Chương 27: Bk 1 Ch 25: Cloudbreak

Anja stares at me in silence for a long time. Multiple times, she starts to say something, only to think better of it. Funnily enough, I don't really feel nervous in the same way I did when I told Alex, even though this could potentially go a lot worse. The first thing she eventually says is, "Did you know the entire time?"

"I've known since the party," I reply, not needing to specify which one I'm talking about.

"Of course," she mutters.

"And… You knew who she was, didn't you, Elliot?"

"... Yeah. I knew." Again, she's quiet for a long time. This time, she only says a single word.

"Why?"

"That's a pretty broad question," I respond.

"But it all kind of comes down to the same answer: Because I wanted to."

"So… What? You were just messing with me for fun, then?" I roll my eyes and sigh, the scoot forward and take one of her hands. She almost pulls back, but ultimately doesn't.

"Anja, I know you have a hard time believing anyone cares about you, but I'm going to keep repeating it until it finally sinks in. No, I wasn't just messing with you. I was trying to help you figure out how to care about yourself, too. I guess I've still got some work to do." Now she does pull her hand back, glaring.

"You're telling me you spend all weekend murdering people, and then go to school on Monday and decide to make friends with the poor, depressed girl just out of the goodness of your heart?" Before I can decide how to answer, Elliot answers for me.

"Pretty much, yeah. Look, Gabby is… not really normal. I dunno if I'm the best person to judge what is normal, but I'm sure it's not Gabby. I really don't think she sees any contradiction between those two things. If you give her a minute, she'll probably come up with some completely rational and logical argument for why everyone else is weird for thinking there is a contradiction. She's not lying, though, she really does genuinely care about you, in her own weird way."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I say dryly. Anja snorts.

"I guess she's been giving you those weird talks about how there's no such thing as right and wrong too, huh?"

"Yeah, she has," says Elliot.

"And honestly? It's helped. I'm still not convinced she's actually right about all the stuff she says, even if I can't ever figure out how to actually prove her wrong. But… Before I met Gabby, I was miserable pretty much all the time, and now I'm not. It's not just her, I've got other friends who've helped too, but I don't think any of them could have gotten through to me if it hadn't been for her. She… kind of dragged me out of my comfort zone kicking and screaming."

"Glad I'm not the only one, at least," grumbles Anja. Then, she focuses back on me and takes a deep breath.

"I want you to tell me about the Wildfire Boys. All of it. If I find out later you lied or left anything out, I swear I'll turn you in to ABRA." I nod slowly.

"Alright. That's fair." I take a moment to gather my thoughts.

"The first time I… encountered the Wildfire Boys was at the very first rave I went to. This would've been about two or three weeks after I became a magical girl…" She stays stone-faced through most of the story, but does react a couple of times. When I tell her about Jason following me and Cassie after the party where we met, she outright calls him a piece of shit.

When I get close to the end, the kidnapping attempt after the rave, she keeps her face smooth, but clenches her fists so hard in her lap they turn white.

"I don't know for absolute certain that I was the one who killed your brother," I say quietly when I'm finished.

"Firestorm apparently killed a couple of his own people for trying to leave, right before the end. Your brother could've been one of them. You're the one who knew him. If you're absolutely sure he would've tried to leave, then I'll believe you." She's quiet for a long time. Then, she slowly shakes her head.

"... No. I really want to think he did, but… I think I already knew, the last time I saw him, that he was already gone. That he wasn't gonna get out, no matter how bad things got." She laughs slightly, without much humor.

"I imagined this confrontation so many times, what I was gonna say when I finally tracked you down, even when I was telling myself that I wouldn't try and actually fight you. And then, after we fought and you just completely crushed me, I figured that was it, I'd fucked up my only chance. Now… I don't really know anymore." Another long pause.

"... I'm glad you killed Firestorm. I… I'm not sure if I can forgive you, but… It was his fault more than yours. He would've gotten Eric killed eventually one way or another, or maybe just gotten him thrown in jail for the rest of his life if he was really lucky. So I'm glad he's dead." After a few more seconds, Elliot speaks up.

"There's probably still some stuff we should talk about, but, uh… Do you wanna change into some clothes that aren't covered in blood first? I think I can probably dig up some sweatpants and a T-shirt that should fit you okay."

"... Yeah, okay. Thanks."

"Of course. The bathroom's over there. I think showering will make too much noise right now, but you can at least clean yourself up with a washcloth a little if you want." She nods, standing. Elliot jumps up too as she wobbles a little, but she waves him off, staying mostly steady as she walks over to the bathroom and closing the door behind her. Elliot starts rooting through his dressers, producing some gray sweatpants and a T-shirt with some corporate logo after a couple of minutes.

He cracks the door to pass them through, and then we settle on his bed to wait. She takes a long time, and we both pretend not to hear the faint sound of crying through the door.

"Do you think she's gonna be okay?" asks Elliot softly after a while.

"I think so, yeah. But she's gonna need help. And she's definitely gonna start insisting she's fine before she really is." Eventually, she comes back out, now looking almost perfectly composed. She grabs the chair from Elliot's desk, setting it so she can sit facing us on the bed.

"Alright. I've got a few more questions."

"Sure," I say. She ends up having a lot more than just a few questions. She goes over pretty much our entire friendship with a fine-tooth comb, picking at every tiny detail, demanding my motivations for practically every single word I've ever said to her. I don't begrudge her; we've all got our ways of coping. Elliot isn't spared either, although most of the questions she asks him are still ultimately about me. I don't feel any particular need to lie about anything.

Even if I haven't exactly been 100 percent honest with her in the past, I've never done anything maliciously, either. When she finally runs out of things to pick at, she frowns silently for a while, probably trying to come up with even more questions. Eventually, she sighs and shakes her head.

"I dunno. Why'd you have to make this so damn confusing? I… I need some time, to figure out how I feel about everything."

"I figured you probably would," I say, shrugging.

"I've got something to say to you first, though."

"I'm not gonna tell anyone who you are," she says.

"I owe you that much for saving my life tonight. Even if it's kinda your fault I was in danger in the first place? Fuck, I dunno. Whatever, the point is, I won't say anything, at least... at least for now."

"I appreciate that, but that's not what I wanted to ask." I lean forward.

"I want you to promise to stop looking for new, creative ways to try and hurt yourself." Anja scoffs.

"I don't- That's not what this was about. I was just trying to actually protect people, for a change. Was I supposed to just sit there and do nothing?"

"Look, how would you feel if, like, Lisa had gotten in front of Barracuda and Obsidian and tried to stop them from crashing the party tonight?"

"That's not- Lisa's just a regular person, not a magical girl!"

"Just answer the question, okay?" She scowls, but eventually does.

"I'd probably be super pissed at her for risking her life for nothing. But that's cause there's actually nothing she could do, cause she's not magical girl."

"How long do you think you would've lasted against Barracuda and Obsidian on your own, if I hadn't shown up when I did?"

"... I mean, I bought a couple minutes just by talking, didn't I?" she says, stills scowling.

"That's more than Lisa could've done." I don't say anything, I just stare at her flatly. She fidgets uncomfortable for a few seconds, then lets out an angry sigh.

"Okay, fine, it was stupid. I should've just done nothing, again, just like always. Are you happy now?"

"No," I reply.

"This is the mistake you keep making. What was the first thing you did, after you became a magical girl?"

"... I went looking for the Columbia Syndicate, cause I thought they were the ones who killed Eric."

"Exactly. You know what the first thing I did was when I became a magical girl?"

"What?"

"I fucking practiced! Every night, I went out and experimented with my magic, tried new things, tried to get faster and more precise. By the time I went out and fought Firestorm, I'd been training like that for two months. Have you ever practiced or experimented with your magic, even once?"

"... No. But, like, how would I even do that? My magic doesn't really have any tricks to it, I don't control my clones directly, they just do whatever I would've done."

"The fact that you think your magic doesn't have any tricks to it is the entire problem here," I tell her flatly.

"That trick you pulled tonight, where you used your clones to help you move around. I bet you never thought of doing that before, did you?"

"I mean, I never needed to before. How would that help normally, when you're not throwing logs and shit around everywhere?" I resist the urge to facepalm.

"You named yourself Valkyrie, didn't you? That says something about how you see yourself, and your magic. What do valkyries do?"

"Uh… They guide the souls of fallen warriors to Valhalla?"

"And how exactly do they do that?" She's not dumb; she figures out what I mean.

"... They fly. But I can't fly, so my clones can't either."

"It's magic. If you think it should be able to do something, then it can do it."

"She's right," interjects Elliot.

"For a long time, I thought my magic was too slow to be useful in a fight. But then she made me start practicing, and it turns out all those limits were really just in my head."

"Look, I'm not just trying to give you a hard time," I say.

"You honestly did pretty well tonight, given what a big disadvantage you were fighting at. But you would've done a whole lot better if you'd spent the last five months actually practicing for fights like this. You've got this idea that your only two options are doing something right now, or doing nothing. There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to do something, but you've got to actually prepare for it, not just dive right in the deep end.

That's true for everything, but it's extra true for magic, cause magic isn't just a tool. Magic is magic. It's special. If you don't feel a little thrill every single time you use it, then you're not using it right." If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

"... I guess I never really thought about it like that," she says.

"I know, but you have to get used to it. You're welcome to join me and Elliot when we practice, if you want. But even if you'd rather not, promise me you'll at least start practicing on your own, alright? Cause the only other option is never using your magic for anything, I don't think that's what you want. Sooner or later, you're gonna get yourself dragged into a fight again, and I want you to actually be ready for it next time." She hesitates, then nods.

"Alright. I'll… I dunno exactly what I'm gonna do yet, but… I'm not gonna let myself be useless anymore."

"Good," I say, nodding back.

"And don't do it cause you feel like you have something you need to make up for. Do it cause you want to."

"... Yeah. I'll try," she says, sighing.

"I should probably, like, get home, I guess."

"You want me to fly you?" She hesitates for several seconds, then nods.

"Alright. Thanks." She turns to Elliot.

"And, uh, thanks for, you know, healing me and stuff. I… I'll figure out some way to pay you back for it." He laughs slightly.

"You're my friend, Anja, I wasn't gonna just let you die. You don't have to pay me back. Just… Just try and take better care of yourself, alright? It was… It was really brave of you to try and protect all the people at that party. I don't think I could've done it. But Gabby's right, you should care more about yourself, too. You're… You're worth more than just a heroic death."

"Thanks," mutters Anja, blushing faintly.

"I'm… Well, just thanks, I guess."

"Of course. If… If you ever want to talk about all this, just let me know, okay? I dunno if I'm the best at solving problems, but I can at least listen."

"... Sure. I'll… I'll give you a call in a couple days or something." I grab the bloody blanket and clothes as we leave, to dispose of them somewhere. We don't talk much more as I fly her home; I think right now, she mostly just needs space to process everything. I'll probably wait to talk to her again until we go back to school on Monday. After dropping her off, I check my phone and see a couple of missed calls.

Sarge answers immediately when I call him back, and doesn't perfectly hide his relief at hearing from me. I reassure him that I'm fine, just an unexpected complication I had to take care of, and he tells me that everyone made it out without any problems. Apparently Chimera even let them get most of the DJ equipment out before the cops showed up. She seems pretty alright, honestly, even if she wasn't cooperative enough to permanently deal with Barracuda and Obsidian for me.

It's after two by the time I get home, but that's barely later than usual by my standards. Still, it's been a long day. I have a snack, shower, smoke a bowl to relax a little after all the excitement, and go to bed. The next morning, I wake up a little after eight. I've been up for less than half an hour when my phone rings, my home phone.

"Hello?"

"... Hey. It's Alex." I push down the sudden fluttering of nerves in my stomach.

"Oh, hey! I'm glad you called."

"I didn't wake you, then? I didn't wanna call too early, I know you were probably out late last night."

"Nah, I woke up a little while ago."

"Alright, good. So, uh, how was… How was your New Year's?"

"... It was good. Not perfect, but good. Do you… wanna hear about it? In person?"

"... Yeah. I do. Is it okay if I come over?"

"Of course. Just gimme like half an hour to eat breakfast."

"Sure. See you in a bit." The first thing Alex does when I open the door is sweep me into a crushing hug. I hug her back just as tightly.

"Hey," I say after a few seconds.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too. And… I'm really glad you're alright."

"I promised, didn't I?"

"You did," she says, laughing a little.

"So… what happened? I haven't watched the news at all yet, I couldn't think of a way to explain it to my parents." We sit down.

"Everyone's fine, no one got hurt," is the first thing I tell her.

"A white mask showed up like I planned, turns out they sent Chimera. The bad news is, she let Barracuda and Obsidian go. I guess I'm not quite as smart as I thought I was, cause she figured out exactly what I was up to, she told me she wasn't gonna do my dirty work for me. The good news is, she's enforcing a truce, so the war is hopefully over anyway." Alex lets out a breath of relief.

"Good. That's a huge relief, honestly." I nod.

"If we're lucky, the truce will hold until either the white masks or the Syndicate deal with them. But even if not, we should have plenty of time to get our feet back under us." Again, she chuckles slightly, shaking her head.

"You're already planning ahead for the next thing, aren't you? It still feels a little weird, I kinda got used to thinking of you as someone who mostly just lives for the moment, but… It feels like it fits you better."

"... I'm glad you think so," I say.

"I always hated needing to hide parts of myself from you." She takes a deep breath and lets it out.

"Well, you don't need to anymore. I… did a lot of thinking last night. Couldn't sleep. I kept feeling like I should've been there. I know it's kind of stupid, it's not like I could've done anything to make a difference, but I still felt like I should've been there. I think… I think I want to be there, next time, if you'll let me."

"I don't think it's stupid," I reply, my heart hammering.

"Just knowing you support me means a lot, really. But… What exactly are you asking?" Another deep breath.

"This… This thing you have. I want to be part of it."

"... Say it plainly."

"I… I want to join the Sun Eaters."

"Are you sure?" I ask seriously.

"Like, really sure? Whatever else we are, we're still criminals. I'm not the only one of us who's killed people. Some of the Sun Eaters have active warrants out for their arrest. Some of them have died. I'm not planning on forcing people to stay in for life, but if you end up publicly associated with us, you might not have a choice. I can't promise you'll be able to just walk away and go off to college if you change your mind."

"I'm sure, yeah. You're building something, here. A gang, yeah, but there's a long history of gangs stepping up to fill a hole left by law enforcement. There aren't enough white masks to keep black masks out of Franklin, and the cops obviously can't do it on their own. If we're gonna have gangs anyway, I'd rather it be yours. Even if you're criminals, you don't go out of your way to hurt people, especially vulnerable people.

There's a lot of shitty stuff going on all the time that the cops don't really care about, abuse, hate crimes, human trafficking, sexual violence. You could do so much good just by making it clear that that shit isn't gonna fly in your territory, giving vulnerable people someone they can go to who'll actually step up and protect them. I don't care about drugs, Nixon started the war on drugs as a way to target the black rights and anti-Vietnam movements anyway.

So even if I end up joining the Sun Eaters for the long haul, I think I'm okay with that, as long as I can still make a difference." I smile. I can't help it; it's so good to see her find her passion again.

"You know I won't be able to give you any special treatment or anything, right?"

"I know."

"Well, you've got a little while longer to think it over. I stopped recruiting anyone while the war was going, but now that it's hopefully over, I'm planning on starting again soon. If you're still sure in a week or two, then I'll be glad to have you." She nods.

"Right."

"And… Does this mean we're back together? Officially?"

"Yeah. We're back together, officially." She grins.

"After all, someone has to punish you for being such a naughty girl."

"Careful, now," I say, blushing.

"Don't start something unless you're gonna finish it."

"I think you can wait a little longer," she says, still grinning.

"First, I wanna hear the details of what actually went down last night. Did you actually fight Chimera?"

"Nah, I just got the hell out of her way," I say, laughing.

"Did you know she can actually breath fire when she turns into a dragon?"

"Holy shit, really?"

"Yup. She nearly turned Barracuda into a fish fillet just as a warning shot. Then she yelled at us a bunch, I wonder if her bosses know how much she swears when she's not in front of a camera?" Alex laughs, and slowly relaxes as I tell her the whole story, or at least most of it. After a while, her sleepless night catches up with her, and she nods off stretched out on my couch, with me serving as a blanket.

I'm not real tired, but I can't think of anything in particular I'd rather be doing this morning than cuddling with her for a couple of hours while she naps. When she eventually wakes, we decide to go back to her house. Her parents greet me warmly, glad that we've settled whatever vague fight she told them we were having. They've also seen the news, and worriedly ask if I was involved at all. I assure them I wasn't, and Alex doesn't say anything to contradict me.

We spend the rest of the afternoon sprawled on her bed, mostly watching silly movies. Honestly, I'm a little surprised by how much I need to just relax after the stress of the last couple of months. I have dinner over there, and then Alex drives me home. She agrees immediately when I ask her if she wants to come up, but I manage to take her by surprise with what I've actually got in mind.

"Hey, d'you wanna come flying with me?"

"Holy shit," she says, her eyes widening. I grin.

"I… Yeah, of course!" I advise her to dress warm, so she goes back to get her gloves and a scarf. Then, I transform, and we step out onto my balcony.

"Convenient, I never realized this was actually your own personal landing pad," she says, laughing. I laugh as well.

"So, technically what I do isn't actually flying, it's just falling upwards. You don't actually need to hold on, but you'll probably want to, most people freak out a little the first time."

"Right," she says, wrapping her arms around me. I hug her back, and then I lift us into the air. She makes a little "Woop!" sound and squeezes me a lot tighter, but gets used to it after just a few seconds. Then she starts laughing, and I laugh with her, the wonder of flight still never leaving completely even after months. I stay slow, well under highway speeds, and not too high either, but it's still high enough to see the lights of the city spread out under us.

"A whole new world!" she starts singing after a little bit.

"A whole new world!" I sing back, both of us laughing even more. I eventually bring us to a halt, hovering a few hundred feet up.

"This is amazing," she says after a few minutes.

"You're amazing."

"I've been wanting to share this with you for months. I'm so glad I finally get to."

"I'm glad, too." A long pause.

"I love you, Gabby."

"I love you too." Then she kisses me, and for a while, everything is perfect.