Chương 36: Give it here!

The next morning, I woke up groggily, dragging my feet and yawning widely as I stumbled toward my squad's cabin. They were already outside preparing a thoroughly disgusting breakfast. I slumped onto a wooden crate and managed to shove a hard cheese into my mouth, which was the only thing on offer that was even partially edible. After that, it was time for our mission, so we walked… er, I meant, marched! We marched a few grueling kilometers to Napoleon's observation post: a grassy precipice overlooking the sea.

Right now, Napoleon wasn't here yet. I watched as my squad unshouldered their heavy packs and hastily began assembling a bivouac camp, pitching canvas shelters on the crest of a nearby hill. Meanwhile, Henry took it upon himself to explain what we were actually here to do.

"Napoleon will arrive in a few hours with the Coastal Artillery platoon," Henry began, gesturing broadly across the terrain.

"They will bring the heavy batteries with them—the twenty-four-pounder and thirty-six-pounder cannons, plus those famous mortars that can lob shells miles out to sea." Henry paused, his gaze drifting toward the horizon.

"Our Emperor loves to play field commander, just as he did in his early days of glory. Apparently, nothing brings him more joy than trying to personally sink English vessels with his cannons... even if he rarely ever hits a damn thing."

"So it will only be us and them protecting the Emperror?" I asked.

"No," Henry said.

"Aside from the coastal artillery platoon, he will be protected by his personal cavalry escort from the Imperial Guard. They are highly experienced, but there are only about twenty of them. There is also one more squad like our own; together, we will make up the outer security ring." Henry pointed toward another hill, a few hundred meters away. All in all it seemed like considerable security. Though of course, everyone knew the English were trying to kill him.

"The other squad," Henry continued, "does not have a time looper or any time loop assistance with them. As you know, nothing stops an enemy time looper from finding a method to bypass standard security. That is precisely why you are crucial to this operation.

"I see," I said. I understood this. With us here, the enemy time looper couldn't just try different things until they succeeded. We would also adapt, learn, and anticipate their actions. It was rather nice, actually, to feel genuinely needed. The survival of the Emperor of France was resting on my shoulders!

"So… what exactly are we doing?" I asked.

"I mean, how do we exactly… protect the Emperor?"

"A very good question," Henry smiled. He searched his coat pocket and handed me a brass spyglass.

"Look, the road, the cliff path, those coastal woods, and the ridge where rowboats could slip ashore. All avenues an assassin could use." He paused.

"The problem is they're crowded with ordinary civilians — merchants, travelers, even smugglers moving tobacco or cotton. We must check their papers and question anyone suspicious."

"And how do we know if someone is suspicious?" I asked.

"That is not always easy," he sighed.

"If it's a large group, we need to check for arms. Small pistols are fine, but military muskets, hidden explosives, or anyone asking far too many questions things like that. Also, suspicious or not, we simply don't let anyone get near Napoleon. That much is simple enough. As for how to know if someone is a time looper... honestly, I have no idea. I thought maybe you could… recognize… well, someone like you." I nodded in understanding.

Actually, time loopers all looked like they were about to explode from smugness and self-confidence. Maybe I could recognize them. Henry went on to outline the boring details of our operation: "we would rotate two men across the inner perimeter points, replacing them every three hours, while another pair conducted wide patrols along the outer ridge.

"Oh, you all seem to know what to do quite well," I remarked.

"Of course, now that you're here, any changes to the security arrangement are entirely up to you."

"There is no need to," I nodded.

"You keep… doing that." He nodded. I nodded too. Silence.

"Henry," I asked, "in all of this, what am I supposed to do?"

"Eh, what do you mean?" he asked.

"You have the shifts, the patrols," I gesture to the soldiers still building things on the hill.

"Whatever you're building... what am I to do all day?"

"Uh, well… whatever you wish, Captain," he said, looking a bit confused.

"Maybe, er… strategize?" Oh no, it was going to boring!

"Henry," I asked, "how often does… well… something happen? Like, something important?"

"Not terribly often," he admitted.

"Out of the 41 cycles we've been stationed here, there have only been two assaults. Admittedly, one attempt was… successful. But still, in all likelihood, nothing will happen today or in the coming cycles."

"Oh, but why aren't the English trying something each cycle?" I asked.

"Killing the enemy emperor sounds rather important, does it not?"

"We are not sure," Henry admitted.

"Maybe they know about our security arrangements, and it's just too much for them? Or maybe they don't want to risk their time looper and resources only to humiliate us. But of course, maybe they are just planning something big."

"I see," I said, nodding for what felt like the millionth time today. Oh, wonderful. So not only was I assigned to a tedious guard post with absolutely nothing to do but wait, but in all likelihood, nothing remotely exciting was going to happen anyway. I sighed.

"Is that thing they're building my tent?" I asked, pointing to a small tent next to the large canvas awning.

"Yes, your private tent, Captain."

"You probably have a library in the camp," I said.

"Do you know if there are any Fifi books available?"

"We do have a large library," he said, "but I'm not sure… about that specific…"

"Fine, I will go check myself," I said.

"Um... thank you... Lieutenant, that will be all." I set off back toward the main camp. There was absolutely no chance I was spending the entire day idle without something to read. Now that I considered it properly, I wasn't entirely sure why I'd been excited about this mission in the first place.

While Juliette and Victor were fighting thrilling battles at sea, and James was presumably off assassinating someone, I would be sitting on a hillside for weeks, doing absolutely nothing until the English decided to do something exciting. Well, this was guard duty after all. Emperor or not, guard duty was boring.

"You!" I turned to the first soldier I bumped into at the camp.

"Where is the library?" He flinched, looking a bit afraid, and pointed a trembling finger toward a long wooden cabin situated at the farthest edge of the camp. I went inside and saw endless rows of books. Well, not endless, really, but maybe hundreds. I couldn't possibly expect to search on my own, but luckily, I spotted an old librarian sitting behind a heavy oak table, doing exactly nothing.

"Good morning to you," I greeted him.

"Can you show me where the Fifi books section is in this library?"

"Ah, but what do you mean?" the old man inquired." The Scandalous Adventures of Fifi LaRousse," I explained patiently.

"It's a rather well-known piece of modern literature. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it." The old librarian suddenly stiffened, "Listen here, young soldier," he snapped, adjusting his spectacles defensively.

"This esteemed library houses a prestigious collection of top-tier military history and tactical treatises. You will find fine classics here designed to sharpen a soldier's strategic mind."" Fifi books are exactly like that!" I explained.

"Classics to sharpen a soldier's mind!" He pointed an accusatory finger at me.

"From the title alone, I'll say it is one of those Penny Dreadful rubbish of the lowest order." I gasped, astonished.

"How dare you! Take it back!"

"I most certainly won't!" he barked, standing up now, his face turning a shade of deep crimson. Oh! What a vile little man! I considered throwing my glove in his face and challenging him to a duel on the spot. But honestly, I didn't have the time for that. I gave one last hateful glare to the vile librarian and stormed out. Strolling through the camp, I saw soldiers lounging in the shade, completely slacking off. A few were busy reading with their boots kicked up on crates.

I had a feeling these weren't the serious history books from the library. I walked up to one of the soldiers.

"Give it here!" I demanded, snatching the book right from his hands.

"HEY!" he yelped, nearly tumbling off his crate.

"Are you mad!?" I turned the novel around to look at the title:'The Naked Nymphs of Venus: The Fruits of Love from Outer Space' This book sounded highly educational, probably teaching about alien life and habits. This soldier clearly knew what real literature looked like.

"Do you know about Fifi books?" I asked, tossing his book back to him. He caught it angrily.

"Maybe. But why should I tell you anything?" I pulled out a gold coin and let it catch the sunlight.

"Ah… yes," he breathed, his eyes locking instantly onto the gold.

"Sure I know them. My sister back home absolutely never shuts up about them. But… eh, those are for women."

"That is absolute nonsense," I scoffed.

"Fifi's adventures transcends the petty boundaries of gender obviously. Anyway, ask around for me, will you? There ought to be some Fifi volumes floating around this camp. Bring me a few, and this coin is yours." This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

"Yes, of course!" The soldier scrambled to his feet, then finally looked at my rank.

"Ah, Sergeant-Major, sir!" he saluted clumsily. Oh, yes. I had forgotten about my apparently high rank. It was a useless thing, really; all I needed to do was flick a gold coin, and everyone treated me like a general anyway. The soldier hurried off, and I took a moment to count what remained in my purse. From the fifty coins I'd taken from Widow Claire's house at the start of the cycle, I had eight left. I'd been somewhat liberal in distributing them at every minor inconvenience.

Next cycle I'd have considerably more, once Juliette showed me the Thomas Thomas safehouses — I could give each soldier two gold coins and not feel it. But right now, I still had enough to buy some nice things to make our boring guard duty significantly more comfortable—and, of course, to secure some edible food. As I strolled along the camp, I heard a soldier strumming a mandolin. It had a lovely, cheerful sound to it. Yes, we could do with some music.

"Give it here!" I said, snatching the instrument right out of his hands.

"Hey! You can't just take that!" the soldier protested, but I had already shoved a gold coin into his palm and was walking away before he could finish complaining. Next, I walk over to a plump man and woman operating a wooden food cart near the quartermaster's tent, a common sight for camp followers trying to earn a living off hungry soldiers.

"I want your cart," I declared.

"What do you want from the cart?" asked the seller with a confused frown.

"All of it," I said.

"And I want both of you to haul this cart all the way up that coastal ridge to my squad's post."

"Here," I said, handing him two gold coins. But he only looked down at them and gave a dismissive huff.

"We are businessmen," he stated.

"Do you think I will go blind just by looking at your measly coins? The product here is worth a hundred francs, and the cart thirty more easily, and that's before you account for our labour and inconvenience." Oh, they thought they were tough. I picked up a slice of cheese from his cart and sniffed it disdainfully.

"A hundred francs? For this lousy stuff?" I picked up a long loaf of bread and knocked it hard against the cart's wooden wheel. Thwack.

"Hear that sound? It's as hard as a cobblestone." The seller snatched the bread and cheese from my hands.

"How dare you? These are—""Four gold," I interrupted, adding two more coins from my pocket.

"That's eighty francs."

"N... nonsense, I'm still at a loss—" But he sounded hesitant for just a tiny fraction of a second, and that was all I really needed.

"A shame," I sighed dramatically.

"Putting the gold away, I guess I will take my generous offer to that other cart I saw just around the corner…"

"Who did you see?" he asked, all the confidence instantly draining from his voice.

"If you mean Simone, I'll tell you straight—" But I had already turned my back and started to walk away.

"W… Wait!" he called out. I turned back around and immediately shoved the four gold coins into his hand. Easy! Then, I pulled one final coin from my pocket.

"Find some pillows for me. Actually, lots of pillows," I said, dropping the fifth coin into his open palm with a heavy clank.

"Oh, yes, I will do that," he nodded.

"Hurry now," I commanded.

"I will meet you at the camp gate shortly." I doubled back and found my book-hunting soldier waiting for me with barely contained triumph.

"Here you are, sir!" he called out, spotting me and hurrying over with several books tucked under his arm.

"I found three of them, sir! Volumes 3, 4, and 11."

"These are fine volumes!" I remarked, handing him his promised coin. I met the vendor with the cart at the camp gates. True to his word, the cart was now piled high with plush pillows. I led them up toward my squad's post. The dirt path winding up the hill was terribly steep and rutted, causing the cart wheels to stick in the mud, but we managed. When we arrived, the soldiers gathered around, gaping in awe at the bounty I had brought them.

"There is no point in living like mud-caked swine and eating disgusting food while not actively on guard duty," I announced. They all nodded in fervent agreement.

"Well, don't just stand there gaping," I prompted.

"There is actual decently cured sausages in here. Help yourselves." The soldiers immediately swarmed the cart like a pack of starved wolves. Through the chaos, I caught Henry looking at me with an amused smile. I looked out over the post. In my absence, Napoleon and his Coastal Artillery Platoon had taken position along the cliff edge — the gun crews busy around their pieces, the heavy barrels angled toward the sea.

I could make out Napoleon himself at the far point, telescope raised, gesturing and issuing orders to anyone within range. On the neighbouring hill, the second security squad had established their post as well, their sentries visible against the skyline. Downhill on the main road, I noticed two of my soldiers had stopped what looked like four peasants pulling a hand-cart. Oh, suspects! Possible assassins! This could be interesting. I marched proudly down the hill to join my soldiers.

The peasants appeared to be a family: two older parents, a young woman around my age, and a teenage boy.

"What is the situation, soldiers?" I asked. This was Jean-Baptist, and the other one was... Luc, maybe?

"Uh, Captain," he said, saluting.

"Everything seems to be in order. We were just about to let them through."

"Hmmm," I said, squinting my eyes at them suspiciously. I looked the girl up and down. She was pretty enough, but she was wearing rags and looked exhausted and profoundly angry.

"What's in the cart?" I demanded. It was covered by a rough burlap tarp. The peasant girl glared at me and spoke.

"It's turnips, leeks, and beets, to sell in the Balouge market. I already told these two as much""Hmmm…" I hummed, eyeing her suspiciously. I walked over to the cart and peaked beneath the heavy cover. It did, indeed, look like turnips, leeks, and beets. It all looked reasonable enough, but…

"Wait!" I shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"Turnips are harvested in the spring, not the late summer! Are they not?!" The girl's face twisted into an expression of pure fury. She closed the distance between us with three quick steps. I instinctively took a frightened step back as she opened her mouth and started screaming directly into my face.

"Are you completely daft!?" she shrieked, spit flying from her lips.

"Turnips are harvested in late summer, you ignorant twit! This is the second time you useless soldiers have stopped us! We've been up since before dawn, dragging this heavy cart over treacherous rocks, and instead of actually protecting France, you lot are out here harassing hard-working folk!" I stood there in complete shock. For some reason, I felt incredibly embarrassed.

"If that is… indeed the case," I murmured in a small voice, waving my hand weakly.

"You may proceed." The family grabbed the handles of their wagon and pulled it forward, each of them giving me a thoroughly hateful glare as they passed. Oh, that was no fun at all! I had embarrassed myself and been shouted at by a peasant! What a lousy experience!

"Well, then," I nodded to my soldiers.

"Keep up the… er, good work." I hastily retreated back up the hill. Now… now it was time for me to relax! I arranged a lovely pile of pillows, grabbed a slice of decent cheese from the food cart, opened Fifi Volume 11, and sat down among the off-duty soldiers who were eating and chatting. I even handed the mandolin to the soldier with the most feminine face and ordered him to play. Oh, yes. This was nice. Finally, I could enjoy some well-earned rest.

In Volume 11, Fifi sailed to the backwater, uncultured country of America. In this wild land of cowboys and outlaws, her mission was to seduce Tex, a rugged, impossibly tall railroad tycoon with a jaw covered in masculine stubble and a scent of tobacco, whiskey, and raw danger, all in order to steal the deed to a diamond mine. After enduring his terrible manners and uncivilized passion in a muddy saloon, she knocks his gorgeous head with a whiskey bottle, steals the deed, and rides off into the sunset.

I sighed in pleasure while reading and munching on my cheese. It was so wonderfully interesting to learn about other, uncivilized places and cultures. I felt incredibly relaxed, and— BOOM!!!! Suddenly, an earth-shattering explosion ripped through the air! The very ground beneath me violently convulsed. Was it an attack?! An earthquake?! Both?! I shrieked, dropping my cheese to the dirt, and clutched the trembling earth for dear life, waiting for the world to end. Wait.

None of the other soldiers looked terribly shaken by it. In fact, they hadn't even paused between cheese bites and crude jokes.

"It's the thirty-six-pounder." Henry kindly explained when he saw my horrified expression. He pointed toward the cliff.

"It will happen a lot. You'll get used to it." Indeed, I saw a massive plume of white smoke rising from the artillery battery, and an animated Napoleon jumping up and down, pointing and shouting joyous orders. Oh, I had never heard such a loud noise in my entire life! I highly doubted I would ever get used to it. Why couldn't they make their cannons quieter and less… ground-shaking? Where was I? Oh, yes. Relaxing. I pleasantly continued reading.

I couldn't help but notice that some of the soldiers sitting next to me were continually peeking over at my book, perhaps curious to see what was making me laugh and blush so often.

"This is a Fifi book," I explained to them.

"A very fine piece of literature. Um, would you like me to read it out loud?" I offered kindly. They eagerly nodded, and so I did, starting straight from the beginning. I was a very generous captain, after all." Fifi stepped onto the sodden, miserable earth of the American coastline. She clutched her silk handkerchief to her nose, though even French lavender was no match for the stench of this 'republic.'

The air here did not carry the scent of civilization; it smelled of damp horseflesh, cheap grain alcohol, and the unwashed masses of a land without a proper King. Before her stood a row of 'Cow-Boys'—feral, sun-burnt brutes draped in cowhide, their faces more stubble than skin…" Yes, this was a highly pleasant way to pass the time. As I read, more and more soldiers leaned in to listen with intense concentration.

They genuinely seemed to enjoy it, and from time to time, they chimed in with genuinely thoughtful questions about the plot. Like: How did he undo her silk corsetry laces using only his teeth? Or, How did they even get their faces close enough to kiss while wearing those giant hats? Which, admittedly, were very good questions that I didn't entirely know the answers to. It was a nice, calm way to pass the time, even if the world itself violently shook every so often whenever the cannons fired.

Well, I somewhat got used to it. Some of the soldiers still had to rotate out for their three-hour guard shifts, but now they had entertainment, music and good food waiting for them when they rested. Better rest meant they would be more effective on duty. That's right—I was a tactical genius! Evening finally fell, and the coastal artillery platoon called it a day, escorting a very much alive Napoleon back from the cliffs.

Since the Emperor was still breathing, I'd say my first cycle on duty was a resounding success. We would soon head back to the main camp as well, where I envisioned a delightful evening of roasted meats, mandolin music, and cheerful laughter around a roaring bonfire. But then, I heard the sound of arguing coming from down the road. I looked over and saw my men had stopped a single woman walking along the path.

A woman walking by herself wasn't exactly common, but she also didn't seem like a tremendous danger to the Emperor. Then again, the soldiers clearly suspected her of something. I kept watching. They argued for a moment longer, and then she placed something into their hands. Suddenly, they stepped aside to let her pass. Oh I knew what it was! I abandoned my pillows and hurried down the hill. As I approached, I took in her appearance.

She was tall, with pale skin and jet-black hair, carrying herself with a striking posture and an expression of cool confidence. Her outfit was highly unusual: a split riding skirt over tailored trousers. It wasn't commoner's garb; the fabrics were crisp, clean, and of undeniably high quality. This woman was raising about eight different red flags in my book. I turned to my soldiers.

"Well, how much did she give you?" They looked incredibly hesitant, so I added, "Don't worry, I won't be angry at you, and you can keep it." They looked at each other.

"One gold coin each, Captain," one of them confessed. That was a time looper right there.

"Escort her to my tent," I ordered.

"There is really no need for that," the woman said sweetly, pulling two more gold coins from her purse and holding them out to me. I swiftly smacked her palm with the back of my hand, sending the two gold coins clattering into the dirt.

"Yes, there is," I said firmly. She looked surprised, but only for a fraction of a second. She then shrugged gracefully and followed my soldiers back up the hill without a fuss. Henry joined us at the tent, shooting me a knowing look. He knew I suspected her of being a time looper.

"Search her," I ordered my men, "and then tie her to a chair in my tent."

"Oh, wait, please," she said, and for the first time, she actually sounded distressed.

"I can't have that. Men searching me… that is highly inappropriate."

"Fine, I will do it," I sighed.

"You two," I ordered my men, "keep a musket aimed at her, just to be on the safe side."

"But… you are also, er… a man," she pointed out.

"I am a woman," I scoffed. I yanked off my hat, allowing my dazzling, raven-black hair to cascade dramatically over my shoulders.

"Long hair by itself is not proof," she argued smoothly.

"These days, men can also—" I was rapidly losing my patience. I pulled out my massive cavalry pistol, cocked the hammer back with a sharp click, and shoved the barrel right into her face.

"Is this feminine enough for you?!"

"Ah. Yes... it is."

"Arms to the side," I ordered. She complied, and I quickly ran my hands over every conceivable contour and hiding spot. Fifi LaRousse always stashed her weaponry in weird places on her person, so I knew exactly where to check. And sure enough, I found no less than three hidden pistols, four throwing knives, and one of those magical bells time-loopers use to signal one another.

"Well. You certainly seem to know your way around a woman's body," she said with a sly smile, making me blush. What on earth did she mean by that?!

"And you seem like a time looper to me," I retorted. She smiled at me.

"Oh? And what do you know about time loopers?" she teased.

"Were you gifted a special journal? Played with it a bit?" I sighed heavily. I was getting tired, and this woman was playing games with me. I needed to do my job. I needed to make absolutely sure she was a time looper, and if so, determine if she was on the enemy's side. Not that it was likely an enemy looper would just stroll right up to my guard post and bribe my men. But then again, time loopers were insufferably arrogant people.

"Wait here," I commanded everyone present. I stepped outside, pulling the magical truth bone from my pocket. I broke off about a third of its length. Was that enough? Did Gaston explain exactly how much I needed to use? Well, we would just have to see. I grabbed two flat rocks, ground the bone shard into a fine powder, and stirred it into a tin cup of water. I marched back into the tent and held the cup out to my prisoner.

"You will drink this." Now she looked genuinely fazed.

"I.. I can't! What did you put in there? Is that poison?" I sighed and shoved the barrel of my cavalry pistol right back into her face.

"It is not poison," I said coldly.

"But it is either the cup, or the demons for you. Decide now!" She looked deeply disturbed by the mention of demons, and stared at my cocked pistol with a profound, terror. She took the tin cup and gulped it dry.

"Good," I smiled.

"Now we can have a nice, honest chat."