Chương 273: Day Two Hundred And Seventy-One

Dear Diary, Weird, the things you realize about 'being an adult' that would absolutely skeeve a kid, but are just, y'know, part and parcel of being an adult. Still kinda reeling about whether or not any particular image of me is in duBois' mental spank bank. I mean, on the one hand I'm pretty sure he's old enough to be my dad. Maybe not, but definitely like an uncle or something. On the other hand, I'm an adult woman, and I did kinda hit him with a Xenia Onotopp to his general face region.

I don't think I've got any right to say 'you may not fap to your mental image of me' to somebody I'd tried my best to suffocate by shoving my ass in their face like a particularly muscular pillow. Did I do it with that intent? Hell no. Do I have to accept the consequences of my actions? Well, shit, I want to play adult games, so I'm gonna win adult prizes. Besides, he's kinda hot in that 'muscle daddy Santa' kinda way. Can't actually say he wasn't just a little bit on my mind later that night either.

I'm not into Jotnar telephone poles, cubic beef bull cocks, or any other inhumanly large phallic objects, as I've tried to make perfectly clear to a certain tiny genius who has some kind of bizarre fetish about stress testing my hoo hah, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a well hung dude, y'know? If Beavis and Butthead are correct, the man is toting some serious natural testicle protection, if you catch my drift. Slept well. Mimic dreamt of starwatching and stench.

Woke up to Isnomi, Saffron, Marie and I all spooned up like a set of nested measuring spoons. Which put me in the middle and Isnomi on the outside, but with her facing the window and Marie's back to the door, I guess anything that could get in the window wouldn't be a big challenge for the menace. I mean, shit, given that she'd apparently given Conrad a bad case of 'fuck this shit I'm out', maybe she should be on the door side.

Except I don't care about all that; if she's anywhere near me, I'm gonna be between her and danger. Thoughts of danger aside, it gave me all the warm fuzzies watching as the others woke up. Especially since Isnomi woke up first, and I got to see her do the same kind of sniff and taste the world thing that her mom does. A second later she rolled over and looked past her mom at me.

"Mama!" I smiled at her and brought my finger around in front of my mouth.

"Shh! Mom's still..." Then Saffron started her whole boot up sequence, and I sighed, half accepting that it was too late to let her sleep more, half just overflowing with affection for my cute little Kitten.

"Ah, well. Good morning, Kitten." She smacked her lips a little, twisted herself around, and spent her first minute of wakefulness taste testing my tonsils instead of opening her eyes. My eyes slid closed and I lost a while to being surrounded by warmth. Then a little hand planted itself right on my forehead and pushed.

"I'm not sure if I like being interrupted like that, my girl." When I opened my eyes it was to see a grinning Menace looking down at the two of us, then plonking her face down in between us. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work. I shook my head.

"On your belly be it!" I shouted, then grabbed her and went to town blowing raspberries on her belly. Meanwhile her mom grabbed her feet and did the same thing. I'm really not sure how long she squirmed and giggled and hiccupped up a storm before she finally squealed, "stahp! Stahp!" But when she did, we pulled back and laughed with her as she hiccupped a bunch more until Marie loomed over us, pouncing on Isnomi and scooping her up in a five-point-harness claw.

We both stared at how instead of a cage, Marie's claw now made something far closer to an actual harness for the menace.

"Holy shit she's growing like a fuckin' weed, isn't she?" I whispered into Saffron's neck as I took the opportunity to snuggle back up to her. I felt her smile on the side of my face.

"She is. In a perfect world she might never have been stolen away and become ours rather than mine, but in the world in which we must live? Knowing that she need not worry about age nor about high shelves is a great weight off my mind." We lay there snuggling and watching Marie and the menace play until Marie sighed and said, "Breakfast."

With muffled groans of disappointment we all got out of bed and got ourselves dressed, then instead of stepping ourselves to the Dining Hall we made a collective decision to walk to breakfast the long way. Okay, I walked. Mostly. There may have been some ambling involved, and a bit of strutting when I decided to do the whole pimp walk with my cane. Menace gamboled.

Saffron may or may not have skipped when Marie and the menace weren't looking, and when I started doing my strut, she leapt up on my back and got a piggy back ride the rest of the way to the Dining Hall.

"I'm so glad you're feeling better, love," she whispered into my neck. I thought about that for a second as I delivered her onto her seat. Before I let her go I said, "Y'know what? I kinda am." Breakfast wound up being mostly sausage and eggs. I kinda missed the Lancaster House Waffles, but apparently other than corn flour, the Academy was running low on, y'know, flour. Not completely out of it, or we wouldn't have had gravy to go with the sausage. I kinda wish we had biscuits, but what are you gonna do?

After breakfast, the menace chose to come with us instead of carting with Marie, because apparently the bright little rug rat remembered that today was our PT day. She spent part of the day running around the obstacle course. Actually running it this time, instead of just flying squirrel leaping from one climbing obstacle to another. Okay, she did that anyway, but more as a shortcut across the wall obstacle between them than, y'know, becoming another obstacle.

What with her itty bitty legs, she didn't quite keep up with the Senior Cadets cruising through the obstacles when they could sprint, but it was hilarious watching them jump over or slide under hurdles where she straight up tiptoe sprinted right under them. The rolling logs, that I knew from experience were both a little greasy and spun freely if you didn't hit them perfectly? She went to all fours and somehow clung to the damn thing, even when it spun so she hung underneath it.

Apparently gravity had fucked off to pay attention to the Senior Cadets, because a couple of them took a header into the pit under the logs when she did that. Saffron and I watched her antics as we Tangoed around the edge of the Practice Yard, doing our best Morticia and Gomez. Seriously, I let her lead, and the height difference? Just about perfect. After we ate a quick snack at lunch we switched over to Waltzing, and the Menace decided following us around pirouetting instead of doing obstacle course laps.

Doing all kinds of leaps and shit as well. Funniest shit of all? I think she wound up dropping more Senior Cadets into the obstacles watching her dance than she ever did being an obstacle.