Chương 280: Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Eight

Dear Diary, Okay, I want to be very clear here, this is a serious, important question regarding my whole journey toward enlightenment, possibly the most important one thus far: HOW AND WHY THE FUCK DID I WIND UP THE MORAL COMPASS? Seriously. I mean, seriously. There are zero morally magnetic components to me. Not even like, 'reliably immoral' or even 'interestingly amoral'. The former I could just do whatever I least feel like doing, and the latter would at least amuse me.

But no, I'm getting handed genuine moral quandaries when my proven best knowledge skill is 'how to fuck shit up'. Like, it is completely possible to fuck shit up by doing the right thing, even the right thing itself. If I go to Saffron for moral guidance, her answer varies between 'whatever my Goddess desires' to 'which answer will turn my Mana-Blade sliced bread into creamy cinnamon toast crunch when I slide it between your thighs?', and Marie?

Let's face it, Marie's morality is basically 'steal Yakko's wheel and replace the options with 'Murder', 'Fuck', 'Ignore', 'Spin again twice', and 'Supah Winna Triple Play!' HOW IS THAT LAST ONE EVEN POSSIBLE? Wait. No. Strike that last. I can totally see Marie having 'Secret Maid Technique Skill, Incidental Snu Snu Dismemberment'. Carry on, Yakko.

That's it, I'm getting one of those big old spinny wheels, and next time somebody comes to me asking for moral guidance on some issue I have no way of knowing jack shit about, I'm spinning the fuck out of that bitch. Wait. Wait, wait. Is Jackville Jack also Jack Shit? And if he is, does that make him a legendary ignoramus or a legendary lore master?

I'm thinking the latter, since if you knew Jack Shit, obviously you'd know something if he's a legendary loremaster, and you wouldn't know anything if you didn't know him, whereas if he's a legendary ignoramus, 'you don't know Jack Shit' would mean 'you don't know ignorance', which would mean 'you don't know an absence of knowledge', or 'you do know the presence of knowledge'. See? Logic prevails!

So I can't say I slept well last night, but I can say that I pushed Saffron beyond her physical limits until she passed out in the middle of bench pressing me. I have no real idea how that looked from the outside, but if it was half as spankariffic as watching her do squats with Marie draped over her shoulders like a shawl? I expected that to figure prominently in any of Marie's future bedroom requests.

After laying her in bed and feeling through her everything to make sure she was as comfy as I could make her, I hit her with a pre-emptive Cure. It wouldn't be fair to Heal her, since that had a tendency to negate the effects of PT, and my girl had worked her ass off today. I mean, not literally, her trunk retained a pleasant amount of junk to ogle, but it clearly moved like 'generous padding to turn high impact from ow to ooh over plentiful muscle' not 'jiggle right down to the bone' like my old body.

Not complaining, and any preference I have? Totally Saffron-based. We all snuggled in around her, even Menace taking pride of place curled up on the side of aforementioned curvy posterior, absolutely showcasing that no matter what other powers she might be rocking as Primordial Mor of Scary Cuteness?

'Fuck you, I size how I want' was clearly one of them. Mimic dreamt of Mom striding across the negative space in the sky, our fear and longing actually overriding our disgust at the rising stench. Woke to Saffron placing a string of long, lingering kisses around my neck. Realized as she finished the last one that I now had a necklace of hickeys, but didn't bother trying to find a mirror.

I'm not sure Saffron was more capable of precision artistry than Conrad, but that would be one hell of a competition to watch, with the audience being the clear winner. I had a moment of simultaneous painfully intense lady-boner juxtaposed with incoherent screaming terror that I'd consider myself the only one more winner than the audience if I were the canvas. Oh, look, more conversational fodder for next Therapy sesh. I had a sudden moment of confusion, as some part of my hindbrain told me that was today.

Counting on my mental fingers, I confirmed that today was indeed Friday, which remained persistently Not Monday, and therefore not my Father-Daughter-Wife-Concubine Talk Time. But I still felt like I had something Loki-related scheduled today. Before he could weigh in, I asked, do we have something today, Boss? Naught of which I'm aware, Tabitha. If you and yours have prepared some surprise for Sigyn or I today, you've done well, because neither of us have any idea of such a thing. Thanks, Boss. You're the best.

I know. I opened my eyes just as Saffron ran a finger feather gentle across my new temporary contusion tattoo necklace, smiling and poking her tongue out as she did.

"Hey, Kitten."

"Good Morning, Goof. I'm... sorry about yesterday morning." I lay a hand against her cheek.

"My lady bits already hate me for this, but I think I'd like an explanation rather than the Penance you so clearly deserve." When her lip shot out into a cute little pout, I said, "I didn't say you wouldn't be doing it, because we both know we both wanna, but..." I took a deep breath and fortified.

"Adulting vegetables first, Adult dessert later." She batted her eyes up at me, "I've never actually used vegetables before. Weirds me out. Oh, no, extra psychological Penance!" I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"You know what I meant, kinky little Kitten. But your Penance Preferences have been noted and will be summarily, cruelly, and very vocally ignored for maximum emotional damage. But... uh..." I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Did we have something to do at Loki's today?" She frowned, then blushed.

"Oh. Uh. That's my fault."

"Is this related to whatever made your shit cosplay the offspring of Waldo and Carmen Sandiego?" I love that look she gets when my 'random bullshit go!' clearly intrigues her, but she gets what passes for my meaning from context and is desperately trying to stay on topic rather than giving in to my dubious sense of humor or more or less constant habitual attempts to get her Virtue meter so low it broke forever.

Of course, right then she managed to remind me that, and I stress again I have no goddamned fucking reason this is true, I am the fucking MORAL COMPASS of my little found family, which included a fucking Elder God of Wisdom. Sadly, not right now, because Sigyn is a very conscientious torturer who enjoys her work.

Also, because I find the phrase hilarious, No You, Primordial of Wisdom Saffron bit her lip, got a little shifty eyed, then crept in close enough to poke my new necklace with the tip of her tongue, at which point I tangled my fingers in her hair, waited until the 'wordless yum noises' started, then gripped her hair as tight as I could and yanked her head backwards, barking, "hands on top of the sheets, Priestess."

"Bitch."

"Yes, yes, yes, the lady-boner knife, we've all felt it. Now out with it. That is, just to be clear, a direct commandment from your Goddess, Kitten." She let out a little gasp, even with her hands clearly still and spread open atop the sheets.

"Are you sure you didn't eat Aphrodite?" I reached up with my other hand, gently stroking her cheek.

"I remember the rules you were crazy enough to agree to, Wife. You will definitely get the high def feed on that. Fuck, you'll be in the room if I can swing it. Swinging right along with me, both abstractly in your head and because I think it's gonna take all the hands and mouths I can muster to give that hosebeast a proper sendoff." I paused a moment, then squeezed my fist in her hair until she whimpered.

"Now, I ask you a third time and done with it, Saffron Aetos, why is my weird 'should be at Dad's place today' nagging hindbrain your fault?"

"I hacked the Academy's Aura." I blinked.

"You what the what now?" I pulsed another fist-squeeze and said, "explain, small words so my poor monkey brain can understand, and no flirty flirty or, since we now know I can put it back in a way that makes me giggle, I will Mana Blade your important lady bits off."

She got a little bit right on the edge of catatonic at that, so I said, "c'mon, you know if you can stay minimally erotic for more than five minutes, I'll forget about that, and by the ten minute mark I'm gonna ask you why your hands are above the covers, so out with it." She took a deep breath, visibly keeping herself from reacting to how that pulled her hair just a little bit, then said, "I've had to do quite a bit about Auras and how to manipulate them, trying to make my Inspect get through our daughter's Blend.

I've been gradually 'hacking' more difficult targets, working my way up to her, as it were, and last week I finally cracked into the Aura of the Academy itself. Which maintains a constant link to all Cadets and, among other things, gives them a subconscious sense of what day it is and what classroom they should be in. Tremendously useful when you're in the middle of a Hell Week.

At any rate, after some of Cadet Smith's more irritating comments this week and last, I realized I was in no way ready for a day of her asking snide questions for eighteen hours straight."

"We could drag her back here and make her give apologetic answers for eighteen hours sapphic."

"I thought there was a no flirting rule in place?'

"That's on you, Kitten. Now do as I say and not as I do, Saffron Aetos." She chuckled a little at that.

"Ledger. At any rate, your wishes are my commands as regards Cadet Smith, but Wednesday morning I also realized I was nearing a breakthrough on my Inspect research, which I could not continue during Advanced Mana Studies, so... I made it Thursday. Well, made the Academy's Aura think it was Thursday."

"How in the living fuck did nobody notice that?" A moment later I lay there looking stupidly at my clenched fist, confusion about why I'd do such a stupid thing when I had zero rage going on. Acting on instinct and using the kinesthesia that made my beast mode particularly effective, I lowered my other hand just a little, cupped, pinched, squeezed, then projected the World's Tiniest Mana Blade from index finger tip to the pad of my thumb.

As Saffron lay there squealing, I said matter-of-factly, "your newest Commandment; use that on me only if I need to be taken down fast. Or for really kinky shit. Understood, Priestess?"

"YesMyGoddessPleaseTurnThatOffOrRescindTheSheetsCommandmentPleasePleasePlease," she squealed. I turned off the Blade, lay a Heal on the spot with my palm, then said, "okay, so you made Wednesday into Thursday and Blended everybody into buying it. Kinda cool, really. But I think you've got some more explaining to do, yes?" She nodded, then, her expression begging just a moment's patience, said, "Marie?"

"Yes."

"Could you please take the Menace today, because I'd rather her not hear some of what I have to say to Tabitha? I'll repeat it to you in private later if you wish, of course."

"Yes." She looked back at me and gave me a questioning look. I nodded, and she took a deep breath before continuing.

"The following day I was so close to a breakthrough I could taste it, and I can run and dance and even canoodle without thinking about it, so I made it Friday. Then I hit that breakthrough and it was completely not what I expected and sent me into a rage that I knew wasn't healthy, so I told you what I wanted and suborned myself to your will utterly, lest I do something and regret it later. Praise be to my Goddess." This story originates from Royal Road.

Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Again, I am the goddamned fucking moral compass WHY? Primordial Goddess of Wisdom? Boss... Apologies, daughter. I will abase myself in apology if only you convince me for the barest moment that were our positions reversed, you wouldn't have 'turned that comment up to eleven' instead of apologizing. Point. Think I needed to smell my own ass to realize it was showing. Thanks, Boss, you're the best. I know.

"Okay, and today is Monday why?"

"Because I'm following your example and talking this out with the person I trust most, and I wanted to do it today?" I took a deep breath, thought for a minute, then let it out.

"Okay. No more pseudo-time-fuckery without discussing it with me first."

"What if I need to do it because of you and can't discuss it with you because of that?" I nodded.

"Fair point. You get Sigyn to sign off on it then. If both of us are off the board, fuck shit up with confidence."

"As my Goddess commands." She paused a moment, then said, "so may I continue my Devotional Day to my Goddess, knowing that her attention is fully upon me for this one day?" I smiled down at her.

"You have my undivided attention for the foreseeable future. Now make with the talky. What the fuck crawled up your ass, died, and became an undead rage induction beast yesterday?" She thought about it, and I let her think, relaxing my grip until I let her head rest on my fingertips. Eventually she took another deep breath and said, "to really get my point across, I think I need to give you a little backstory?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, no. Kitten Lore. Don't throw me in that briar patch." She giggled a little as she started.

"As a child, Benjamin Franklin was poor. Working poor, mind you, with every expectation of at least one meal every day, a roof over his head, and clothing suited to his work. But still poor, and he wanted more." She paused, and I said, "reminds me of someone." She nodded, then said, "poor, but not without the ability to generate at least some initial stake. Intelligent, far more so than any of his peers, or even his supposed superiors.

Human, entirely so according to the legends, although I now expect that was a lie to generate sympathy. Fair enough to be allowed into open Dan social events. Charismatic enough to charm Dan Matrons. Randy enough to woo them. Skilled enough to win their support, financial as well as social."

"Holy shit, Kitten. Franklin was a gigolo?" She shook her head slightly, taste tested a few words silently, then said, "sugar baby?" When I nodded my understanding of the nuance, she continued.

"With that social support, he became a Candidate and then Cadet, but after his first promotion withdrew. He then used his financial support to gather the assorted Magi who had come to Phileo seeking freedom to research as they would, with promises of research funding in exchange for teaching himself and a small crowd of hangers-on he'd gathered. Second sons of families too poor to support them, but without the physicality to become Heroes.

Elder sons who wanted something more than simple wealth, but without what it took to enter the Academy. Even some daughters who sought personal power rather than matrimonial."

"Holy crap, he founded the Universities?" She nodded.

"Indeed, his first major contribution to Phileo, the one that first marked him with our most time-honored Title." At my raised eyebrow, she smiled and said, "Philanthropist." When I nodded my understanding, smiling a little at the not-quite-pun, she frowned and said, "As I now realize, receiving that title for a wholly selfish act that only secondarily benefitted others, and mostly those who could later contribute to his ongoing rise." She closed her eyes, took another deep breath.

"His next project, lighting our streets, as well as the Academy?" She nodded to the lamp in our room.

"Funded out of his own pockets, bolstered by donations not just from his backers, but now by the Council itself, not to mention those who wanted their side-streets or the interior of their buildings lit. Somehow, at the end of that project, he had become wealthy enough to not only rival any of his supporters, but all of them, although few realized that at the time.

It also netted him his unique Title, High Artificer, even though he hadn't made a second Artifact, simply replicated the one thousands of times in differing sizes."

"His next project, the bridge, replaced a constant drain on the resources of the Bag of Camden Yards. Again he paid for it out of pocket, supported now by the Council, his backers, the merchants of Phileo, and the farmers of Camden Yards. Again he came out of the project wealthier than he entered it."

"Reminds me of a certain Cheeto and his billionaire buddies. Only competent." She tilted her head. Kawaii overload approaching.

"I suppose? Although I now realize his core competency was making people believe pedestrian accomplishments were somehow legendary. Although I suppose that's exactly what his tales were. Legends, myths without substance behind them."

"Damn. Here I thought Legend might be a cool Title to get."

"Oh, don't misunderstand. It is a Title, and it is cool. It always attaches itself to another Title, and by itself is on a par with 'Archmage'. I'm now vaguely surprised yet not displeased that he never managed to acquire the title 'Legendary Archmage", given his obvious intent. At any rate, with the Universities, City, and People behind him, not to mention all his swindled wealth, he began his greatest project, although not one that resonated deeply with any but the Academy.

Flying in the face of thousands of years of the accumulated wisdom of Archmagi that the world is a subjective thing, a shadow of the Divine Realm cast upon the wall of our cave, as Plato said, Franklin set out to prove that even should that be true, we could map out that shadow, and with the power of Mathematics, calculate the exact nature of the Divine Realm as well as the shadows it cast. Perhaps even alter the Divine, the Real, again using naught but Mathematics empowered by sufficient Mana."

"I mean, it is, isn't it? He was right?" Her jaw and eyes slammed shut, and ground her teeth for a minute before spitting out, "on our day of reckoning, you will scream for that."

"Time, me, threaten, don't, you know the deal. Although in this case sheets, new, Marie tell that we need. But go on." She chuckled and said, "is it wrong of me to punish you for something you couldn't know about?"

"Probably. Still commandmenting you to do that shit until you're physically incapable for the climactic lulz." She smiled, then let out a deep, long, sigh.

"He convinced them. Showed them his 'new Inspect' at his Museum, filled with examples of his 'great achievements'. The City backed him. The temples, not just the Big Seven, but the smaller scattered shrines as well, backed him. People volunteered at the temples. Thousands of them. Tens of thousands, maybe? There was a record. A monument, with all their names. An 'everlasting memorial of their sacrifice for the greater good', he said.

Only his name is clear now, although it's easy to make out the names of his early backers, the women he surrounded and entertained himself with unto his dying day. The 'least' of those who gave themselves to his bid to add himself to the ranks of the Archmagi? Their names were the smallest, the ones down near the gutter, the first to fade. Because their motives weren't 'pure'. Because they sold themselves to the temples." A fey smile flashed across her lips, never reaching her eyes.

"Family lore says that the entire bottom row belonged to the Aetos families. One branch pooled their money to build a tannery. Most of the others did like mine and paid their rent for years in advance. The remainder loaned their money to a young struggling Bag couple who wanted to open a restaurant down by the docks." Her smile faded into a sad one.

"To this day Drivers' will run anyone a tab, of any size. No one goes away hungry. Although if you have money and don't take Mrs. Driver's gentle hints about clearing it, or at least part of it, Mr. Driver can and will make less gentle ones." She shook her head, and her smile twisted bitterly.

"But that's just family legend, one I might have gotten wrong, since my mother last told me when I was six, before she died. Because that bottom row faded before Franklin's death, and he did nothing to restore it. Too busy with his 'next great project'. Which, unless I miss my guess, was making the Franklin name nearly as common as Lands in the generation that followed, and worn with far more pride than Lands." She sighed.

"Not that I can blame them. They were children, and no more brilliant than any scions of any families. By saying which I mean, 'as painfully stupid as I now believe Franklin himself to be."

"I'd say you can't be a stupid con man, but life used sandpaper to tattoo my taint with notes to the effect that shit isn't true at all." She smirked at me.

"My therapy session. But I'd love to hear about that next time at yours." I skritched the back of her head with the tips of my fingers, and when she started to purr, I stopped and said, "go on." She nodded.

"The most galling thing, if not the most frustrating or enraging, is how proud my mother was, that so many of our names once graced the foundation of that plinth. At any rate, he gained his Archmage title not long before he passed from this world." When she went silent, I said, "sounds like exactly the type of self-made nerd-lord larval Saffron would have admired."

"He was like a God to me. Literally, had he ascended I would have taken him as Patron without a single thought, even after the death of my family left us needing practical support so deeply. I recreated myself in his image, and have done so with even more alacrity since you and I first became as one."

"You mean to say, like fuck?"

"I mean to say indeed." She smiled and shrugged.

"I suppose it's a good thing, in a way. After all, I modeled myself on his image. Even if it was all a sham, it was a glorious one, the illusion of exactly who I wanted to be." After she sat there for long enough that I knew I'd have trouble keeping the thread if she sat silent longer, I asked, "what left me having to tame your raging fuck beast without fuck yesterday morning then?" She smiled, somehow managing to include recognizable 'really, Diaz' and affection in it.

"I found out that his 'greatest accomplishment'? The bit of Inspect / Status that combines Divination, Deeply Precise Mathematics, and Secret Knowledge of Universal Constants in order to quantify the world? The thing I wanted to build my own reputation by enhancing, expanding, in a sense completing?"

"Yeah?"

"Faked. All faked. Oh, it looks good on the outside, and it would take an Archmage trying to reverse engineer it to see past that, but it's all fake. Funny, the second most frustrating bit about all of this is that the most competently built piece of the Spell was the part that deliberately made it harder to really understand and reverse engineer.

At any rate, there's no Divination at all in his part of the Spell, he reused other parts for that, combining them in ways that made it even harder to reverse engineer or decipher. While simultaneously making his version of them less accurate than any of their component parts." She shook her head as if some part of her still wanted to disbelieve.

"His Universal constants? Approximations, and badly flawed ones. I wish you understood the concept of Pi."

"Three point one four one five nine. I never really remembered further than that without looking it up." Her eyes shot open, and unbidden words slipped out, "you will wish you could scream out obscenity without end, and I will absolutely prevent you from doing so." Then she shook her head, saying, "sorry, sorry. Not untrue, but I didn't really need or mean to let that out just then.

You not only know the concept, but well enough that you understand how deeply wrong it is that he used 'three point one something' as his approximation."

"I mean, that's kinda weaksauce, if I remember that shit to six digits and he only remembered to three." One short, sharp shake of her head.

"No, no, no. Not 'Three point one four' or something else less accurate.

'Three point one' followed by a single digit which is randomized any time any part of the Spell calls for Pi."

"Fuck. That's not just, 'wandering around in the dark and grabbed truth's crotch by mistake' wrong, that's 'bending truth's spine backward until it can't look away from you assfucking it' wrong."

"Well put. Would you like the, how did you put it? Shit icing on the urinal cake?"

"Gimme the tea. Even if it is just really runny diarrhea." She smirked.

"One example of his 'mathematics' adds the percentages of a whole together. On every occasion, it comes back with a different number, but to make it clearer how bad his math was? The one number it never totals to?"

"One hundred?" A serene smile, the serenity on the far side of rage where everything is burned to ash, slid onto her face.

"Exactly. And I found all of this out about my idol? My role model? My un-Ascended God second only to yourself? During a quest to ensure the health of my fucking daughter." Funny, apparently if you get it hot enough ash can ignite. Or hit spontaneous nuclear fission. One of those. She sat there, fuming, and when I realized her rage had hit that critical mass where it started building on itself, I said, "so, what's the most frustrating part?"

She glared at me a moment, then shook her head, emptied her lungs, and chuckled breathlessly and mirthlessly.

"I have based my entire worldview on the accepted fact that Mathematics rules the world."

"Okay. Good basis."

"I still believe that. But, and this is key to the frustration, not only do I no longer have any valid evidence for doing so? Since the 'proof' was falsified? If I expose his duplicity, everyone else will stop believing it, and will doubt even if I create what he said he did. Until and, in fact, unless I create what he said he did? Thus proving his unsupported hypothesis for him? I cannot decry him as the fraud he was." I frowned.

"You sound like you've got doubts."

"It is now my unsupported hypothesis against four thousand odd years of Archmagi. An uphill battle at the very least." I took hold of her hair, but firmly, not painfully, forcing her to look into my eyes.

"Priestess?"

"Yes, My Goddess?" she breathed.

"You will do this. No matter how long it takes, no matter how many who say you cannot. No matter that your idol could not. You. Will. Do. This." She lowered her eyes and whispered, "thank you, My Goddess. Please..." I looked at her, gently brushed my lips across hers, and said, "no. Not yet. I think there's more you need to say?" I released her hair, but left my hand there, because I liked the feel of it brushing against my skin. She opened her mouth, but stopped and shook her head.

"I... Yes, there's more? I think? But I... Can you just hold me? No shenanigans. Not even canoodling if I must abstain, but... hold me?" I smiled at her.

"Kitten, I'd hold you even if you didn't need it. Of course I will." I pulled her to me, cradling her against me, snuggling her as we lay there and listened to the rain against our window. We lay there, now and again ignoring my ban on canoodles and even shenanigans, as I watched grief try and drag her into depression. You can't grieve when you're depressed. Not really. Depression isn't The Big Sad. It's fatigue. It's not having enough of anything to do or feel or... anything.

So through the day I held her, helped her grieve, enabled her to let the betrayal, the rage, the pain, the frustration go. Eventually, midafternoon, Marie and Isnomi came home, and we all snuggled around her, holding her as she wept for losing one of the few people from her childhood she still had left to lose.