Chương 22: Bk 1 Ch 20: Calm

I still can't figure out what Anja wants with Elliot. Part of me wants to just not pass on the invitation at all; even if I'm almost certain she doesn't have any ill-intentions towards him, it's still a messy situation that could blow up in all kinds of unexpected ways. There's also potential, though, so I ultimately decide to just leave it up to him. I kind of expect him to just decline anyway, but he surprises me.

"Well, I'll need to get the day off. But assuming I can, then yeah, sure, I'll come." I raise an eyebrow.

"Not to discourage you, but I wasn't expecting you to talk about getting a day off work so casually, especially for something like this." He shrugs a little awkwardly.

"I dunno. I guess I've just been thinking about what you said, you know, about figuring out what I want. I've kinda been looking for an excuse to try and get a day off anyway, just to, like, prove that I can, you know? Besides, this seems important. Maybe she's just hoping I'll be able to help her figure out what to do."

"Maybe," I say a little doubtfully.

"Seems like a lot of trust for someone she's only met twice. But good for you, though."

"Thanks," he says, laughing a little.

"Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I think you might be… expecting her to act more like you would. I guess I don't really know her that well, like you said, but I don't think she's the kind of person who likes to really think everything through the way you do." I suppose I can't really argue with that, but the thought doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. I hope I'm not making a huge mistake.

On the other hand, though, if Elliot manages to really talk with her about things I obviously can't, it'll give me a much better idea of where I stand with her, whether or not it'll ever be safe to reveal myself. Lisa's birthday party is on Saturday, starting in the mid afternoon and going into the night. I have to take the day off work to attend as well, much less of a big deal for me than for Elliot.

My job isn't exactly critical, not great for potential raises if that was something I cared about, but it makes taking a day or two off every month easy. Given that I've already lasted longer in the position than any of the previous DJs, I'm pretty sure I'll only get fired if I just stop showing up completely. I head over to her house with Alex. It's a pretty big house, around the same size as my parents'. She lives in the same part of town, too, the southwest hills, although further east and south.

It's the first party I've been to in quite a while where parents are actually present, which has me feeling a little nostalgic. Lisa's invited plenty of people, including most of my extended friend group. She seems to be the kind of girl who everyone knows, even if she isn't necessarily the center of any group. It's not a huge party by my standards, but it's big enough that me and Alex are introduced to her parents for less than a minute before they have to hurry off to deal with something else. I'm fine with that.

The sizeable backyard has been converted into a laser tag arena, but for now I just settle on a couple of couches with my usual group. Cassie has of course smuggled in a bottle of rum, which we mix with the fruit punch while Lisa's parents aren't in the room. Lisa herself is busy too, flitting back and forth between different groups and introducing people. That leaves Anja sitting with us, seeming a little withdrawn as usual. I do my best to draw her out.

"Hey, did you end up calling that guy about that job?"

"Oh, yeah," she says, turning to me and painting a smile on her face.

"I actually went and did an interview yesterday afternoon, he said I probably had the job but he'd let me know for sure by the end of the weekend."

"Hey, that's great! Congratulations," says Alex.

"Thanks. And thanks for telling me about it, Gabby."

"Sure, anytime. I hope it works out."

"So, do you wanna try and actually, like, become an actress after you graduate?" asks Alex.

"I dunno, maybe," she says.

"It was my dream when I was younger, but I dunno how realistic it really is. I haven't really thought about it that much, I'm still just a sophomore. You're a senior, right Alex? Do you know where you're going to college yet?"

"I've got a list, I'm gonna apply to everything over winter break. Not sure what I'm gonna study yet, it's between sociology and environmental science, depends on where I get accepted."

"That's pretty cool," says Anja, nodding. Her attempt to deflect the conversation away from herself isn't quite successful.

"So, are you only into in stage plays? Or would you be interested in movies and TV and stuff, too?"

"I mean, I guess if someone offered me a role in a movie, I'd probably take it," says Anja after a moment.

"I dunno, maybe I'd really like it, but it just seems like it'd be a little impersonal. On stage, the audience is right there, I think it'd be harder to really get into a role if it's just for a bunch of cameras."

"I guess I can see that, yeah," concedes Alex.

"Well, I hope you decide to go for it, and make it all the way to Broadway. You only get one chance to follow your dreams."

"We'll see," says Anja.

"What about you, Gabby? Do you think you'll stick with the whole DJ thing?"

"I mean, I'll definitely keep doing it at least as a side job," I say.

"Dunno if I'll try and go pro. I'll probably need a good scholarship if I wanna go to college, though. It's a little tricky either way, but I'll figure it out."

"Uh huh," she says. Then she glances past me, and a complicated expression briefly flickers across her face before she smiles again.

"Oh, hi, Elliot! Glad you made it."

"Hey. Uh, Anja, right?" says Elliot, coming over to sit next to us.

"Hi, Gabby. Alex."

"Hey," I greet him, hoping it's not as obvious to everyone else how hard he's trying to act casual.

"We were just talking about what we might do after graduating," says Anja.

"You got any plans?" Elliot's not as good at thinking on his feet as me; caught off-guard, he automatically falls back on his usual story.

"Uh… Well, my parents really want me to go into medicine. I'm not really sure if that's what I want to do, but I haven't thought about it too much."

"Oh, are your parents doctors?" asks Anja. Elliot shakes his head.

"Health insurance, actually. Um, what about you? What you want to do after highschool, I mean?" She gives the same vague answers she gave us, and he fails to completely hide his relief when she doesn't press him any further. I catch her giving him more conflicted looks a couple of times while he's distracted. I'm still not sure exactly what she's after, but the best I can do right now is keep an eye on things.

At least there doesn't seem to be too much lingering awkwardness between Elliot and Cassie; the worst she does is shoot him a wink, making him blush. I'm glad he hasn't gotten hung up on her, and I'm glad she's restrained herself from doing anything to string him along. I can't see a relationship between those two working out in any kind of long term, and a messy break-up would be the last thing I need to deal with. After an hour or so, we all head out to the backyard to check out the laser tag arena.

A bunch of foam walls and obstacles have been set up on the grass for cover, with a couple of guys from the company they rented the equipment from standing on the patio supervising the ongoing match. Each kid playing is wearing a bulky vest with a big target on the front and back, connected to their laser gun with a cable. The lasers themselves are invisible, probably infrared, but the guns light up and make little pew-pew noises when you shoot them.

When someone gets hit, their vest lights up too and plays a little death sound, disabling their gun until the next round. There's two teams of six, and it looks like each match is the first to nine wins, with each round lasting just a minute or two. A few more kids are already waiting to play, so we join them in line. The match wraps up pretty quick, with the red team winning five to three.

There's a bit of taunting from the winners and grumbling from the losers as they come over and take off their vests, leaving them on the patio. The supervisors quickly check over all the equipment, then gesture us forwards. There's more than twelve of us waiting, but a couple kids apparently don't really want to play anyway, so it's fine. I mostly tune out the employees as they lecture us about the rules, it's all obvious stuff like "no physical contact."

Eventually, we actually get to put the vests on; I end up on the red team with Alex, Cassie, Elliot, Anja, and Tyler, versus some kids I mostly don't know real well.

"So do we have, like, a strategy?" asks Elliot as we take our stating position.

"Sure," replies Cassie.

"The strategy is, go shoot 'em."

"Also, don't get shot," adds Alex. Everyone laughs, and Elliot grins and shrugs. It's not like we're actually gonna need one, if the matchup is as lopsided as I'm expecting. One of the supervisors blows a whistle to start the round. We immediately head into the maze, splitting into three groups of two without any discussion. Cassie and Tyler go left, Elliot and Anja go right, and me and Alex head straight in. The walls are mostly around six feet tall, mixed with some lower barriers you can crouch behind.

As we approach the center of the arena, I feel a slight premonition, not quite a threat, but maybe the ghost of one. My gun is already coming up as I turn the corner, and I blast the kid in the blue vest right in the chest before he even realizes I'm there.

"Shit! Aw, come on!" he complains as it lights up and plays the death sound. I duck back around the wall with Alex as his two friends fire in my direction, missing wildly.

"Damn, you got one already? Nice," she says.

"Thanks," I say, grinning. I should probably try and tone it down a little; the first time can easily be waved off as luck, but not if it keeps happening.

"Here, let's go around that way and try and get behind 'em." We creep around to the side. I hear another shot and death sound from a few walls over, and more complaints. This time, I let Alex go first. She carefully peaks around each corner before moving forwards, eventually holding up her hand when she sees something. She waits a moment, then quickly gestures me forwards. There's no one there, but she points forwards around the next wall, indicating which way they went.

We spring around the corner together and start blasting at the two kids. This time, I don't make any particular effort to aim, and only one of the kids gets hit in the back. The other one scrambles around the next corner, cursing and firing blindly back at us.

"Maybe split up and flank him?" I ask after a second.

"Sure," says Alex. But before we can go anywhere, there's more pew-pews from up ahead, and the kid swears loudly, coming back around as he slouches out of the arena.

"Oh, hey," says Cassie as she comes around the corner behind him.

"Sorry, did we steal your kill?"

"Plenty to go around," says Alex, grinning.

"We already got two more."

"We got another one as well, so there should only be one or two left." A second later, the whistle blows, and I hear the supervisor shout that the red team wins.

"Wow. That was kind of easy," says Tyler.

"Obviously. We're the best," says Cassie. We head out of the arena, finding Elliot and Anja already back at the starting point; not a single one of us got taken down. The other team shoots us sullen glares as the supervisors turn their vests back on and send them back to the other side of the arena; I can't resist sticking my tongue out at them. In the second round, it takes us longer to find anyone from the other team.

The reason becomes clear when we reach the far side of the arena, finding them all together crouched behind some of the lower walls. Unlike a real gunfight, the head isn't a vulnerable spot, so they're completely safe as long as they don't expose their chest. They don't seem interested in moving, so the six of us meet up after a minute or so.

"I've got an idea," says Cassie.

"You guys stay here and keep them pinned down, me and Tyler will go around back."

"Right," I say, nodding. It becomes a little bit of a standoff, the four of us leaning around the taller walls so our own vests stay hidden as well, all our guns pew-pewing at each other uselessly. After a few seconds, all but two of them stop shooting, the others facing the other direction, obviously understanding what we've got planned. But instead of coming around one of the far walls, Cassie's head pokes over the top, leaving them all completely exposed while she stays in cover.

Her first two shots take down two of them, and they all start swearing. Then the whistle blows again.

"No sitting on anyone's shoulders! Red team is disqualified, round goes to the blue team!"

"Oh, come on! Fucking lame!" shouts Cassie, flipping them off before sinking back down behind the wall.

"I could've told you that was gonna happen, weren't you listening to the rules?" says Elliot when they get back.

"No," says Cassie, grinning unrepentantly.

"Not really," agrees Tyler"Yeah, me neither," I pitch in.

"Whatever," he says, rolling his eyes. In the third round, they try the same strategy as before, since it sort of worked out for them. This time, we actually play by the rules, surrounding them and shooting at them from every angle. The walls they're covering behind are a little too far apart to protect them perfectly from every side, and by the time they realize they're vulnerable after all, they're already completely trapped. We win six to nothing again.

In the fourth round, they finally manage to get a couple of us, Alex and Tyler. This time, they stick together in a big clump, effectively covering each other with their own bodies. Elliot says it's technically cheating as well, you're supposed to move out of the way as soon as possible once you're dead, but none of us care enough to report them when we still won anyway. They start getting one or two of us each round fairly reliably after that, mostly because we're screwing around more and more.

I die for the first time in the sixth round trying to shoot with my eyes closed while Alex aims for me. In the seventh round, we screw around enough that they manage to take out Tyler, Cassie, and Alex with us getting only one of them in return. I end up pinned against the edge of the arena with Anja and Elliot; they can't get around behind us, but we can't get out without getting hit.

"Shit," I say, grinning.

"Oh well, I guess we weren't gonna have a perfect score anyway."

"We can still get 'em," says Anja. She thinks for a minute, then turns to Elliot.

"Here, give me a boost."

"A boost?"

"Yeah, like… Put your hands like this," she says, weaving her fingers together. He does, and she puts her foot in his hands.

"Alright, now on three, throw me up while I jump."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure that's cheating too."

"Did they say it was, specifically?"

"... No, not specifically," says Elliot, frowning slightly, and it's not hard to guess why; pulling off a tactic like this shouldn't be possible in the first place.

"Well, let's do it then!"

"Alright, if you're sure." I watch, slightly bemused, as she counts off. On three, Elliot obligingly launches her up, although I doubt as hard as he can. Anja does jump as hard as she can I'm pretty sure, rising up a good five or so feet into the air, well above the top of the walls. Her gun fires twice, and there's two death sounds from the other side, along with an exclamation of "What the fuck!" The whistle blows again a moment later.

"No, uh… No doing whatever that was," says the supervisor.

"I just jumped!" Anja shouts back.

"You jumped like six feet?" he asks skeptically.

"... I had a little help."

"Oh, for… Look, no more gymnastics, okay? Red team's disqualified again, blue team wins the round."

"Told you," says Elliot flatly.

"That was still super awesome!" I say, since I obviously need to say something.

"How'd you manage to hit both of them like that?"

"Just luck, honestly," says Anja, grinning slightly.

"It was pretty awesome though, right?"

"I guess," mutters Elliot, not quite managing to hide his discomfort. He's obviously wondering the same thing I am: Why is Anja deliberately toeing the boundary of outright superhuman feats right in front of him? At least none of the others saw exactly what happened, and so don't realize quite how ridiculous it was. We stop screwing around for long enough to finish the match without anymore loses.

Some more kids are waiting to play, so we give up our vests; it wasn't really much of a challenge anyway, and the other team probably deserves an actually fair match. Still, we're not above a little gloating.

"Damn, we totally kicked their asses," says Alex as we rejoin the rest of our group who didn't play.

"Damn right we did!" says Cassie cheerfully.

"Told you, we're the best."

"Guess we are," says Alex, grinning.

"Never realized I was hanging out with such a bunch of badasses."

"Hey, I can't speak for these nerds, but you'd better not just be noticing my badassery for the first time now," says Cassie.

"Actually, I think some of those nerds might have outscored you," says Alex.

"You got, what, twelve kills, Gabby?"

"Thirteen," I say, grinning.

"Good thing I got fifteen, then," says Cassie, sticking out her tongue. Alex puts up her hands, laughing.

"Alright, fair enough. What about you guys, how many did you get?"

"Think I got ten," says Elliot.

"Dunno, I wasn't really keeping count," says Anja.

"Ah, come on! We gotta figure it out, it looked like you got a shitload. Lemme see, the first round-""Fine, then!" The shout cuts her off, and we all glance over. To my surprise, it's Tyler's girlfriend Laurel shouting. She's normally very quiet and withdrawn, I really don't know her very well even though I've been sitting with her at lunch all year, but now she's clearly pissed.

"If you'd rather hang out with her, then go hang out with her! Join a gang and get yourself killed, I don't even care! I'm done!" With that, she turns and stalks away. Tyler starts to reach out afterwards, then drops his arm instead.

"... Ah, crap," mutters Cassie. She hesitates, then walks over to stand next to him, the rest of us trailing a little ways behind.

"Hey. I, uh… I'm sorry. Didn't mean to cause problems for you like that. Probably took things a little too far, during the match." He sighs, then waves her off.

"Nah, it's mostly my fault. This has been coming for a while anyway, I think. Laurel's a nice girl, but we're not really on the same wavelength anymore."

"Still," says Cassie.

"If you, uh, want a little space…" Tyler hesitates for a moment. I think he knows what she's really asking; Cassie's always been careful to never actually make a move on Tyler or anything, but they're obviously close friends, and it's not really that hard to tell that she wouldn't mind being even 'closer' friends.

"Maybe just a little space. Just for a little while," he says eventually.

"Sure," she agrees. It's kind of tacky to get together with someone else immediately after being dumped, after all.

"Sorry, man. That sucks," says Alex.

"What was that stuff she was yelling about?"

"Ah, it's nothing," says Tyler, waving her off.

"Just a misunderstanding we had, that she got all hung up on." Alex nods, but I catch Anja frowning slightly, quickly smoothed away. We wander into the upstairs lounge, where some kids are playing Mario Party. Elliot calls dibs on the next game, drawing a slight smile of approval from me. In the meantime, Anja gets a deck of cards, and we sit on the floor playing Egyptian Rat Screw while we wait.

Lisa turns up to join us for a while, slapping into the game, and we tell her about the way we massacred the other team at laser tag. She shoots a couple of suspicious glances at Anja, but whatever's going on with her, she keeps a good poker face up. Later, after I've gotten my ass kicked at Mario Party, a shout comes up that the pizza's here. We all pile downstairs, finding a good dozen pizzas laid out on the big dining room table.

Everyone stacks a few slices on paper plates, and we end up settling in the living room to eat. It's gotten dark, and I can see the laser tag guys packing the last of the foam walls into their truck out front.

"So, what now?" asks Elliot after a while. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.

"Next is cake, and then presents," says Anja.

"After that, dunno."

"D'you know if Lisa has Twister?" asks Alex, grinning.

"Yeah, I think she's actually got, like, an extra large version that a few people can play at once," says Anja.

"I'm down," I say.

"Sure, I'll ask her where it is when I see her," says Anja.

"Could play it in here, if we move this couch a little. Actually, hey Elliot, you wanna just help me move it now?"

"Oh, uh, sure," says Elliot, standing from his place on the couch. The two of them get on either end, lifting it without much trouble and moving it back a few feet towards the wall.

"Thanks," says Anja.

"Yeah, uh, no problem," says Elliot, giving her a strange look. I glance between them, feeling like I just missed something, but I'm not sure what. Before I can figure it out, there's another shout that it's time for cake. We head back into the dining room, where the pizzas have been replaced by a huge double-layer cake with sixteen candles on top.

The room is briefly filled with the deafening sound of thirty or so kids singing Happy Birthday at the top of our lungs, and we all cheer when Lisa blows the candles out. Everyone mills around getting plates and stuff while we wait for the cake to be cut, and Elliot takes the opportunity to come up beside me.

"Listen," he whispers.

"That couch we moved, that thing had to weigh like three hundred pounds."

"Seriously?" I whisper back.

"Yeah. I think it's, like, solid wood, with some built-in drawers and stuff in the bottom."

"Shit," I mutter.

"Anja comes over here all the time, she must've known how heavy it is."

"I know. It's like she wants me to figure out who she is, if I haven't already."

"That's the only thing that makes sense," I agree.

"But why?" I can understand wanting to be friends with another magical, but this seems like an incredibly risky way of going about it.

"I think… I think I just need to talk to her. Clear the air."

"You're sure?" I ask.

"I think so, yeah. But… D'you think you could, you know, watch? Like, hidden? Just in case anything goes wrong?" If something does go spectacularly wrong, I don't think I can afford to interfere directly. Making an appearance in-costume here would put my civilian identity at way too much risk. But I might be able to defuse things without actually revealing myself, and more importantly, I want to hear exactly what the hell Anja thinks she's doing. So I nod and say, "Of course. Lemme see…

There's that big pine tree in the corner of the backyard, how bout if I hide in it? You can talk with her behind it, that should give you plenty of privacy."

"Sure, that works," says Elliot.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Let's eat our cake, then I'll head out first. Wait a couple minutes before you follow, but not too long."

"Right." I manage to get my cake quick, finishing it while some people are still getting theirs. I tell Alex I need to use the bathroom so she won't wonder where I am, then head out into the backyard. It's deserted like I figured it would be, there's no reason why anyone would want to eat their cake out here in the cold. I hurry over to the tree I mentioned, hide behind it, and transform. Then I float up into the branches, having a seat around halfway up.

Obscured by the trunk, there's no way she'll be able to see me even if she looks. I wait anxiously, probably just for a few minutes, but it feels like longer. Eventually, the two of them follow me out.

"So, uh, what's up?" asks Anja when they're almost exactly beneath me. They're talking softly but not quite whispering, so I can hear them just fine. Elliot's quiet for a minute.

"What are you doing?" he asks eventually.

"Are you actually trying to out yourself to everyone?"

"I, um… I don't…"

"Don't… don't play dumb, okay?" says Elliot.

"I… I already know you're Valkyrie. If you're trying to get my attention, then I guess it worked. But you need to stop, unless you want everyone else to figure it out too." She lets out a long breath.

"How… How long have you known?"

"Since the mall."

"Then… Why haven't you already turned me in?" Again, there's a long silence.

"Would turning you in make anything better?"

"I… Does it matter? If you- If you kill someone, you go to jail, it doesn't matter whether or not you meant to."

"You… Do you actually want me to turn you in? Are you, like, trying to get caught?"

"It's not- I just, I- I thought…"

"If… If you think you deserve to go to jail, then why haven't you already turned yourself in?"

"... I was going to, the day after. Lisa convinced me not to. She said the same thing you did, that it wouldn't make anything better. I don't… I don't want to go to jail, but how can you all just be okay with me going to the mall, going to birthday parties, after what I did? You were there, you saw! I thought Lisa couldn't be right about you being Apollo, cause if you were, and you knew who I was, then you would have turned me in, right? That's… That's what heroes do with murderers like me, right?"

Elliot lets out a long sigh.

"Look, I… I'm not sure I'm the right person to do this, but I guess I'll try my best. I'm flattered that's what you think of me, but I'm no hero. I don't heal people cause of any, like, moral conviction or anything. I just do it cause that's what I was told to do, and it was always easier to do what I was told. If they had a machine that regrows limbs, that'd be just as good at my job as I am. Better, even, cause the machine wouldn't want to take days off to go to birthday parties.

Like, it's not like I hate healing people or anything, it does feel nice to help people, but it's not what really makes me happy. And the more I try and do the stuff that actually makes me happy, the less I do the stuff that people call me a hero for. So how can I judge you for trying to do what you thought was the right thing? You screwed up really bad, yeah, but at least you tried. You didn't just sit there and wait for someone to tell you what to do." There's silence for a few seconds.

"It would've been better if I had," mutters Anja eventually.

"Maybe," concedes Elliot.

"But that's only easy to say in hindsight. And one thing I've been learning lately is how important it is to do stuff for yourself, for us especially. It's the only way we ever get more powerful. Letting other people make all your decisions for you, it's like… being a robot. Even if you're doing good things, it's not really you doing it. You're not really living your life, you're just watching it." Again, it takes Anja a few seconds to respond.

"... Every time I've tried to do something on my own, something that actually matters, I've screwed it up. I'm not doing good things, I just keep making everything worse, over and over again. Why… Why do you all keep giving me second chances? Why does it matter if I'm happy or not? I don't deserve it, I'm not gonna change or get better, I'm just… a lost cause."

"... I think you're wrong," says Elliot.

"I thought the same thing for a long time, that I couldn't ever do anything right on my own, so I should just do what I was told. I even got lucky, when I screwed up, I only hurt myself, not anyone else. But then someone helped me, believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I… I want to try and pass on the favor, if I can. It's okay if you don't know what to do. I don't really know what do to either, yet. But I think you at least have to figure out what you want, even if you're not sure how to get there."

She laughs a little, bitterly.

"I want my brother to not be dead, and I want to not be a murderer. Can you think of any way to make that happen?"

"No. You can't change the past. But… you could stop hating yourself because of it." Anja scoffs, but doesn't answer beyond that.

"I'm serious. I'm not, uh, really an expert on any of this stuff, but my friend says the way to earn forgiveness is to admit you did something wrong, and work to make sure you don't do it again."

"You think it's that easy?"

"I don't think it's easy, no. I guess you've pretty much got admitting you did something wrong down, but what makes you so sure you're just gonna keep screwing up? Have you really thought about what you did wrong before, exactly? What you would've done differently?"

"I told you already, I shouldn't have done anything. Should've just left it up to the police and the real white masks, and registered like I was supposed to."

"No, like, more specific. The kid you… you killed. How did it happen? What were you trying to do in the first place?"

"I…" She's silent for a while, then sighs.

"He was in that gang, the Sun Eaters. The black mask who leads it, Schwarzschild, she killed my brother. I thought… If I could track her down, help bring her in, it would maybe somehow make up for not being able to save him. I'd already arrested him and a couple other members once before, I thought that'd be enough, but then I saw him selling drugs again at that party just like a week later.

I'd figured the cops would, like, force him to make a plea deal or something, tell 'em about his boss, but they just let him walk right out! And it pissed me off, so I figured I'd do it myself. I went to talk to him, pretended like I wanted to buy drugs, he offered to smoke a joint with me for free, probably thought I might hook up with him. But I… I'd never actually smoked weed before. I freaked out, panicked, convinced myself he knew who I was.

Lisa says that can happen sometimes, especially if you've been drinking too. I didn't even mean to transform, it was just reflexive, and- and then all of a sudden he was just lying on the ground bleeding, and I… I just…" She trails off, and Elliot gives her a moment.

"Do you… do you wanna hear what I think you did wrong?" he asks after a few seconds.

"Everything?" she mutters.

"No, not everything. Listen, what if you hadn't had a bad reaction to the weed? What… What would've happened if everything had gone exactly like you wanted it to? I doubt he was just gonna tell you who his boss is, he probably didn't even know himself. Would you… Would you have actually hooked up with him? Pretended to date him, so he'd trust you?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Then what was your plan? What were you hoping to get, when you went to talk to him?"

"I… I dunno, I just figured anything I could get would be more than I had."

"I think that's what you did wrong. You didn't think about anything past the first step. It's the same thing you did wrong when you arrested all those people, you didn't think about what would happen afterwards."

"…I just felt like I needed to do something, anything, to prove I wasn't useless. But everything I tried kept making things worse." Elliot takes a deep breath and lets it out.

"Then I think that's what you need to work on, if you want to be better. The solution isn't to just stop doing anything, or let someone else decide everything for you, or intentionally get yourself caught. You just need to learn to actually think things through, think about if the things you're doing will actually get you where you want to be." Anja's quiet for a long time.

"How will that make up for what I already did?" she asks eventually.

"I guess you've gotta figure that out for yourself," says Elliot.

"But I'm pretty sure the first step is to stop telling yourself it's impossible, and you're already a lost cause. Will you… will you promise me you'll stop acting reckless like this, trying to get yourself caught? Even if you end up deciding that turning yourself in is the right thing to do, you need to actually make the choice, not just hope someone else figures it out and does it for you."

"... Yeah. Okay. Sorry."

"It's fine, it all ended up okay. I'd… like to talk more later, but we should probably head back in, before people start wondering where we are."

"Uh huh."

"Um… Can I give you a hug?"

"... Okay." I slip silently out of the tree, giving them a moment of privacy and flying around the other side of the house while they're distracted. I take a quick moment to make sure I'm alone, then land and drop my transformation, coming back inside through a side door.

"Oh, hey, there you are," says Alex when I rejoin the party.

"Everything good?"

"Yup, all good," I say, smiling, and I'm not lying. Elliot had been right; I really hadn't understood Anja's perspective. Even knowing she'd intentionally hurt herself before, I hadn't realized this had been another, subtler method of doing the same thing. The two of them rejoin the party as well a couple minutes later, without drawing much notice. Anja's once again smiling like nothing's wrong, but I think it might be a tad more genuine this time.

She and Elliot are hard to separate for the rest of the night, but I do manage to get him on his own for a brief moment.

"Hey," I tell him, squeezing his shoulder.

"You did good."

"Yeah," he says, smiling slightly.

"I hope so. Really, I just tried to think of what you would've done in her place, and told her to do that." I laugh a little.

"Glad you're finally learning that I'm always right."

"Yeah, whatever," he says, huffing a laugh and rolling his eyes. We go back to watching Lisa open her presents, cheering along with everyone else when she pulls a set of car keys out of the last box. Afterwards, we do actually end up playing Twister, but it stays pretty tame; now that people are starting to leave, her parents are able to keep a closer eye on things. Me and Alex end up taking off around ten.

"That was fun," she says.

"I'm glad it didn't rain, the laser tag was pretty cool."

"Uh huh," I agree.

"Oh, hey, by the way! It's supposed to be clear tomorrow as well. Do you wanna watch the Leonids with me tomorrow night? We're a little past the peak, but it should still be visible."

"Um… Oh, that's the meteor shower, right?" I nod.

"Yeah, for sure. Probably shouldn't stay out too late since it's a school night, but I bet I can convince my parents to give us until like midnight." She picks me up from work the next day, and we head out to Swallowtail Reservoir, a few miles west of town. There's still a bit of light pollution from Franklin, but it's not too bad, and getting away from it completely would require going a lot further out into the country.

A few other cars are already in the lot for the lakeside park, probably here for the same reason we are, but not so many that we'll have any trouble finding some privacy. The clear skies came with a serious cold front, down in the low 20s. Alex is wrapped up in a genuine fur coat, along with gloves and a scarf. My coat isn't nearly as nice, but I'm honestly wearing it mostly for appearances anyway; these days, the cold barely bothers me even when I'm not transformed.

I do appreciate the big pile of blankets she pulls out of the trunk, though. We meander away from the parking lot, walking for ten or so minutes before settling in a little picnic area. There's trees on three sides, but the lake is on the fourth, so there's a good view of the sky. Alex spreads one blanket out on the grass for us to lie on, and we wrap a couple more around ourselves to make a little cocoon. Alex rests her head on the final folded up blanket, and I rest my head on her shoulder.

"Oh! There was one right there!" I say as we finish settling.

"I saw it," she says, and I can hear the grin in her voice.

"How many do you think we'll see?"

"Well, normally there'd be one maybe every few minutes," I reply.

"The Leonids have a big peak in activity every 33 years on average, sometimes over a thousand meteors per hour. We're not quite there yet, but we might still see more than usual if we're lucky, and maybe some bigger ones, too." The next meteor does come just a couple of minutes later, and pretty regularly after that. I wouldn't quite call it a storm, but there's definitely more than the last time I got to see it, probably around thirty or forty an hour.

Most of them are just little streaks, but we only have to wait twenty or so minutes to see the first proper fireball, even if it's a small one.

"Wow," says Alex.

"How big do you think that one was?"

"Probably just an inch or two."

"Really? That small?"

"Uh huh. A meteor less than a foot across would be brighter than the full moon. The Leonids are especially bright cause of how fast they are, they orbit the sun in the opposite direction as us, so they hit us going more than a hundred and fifty thousand miles an hour." Alex whistles.

"Damn. How fast is that compared to, like, an airplane?"

"Well, most airplanes fly at, like, six hundred or so miles an hour, I think? So… That's around two hundred and fifty times faster."

"Damn," says Alex again. She's quiet for a moment.

"You're really smart, Gabby. I bet you could get a full ride to a lot of schools if you tried. My parents have been helping me work through all the different opportunities, I'm sure they'd help you too if you asked."

"Maybe," I say.

"I can't apply until next year, though."

"Sure, but a lot of scholarships have specific requirements you need to start working towards earlier," she says.

"I just… It'd really suck, if you couldn't go to college just because your parents are assholes. You deserve to go to a really good school."

"Thanks," I say, turning to give her a peck on the cheek.

"I'll give it some thought." I leave it at that for now. There's a small part of me that's disappointed I probably won't go to college. For such a long time, it was my only hope of escape, the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I really would enjoy it for its own sake, too. But then, I guess there's no real rush, is there?

I'm not sure exactly when I'll stop aging, but it's entirely plausible that I could pose as eighteen when I'm thirty or forty or fifty, and I'm sure I'll have the resources to forge documents for myself. Just because I have other priorities right now doesn't mean college is off the table forever. I count dozens of shooting stars, and a few more sizeable fireballs as well, even with the multiple "breaks" we take from stargazing.

Alex eventually insists we leave a little after midnight, and I grudgingly let her pull me away. We do have school in the morning, after all, and she actually needs a full night's sleep. Maybe I'll watch a little longer after I get home; it's been a while since I've tested how high I can fly before it starts getting hard to breathe. The thought of telling Alex who I am is getting more and more tempting, of being able to take her flying with me, but I'm refraining for now.

I'm pretty sure she'd take it alright, but she's not like me or Cassie, or even Elliot or Anja. The rules have generally been kind to her, and although she certainly knows they're far from perfect, I don't think she's ever really questioned whether they should exist at all. But when I get home, all thoughts of stargazing are shoved straight out of my head.

I left my cellphone behind, partially because I wouldn't have service out at the lake anyway, but also because I really can't afford to let Alex find out I have it unless I want to come fully clean with her. I find multiple messages waiting for me, all of them safely vague, but clearly conveying urgency. I immediately take off from my balcony and fly over to the community center.

There's a trio of cars in the lot; I'm glad there's enough trees around to provide some cover, and hopefully stop the neighbors from noticing anything. I land and head straight inside, not making any attempt at a big entrance.

"Boss, thank fuck," says Mark. A couple of seconds is enough for me to take it all in. Sean is lying on the floor on a towel, a strip of obviously bloody cloth tied around his thigh. Standing around him are Mark, Cassie, Hailey, AJ, Zach.

"How bad is it?" I ask as I approach. Sean is pale, but he still forces a grin and gives me a thumbs up.

"Just a scratch, put a bandaid on it and I'll be fine by morning." I give a slight huff of amusement. The fact that he's joking about it is a good sign, but I still look at Mark.

"Gunshot wound, but it only grazed him," he says.

"We cleaned it and wrapped it up as well as we could, gave him an edible to help with the pain. Trying to avoid the hospital unless we absolutely have to."

"Is anyone else hurt?" It's Cassie who answers.

"Nah, the rest of us are all fine. But, uh… We might've killed a few people."