." It was becoming increasingly painful to hear, I thought. Perhaps I should stop him.

"But her father insisted on tastin' the cake anyway. And..."

"And?"

"He spit it out, Captain." A pause.

"He spit it right out and he says—he says it tastes like soap and sorrow, and that my cake is an insult to God and to France! The lass I fancied went red and disappeared into the back room, and I never saw 'er again. I limped away on one foot. I was so disgraced, I marched straight to the recruiter and enlisted in the army!"

"And rightly so!" I nodded in understanding.

"I would definitely enlist too in your place, and I'm a woman!" Wait, was I being supportive? I wasn't entirely sure... But I had not laughed, and that alone had required a considerable effort on my part. But the other soldiers who were listening were highly supportive. Instead of laughing at his misery, they offered a round of solemn, manly nods, and the soldier sitting beside Jean-Baptiste firmly clapped a hand onto his shoulder in quiet solidarity.

To be honest, seeing their rugged camaraderie was actually quite heartwarming. I wanted to impart some sage Captain's advice too.

"After the war, you should move to another village," I advised.

"As far away as possible from your first failed courtship, as rumors can fly far and wide, after all. Then you should find another baker's daughter... or, well, any daughter, really. And for goodness sake, just gift her with flowers." Jean-Baptiste looked at me for a moment and then nodded.

"That's fine advice, Captain," he said with a small, encouraged smile.

"I think... I will do just that." Good. I think I was being a good captain. I looked around at the other soldiers who had leaned in to join our confession circle. Oh, did they think they weren't at risk of being interrogated by me too?

"You there!" I pointed to a tall soldier.

"Your turn." He paled slightly, but then courageously nodded. All the others looked at him in anticipation. His name was Emile, and he had joined the army specifically to escape his family's generations-old corset-making business. He confessed, rather reluctantly, that he simply couldn't turn off his tailor's eye. During skirmishes, he was constantly distracted by the terrible stitching on the British uniforms and would sometimes loudly critique their hemlines while reloading his musket.

It was a funny story, but to my disappointment, there wasn't any village daughter or forbidden romance involved in this one. Well, no matter, I still had many soldiers left, and at least some of them had to have a juicy and scandalous story. In the meantime, I had something else in mind.

"I would like to learn how to fire a musket," I announced suddenly to the small audience now gathered around me.

"You, you, and you," I gestured to three of them.

"Lead me to the training grounds and teach me. Along the way, you can tell me your stories."

"Yes, Captain!" the soldiers chorused. They actually looked somewhat happy to oblige. I think... they were finally feeling a bit more comfortable around me. As we walked away, I caught a glimpse of Lieutenant Henri, who smiled at me and gave a small, approving nod. The musket was terribly slow to reload and awfully heavy, but the accuracy was amazing. I could actually hit a target from fifty meters away! This was a really long-range weapon; I could easily understand why every army used it!

I also think the soldiers liked teaching me, correcting my posture, and showing me how to aim. They actually started competing among themselves, trying to prove who could hit closest to the bullseye. After a few rounds, I managed to consistently hit the target from about thirty meters out. Yes, I was a natural! And the soldiers looked genuinely impressed, too! After that, the sun began to set.

They escorted me to the Captain's private quarters, a modest but sturdy wooden cabin outfitted with a simple cot, a writing desk, and a small iron stove. Lying alone in the bed got me thinking. I wasn't doing too badly, I thought. I was connecting with the soldiers well enough, but... I still felt lonely. Oh, I wished Cinderella were here with me. Everything was always a lot more fun with her around. I did plan to bring her along in the next cycle. I had thought it all through.

We would arrive riding a horse together. It would be hilarious to watch Cinderella wearing the military uniform, but also, probably incredibly cute! It would be easy to coax her into coming, too. After all, this was a mission to protect His Majesty the Emperor! Basically the most important and noble mission in all of France. And Cinderella just loved doing righteous things! As for Juliette and Victor — yes, they had been searching for information about Cinderella, and they might well recognize her.

But I would simply tell Cinderella not to volunteer anything about her personal life or her whereabouts. And besides, I trusted Juliette more these days. Now that I was a full Thomas Thomas member, I had standing within the faction. I believed they would respect that. Knock knock knock. I startled upright in the darkness. Who on earth would knock on a young lady's door at this hour? But I guess... I was a manly captain now, so maybe late-night visits were normal. Still, who could it be? Wait... could it be...

Gaston?! My eyes widened at the thought. Could he... for some reason... No, it didn't make sense, he was a married man! But... then again... Being so lonely on a time loop and all? I threw off the blanket and hurried to the door. No, it probably isn't him... but what if it is? If it is Gaston, it would be best if I didn't ask any questions. It would be... a silent encounter... it would be... I yanked open the door and saw Juliette standing on the porch.

"Oh. It's only you..." I sighed with clear disappointment.

"Yes, only me," she said flatly, stepping inside and pulling the door shut behind her.

"So, how was it, your first day? Alone with all these... men."

"They aren't so bad," I said, with a small smile.

"As peasant soldiers go. Some are even rather cute, I dare say."

"I am very glad to hear it," said Juliette, and something in her shoulders visibly relaxed. She had clearly expected to find me frozen stiff with embarrassment, hiding under the cot.

"The Marshal expects each of us to operate independently," she continued, "given how costly time-loopers are. But I think, in your case, it would be wise to offer some assistance."

"I know exactly what this is," I said, my voice sharpening.

"Every single time — you assume I cannot handle my own mission. And now that I am a Thomas Thomas member, you're simply afraid it will be a tremendous embarrassment for the faction if the Emperor gets assassinated on my watch."

"Well — yes, frankly, it would be a tremendous embarrassment!" said Juliette, her own voice rising to match mine.

"And this has nothing to do with underestimating you. As you just pointed out, our faction's name is at stake. There is absolutely no reason not to accept help when it is offered."

"Fine," I said, crossing my arms.

"And what exactly did you have in mind?"

"The trust among your squad is crucial to any mission," she started, "so I thought I could offer some advice on that front."

"Despite what you might think, I'm managing the men just fine," I said dismissively.

"So help me with... other things." Juliette took a moment to consider.

"While it is not strictly according to the Marshal's plans," she said quietly, "I could bribe one of the idle squad captains to patrol the vicinity of your station in the second day of each cycle. I will have him report directly to you regarding any suspicious activity."

"Well, no harm in that," I said.

"I would also like for us to meet after your second day," she continued, "and with Victor, too. You can tell us everything you've observed, and we will advise you. I know you think you don't need any help, but... we have experience. It would be foolish of you not to make use of us." Put that way, her offer actually made sense. I nodded.

"But I do have an idea of my own," I added as an afterthought.

"I wanted to ask... since I am a full Thomas Thomas member, I can use... well, faction resources? I mean, more than the 50 measly Louis coins I already use." Yes, 50 gold coins were measly to me now. Oh my!

"Of course," said Juliette.

"I actually intended to talk to you about that. You can't have absolutely anything you like, but indeed, the vast resources of our organization will be at your disposal."

"Great. I will need more gold, and another Time Loop Journal for my own personal use."

"We have several safehouses in your small town, similar to the Widow Clair's place. I will provide you with an orderly list detailing each location. There, you can requisition extra gold, weaponry, and supplies," Juliette explained.

"As for the Journal... I can issue you a second one. But you must understand that these Journals are items of vast importance to the organization. If you ruin or lose this one, you will not get another."

"Good," I said, smiling. I would need another Journal to write down details about the soldiers, and even the things I would discover about the enemy's plans. I couldn't possibly memorize it all. And besides, I had just come up with a brilliant idea about what to do with the gold. Juliette tilted her head, looking at me suspiciously.

"Drizella, did you perhaps just think about handing out gold coins to the soldiers in your squad so they will like you?" Oh shoot! That was precisely my brilliant idea!

"Why would you assume that...?" I said serenely. Juliette smiled a knowing smile.

"What?" I asked.

"It's just..." she said, "something funny happens when you give enlisted men a large amount of money. But... I won't tell you. Some lessons you are better off learning on your own."

"Fine," I huffed, crossing my arms again. What funny thing could possibly happen when soldiers get gold? They would only be sure to love me dearly for it.

"Well then," Juliette said, "goodnight." She turned toward the door. Then, for some reason, I called out after her.

"I'll have you know that I will definitely do it. I will keep Napoleon safe. You can trust me." Juliette turned back around, gave me an uncharacteristically warm smile, and nodded.

"I know I can." Once she was gone, I lay back down on my bed, thinking. Next cycle, I would have Cinderella beside me. I would have lots of gold, a Journal, that creepy truth-bone, and the help of my faction. I would do an absolutely exceptional job. I might even capture the assassin time-looper alive. Present them to the Emperor himself. Receive a commendation — a medal, surely — with Gaston watching and Cinderella cheering and Juliette looking just a tiny bit jealous in the background.

I pictured it all in perfect, satisfied detail, and drifted happily to sleep.