Chương 314: Day Three Hundred And Twelve

Dear Diary, So weird, going into something with one set of goals, then coming out with entirely different shit, yet somehow not being upset about it. Seriously, my voluntold purpose coming here was to steal some Battleships legally, for a really fucked up value of legal. I'd added 'all your shit is mine' in a sort of homage to Shang Tsung, also maybe as a first step in parlaying 'powerful almost-Hero' into 'rich enough to get our kid into a good school even if she is a slacker Menace hellspawn like me'.

Then I saw the shady rapey shit going on in Jarl Swanson's longhouse, and even saving Hilde from that didn't really fulfill my urge to make shit right. So by the time I hit Jarl Johnson's crib, I think I'd already subconsciously decided to conquer this shit and make it right. So, y'know, I've kinda started a war, and I'm not sure if it's for the best or worst reason possible.

Worst of all, at least for a very me-specific version of 'worst' and a very strategic sense of 'all', I know without a doubt that Immortal Tyrants being fucking Abominations Unto Me aside, I would make a shitty Queen. Fuck, my go to move as Jarl has been 'I'll come back and fix shit later, just nobody fuck anybody over or I'll kill you to death'. I'm gonna be stunned if by the time I return to Jarl Karlson's place that shit hasn't burned itself to the ground.

Like, the buildings spontaneously lighting themselves on fire in protest like one of those monks, leaving everybody out in the fuckin' rain. So once I stopped laughing about my unsavory tendencies I snuggled back up with the other two on the stage, frowned up at the rain splattering down, and tossed up a Filtration Ward set to keep water out. Which immediately turned our stage-raft into a plank with intent to capsize.

"If I may, love?" I nodded and helped Saffron to her feet, where she got the worst kind of booger look, glaring up at my Filtration Ward.

"Marie?" Marie grabbed her by the thighs and lifted her straight up until my Kitten could reach my Ward, then punctured it with an indignant Mana Blade. The stage went back to being a really well constructed pontoon raft, and she Shaped a new Ward to keep the rain off. A few minutes later she huffed out, "is there a reason you've not set me down yet?"

"View." I don't get to see Saffron blush nearly often enough. Of course, one of those times was back in our Library Love Shack, where I'd apparently interrupted the two of them with my failed armored self-shenanigans. I peeled off the Dragonslayer armor piece by piece, gently dropping it in a corner.

"Well, that was a bust."

"What was, love?"

"Eh. Got some kinda neuron activation thinking about getting it on in armor." I shrugged.

"Didn't live up to my own mental image of it." She got a cute little speculative look. Normally I think she'd have folded her arms under her tits, but she still lay on her stomach with Marie's hand kinda possessively on her back.

"That isn't exactly the type of leather that most people think of when they're contemplating provocative clothing, no."

"Nah. I was, uh... what was I? Oh! Right! Remember you talked about putting on clothes normally being like armoring up and shit?" She nodded.

"Well, that got me thinking about how The Dress is like that gladiator armor that would be full frontal if it weren't for the codpiece, and Glowing Midnight is more like a set of full plate and chain. The super fancy hyper articulated pretty shit you see in the right kind of Anime, even. So I guess I got all tingly about different kinds of metal plate armor, not leather, but we don't have any of that. The closest I can think of is the Cold Iron plates that the Arse Priests wore, and that shit's ugly as fuck.

Total beaver dam. Also, couldn't get it to auto-populate my item slots in preparation for me auto-populating my item slots." Saffron giggled, chortled, then faceplanted right in Marie's crotch, laughing like a loon. Marie might have taken a little bit of exception to that, because she apparently required Saffron to tender apologies before letting her up. Not that anybody else in the room complained.

When Saffron rolled over and both of them scooched up so Marie could sit against the headboard and Saffron could sit against the Marie, giggles laced her voice when she said, "sorry, love. I'm not laughing at your idea. I mean, your attempt at execution was appallingly sloppy, but that's sad, not funny."

"Ouch." She gasped and lifted a hand to her mouth, blushing again, which led me to immediately forgive her for everything up to mass murder, then she squeaked out, "sorry! My inhibitions are absolutely gone. I think Marie may be literally intoxicating."

"Duh." Fuckin' Murder Mittens could look smugger than fuckin' Vulcan. Pretty much the same reasons, honestly.

"I mean, you've got the itty bitty body weight to notice, but wouldn't you have noticed before?" She blushed, looked away, and muttered something.

"What was that, Kitten? I didn't hear you." She pouted.

"It's supposed to be a surprise." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay then. I mean, you could just tell me and I'm sure I'll forget by the time you spring it on me anyway, but go on, Kitten, keep your secrets." As the three of us on stage snuggled in for some pleasant lazy starwatching, and Saffron and I Co-Located to snuggle in around Marie and the Menace, Saffron tilted her head and asked, "did you want to join us, love?" A moment later she shook her head.

"Although that would rather hurt your edge on Freyday, would it not?" Continuing to argue with herself she said, "No, wait, you'll be wanting to go in as satiated as possible to avoid accidents, won't you?" I grinned at her and said, "no! I remembered! I asked! Well, okay, I kinda EULA'd them. Y'know, I told them 'not surrendering counts as consent'.

Which now that I think about it is more than a little skeevy, and I'm gonna put a pin in blaming Mimic for making my lady bits salivate over the thought that something's skeevy for now." I giggled a little when I said, "the Duelist's guild tripled the price to hire a Champion to face me when I told them that." She replied to my inane banter with a solemn nod.

"I see. I'm very, very proud of you, Tabitha. That couldn't have been easy for you to do." Already divested of artificial body coverings of all kinds, I said, "is it childish to get many different kinds of excited that you're proud of me for adulting?" She held up a hand, palm outward, "ah, ah, ah! While I don't think it's childish at all to feel platonic pleasure produced by praise, you, my love, are far more effective when riled up and frustrated." Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere.

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"Oh, FUCK!" She Muttley snickered at me.

"Not until after you win the Alliance their newest City, beloved Goof." I folded my arms across my chest and honestly, if I'd been able to fart on command like the Menace, I totally would have.

"Motherfucker!"

"Indeed you are, love," Saffron said as she rolled over and started worming her way down Marie's front.

"But not until Freyday afternoon, it seems." I flopped onto the bed, leaning against the side wall and pulling my legs into a tailor seat.

"Fuck that noise." She lifted her head and looked over at me, "excuse me? You would deny me both authority and agency in this?" I ran my tongue across my lips and dove into the thirst when I said, "No. But you are scheduled for Friday Brunch." I dunno if I should be happy or not that I kind of spoilt her performance with the blushing giggles that gave her. But I definitely am.

Some time around four in the morning I collapsed back into myself, only to have her blink owlishly at me where we snuggled up on the stage and ask, "are you planning on going to sleep?"

"Hadn't intended to."

"Then get your ass back to the library right now." I blinked at her vehemence.

"Holy shit, Kitten. Are you trying to rile me up or something?"

"You get an answer the moment your ass hits the bed." I Co-Located, and while the Saffron in the bed didn't stop to enlighten me, the Saffron on the stage with me nodded, satisfied, and pulled me back to cuddle with her.

"I've researched your five opponents, love. Other than Ericson and Gregor, your opponents will be smart enough to surrender. I'd ask you hold back against them for that very reason."

"Not sure if I can, love."

"Oh, I have faith in you. Cripple them as much as you can, but don't kill them on purpose." I shrugged.

"Okay. No promises, but okay. What about Shitdick and Ericson?" I felt her face harden into a frown.

"Both of them deserve you at your absolute worst." Eventually I did get tired and, some time after dawn, nod off in the embrace of floating stage Saffron and Marie. Didn't seem to matter how much Worship Shrimp and Chefs Mimic bogarted, and shrimp had in fact returned to the menu in force, I still couldn't stay Co-Located while sleeping.

Honestly, after spending most of Wednesday and Thursday sunbathing and snoozing, which left me more or less a passive observer to Mimic nomming like a mindless nom machine, I'd started internally rating the mouth feel and flavor of different sizes and shapes of shrimp, comparing them to the high bar set by Marie and Saffron yeeting themselves in as well. As we lay there cuddling Thursday morning, I felt some kinda way and said, "Kitten, are you sure that's not hurting you, or Marie, or anybody else?" She shrugged.

"It's most certainly not hurting either of us. I suppose some of your other worshippers might take things to extremes."

"Oh. Well..." Then what she'd said really sunk home.

"Other worshippers?"

"Of course! You didn't think I'd forsake my duties as your High Priestess, did you? You have a small, yet devoted and growing following in each of the Alliance Cities. Even in New Amsterdam, where they are still, at present, an illegal cult. I offered to help them migrate to Cities open to your worship; a few have, but most have refused." Gotta say, that information left me totally without a coherent response.

On the one hand, those little butterflies that I'd first felt when learning that Heroes were basically Phileo's equivalent to Senators had roughly the same wingspan as fuckin' Mothra by this point. On the other, the idea that somebody would worship me, either mass of tentacles with no detectable thought processes me or, y'know, murderous raging slut bunny me, was just fuckin' incomprehensible. So I did like you do and latched onto the one thing that Saffron had said which sounded actually bad.

"I don't want anyone hurting themselves to worship me."

"You'd deny them their right to choose you as Patron? To devote their Worship and Glory to you?" I felt the frown in her voice. I shrugged.

"Well, no. That's on them, I guess, if they know it's a crime and do it anyway. I mean, shit, I dunno if 'Be Gay, Do Crimes' is a thing here, but I guess 'Worship Mimic, Do Crimes' isn't a half bad substitute. But, like, I don't want anybody cutting themselves, or starving themselves, or god forbid sacrificing themselves to me." Daughter, it is not my place to forbid your worshippers the choice to sacrifice themselves to you, but I admire your conviction nonetheless.

"What of those who are dying, and choose to dedicate that death to you?" I deflated.

"Fuck. You love handing me moral quandaries, don't you?" She turned to let me see her smile up at me.

"I see no quandary. When I cannot tell what the right thing to do is, I ask my Goddess, and she tells me." I snorted.

"I'm not totally sanguine with letting my fucked up cereal box prize moral compass guide me, let alone a whole fuckin' religion, but..."

"Butt?" she said as she squeezed mine. I smiled at that, because I liked being the recipient of a good butt squeeze as much as being the one delivering the squeezing. Which I did in turn.

"But better somebody who's confused and in need of direction asks than goes off on some kind of wild rampage of, y'know, rape and inappropriate murder."

"Inappropriate murder?" I nodded.

"Shit, Kitten, I'm practically the Goddess of Justified Homicide at this point. Might as well own that shit. But... dedicating death to me. First of all, it better be their fuckin' own."

"As you will it, so shall it be done."

"Okay then. No doing dumb shit to get killed just to amp up their 'notice me Sempai'. Somebody, I dunno, racing into a house fire to save a bunch of little kids? I'm in no way happy somebody like that would have to die, but if somebody's gonna die heroically and shit, I would be fuckin' honored if they give me props for it. That is absolutely the kind of 'Act of Ultimate Worship' that I could accept."

"So noted, love. You would be a Goddess of Heroes, then?"

"Better than a Goddess of Villains." She nodded, serious despite her smile.

"What of those dying of aught else?" My thoughts immediately jumped to thoughts of tiny Marie Pesce, her parents just wanting her soul to be waiting for them in the afterlife, rather than lying around abandoned in M-Space for eternity.

"I told them then, I tell you now, some little kid is dying, you tell me. Immediately. Capice?" She frowned, more than a little frightened.

"Even if it means allowing others to know your secret, love?"

"Not one goddamned infant death, if I can stop it, Kitten. Not. One." I can assist with that. Not with healing them, of course. The list of Deities who can do what I only suspect you've done is a short handful. But I can let you know when and where you are needed. Do I want to know details? I sincerely doubt it. Would I be angry about them? Oh, no. Likely just confused, perhaps embarrassed. Then do it. For you, Daughter, of course.

"You catch all that, Kitten?"

"I have, and you will be told when you are needed." I relaxed until she said, "what of the others?"

"Others?"

"Those dying of diseases no amount of Mana can cure. Those whose bodies fail from age. Those so traumatized, so deep in despair, that they cannot bear to live another day." I blew out another lungful of air.

"Shit. Tell me. If I can't fix it? The least I can do is carry them home myself."

"You would reveal yourself to them?"

"Just fuckin' said that. Sorry. The whole topic fucks with me, and not in a fun way. But yeah. Not like they're gonna tell anybody, right?" She nodded.

"Should they know this is a secret known only to your most beloved? They certainly will not, not in this life or any other."

"Okay then." I looked at her again, tilting her head so I could look into her eyes.

"You tell me that you're not hurting yourself worshipping while I sleep. I trust you with every fiber of my being. But I... worry. I'm afraid." I pressed my forehead to hers.

"Make me not afraid." Her lips found mine, our bodies still as our mouths became one. She kissed me. She held me. She sang to me, with words and without, all night long. By the end of the night I wasn't afraid any more, and I had no idea why at first. It wasn't until I lay down to sunbathe and realized I had absolutely no need to sleep that I realized why. If she could worship me all night like that, with that much soft, inexorable intensity, without hurting herself?

I couldn't really work up any worry about her M-Space avatar yeeting itself into Mimic's Maw. So I didn't. Nom.